Emily POV
I had dropped Melissa off at Sara's house and went to the office for another day of work. Even though it was Sunday, it was strictly a paperwork type of day so I knew I would be going straight to Sara's after work. Melissa was doing well but still had bad dreams about her parents murder, she thought it was her fault and blamed herself. She still loved her parents, which wasn't hard to believe. Kids have big hearts and can forgive and love over and over again. No matter what abuse Melissa sustained, she still loved her mom and dad.
I tried to explain to her that it wasn't wrong to miss them and that she was not at fault for what happened to them. She really struggled with believing me, she thought I was just saying things to make her feel better and not because they were true. Sara told me she knew a child psychologist who could talk to her and get her to feel a bit better by speaking about what happened. She told me she'd get back to me with a name and a number.
I walked over to my desk and started on the paperwork. I was annoyed with myself that I couldn't help her more. I thought it had to do with my lack of experience in the parent field but Sara kicked that idea out of my head. She told me what I probably would have told anyone else in my position, there is no such thing as a child handbook with all the right answers. That I was doing the best I could and should just be patient with Melissa. It had less to do with me and more to do with her trauma.
I sensed eyes on me and didn't just want to look straight up, I had a feeling I knew where they were coming from and just couldn't deal with that at the moment. I snapped my band and tried to focus. JJ just kept interrupting my thoughts, not only did I have to deal with Melissa but I had to deal with JJ's endless staring like she obviously wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out.
I was over it, all of it. I had gone past the denial stage and now I was just angry. I was pissed off with JJ and I wasn't going to forgive her any time soon. I needed to move on but working beside her made it so damn hard. Why couldn't she just leave me alone the way she left me alone the night I told her about wanting to adopt Melissa. She had no problem walking away then, what the hell was the difference now. I still had Melissa and wasn't giving her up so nothing would have changed. JJ still doesn't want another kid so I was confused as to why she even feigned interest.
I got a text from Sara with a name and a number and an additional text saying they were waiting for my call. I got up and went to the restroom.
I dialed the number and waited for an answer, "Um, Hi. My name is Emily Prentiss. Sara Lopez gave me your number...Right. So do you think you'd be able to make room for her? I'd appreciate it, really. Thank you. See you then." I went to the sink and put water on my face and wiped it off with a paper towel.
JJ POV
I saw Emily receive a text and she look anxious. She went to the bathroom and was in there for a bit. I went to the bathroom to see if she was okay. When I opened the door she was wiping her face. I don't think she heard the door open so I spoke up, "Hey are you okay?"
She looked over at me and stepped back. "Yeah, all good."
I knew she was lying, "Em, are you sure? I'm here if you want to talk."
She shook her head, "Nah. I can't talk to you about this." She there the paper towel in the trash and started to walk away.
I grabbed her wrist and forced her to look at me, "Em, you can talk to me about anything."
She pushed me away, "No JJ, I can't. You made that very strictly clear to me the day you broke things off with me."
"I never said you couldn't talk to me."
"You said you couldn't help me, you couldn't be there for me. That you had your own kid to deal with and couldn't handle anymore. Not as though I was even fucking considering that but whatever."
"Emily-"
"No. Do not Emily me. Don't do that, don't do this to me."
"Don't do what?"
"That! Put your charm to use and suck me back in. God, you don't even see it. You still have me, you still have all of me and I hate it. If you snapped your fingers I would be all yours again which makes me hate myself more than I hate you. It's like I can't say no to you and I'm struggling JJ, really struggling. I'm trying to move on but I can't because you're here looking at me like some lost puppy. And there you go sucking me back in again."
"Emily, I'm not trying to hurt you."
"But you did, you hurt me in more ways than I can imagine. You broke my heart JJ. You may not have asked me to pick between you and Melissa, but it certainly felt that way."
"I never intended to hurt you Em."
"It's not about the intention JJ, it's about how it was received. You hurt me, you made me feel like I wasn't even worth a shot. After everything I have done for you, you left me alone in the dark. I would have crawled over broken glass if you had asked me too, now I see that you would have never done the same for me even if I had begged you too. But it's fine, I'm moving on. I found someone who does care about me and does want to try."
I looked at her confused and not wanting to hear the answer to the question I was going to ask her. "Sara?"
"How do you know her name?"
"Your phone, at the bar. Her name showed up on the notification bar."
Emily nodded, "Yeah, Sara. She cares about Melissa and cares about me. And I care about her. She has shown me was real true love is, something I never got from you. So do everyone a favor, and just leave me the hell alone."
She walked away and I felt myself overcome with tears. I had my suspicions but I never thought they were true. I never meant to hurt Emily. I never thought she would go off with someone else. I couldn't take it. I felt this pain in my heart that just caused me to cry even harder. I hated myself for what I did to her, to what I did to us. I'll never forgive myself for letting the best thing that ever happened to me walk away. I'll never forgive myself for causing her any harm. I wasn't worth it, I should have stayed away from her. That first night in the bar, it was all a mistake. I don't think I could go on watching her move on because of my stupidity. She risked everything for me and I couldn't even try for her. Maybe her and Sara were meant to be.
Emily POV
I finished my paperwork shortly after JJ and I's confrontation in the bathroom. She came back minutes later and seemed to have gotten the message. Which bothered me even more than her trying to get my attention.
I drove to Sara's and was greeted by hugs from Melissa. I was quiet through most of dinner. Sara put on a movie for the girls to watch and came over to me. "What's eating you?"
"I think I did something really stupid."
"I'll be the judge of that."
"Promise you won't be mad."
Sara nodded and I told her everything. She laughed when I told her what I told JJ about our pretend relationship. "Holy crap."
"It was so stupid." I put my head in my hands.
"Hey, it wasn't stupid. You wanted her to hurt the way she had hurt you. Very interesting choice in how you did it but not stupid."
"I hope you don't feel weird about-"
"Forget about it. I get why you did it. But one issue I do have is...well we're already pretend girlfriends and you haven't even taken me to pretend dinner first. I'm offended, how easy do you think I am."
"Shut up." I laughed. "Thank you for not taking it the wrong way."
"No problem, I mean I know I'm attractive so no wonder you used me as your pretend girlfriend. I'm honored. But we might want to fake break up soon, my real girlfriend comes back from her business trip in 2 weeks and I don't want her thinking I'm actually stepping out on her."
I laughed again, "Don't worry. I wouldn't want Allie coming back thinking I stole you from her. From what you've told me, she's a catch."
"The absolute best." She smiled. "Don't worry, you'll get back on your feet soon."
"I'm going to give dating a pause for now, I want to focus on her." I said moving my head towards Melissa's direction.
"See, you're a mama bear already."
We clinked our glasses and called it a night.
(Hello all. So I read a lot of the comments on what people wanted to happen between Emily and Sara. I just couldn't bring myself to write them as an actual couple. The kids got along so well that I didn't want anything screwing that up. So we're using jealousy through a fake relationship instead.)