She broke away breathlessly from his kiss when she heard her father's voice yelling out, "Feng Jiu!! Your mount's gastrointestinal issues are out of control! This is unacceptable!"
She looked around to see that everyone's eyes were closed trying to stabilize the qi in their meridian pathways.
The Fox Emperor grunted in laughter. "Son, lower your voice. This kind of smell should be normal to a parent. I raised five of you and you don't think when you were wee kits out eating mud, leaves, and sticks you didn't come home releasing such foul odors? Once I had to step on a pile of shit so you wouldn't try to stick your little snout into it."
"Please father, the God of War is right here. Please refrain from recalling such shameful stories," whispered an embarrassed Bai Yi.
Mo Yuan was sitting with his eyes closed, smoke coming out from his head as a small smile curled over his lips.
"Eh, you were too busy with your administrative affairs to be a father or else you'd be used to it. Xiao Jiu may be small but her mammoth appetite tested her intestines many times as a kit, which in turn tested us. You cannot imagine the amount of diapers she ended up soiling into devastation so we just let her run around in the nude whether she was in her fox form or as an immortal toddler."
Bai Zhi shook his head with eyes closed. "Those were hard days for us but especially for Migu. He kept running after her with these big leaves to try to catch any droppings. You insisted on making your wife travel everywhere with you and let the rest of the fox den take care of your child. Now this is your karma. Deal with it son," he said with a stifled grin.
Upon hearing her grandfather's story, she bashfully hid her face into her mate's shoulder to which he softly chuckled and kissed the top of her head. He discreetly threw a sound privacy barrier over them.
"Since I raised Mogu, I'm not afraid of a little or a lot of gas. Besides, I can easily stop breathing without it affecting me so it looks like you've found the perfect mate for you" he whispered down to her.
He knew he didn't need to whisper but it was a form of intimacy they shared that he had come to love. "Is this why you're always trying to assaultively make me pass gas? To normalize it for you? Hmm?"
She squirmed in his embrace. She tried to change the subject. "Hey, how come I don't feel the effects of Mogu like everyone else?"
"I made sure to make you immune to it."
She smiled brightly up at him. "How romantic," she whispered.
With so many High Gods and Goddesses in the fox den, excessive use of magic would be easily noticed. He instead took the opportunity while everyone was still sitting with their eyes closed purifying Mogu's miasma to lean down and softly nibble on her lips. He kissed and sucked on her upper lip to her bottom lip before seeking entry into the space between to find her soft warm tongue.
Never in her wildest dreams did she think that she'd be kissing him like this in the fox den with her family all around them.
Dong Hua had to harness all the self-control he could to prudently pull himself away from her.
"I cannot stop kissing you," he whispered.
He gazed into her dark eyes that held a warmth that melted him from the inside out." But these moments are precious to me. They are more than worth the risk of your father clawing my eyes out."
He noticed her lips adorably pursed together attempting to restrain her sheer delight in his admission.
"Dijun, what about the wings?" she asked while she twirled some of his long white hair through her fingers.
"I'll take care of it. No one will doubt my worthiness to be with you." His lips hovered over hers and the deep vibration of his velvet voice pulsed slowly down her body all the way to the tips of her toes.
If anyone had to prove their worthiness in this union, she thought it would surely be her. She knew that when they went back to the Nine Heavens she would be met with something similar and she would meet the challenge with the same tenacity.
"Come, little fox. Be by my side and watch me as I remind your father how is it that I became the Master of the Universe."
Her eyes widened as she was thoroughly seduced by the opportunity of getting a glimpse into the dominant warrior king that brandished a sword in his hand long before he traded it in for a scroll.
She knew there was only one alpha in the fox den for her and it was him.
---
He calmly sat down at the stone table across from her father. Everyone stood in a circle around them, eager to watch the momentous occasion as the fox father and her betrothed would face head-to-head in an epic chicken wing showdown that was to settle all doubts of Dong Hua's worthiness to be her one and only mate.
She stood next to him and lightly wrote down his back, I love you husband.
He turned to look up into her warm sweet gaze. He knew there would be no turning back now. For the occasion he needed to remain stone-faced but he replied with a smile that softly crinkled around his eyes.
Two huge platters of chicken wings were brought out one after the other by Migu and placed in front of Bai Yi and Dong Hua.
"The rules are simple," said the Fox Emperor gruffly. "Consume the wings until no more can be consumed. Whoever can eat out the other will be victorious!"
"That sounds weird," muttered Zhe Yan to Bai Zhen, "I think your father means "out eat the other."
"Dear, also mention ..." said the Fox Empress while giving him a pointed look.
"Ah yes, should anyone need medical intervention, we have the finest physician in all the realms here to oversee that no one falls into Nothingness because of overconsumption of chicken wings," he said with a hearty chuckle.
Zhe Yan rolled his eyes while he leisurely fanned himself. Mo Yuan stood stoically to the other side of his old friend and opened up a telepathic channel.
What happens if he loses? Her father is going to take advantage of that. Dong Hua's already on thin ice.
What are you talking about, Dong Hua already IS thin ice, said the old phoenix.
I'm surprised his consciousness didn't shatter the moment he saw the plate of wings. We've both known him for a long time, Mo Yuan. We've been right by his side during the Great Wars. We've seen him win even the most difficult of battles and turn ambushes around to create flawless wins. We've seen him deal with blood, gore, death and pure evil. We know what he is capable of. We also know he has zero competence when it comes to touching wet and sticky foods with his delicate hands. He never ate with us at the campfires, even after a hard-earned victory and that was food on a stick. Bai Yi is a crafty bastard to call upon this challenge. As much as Bai Zhi is a fanboy of Dong Hua even he will feel shame if his granddaughter is matched to someone who cannot eat chicken wings. I've been part of this family too long to not know how things will play out.
Then what do we do? We've worked too hard for Xiao Jiu to be denied her fossilized fiancé said the God of War.
Zhe Yan telepathically sighed. I'm anticipating it will take less than thirty seconds for Dong Hua's blank stares and slow underwater movements to give his incompetency away. Right before that becomes obvious, you are to spirit Xiao Jiu back to Kun Lun.
This is a good move, said Mo Yuan. Her Kun Lun uncles and I won't allow anyone, not even her father to take her from the mountain.
Her father will undoubtably point out Dong Hua's unsuitability to be her mate and that'll leave Bai Zhi in a difficult position. The old fox will probably stand there thoughtfully stroking his beard for a good while. Dong Hua will unsurprisingly become coldly obstinate. All of the mindfulness he's cultivated over the years will be no doubt be thrown out of the window when it settles into that ancient slow mind of his that her father would rather die than allow this union.
Right, he might try to kill Bai Yi, said Mo Yuan. I never imagined his apathetic self would ever be this riled up but Xiao Jiu really did a number on him. He can't live without her.
Exactly. His pathetic self is really going to lose it.
No, I said his ahhpathetic self ...
Whatever, same thing. All four of Bai Yi's siblings will try to subdue him. It'll take all four of them, First Brother said that Bai Yi has been a horrible and vicious biter since he was a wee kit. The rest of us, me, Ye Hua, the Snow Lion and his manservants will attempt to subdue Dong Hua from blowing this whole place into smithereens. The wives will most likely be on whatever side their husbands are on. Migu is to nudge Bai Zhi into quickly picking a side, I'm placing my bets he'd choose Dong Hua over his son but who knows.
You guys figured all of this out without me? asked Mo Yuan with a tinge of disappointment. But I am the God of War.
Might I remind you that you were busy at the adults table meditating. It was easier trying to have a telepathic group conference with a deranged cat about our subversive activities, than to try to discreetly get your attention, said Zhe Yan.
Fine. I'm ready, said Mo Yuan.
I'm not. But so it goes, said the old phoenix.
---
"BEGIN," bellowed out Bai Zhi.
Everyone watched the usually restrained and reserved Bai Yi tear into his platter of wings like the true fox he was.
Everyone then turned to watch the pristinely calm and immaculate almighty god slowly reach out and pick up a chicken wing between his thumb and forefinger. He held it before him as he closed his eyes and took in its sweet garlicky aroma.
Everyone watched the near catatonic Dong Hua with bated breath while Bai Yi threw several bones on a plate. His mustache and beard was already saturated with sauce.
Dong Hua then opened his eyes, released a surprisingly dreadful growl and began tearing into the wing and ripped its flesh off before tossing the bones aside. Everyone's eyes were wide as saucers as they watched Dong Hua seemingly not even chew. He began double-fisting wings and gnashed and gnawed off meat and chicken skin before he kept repeating the process with deathly quick precision.
His little mate almost fainted at the sight of the death-play her librarian was giving the chicken wings. Bai Zhen supported her in his arms as she gasped when he had devastated his platter of wings and banged his fist onto the stone table and roared out "MORE." The stone table cracked right up the middle as Bai Zhi's eyes widened.
Migu knew there was no time for manual work so he immediately conjured another large platter of chicken wings from the kitchen for Dong Hua.
Bai Yi frantically began stuffing wings into his mouth upon seeing the almighty god's surprisingly respectable performance.
Si Ming grabbed Zhong Lin's thigh. "Please tell me you're seeing this too!" whisper-screamed the Star Lord.
"Oww damnit, yess!" said Zhong Lin as he swatted his friend's hand away. "I had no idea my talk would have such an effect on him!"
He was almost crying due to the pain from having his thigh grabbed so forcibly and feeling moved that he was partially responsible for Dong Hua stepping up his game. Zhong Lin decided that His Majesty didn't just step up his game, he tore the game up and replaced it with his own savage enterprise.
Even the Snow Lion who was sitting on his haunches watching the whole unbelievable affair before him grumbled out a bewildered "Ruuuuuuuuuuuu."
He decided his master needed to be cheered on and released a thundering roar into the fox den that made the sensitive foxes wince.
No one expected Dong Hua to throw his head back with his greasy mouth full of chicken wing meat to respond back with his own deafening roar. The strong aroma of the delicious chicken wings coupled with his powerful roar diffused the fox den with a smell only pleasant to the foxes as they sniffed into the air with appreciation.
Bai Yi who had been eating the wings at a frightening pace took a moment to heave and huff for breath.
Dong Hua continued grabbing at wings. His large slender hand now resembled shiny tan sauced up paws as he brought the amber-brown sticky meat to his mouth to viciously tear into them. His robe and sleeves were stained with grease and sauce as he quickly cleared the platter. He banged his fist again onto the stone table and growled out "MORE ... GIVE ... ME ... MORE!"
Ye Hua looked at Bai Qian oddly as she closed her eyes and strained her neck into the air to get another whiff of the fragrant aromatic smell of the chicken wings.
The old dragon and the old phoenix simply looked on in complete shock.
"He's a monster," was all Mo Yuan could quietly whisper out.
The usually mouthy old phoenix was rendered speechless for the first time in his long High Immortal life.
"I should have tied his hair back," whispered his little mate who was completely aghast.
Growling grunting wet chewing sounds filled the fox den as Migu's sorcery was tested after he quickly conjured platter after platter of chicken wings. "They're all gone," was all he could say tiredly. He meant that he had already conjured all the wings the Fox Empress and Feng Jiu's mother had prepared in the kitchen.
"Migu, rest," said a determined Fox Empress who then became chief conjurer and supplier of chicken wings.
"Surely someone will die from this," said Ye Hua worriedly. The circle around the opponents widened as chicken particles and sauce was being flung farther distances.
"The Nine Heavens has voodoo doll-making and lightning bolts but Qing Qiu has this," said Bai Qian proudly. She felt her betrothed was lucky she didn't mention eyeball-stealing. "Qing Qiu is never to be underestimated," she said firmly.
Ye Hua just sighed and nodded.
"Dear," said Feng Jiu's mother hesitantly. "It's okay if you need to stop."
"Never!" Bai Yi gritted out angrily and continued to shove a wing into his mouth. Everyone but him could see he was losing momentum. His chicken bones were no longer clean and had meat still attached to them.
Bai Zhi noticed this and muttered to his wife, "that's technically cheating."
Dong Hua on the other hand continued to gorge himself. Each large hand held three wings as he viciously growled through every mouthful his teeth ripped through and seized. "Mmmm," he groaned.
"Master indeed makes the views between my legs grow small and insignificant," grumbled his wide-eyed mount as he watched Dong Hua continue to pile a platter high with shiny gleaming discarded bones.
"Dijun," she whispered as she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. Despite what had been transpiring she was still in disbelief.
"Xiao Jiu, are you ok my dear?" asked Bai Zhen as he securely held her limp body up against him.
"Of course she isn't ok," said First Uncle. He gestured towards Dong Hua's simultaneously awe-inspiring and disturbing display of chicken wing consumption. "Look at that madness!"
"She's either scared to death or completely turned on at the inner beast that her dandy Celestial mate is unleashing," said Third Uncle as he shook his head.
Bai Yi was unable to continue chewing. He was barely able to close his tired mouth as pieces of chicken escaped his lips and fell onto the table.
Dong Hua maniacally chuckled out with a greasy grin. "Bai Yi, are your tails between your legs yet? Or maybe you need to take that soiled paw of yours and tuck something else in ... I'm afraid you'll only embarrass yourself even more if you insist on competing with me in that department as well." The almighty god roared out in laughter.
Everyone gasped and exchanged looks at. The permutation of eyes that met in disbelief and jaws that dropped seemed endless.
"Oh no, he didn't!" yelled out the Star Lord while he covered his mouth with one hand and then slapped Zhong Lin on the shoulder repeatedly with his other hand.
"I can't believe I did this to Dijun," whimpered out Zhong Lin as he started to distressingly pull at his topknot.
"Dear, did you marinate those wings in wine? I told you Dijun doesn't drink," belted out Bai Zhi who was amused but also aggrieved at his son's poor performance.
"Of course there's no wine," she said. "It's just sauce. Husband, do not dare hold me responsible for this," she held out her hand to Dong Hua.
Bai Yi released a low growl at the almighty god. Dong Hua responded by opening the huge cave of his mouth to release a belch that contained a windstorm directed at the fox father who had to close his eyes to protect them from projectile chicken particles. Bai Yi pounded a fist onto the table in retaliation. Dong Hua thunderously pounded both of his fists down on the table to return a much more threatening growl.
Bai Zhi closed his eyes, "No, not my table again," he cried out. "This was a gift from the King of the Western Sea. Su Moye delivered it himself to the fox den!"
All the loud table pounding and vicious growling had her completely frightened. She just thought they were going to eat chicken wings. She started to cry.
"It's okay Xiao Jiu, we'll take care of this," said Bai Zhen. He gently placed her in Ye Hua's arms. "Here, hold her, I have to calm my brother or he's going to turn into a fox and go for Dong Hua Dijun's jugular."
Ye Hua sent a wave of calming energy into her as her aunt held her trembling hands.
"I'm so glad no one challenged me to chicken wings when I asked for your hand in marriage," whispered Ye Hua. "I'd take lightning punishments over this any day."
"Take care of her, Ye Hua. I have to go to my brother," said Bai Qian as she quickly kissed him.
"Be careful, Qian Qian. He's practically rabid," called out Ye Hua as he worriedly watched her while her first and third brother flanked Bai Yi.
"Bai Zhi, as the judge you need to end this now," said Mo Yuan authoritatively.
"Unless you want a bloodbath on your paws," said Zhe Yan. He looked back at Ye Hua. "Change of plans, we'll take care of Dong Hua, you just protect Xiao Jiu."
Zhe Yan and Mo Yuan stepped up into formation and flanked Dong Hua.
"Mogu," called out the old phoenix. "Stand behind your master. If he tries to fight the fox father your job is to use your massive jaws and pull his ass back, do you hear me?"
The Snow Lion was surprised at the alpha energy the big bird emitted but even he could see how out of control the situation had gotten. He positioned himself between Dong Hua and Ye Hua who was still hugging his confused and frightened niece.
"It's okay, Xiao Jiu ... just a little family drama, that's all," he whispered down to her and rubbed her back soothingly. He didn't know who he was trying to comfort more, him or her.
The growling between Bai Yi and Dong Hua intensified. The table trembled underneath them. Bai Zhi emitted a ferocious growl in between them.
"STOP! The competition has officially ended. It has ended I tell you. NO MORE CHICKEN WINGS!!
Heavy heaving chests and bared teeth were still traded across from the weary cracked table that had all but collapsed.
Bai Yi's wife bravely placed a hand softly on his shoulder. "Dear, it's ok. You can relax now," she said soothingly.
"Brother, you did well. You did our family proud," said Bai Qian hesitantly as she also placed her hand on his other shoulder.
"Did I?" He panted out heavily. "Did I win?"
"In your dreams," his father muttered under his breath. "No, you lost," said the Fox Emperor loudly and bluntly.
"I proclaim Dong Hua Dijun ... Prince Consort of Qing Qiu, the winner of this chicken wing battle!!!" bellowed out Bai Zhi.
"You won Dong Hua," said Zhe Yan carefully and cautiously as if he was talking to a dementia patient who had ended up with a weapon in their hands.
Immediately Dong Hua relaxed his fists and released a deep hearty chuckle. He leaned over the table getting dangerously close to Bai Yi's face.
"Suck it," the almighty god whispered before pumping both fists into the air and released several liberated grunts.
Mo Yuan cocked an eyebrow over to Zhe Yan who just shrugged.
Zhong Lin and Si Ming were uselessly huddled in a corner slack-jawed as they watched a new Dong Hua emerge.
"They say love transforms ..." said Zhong Lin quietly. He felt helpless and unable to understand anything that he just witnessed.
Dong Hua stood up from the table and glowered over a traumatized Bai Yi. He promptly turned to Bai Zhi and slapped him on the shoulder appreciatively. He turned around and bounded over to Ye Hua, pried his little fox away, pushed Ye Hua to the side and warmly embraced her into his arms. He swung her around and squeezed her into a bear hug.
She had wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her by her waist and gently set her down. "My little princess, you did it," he gruffly whispered to her.
"Huh?" she asked confusedly. "No, you did it, Dijun."
"Don't you remember? I asked you to improve his quality of life. Well, if he's here with you now, then you certainly have," he whispered.
"Improve ... his quality of life?" she asked with a squeak.
He nodded back with a big goofy smile.
Her eyes flashed wide. "You ... Lord Mung Su?" she whispered.
He chuckled deeply and whispered into her ear, "Aiyo, little highness. It was a pleasure to help you and Dijun out. Also your father and I have never gotten along so this was quite enjoyable!"
She cocked her head to the side to see the visage and voice of her librarian but witnessing the mannerisms of the jovial old bear.
"It is time for me to return Dijun's body. What a nice body he has. So fit for someone his age. I expected something much more creaky," chuckled out the old bear in disguise.
She felt it so strange to hug her librarian and to smell the combination of chicken wings and sandalwood. "This hug is for you, Lord Mung Su. Thank you so much for coming to help us." She pulled back to look at him in the eyes. "I'm so glad you know."
"Little highness, I knew even then. The first time I saw you emerge from his aura on the bridge in front of my house. I had no idea how he'd get his emotional and psychological house in order to be a good match for you, but I suppose Dijun figured it out ... with your help, I'm sure."
"We both had to clean house," she said with a smile.
She looked around and was thankful that no one was giving them attention as everyone was worried about her frazzled father.
She gave him another big squeeze.
"Little highness, come visit me soon, everyone at the manor would love to see you come back with your conquest," he said with a deep laugh. She nodded and smiled brightly. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply with her still his arms. She watched him carefully for several moments before he opened his eyes.
She blinked back at him hesitantly. "Dijun," she whispered.
He squeezed her lightly around her waist. "Xiao Bai, my little fox wife," he whispered.
She studied every perfect feature of his face. She had her librarian back.
He looked down between them. "I've gotten you dirty with all of this sauce on me. How about we get out these clothes. Take a bath with me," he whispered.
Her eyes darted around the room and then back to him. She bit down on her bottom lip and smiled coyly. She nodded. "Okay," she whispered back.