-February 20th 1995-
Me,Monica,Rachel and Phoebe are all at Central Perk talking to Ross.
Ross:I don't know whether he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is out of control.But he keeps erasing the messages on my machine supposedly by accident.
Rachel:No yeah I've done that.
Ross:And then like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel:I've never done that.
Joey and Chandler enter Central Perk.
Everyone:Hey guys!,Hey!.
Joey:Hey Pheebs guess who we saw today.
Phoebe:Oh,oh fun!.Okay...um Liam Neeson.
Joey:Nope.
Phoebe:Morly Safer.
Joey:Nope.
Phoebe:The woman who cuts my hair.
Monica:Okay look this could be a really long game.
Chandler:Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe"Her face dropping".Oh really.
Uh-oh this may not end well.I know of Phoebe and her sisters history.
Chandler:Yeah,yeah she works over at that place uh...
Phoebe:Rift's.Yeah I know.
Chandler:Oh you do?.Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years.
Phoebe:Hm?.Yeah.So um is she fat?.
Joey:Not from where I was standing.
Phoebe:"Turning to Chandler".Where were you standing?.
Rachel:Um Pheebs so you guys just don't get along?.
Phoebe:It's mostly just dumb sister stuff you knos I mean like everyone always thought of her as the pretty one you know...Oh,oh, she was the first one to start walking even though I did it...later that same day.But to my parents by then it was like yeah,right well what else is new?.
Ross:Oh Pheebs I'm sorry I've got to go.I've got Lamaze class.
Chandler:Oh and I've got Earth Science but I'll catch you in Gym.
Rachel:So is this just gonna be you and Carol?.
Ross:No Susan's gonna be there too.We've got dads,we've got lesbians,the whole parenting team.
Rachel:Well isn't,isn't that gonna be weird?.
Ross:No,no."Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out".I mean it mighta been at first but by now I-I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica:Ross that's my jacket.
Ross:I know.
Me and Rachel grin as Ross removes the girlie jacket and grabs his own then rushes out.
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Later at Monica and Rachel's Me,Ross, Chandler and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.
Chandler:It's not just that she's cute okay. It's just that...she's really really cute.
Ross:It doesn't matter.You don't dip your pen in the company ink.
Marcel scampers about interfering with the neatness.
Monica:Ross your little creature's got the remote again.
Ross:Marcel,Marcel give Rossie the remote. Marcel.Marcel you give Rossie the remote right now...Marce...you give Rossie the remote...
Marcel points the remote at Monica's television pressing a particular combination of keys.The logo SAP appears on the screen and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.
Elizabeth:Great.
Ross:Relax I'll fix it.
Rachel:"Looking at the television".Cool... Urkel in Spanish is Urkel.
Ross:"Looking at the remote".How did he do this?.
Elizabeth:Magic?."Smirks teasingly".
Chandler:"Looking out at the balcony".So tell me something is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?.
Rachel slowly spins around finally noticing that the lights.
Monica:Ah no you see someone was supposed to take them down around New Year's...but obviously someone forgot.
Rachel:Well someone was supposed to write Rach take down the lights and put it on the re...frigerate..."Noticing Monica's note stuck to the refrigerator".How long has that been there?.
Joey enters he apartment looking extremely pleased with himself.
Elizabeth:Hey where you been?.
Joey:I went back to Riff's.I think Ursula likes me.All I ordered was coffee she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Chandler:Score.
Joey:She is so hot.
Chandler:Yeah listen.Okay before you do anything Joey like you might wanna run it by err..."Indicates Phoebe".
Phoebe is helping Ross understand the remote control.
Joey:Pheebs?.
Phoebe:"Jumping up".Yeah?.
Joey:You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?.
Phoebe:Why?,Why would you wanna...do that?.Why?.
Joey:So that if we went out on a date she'd be there.
Phoebe:Well I mean I'm not my sister's you know whatever and um...I mean it's true we were one egg once but err you know we've grown apart so um...I don't know why not?.Okay.
Joey:Cool thanks.
Joey happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about then leaves.I look at Phoebe concerned as Rachel and Monica are concerned for Phoebe as well who slides back down next to Ross.I go over and sit by them.
Elizabeth:You okay?.
Phoebe:Yeah I'm fine.
Ross:You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?.
The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain yet with a Latin lilt.Me and Phoebe grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.
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-February 21st 1995-
At Monica and Rachel's Me and Phoebe are watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At the kitchen table Monica is knitting while Rachel winding a ball of wool and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.Phoebe soon shuts off the TV.
Monica:I can't believe you.You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job yet?.
Chandler:Well you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights.
Monica:Congratulations I think you've found the world's thinnest argument.
Chandler:I'm just trying to find the right moment you know?.
Rachel:Oh well that shouldn't be so hard now that you're dating."Imitating him". Sweetheart you're fired but how bout a quickie before I go to work?.
Joey lets himself in carrying a large paper shopping bag.
Joey:Hey.
Elizabeth,Rachel,Chandler:Hey.
There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.
Chandler:You know once you're inside you don't have to knock any more.
Monica:I'll get it.
Monica gets up dragging Chandler along by the wool and Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them.Monica opens the door to find Mr.Heckles standing there.
Monica:Oh.Hi Mr.Heckles.
Heckles:You're doing it again.
Monica:We're not doing anything.We're just sitting around talking quietly.
Heckles:I can hear you through the ceiling.My cats can't sleep.
Rachel:You don't even have cats.
Heckles:I could have cats.
Elizabeth:Yeah he could.How would you know?."Smirks".
Monica:"Closing the door".Goodbye Mr.Heckles.
Rachel:We'll try to keep it down.
The trio returns to the table.Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled.Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe and takes out a nice cardigan.
Joey:Phoebe could you do me a favour?. Could you try this on?.I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe:Oh my first birthday present...oh this is really...
Joey:Oh no,no,no.It's for Ursula.I just figured you know size-wise.
Phoebe:Oh...Sure yeah..."Dropping the cardigan back into the bag"...Okay it fits.
Elizabeth::Are you seeing her again tonight?.
Joey:Yep.Ice Capades.
Chandler:Wow this is serious.I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Joey:I don't know.I like her you know.She's different.There's uh something about her.
Phoebe:That you like.
Phoebe says that snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle.
Phoebe:We get it.You like her.Great.
Joey:Hey Phoebe I asked you and you said it was okay.
Phoebe:Alright well maybe now it's not okay.
Joey:Okay...Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.
Phoebe:Okay.
Chandler:Knit good woman knit,knit!.
Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding tangling Chandler's wool.
*****************************************
At Central Perk we are gathered around Monica who is comforting her brother who is in a slight state of shock and is cuddling a cushion.
Ross:I'm gonna be a father.
Elizabeth:This is just occurring to you?.
Ross:I always knew I was having a baby I just never realised the baby was having me.
Rachel:Oh you're gonna be great.
Ross:Awe how can you say that?.I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?.
Chandler:You know Ross some scientists are now saying that,that monkeys and babies are actually different.
Joey gets up to leave.
Phoebe:Where're you going?.
Joey:Out.
Phoebe:With?.
Joey:"Spreading his arms wide.Yes.
Phoebe:Alright could I just ask you one question?.
Joey:"Nods".
Phoebe:Have you two you know...like...you know...you know...yet?.
Joey:Well not that it's any of your business but no we haven't okay?
Joey walks toward the door but then hesitates and turns back.
Joey:You meant sex right?.
*****************************************
At Monica and Rachel's Ross,Rachel,Chandler and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.
Chandler:Well I ended up telling her everything.
Elizabeth:Oh how'd she take it?.
Chandler:Pretty well.Except for the stapler thing."Holds up a bandaged hand".Little tip.if you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand..."Mimes Nina taking her revenge"...on the desk.
Monica:Okay I think I get how to do this.
Monica points the remote at her TV and punches out a key combination from the book but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes thru.
Phoebe:Alright so can we turn this off?.Can we just make it...make them go away?. Because I can't,I can't watch.
Monica:"Turning off the TV".Okay Pheebs they're gone.
Phoebe:Okay.
Elizabeth:Are you alright?.
Phoebe:Yeah.It's just you know it's this whole stupid Ursula thing it's...
I nod in understanding as Rachel speaks up.
Rachel:Okay Pheebs can I ask?.So he's going out with her.I mean is it really so terrible?.
Phoebe:Um yeah.Look I mean I'm not saying she's like evil or anything.She just you know,she's always breaking my stuff. When I was eight and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos so she threw it under the bus.And then oh and then there was Randy Brown who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?.
Elizabeth,Monica,Rachel:"Shaking their heads".No.
Phoebe:Well but that's what he was for me. And she you know kind of stole him away and then...broke his heart...and then he wouldn't even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn't wanna be around...anything that looked like either one of us.
Rachel:Oh...Oh Pheebs.
Phoebe:I mean I know Joey is not my boyfriend or my thermos or anything but...
Chandler:You're not gonna lose him.
Monica:Hon you gotta talk to Joey.
Phoebe:Yeah.Okay.
Ross:No come on he doesn't know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
Phoebe:But he's falling in love with her.
Elizabeth:Oh please they've been going out a week.They haven't even slept together yet I mean that's not serious.
Phoebe:Okay...Okay.
Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.
Phoebe:Oh okay oh.
Phoebe gets up and leaves and i sigh.