-December 27th 1994-
At Monica and Rachel's.Ross is entering the apartment.
Ross:Guys?.There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
A monkey jumps on to his shoulder and I smile.
Everyone:Oh!.
Monica:W-wait.What is that?.
Ross:That...would be Marcel.You wanna say hi?.
Monica:No,no I don't.
Rachel:Oh he is precious.
Elizabeth:This makes me want a pet.
Rachel:Where did you get him?.
Ross:My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe:That is so cruel.Why?,Why would a parent name their child Bethel?.
Chandler:Hey that monkey's got a Ross on its ass.
Monica:Ross is he gonna live with you like in your apartment?.
Ross:Yeah.I mean it's been kinda quiet since Carol left so.
Monica:Why don't you just get a roommate?.
Ross:Nah I dunno I think you reach a certain age having a roommate is kinda pathe...sorry that's,that's pathet which is Sanskrit for really cool way to live.
*****************************************
At Central Perk Me and Joey enter inside together.
Everyone:Hey Joey....Hey Liz....Hey buddy.
Monica:So how'd it go?.
Joey:Ah I didn't get the job.
Ross:How could you not get it?.You were Santa last year.
Joey:I dunno.Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager.He's not even jolly it's all political.
Monica:So what are you gonna be?.
Joey:Uh I'm gonna be one of his helpers.It's just such a slap in the face y'know?.
Rachel:Hey do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's?.
Everyone else protests and hits her with cushions.
Rachel:Gee what?!.What is wrong with New Year's?.
Chandler:Nothing for you,you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!.Man I'm talking loud!.
Rachel:Well, for your information.Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe:Yeah you wish.
Chandler:It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.I say this year,no dates,we make a pact.Just the 7 of us dinner.
Everyone:Yeah,okay.Alright.
Elizabeth:Not bad idea.
Chandler:Y'know I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
Everyone:Woooo!.Yeah!.
Rachel:Phoebe you're on.
Phoebe:Oh,oh good.
Rachel:"Into microphone".Okay hi.Ladies and gentlemen back by popular demand Miss Phoebe Buffay.Wooh!.
Phoebe:"Takes mic".Thanks hi.Um I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year."Shakes bell then sings".I made a man with eyes of coal,And a smile so bewitchin,How was I supposed to know,That my mom was dead in the kitchen?."Shakes bell"?La,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,lala...
Later on as everyone is sad now by the songs Phoebe continues to sing.
Phoebe:"Sings".My mother's ashes,Even her eyelashes,Are resting in a little yellow jar,And sometimes when it's breezy...
Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two guys having a noisy discussion.
Phoebe:"Sings".I feel a little sneezy
And now I..."Stops singing".Excuse me, excuse me!.Yeah noisy boys!.
The boys stop talking and look up.
Phoebe:Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?.
???:No.No,that's,that's okay.
Phoebe:Well c'mon if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear.
Chandler:"Quietly,.That guy's going home with a note.
???:Noth...I was,I was just saying to my-
Phoebe:Could you speak up please?.
???:"Stands up speaking more loudly". Sorry I wa...I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my in my life. And then he said that you said you thought-
???:Daryl Hannah.
???:Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah I liked her in Splash a lot but not so much in,in Wall Street I thought she had kind of a-
???:Hard quality.
???:Hard quality.And uh while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace.Then uh that,that,that's when you started yelling."Sits down".
Phoebe:Okay we're gonna take a short break."Goes over to their table".
Joey:Hey that guy's going home with more than a note.
*****************************************
-December 28th 1994-
At Monica and Rachel's everyone except Joey is here decorating for the party.
Ross:Come here Marcel.Sit here.
Marcel wanders off somewhere.
Rachel:Pheebs I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet.I mean God by my sixth date with Paolo I mean he had already named both my breasts!...Oh.Did I just share too much?.
Ross:Just a smidge.
Phoebe:David's like y'know Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Monica:I think it's romantic.
Phoebe:Me too!.Oh!.Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?.
Rachel:Yeah.
Phoebe:Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with.Except,except he,he's smarter and gentler.and sweeter...I just,I just wanna be with him all the time.Day and night and night and day...and special occasions.
Chandler:Wait a minute,wait a minute I see where this is going you're gonna ask him to New Year's aren't you.You're gonna break the pact.She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe:No,no,no,no,no,no.Yeah could I just?.
Chandler:Yeah cause I already asked Janice.
Monica:What?!.
Ross:C'mon this was a pact!.This was your pact!.
Elizabeth:I turned down a date with a decent guy for the pact for you!.
Chandler:I snapped okay?.I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Monica:Yeah but Janice?.That,that was like the worst breakup in history.
Chandler:I'm not saying it was a good idea I'm saying I snapped.
Joey enters and his shoes have bells on which jingle as he walks.He is wearing a long coat.
Joey:Hi.H sorry I'm late.
Joey removes the coat to reveal an elf costume.
Chandler:Too many jokes...must mock Joey.
Joey:Nice shoes huh?."Wiggles his foot".
Chandler:Aah y'killing me.
Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools.
Monica:Ross!.He's playing with my spatulas again!.
Ross:Okay look he's not gonna hurt them right?.
Monica:Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross:I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright?.We,we had our first fight this morning.I think it has to do with my working late.I said some things that I didn't mean and he,he threw some faeces...
Elizabeth:"Chuckles".You sound like you guys are married or something.
Chandler:Y'know if you're gonna work late I could look in on him for you.
Ross:Oh that'd be great.Okay but if you do make sure it seems like you're there to see him okay and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Chandler:Okay but if he asks I'm not going to lie.
*****************************************
We are all at Central Perk.
Ross:So tell me something.What does the phrase no date pact mean to you?.
Monica:I'm sorry okay.It's just that Chandler has somebody and Phoebe has somebody I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Chandler:Fun Bobby?.Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?.
Monica:Yeah.
Joey:You know more than one Fun Bobby?.
Chandler:I happen to know a Fun Bob.
Rachel:"Brings Joey a coffee".Okay here we go...
Joey:Oh,oh,oh,oh there's no room for milk.
Rachel:"Looks at Joey then sips his coffee". There.Now there is.
Ross:Okay so on our no date evening three of you now have dates.
Joey:Uh four.
Ross:Four.
Rachel:Five.
Ross:Five."Buries his head in his hands"
Rachel:Sorry.Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Joey:Yeah and I met this really hot single mom at the store.What's an elf to do?.
Elizabeth:Okay so me and Ross are gonna be the only ones standing there alone when the ball drops?.
Rachel:Oh c'mon.We'll have,we'll have a big party and no one'll know who's with who.
Ross:Hey y'know this is so not what I needed right now.
Monica:What's the matter?.
Ross:Oh it's,it's Marcel.He keeps shutting me out y'know?.He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Chandler:That's so weird I had such a blast with him the other night.
Ross:Really.
Chandler:Yeah we played,we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
Ross:What uh...what juggling thing?.
Chandler:With the balled up socks?.I figured you taught him that.
Ross:No.
Chandler:Y'know it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks...and a melon...
Max one of Phoebe's friends runs in.
Max:Phoebe.Hi.
Phoebe:Oh hi Max!.Hey do you know everybody?.
Max:No.Have you seen David?.
Phoebe:No,no he hasn't been around.
Max:Well if you see him tell him to pack his bags.We are going to Minsk.
Phoebe:Minsk?.
Max:Minsk.It's in Russia.
Phoebe:I know where Minsk is.
Max:We got the grant.Three years all expenses paid.
Phoebe:So when,when do you leave?.
Max:January first.
*****************************************
-December 31st 1994-
Me and Ross and Chandler are watching Marcel play with Phoebe.
Ross:Look at him.I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me but at least check in.
Janice:There you are!.Hah you got away from me.
Chandler:"Imitating".But you found me.
Janice:Here Ross take our picture.
Janice hands Ross a camera and he starts snapping.
Janice:Smile!.You're on Janice Camera!.
Chandler:Kill me.Kill me now.
There is a knock on the door.Monica looks through the spyhole.
Monica:Hey everybody!.It's Fun Bobby!.
We all cheer as Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously looking sad.
Fun Bobby:Hey sorry I'm late.But my uh grandfathe, he died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out til tomorrow so here I am.
Joey:"Approaching".Hey Fun Bobby!. Whoah!.Who died?.
Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back and later on Bobby is talking about his grandfather.We are all in tears.
Fun Bobby:It's gonna be an open casket y'know so at least I'll...I get to see him again.
I look over to see Ross still taking photos of Janice and Chandler.
Janice:Oh I'm gonna blow this one up and I'm gonna write Reunited in glitter.
Chandler:Alright Janice that's it.Janice... Janice...Hey Janice when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice:Oh,no.Oh, no.
Chandler:I'm sorry you misunderstood...
Janice:Oh my God.You listen to me Chandler you listen to me.One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me."Runs off".
Ross is still taking photos.
Chandler:Oh will you give me the thing."Takes the camera".
*****************************************
I watch as Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's sleeping kids which makes me smile.
Joey:There y'go kids.
I see Chandler talking to a woman he just met.
Chandler:And then the peacock bit me."Laughs".Please kiss me at midnight.
The woman leaves.
Joey:You seen Sandy?.
Chandler:Oh.Uh I don't know how to tell you this but she's in Monica's bedroom getting it on with Max that scientist geek. Oh look at that I did know how to tell you.
Rachel:"Slurring".Vrrbddy the bll is drrbing.
We are all in the kitchen.
Everyone:What?.
Rachel:"Slurring".The bll is drrbing!.
We look at the TV to see Dick Clark talking.
(Dick Clark:In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...)
Chandler:And the moment of joy is upon us.
Joey:Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.
Phoebe:Everybody looks so happy.I hate that.
Monica:Not everybody's happy.Hey Bobby.
Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for us cheers and kisses.
Chandler:Y'know I uh..just thought I'd throw this out here.I'm no math whiz but I do believe there are four girls and three guys right here."Makes kiss noise".
Phoebe:I dunno.I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
Rachel:I can't kiss anyone.
Monica:So I'm kissing everyone?.
Joey:No,no,no you can't kiss Ross that's your brother.
Ross:Perfect.Perfect.So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
Elizabeth:Not necessarily I won't be getting a kiss either.
Chandler:Alright somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me,it's midnight!.Somebody kiss me!.
Joey:Alright,alright,alright."Kisses him".
Ross takes a photo and I laugh.
Joey:There.
I turn to Ross and give him a kiss on the cheek.
Elizabeth:Hopefully that treats you well.
Ross looks at me shocked and so does everyone else.
Elizabeth:Goodnight.
I leave the apartment with a smile on my face thinking about how hilarious it was to see Joey kiss Chandler.