The next morning, I rushed out the door for school before my parents could see me. My nightmare still haunted me, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold myself together to talk to them. I rushed down the driveway and almost missed the black F-150 parked in the street in front of my house. I hesitated for a moment, flashing back to my dream from the night before. I tried to walk, to move toward the truck, but the messages weren't getting from my brain to my feet. I was frozen with fear at the thought of seeing Trent.
"Grayson?" Trent's voice hollered, causing me to jump and turn to look at him. He was standing up so he could see over his truck. My breath caught in my throat. "Are you okay?" He asked as concern spread across his face.
"Y-yeah," I mumbled and tried to keep walking to school. Unfortunately, I was still limping a little and Trent was able to catch up to me fairly quickly.
"Grayson, let me give you a ride to school."
"I-I'm fine," I insisted. I avoided eye contact with him and kept walking.
"Grayson, I promise I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not planning to hurt you either. I just want to help you." I stopped walking. "I got up at 6 a.m. while I'm suspended to give you a ride to school. Please," he begged.
"Fine," I gave in and followed him to the truck. Trent opened the passenger door for me and waited for me to get in before he closed it. He then got in and started driving, turning the radio to the same alternative station from yesterday. Fall Out Boy was playing on the radio, but I was too anxious to sing along with "Sugar We're Going Down" right now, even if it was one of my favorite songs. I just tapped my fingers to the beat and nodded my head in sync with the music, trying to calm my nerves. He wasn't the one who did that do you. Trent did not attack you. Trent is not your abuser. I repeated these thoughts over and over to myself on the drive.
"Don't like Fall Out Boy?" Trent's voiced pulled me out of my thoughts.
"N-no, they're my f-favorite," I admitted.
"But you're not singing along?" He questioned. I didn't answer, I wasn't exactly in the mood for conversation this morning. "You're... especially quiet today. What's going on?"
"Nothing," I quickly replied, trying to keep him off my case.
"You can talk to me, Gray, you know that right? I know I freaked you out yesterday, I'm not very good at feelings. I normally don't have them." He laughed. "But I'm trying, I don't know what's going on with you, but I want to know. I want to help."
"I had a b-bad dream last night." I admitted, deciding to let him in just slightly, not enough to give him anything real though.
"What about?" He laughed a little as he asked.
"N-nothing," I got defensive.
"Hey, hey, hey, I'm not making fun of you. I have nightmares too, I just related is all."
"What are y-yours about?" He looked thoughtful for a moment, carefully planning out his words.
"Someone I used to know," he glanced over at me, "how about yours?"
"Same." I said and left it at that, hoping he wouldn't push the conversation further.
"Sometimes it just feels so... real, you know?" He said as he lit a cigarette, rolling the window down so he could blow the smoke out of it. "I have my nightmares almost every night. No matter what I do, they come back. It's like reliving my worst moments over and over again."
"I f-feel the same way about mine." It was like he was speaking for me, reading my mind. All of my anxiety was melting away, he understood me, yet again. Even without speaking about what I was going through, without communicating my anxiety, he just understood. I was really beginning to question if Trent could read minds.
We pulled up in front of the school, Trent parked in the student drop off area, not wanting to enter the parking lot. He probably shouldn't even be dropping me off here during his suspension. "Can I pick you up after school?" he asked.
I thought for a moment. Before I got in this truck, I would have said no, too afraid to be around Trent anymore. It was amazing how he was both the person I was afraid of and also the one who calmed me down. "Yes," I finally say.
"See you right here at 2:12, okay?"
"Okay." I smiled and hopped out of the truck, making my way into school. Jacob and Ian were still suspended until Thursday, but Kyle would probably be back today. I was on high alert as I made my way through the halls to my first period biology class. I saw Kyle as I was walking down the hall, we made eye contact and I saw him start to head toward me when someone stepped in between us. It was Brayden. Kyle saw him and kept walking passed us. Brayden looked over at me, smiled, and then went on his way. I returned the smile, grateful that he kept me from being beaten up. When I got to class Ms. Reynolds had a smiled on her face.
"Good morning Grayson, don't you look happy this morning," she greeted.
"Hi Ms. Reynolds, yeah it's b-been a good morning," I replied. I took my seat in the back of the room and waited for class to begin.
Lunch rolled around pretty quickly, the day was flying by and so far without any problems. I was relieved for a normal day after all of the craziness of the past week. I got my lunch and sat down at my usual table with Nat. She kept eyeing me suspiciously, noticing the smile that was still playing at my lips. I couldn't help but be in a good mood today.
"What's got you in a good mood, Gray?" Nat asked as we ate.
"Today's just been good. It's a weird feeling," I admitted.
"Does this have anything to do with Trent?" She teased.
"A little."
"Oh my god you have to tell me everything! What- oh my god," Nat said, suddenly stopping and staring passed me. I followed her gaze to see Brayden heading in our direction.
"Hey, mind if I sit with you guys?" He asked.
"Um, s-sure," I stuttered. Honestly, I thought Brayden would stop sitting with us while Trent was suspended. I guess Nat had that much of an impression on him?
"I'm going to be honest," he said with his mouth full of food, "Trent asked me to look out for you."
"Oh?"
"I don't know what's going on, but he asked me to look out for you while he's suspended." I cracked a smile as he spoke. So that's why Brayden protected me before. "So I'm going to be sitting here and walking you to class and shit, he also told me not to take no for an answer," he laughed as he took another bite of his sandwich.
"You say that like you're here against your will," Nat laughed.
"I mean, I don't know why else I would sit at this table," Brayden laughed as he put an arm around Nat, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. Nat started playing with her curly chestnut hair. I laughed to myself as I went back to finishing my lunch, letting them flirt the rest of the period. When the bell rang Brayden walked me to class. He tried to make small talk, but when I didn't really answer him, he gave up. I was grateful for the protection, but I didn't know Brayden. But I knew that Trent must trust him, he's his best friend after all. So, on some level I was trusting him, less so than Trent, but I knew he would do his best to protect me.
When the bell rang for the end of the day, Brayden was waiting outside of my class. How he knew where my last period was, was beyond me. I just nodded to acknowledge him as we started to head out of school, to the pickup area. We saw Trent's truck and I picked up the pace a little, eager to see him. He was smiling as I approached the truck and got in the passenger seat, Brayden following close behind me.
"Thanks for looking out for him, Bray," Trent said.
"Anytime bro. Kyle tried to come at him this morning but there were no other issues," he told him.
"I really appreciate you doing this."
"No problem, I'll see you tomorrow Grayson." Brayden waved as Trent drove away from the school and towards my house.
"How was your day?" Trent asked.
"Good," I smiled.
"That's good," he turned up the radio. "High Hopes" by Panic! at the Disco was playing. I started quietly singing along. I glanced over at Trent to see he was smiling, and my cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, but I kept singing anyway.
"I know I said it before, but you have an incredible voice," Trent said as the song ended.
"Thanks."
"Is it okay if I come in?" Trent asked when we arrived at my house. I nodded as I got out of the car. As we settled in on the couch, I remembered the conversation we had yesterday. My nightmare had totally pushed those thoughts out of my mind. But now, sitting here alone with Trent, they came flooding back and I wished so badly that I had said he couldn't come in. I wished that I could tell him to leave, but something wouldn't let me. So, I just watched nervously. "You seem anxious again, what's going on?" I just shrugged and shook my head. "Is this about this morning?" I shook my head no. "Yesterday?" My hesitation answered his question. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Everything scares me," I admitted.
"How come?"
"I c-can't tell you."
"Can't, or won't?" He asked.
"B-both."
"You know, you scare me too." I laughed. "It's true."
"I'm the l-least th-threatening person. I can't even f-form a sentence," I stuttered.
"The way you make me feel, it terrifies me."
"What?"
"I've never felt this way before, especially not about a guy."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I insisted.
"But I do. Grayson, you make me feel things I didn't think I was capable of." We were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, and he leaned forward so that he was closer to me. "You are, so beautiful." I blushed. "You're quiet, but you see everything. You're shy, but when you sing you have all the confidence in the world. I just want to wrap you in my arms and protect you from anyone who would hurt you. But I know I can't, for whatever reason. But all I want to do is reach out and touch you and kiss you. It's completely insane, and I'm not gay. But I like you, so much."
"Trent," I sighed, unsure of what to say, or how to say it. Trent was confessing his feelings for me, feelings I might have returned. I know I shouldn't, I would just end up ruining everything. I could never be the boyfriend Trent would want or need. Could he even be the boyfriend that I would need him to be? I was a scared stuttering mess. He still couldn't get any closer than a foot without me freaking out. "I... I like y-you too."