Rachel woke up early. Her father had always liked to be up and checked out of their hotels and on to the next one first thing; so it had become routine for the little girl. The apartment was quiet, and Rachel wasn't sure what to do. Realizing she needed to use the bathroom, she finally crawled out of the warm bed and went to go look for it. Emily and JJ's door was closed slightly, so Rachel tip toed past it and into the bathroom. She couldn't find the light switch, so the curly haired girl opened the door a little to let in some light. Once she was done, she flushed the toilet and was going to head back to her room until someone came to get her. As she padded back down the hall, Emily walked up the stairs.
"Hey Rachel." She whispered. "You're up already?"
"I'm sorry, I had to go to the bathroom." Rachel whispered as she stepped back away from Emily. A fact that didn't go unnoticed by the profiler. Emily sighed, she hated having a little girl afraid of her.
"That's fine, I was just surprised is all. JJ is not an early riser, I'm usually all alone in the morning. Want to come downstairs and get some breakfast?" Emily asked with a smile.
Rachel bunched up the edge of her nightgown and twirled it around in her fingers. Emily waited patiently as the girl deliberated. "I thought Agent JJ said not to eat any food you cooked." She finally answered. Emily feigned being upset and laughed lightly as Rachel fiddled with her nightgown.
"Just JJ sweetie, you don't have to call her agent, and cereal I can handle, even some toast, plus we've got frozen waffles!" Emily motioned for Rachel to follow her so they wouldn't wake up JJ. "If you want pancakes or eggs however, that might taste a little funny, but for you, I'll try."
The duo reached the bottom of the stairs and Rachel trailed along softly behind Emily. "Can we have waffles?" She whispered, fearful to ask for anything. Asking meant you cared, and things that you cared about always got taken away.
"Yes we can!" Emily said in a cheerful voice. "Pop up at the table and I'll get them." Emily got the waffles out of the freezer and poured her second cup of coffee as she waited for them to pop up out of the toaster. Emily bent forward over the table and sipped her coffee. "Did you sleep okay?" She asked. Rachel nodded shyly and continued to fiddle with her nightgown. "JJ and I have off work today, is there anything special you want to do?" Emily turned to get the waffles as Rachel gave her normal shrug of an answer. Emily was determined to get her to speak freely with them, she just wasn't quite sure how to go about it. "We could go shopping? I sort of hate shopping, but JJ and Garcia love it and can't wait to get you a bunch of stuff for your room. Some new clothes, books, whatever you want." Emily placed the plate of waffles in front of Rachel and went to get maple syrup for herself. "Do you like syrup or no?"
"Yes please." Rachel whispered. Emily smiled and gave her a significantly large amount of syrup, doing the same to her own waffles, she sat down next to the little girl and dug in. Rachel ate mostly in silence, which Emily was learning to expect, so she just chatted on about anything that popped into her head. Emily figured the more she talked to the girl, the more Rachel would grow comfortable with her. When they were finished, Emily dropped the plates into the sink and grinned at Rachel.
"What'd you think? Should we go force JJ awake?" She asked Rachel.
"Does she like to sleep?"
"Oh god yes." Emily laughed.
"Than we can let her sleep." Rachel said seriously.
"Well isn't that nice of you, I usually bother her until she wakes up and keeps me company. Maybe you're gonna be a good influence on me."
Rachel gave Emily a tiny smile, and fidgeted with her nightgown again. "How come you don't have to work?" She asked after a minute. Emily motioned for Rachel to follow her to the couch and plopped down. Rachel sat as far away and into the corner as she could.
"Because our boss, Agent Hotchner, do you remember him?" She asked. Rachel nodded. "Well, he gave us a few days off to get you settled in."
"Oh." Rachel turned away from Emily and stared out the window. Emily had been adamant for JJ to move in with her, she didn't want to give up the view of DC. It was the reason she had gotten the apartment in the first place. She smiled as Rachel's eyes glazed over and she began leaning on the couch. Clearly, she didn't sleep all that well, or she was still tired. Emily didn't move, she just sat there sipping her coffee and waiting. After a few more minutes, Rachel appeared to be out cold. Emily silently got up, poured another cup of coffee and carried it up to her room. The bed was empty, Emily could hear the shower running in the adjoining bathroom and set the mug on the bedside table. She went back downstairs to find Rachel exactly as she had left her. Emily grinned and gently bent down to pick the tiny girl up. She was very light and Emily shifted her a little biting her lip as Rachel curled herself into Emily. God she was adorable. Emily slowly carried her back upstairs, this time, seeing JJ happily sipping her coffee, hair wet, back in bed.
JJ's face lit up when she noticed the two brunettes, she waved Emily into the bedroom. "She fell back asleep, I'm just gonna put her back in bed, then I'll be right back." Emily explained.
"No, put her in here." JJ whined, jealous that Emily had already had over a whole hour with the little girl so far.
"Jen, it might freak her out. She was still really hesitant around me when I got her breakfast." Emily said warily. As much as she wanted to just cuddle with Rachel and hug her 24/7, she knew the girl was nowhere near ready for that.
"She'll be asleep." JJ protested.
"When she wakes up..."
"Em, how is she gonna get used to us if we don't let her?"
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
JJ frowned. "Fine, put her in her room."
Emily sighed. Shit. She thought. "No, Jen, I can put her in here..." She started to say. JJ cut her off.
"No, you're right, I'll freak her out, put her in her room." JJ picked up the remote and turned the tv in their room on, ignoring Emily.
Emily licked her lips in frustration and carried Rachel back to her room. She gently placed her down into the bed, and tucked her in. She headed back to her bedroom to find a still sulking JJ. Emily sighed and climbed back in, trying to hug the blonde, but her wife was not having it. "Jen, I'm sorry."
"Its fine."
"You're not acting like its fine."
"Well it is." JJ responded curtly.
"Fine." Emily said, rolling away and picking up the book she had left the night before. She heard JJ huff in frustration and not a full minute later, JJ had rolled over, threw Emily's book out of her hands, and climbed on top of the brunette.
"I'm sorry." JJ said, giving her wife a kiss. "I'm freaking out about this whole mother thing and I'm gonna be a little crazy for a while."
"JJ, I'm freaked out too."
"I know! But, you're better at it!"
"What? How?"
"You just are, kids feel safe with you."
"She certainly doesn't. Jayje, she doesn't feel safe with anyone, she barely looked at me the whole time I got her breakfast. She doesn't feel any more comfortable with me than you. Its gonna take time."
JJ sighed and flopped herself down onto Emily, her chin resting on the brunette's shoulder. "I hate this. I hate her mother, I hate her father, how could her hurt her? God I wanted to put a bullet in his head."
"Yeah, I'm with you there." Emily agreed. Both women were silent for a few moments, just enjoying having time to actually lounge around in bed rather than rush off to work. "I was thinking, we should probably have her talk to a psychiatrist, someone who specializes in childhood trauma. We're gonna need help, or some sort of guidance, she is going to need more than the average kid." Emily said after a while.
"Yeah, I was thinking that too, and I want to take her to a doctor and get her checked out. Make sure that she doesn't have any lasting injuries. God, we also need to get her a dentist, and school, and figure out what we're gonna do when we go back to work."
"I have an idea, which I both like and hate." Emily said with a tight laugh.
"Hit me."
"One of us stays and works from here with Garcia while the other goes with the team. We can trade off case by case, at least until she feels comfortable with both of us. I would feel too guilty if both of us left. She's already got abandonment issues."
"That's a good idea. We should run it by Hotch." JJ said. She rolled off Emily slightly, thinking she heard a noise coming from down the hall. "Lets get all of the doctor, school, all that shit done today, then we can just get it out of the way."
"Okay." Emily agreed, getting up. JJ was eyeing the hall like a little kid looking for a christmas present. Emily just laughed. "Go get her, I'll get dressed and call the doctors to let them know we're coming. You and Garcia can go crazy getting her stuff once we're done."
JJ grinned and gave Emily a peck on the cheek as she ran out of the bedroom. Emily just shook her head and went to get ready. JJ had nothing to worry about, it was clear she already cared about the girl more than she realized.
JJ slowed down as she approached Rachel's half open bedroom door. Rachel was sitting up in her bed, fidgeting with her nightgown. JJ could smell urine, and Rachel looked like she had been crying. JJ quickly opened the door. "Hey Rach, you okay?" She asked gently. Rachel looked up at her in terror and began crying all over again.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" She cried.
"Rachel, its fine. You just had an accident, tons of kids have them. I did." JJ quickly moved to the side of Rachel's bed and bent down to her level. "Its not a big deal. We'll get you cleaned up and wash the sheets, problem solved okay?" JJ said with a smile. Rachel nodded, but wouldn't look JJ in the eye. JJ reached her arms out and held them there, as if in question. She waited a second before Rachel – very slowly – moved into them and let JJ pick her up out of the bed. "Come on." JJ lead Rachel down the hall and started the shower for her. She let Rachel test the water more than once, and was satisfied as Rachel gave a little nod when it was warm enough. "Okay, you pop in and hand me that nightgown and underwear and I'll get them cleaned up okay? Emily is in our bedroom, yell if you need her, she'll hear you."
"Okay."
JJ headed back to Rachel's bedroom and got the sheets and blankets off the bed. Carrying them all down to the washer, she dropped them in and started it before finding a new set of sheets. On her way back upstairs she passed Emily.
"What're you doing?"
"She had an accident." JJ explained. Emily's face fell a little, realizing how embarrassing it probably was for Rachel.
"Crap."
"Yeah, she's taking a shower, I was gonna make her bed."
"Here, let me, you go get dressed." Emily said, holding out her arms. JJ handed off the sheets and quickly dressed and dried her hair. She headed back down the hall to find Emily waiting outside of Rachel's room. "She's getting dressed. I told her where we were going, she didn't look all that excited about it."
"Neither am I." JJ said with a pout. "In a way, I'm scared to know what's really happened to her that we don't know about."
"Yeah me too." Emily admitted. Both women quieted down as Rachel appeared behind the door. "Ready?" Emily asked with a smile. Rachel nodded and followed them downstairs. JJ handed her a light jacket that Garcia had bought the day before – bright pink – and matching sneakers – converse at Reid's request – to go with them. She had to admit, it looked adorable. The three of them piled into the car and JJ began worrying about car seats all over again, vowing to ask the doctor if Rachel still needed one. As usual, Rachel was quiet and JJ did all she could to get the little girl to talk. Her niece was a bubbly mile a minute talker and JJ wasn't used to such a quiet little thing. She had no idea what to do and it frustrated her.
The pediatrician was their first stop. Rachel sat up on the chair and wriggled around on the paper cover, kicking her legs and clearly not happy to be there. Emily and JJ sat in the chairs next to her as they waited for the doctor.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Peters." A woman in her late forties introduced herself as she walked into the door. Emily and JJ stood up to shake her hand. Emily had already explained the situation over the phone earlier. "So, you must be Rachel." She said addressing the pouting child. "How are you today?"
Rachel looked up and stared Dr. Peters in the eye; something that shocked both Emily and JJ. "If you try to poke me with a needle, I'll kick you." The seven year old said very seriously.
Emily and JJ had to bite back their laughter as they turned their attention to Dr. Peters. They were stunned, but this was definitely not the first time the doctor had received a threat like that from a child. She grinned at Rachel. "I'll do my best okay?" She asked. Rachel crossed her arms against her chest and huffed. Dr. Peters just smiled. "Okay, moms are you gonna stay in here with us, or head out into the waiting room?" Dr. Peters asked casually. Emily looked to JJ, both of them clearly not about to leave Rachel alone anywhere anytime soon. Dr. Peters had seen that protective look on parents many times. "Stay here than." She agreed with a nod, before either woman had even spoken up. "Have a seat." She said motioning for Emily and JJ to sit down. She sat in a stool of her own in front of Rachel. "So, Rachel, do you remember the last time you went to a doctor to have a check up?"
"No. But I got stuck with a needle. I don't want to do that again."
"Well, we might have to update your shots, but I'll check. If we do, I have the best person to do it, he's like magic, you never feel it."
Rachel did not like the sound of that one bit, and began to fidget and bit her lip. Emily could see tears welling up in her eyes. Shit. She thought. We're gonna traumatize her already. Looking to her wife, the blonde was clearly having the same thought. Dr. Peters got through everything quickly, checking Rachel's throat, her spine, her weight, her hearing, her sight, and everything in between. After about half an hour, she asked Emily and JJ to step outside the room with her, telling Rachel they would be right back.
"I need to examine the rest of her, I see there are notes from the doctor who saw her previously in New York that she has been abused. But there wasn't anything mentioned about sexual abuse, is that a possibility?" She asked as gently as she could.
JJ tensed up immediately and grabbed her wife's arm. "We don't think so." She stated.
"We don't know much, she doesn't open up well, he used to put her in scalding hot baths and hold her in them, and he hit her, that's all we know." Emily said with a grimace.
"Right, well I will check her out, usually its easier for the children if their parents aren't in the room, but its up to you and Rachel."
"We can ask her." Emily said. Dr. Peters nodded, going to check on Rachel's old records for shots while Emily and JJ went back into the examination room. "Hey sweetie." Emily said walking up to Rachel.
"Can we go now?" Rachel asked instantly.
"Not quite yet, Dr. Peters has got to check a few more things."
"Like what? I don't want a needle okay!" Rachel stressed.
"Rachel, she needs to check to make sure that you're okay. To make sure that what your dad did to you is healing." JJ explained, bending down in front of Rachel. "She's gonna need you to take your clothes off and put on this gown so she can check your bruises."
"Why?"
"To make sure you're okay." JJ explained, looking up at Emily. She didn't know how to ask this next question. Her wife, always seeming to know what she needed, piped up.
"Rachel, there is another thing she needs to check. Did...did your dad, or anyone else ever hurt you, or touch you in your private parts?"
Rachel frowned. "Huh?"
"Down here." JJ said pointing.
"No." Rachel stated.
"Are you sure? Because its not something to be ashamed of, but we need to make sure you're okay." Emily said. Rachel shook her head furiously. "Okay, do you want us to stay in here with you while she checks you? Or do you want us to wait outside?"
"Outside."
Emily licked her lips and nodded, taking JJ's hand and pulling the reluctant blonde outside. Dr. Peters went in and the two women sat impatiently in the chairs. What felt like hours was really only about ten minutes and Dr. Peters came back out with a frown on her face. JJ jumped up immediately. "Did he hurt her? I'll fucking kill him." She practically growled. Emily waiting fearfully, trying to prepare herself for the news.
"No, sorry, no." Dr. Peters stressed. "There is no evidence of sexual abuse. I talked to her, and checked her out, she wasn't sexually abused. But she was physically abused, she's still got small burns on her legs and stomach and there are a few bruises that haven't quite healed. She's been through a lot. I think you're definitely right in wanting her to talk to a childhood trauma specialist. I was frowning because she needs a tetanus shot."
"Shit." Emily groaned.
Dr. Peters gave them a tight smile. "I wasn't kidding when I said I've got a great guy, Gerald is perfect for kids who are afraid of needles. She really does need it, surprisingly, everything else looks good and up to date. She's been through a lot, but physically, she is going to be fine." She said. Emily and JJ nodded in relief. "She's getting dressed, she's an intuitive little girl, I'm pretty sure she has figured out she needs a shot. Why don't you two head in and I'll get Gerald?"
"Thank you." JJ said. The second the two women opened the door and Rachel realized it was them she burst out into tears.
"Please don't make me get a shot!" She cried. "I'll be really good I promise."
JJ's heart broke as the little girl curled up into herself. With one look at her wife – who looked like she was ready to pick Rachel up and bust them all out of there in a second – she ran over to Rachel. "Sweetie, it has nothing to do with your behavior. You've been perfect so far, in fact, you could get a little wild on us if you wanted. The shot is to make sure you stay healthy."
"It will be over really quickly and we'll be here the whole time. When its over, we can go get some ice cream!" Emily said as she moved over next to JJ. All three of them looked up as a very tall, bald, handsome black man walked into the room beaming at them. Rachel squealed and lunged herself into JJ's lap – who was the closest – and clung tightly.
"Please don't give me a shot!" She cried. JJ was almost crying herself and looked back and forth from Emily to Gerald in desperation.
"You're name is Rachel right?" Gerald asked as he sat down on the stool in front of them. Rachel tightened her grip around JJ's neck and nodded, keeping her face tucked into JJ. "Is it true you're seven! I can't believe it you're so tiny!"
"I am." Rachel mumbled, her face still in JJ's neck. "And they have guns, they will shoot you if you hurt me, right?" She asked lifting her head up and looking to JJ and Emily in question. Emily couldn't help but laugh at the seriousness in Rachel's expression, the amusement and shock in JJ's and the terror in Gerald's.
"We do have guns, we're FBI agents." Emily explained to Gerald. "But we can't shoot him for that Rachel, he's not doing it to hurt you, he's doing it to make sure you don't get sick."
Rachel threw her head back into JJ's chest and cried again. Gerald smiled, having been through this scene many, many times. The gun thing was new, but the crying kid he could handle. He got everything ready and scooted closer to the trio. "Rachel, you don't have to look, you can stay in your mom's lap just how you are. All I need is your arm real quick, I promise, you won't even feel it."
"She's not my mom, my mom killed herself." Rachel said lifting her head up and looking at Gerald. All three adults froze at the matter of fact statement Rachel had just made. Rachel didn't seem to notice the effect her words had. She stuck her arm out – and her tongue – at Gerald and then turned back into JJ's chest, squeezing her eyes shut. Gerald, still shocked from the statement, got to work and took hold of Rachel's tiny arm. He worked his magic and when he was done, Rachel was still waiting for him to begin.
"All done!" He announced.
"Really?" Rachel asked, shifting her body around and looking at her arm in amazement.
"Yup, what color lollypop would you like?" He asked, holding up a bowl of tootise pops.
Rachel stuck her head down, biting her lip and contemplating her choices. It baffled JJ how much it reminded her of Emily. "Red please." She asked. "Red is cherry right?"
"Yes ma'am." Gerald said handing it over. "You are all set for the next ten years kiddo."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Awesome!" Rachel said with a smile as she jumped down from JJ's lap. "Can we get out of here now?" She asked, looking to Emily.
"Yes we can." Emily said with a laugh. She took Rachel's hand and lead her out of the examination room, giving Gerald a smile.
"Thank you." JJ said, shaking his hand and following behind.
"Not a problem, she's a cute kid."
Rachel couldn't get the wrapper off of the lollypop and she was beginning to grow distressed and annoyed. As Emily caught her huffing and mashing her lips together in anger, she quickly reached over and took the sucker from Rachel. Opening it with ease and sticking the wrapper in her pocket in case she didn't finish, she handed it back over. JJ made her way over to the two of them looking very relived.
"She doesn't need a full car seat, but Dr. Peter's recommended getting a booster seat, she's a little underweight."
"Okay, are we going to do all that today and the psychiatrist?" Emily asked as Rachel played around by a tree.
"I think maybe we've had enough trauma for one day, lets just shop and get lunch and try the shrink tomorrow."
"Oh thank god." Emily said with a sigh.