Song: Defenceless, Louis Tomlinson
The start to Louis' day wasn't exactly a pleasant one. He couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about, but he knew it was good- and unfortunately it was rudely interrupted by a loud scream down his ear that startled him awake.
"Shit!" Harry shouted, jolting Louis' body as he scrambled to get out of bed. "Louis wake the fuck up, we're gonna be late!" He exclaimed, throwing a hoodie at Louis' head.
"The fuck?" Louis groggily mumbled, his eyes squinting against the sunlight as he sat up, watching Harry rush about the room as he tried to pull on a pair of trousers. "What's the rush for?" He asked, still out of it from his slumber.
"Late Louis. We're going to be late!" Harry replied, fumbling with his T-shirt. "Get up already"
"Late for what?" Louis asked with pinched brows. He was clueless and Harry sighed deeply as he tried to pull a pair of socks on whilst stood up. Not the greatest combo for the clumsiest man alive.
"Classes. We're still in school you know!" Harry replied, and he ran into the bathroom before he had the chance to see the look of surprise on Louis' face.
He looked around for his phone before grabbing it to see the time, and his eyes widened when he saw they only had about two minutes before they needed to be in class. "Shit!" He shouted, jumping from the bed. His foot got caught in the sheets and he almost fell over but caught himself at the last minute on his bedside table.
He stripped from his clothes that he regrettably fell asleep in and shoved on some fresh ones at random- black joggers and his green hoodie. At this point he didn't care if he didn't look presentable, they had a rather moody chemistry teacher awaiting their arrival.
Louis groaned and looked around for his shoes for a good few minutes but they were nowhere to be found. "Harry! Where the fuck are my shoes?" He called out, and Harry stuck his head out the bathroom door with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth.
"How should i know? You cleaned the damn room" He replied with a roll of his eyes, toothpaste dripping from the corners of his lips.
"Fuck sake" Louis mumbled, continuing to run around the room in search of his shoes- the same shoes that were beside his bed the whole time after he had kicked them off the previous day. "Oh" he said once spotting them, running over to shove them on his feet. "Stupid Louis"
"Stupid Louis indeed" Harry smirked as he walked out of the bathroom, grabbing his school bag and books.
"Shut it" Louis replied, rushing off into the bathroom with a grin. He quickly washed his face, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, panting once finished from the rush. He looked in the mirror and shrugged- not too bad. The only issue was his puffy eyes from crying yesterday, and he just hoped nobody would point it out.
"You coming?" Harry shouted from their room just as Louis left the bathroom. He was waiting by the door with his bag over one shoulder- and even with hardly any time to get ready, of course he was impeccably dressed.
"Yeh, one sec" Louis replied, grabbing his bag and shoving his wallet and pencil case inside. Harry held the door open for him as he walked out and the two set off in a steady but fast pace to their chemistry lesson.
"God, Professor Fullmer's gonna have a right go at us" Louis commented as they neared the classroom. "Course we had to wake up late for our class with him" he scoffed.
"Hm, don't even think your Tomlinson charm can get us out of this one" Harry said with a smirk, nudging his shoulder.
"I'll have you know my Tomlinson charm can get me out of anything" Louis replied smugly, "Just you watch"
"Oh I will. I'll quite happily watch you get another detention" Harry nodded, pausing at the door to their classroom.
"If that's the case then you're going down too Styles" Louis quipped with a raised brow, "You should watch your mouth before you embarrass yourself" he added, pushing the door open without another word, sauntering past the amused boy.
Harry shut the door behind them with a louder bang than he had anticipated, earning the attention of the whole class, including their professor. Louis let out a deep breath and shook his head with his eyes closed- clumsy little shit.
"Care to explain why you're both so late?" Professor Fullmer asked, leaning against the whiteboard with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at them expectantly.
Louis looked down at his expensive Rolex watch and his lips turned down sarcastically. "So late? It's only been ten minutes sir. I hardly see an issue" he replied with a small grin, and Harry had to hold back his laughter.
"Don't give me cheek, Mr Tomlinson" Fullmer scowled at him, "Detention tonight, both of you"
Louis rolled his eyes as Harry stepped up next to him. "Knew the charm would wear off eventually" Harry said quietly to him, a smile on his face that contradicted the punishment they had just received.
"And I knew you'd go down with me" Louis shot back, repressing his smile as he left to find a seat, spotting one besides Liam towards the front of the room.
"Hey Liam" Louis said as he sat down, dumping his bag on the floor after taking out his chemistry book.
"Feel like I haven't seen you in ages" Liam replied as he copied up notes from the board into his book. "Where you been?"
"All over really" Louis shrugged. "Been doing the photography assignment with harry, went shopping with him, got locked out of school and a certain someone wouldn't help us- you know, the usual" he said sarcastically.
"Oh shit" Liam dropped his pen and turned to face him. "I forgot about that- but yeh sorry lad. You figure it out though right? Didn't stay outside all night?"
"Nah, we booked a hotel down the road, that fancy one- Rossington. Father dropped us off back at school yesterday morning" Louis explained, biting the cap off his pen before writing the date.
"What? How did your father find out?" Liam asked in confusion.
"Saw my bank transactions, I was the one who paid for the room so-" He trailed off.
"Damn. Guess he wasn't too happy then" Liam raised a brow.
"You could say that" Louis let out a bitter chuckle and shook his head.
Liam hummed and left it at that, "So what's with you and styles then? You friends now?"
Louis paused his writing and squinted his eyes, "What? No. Why?" He asked.
"Well, you've been spending a lot of time with him lately, and you don't really complain about him anymore- just seems like you get along with him now" Liam said casually, "Not to mention you walking in here with him, all smiles and banter"
"What- we weren't- no you've got it all wrong" Louis denied.
Liam chuckled lowly, "Calm it Tommo, you're acting like it's a crime to be friends with him. It's a good thing really, 'bout time you let go of that grudge"
"But I haven't" Louis swallowed thickly, "Or, well not completely. I don't know. We've just talked"
"Yeh? About what?" Liam asked curiously.
Louis adverted his eyes, "Just- stuff. Personal shit"
"Louis, you don't even talk about personal shit with me or Zayn and we are considered as friends- so what does that make Harry?" Liam replied with a pointed look.
"Nothing. It makes him nothing" Louis said firmly, "The fuck you trying to say?"
Liam smirked and leant his head against his arm, "I'm trying to say that as much as you don't want to admit it, you consider Harry a friend or you at least want to be"
Louis plastered a fake smile on his face, "Really? Then tell me why i refused to be friends with Harry when he asked me for a friendship two days ago"
Liam widened his eyes, "He did? Oh my god that's- wait. Why the fuck did you refuse?" His smile dropped once he fully registered what Louis had said.
"Because I don't want to be friends with him" Louis said with a bored tone.
"But you do though, you're just to proud to admit it" Liam urged, almost desperate sounding.
"I'll admit I don't want to argue with him anymore, but that doesn't mean I want to be friends"
Liam went silent and suddenly dropped his head onto the table- Louis almost thought he had passed out until the boy groaned. "Why are you so fucking confusing? Like- at least explain that to me because I don't understand Jack shit right now"
"It's simple. I don't want to argue with Harry, but I also don't want to label him as a friend. There, you got that? Want me to say it in french?" Louis said slowly, pronouncing every syllable that he would normally miss due to his accent.
"Why French?" Liam asked, blinking a few times.
"Seriously? That's all you took from that?" Louis replied with a sigh. "French because you clearly don't understand English right now"
"English I'm perfectly fine with- you, not so much" Liam corrected him, "One minute you're fine, the next you deny being friends, then you're back to arguing and the weird cycle thing you have going on repeats it's self. Make up your mind! You friends or not?"
"How many times do I need to tell you we're not friends?"
"But you fucking act like friends! That's what I don't get. Why is it such a big deal to label him as one?"
"Are we seriously arguing about if I'm friends with harry or not right now?" Louis ignored his question, "This is pathetic, why do you even care?"
"Answer the question" Is all Liam replied with.
"Fuck off" Louis said lightheartedly.
"You're making this way more difficult than it needs to be"
"No, you are. I answered your question. I'm not arguing with Harry, I don't hate him, we're just not friends. There, now drop it" Louis dismissed him, and he sighed in relief when Liam stopped talking about it.
He knew this would happen. He knew that his friends would make it a bigger deal than it was, and he didn't like it at all. When it came to Harry, it was as if his relationship with the boy was some kind of project to them. Always asking questions, pushing for them to get along, an excitement in their eyes when they did that had the similarity of a child getting candy. Louis didn't want attention to stem from this particular situation, it somewhat embarrassed him, and it was moments like this that put him off the idea of ever agreeing to a friendship.
He knew in some ways he was being dramatic, and Liam was right in some of he things he had said, but he still couldn't quite get past the fact that he felt like he should hate Harry.
Any time he would be kind to the boy without thinking, he would always catch himself in the end with self doubt. Whenever he had a moment with Harry where they would get along, laugh with each other or help one another out, afterwards he would feel like he had done something wrong, like he shouldn't be enjoying their time together and he needed to revert back to his cold nature as soon as possible.
It was like his mind wouldn't allow him to get along with Harry, and any time he did he would subconsciously scold himself as if it were a terrible thing to do. He knew he couldn't move past this conflict until he figured out whether this was due to actual hatred for Harry, or the things his father had taught him to believe.
He figured that until he worked that out, he needed to decide on some way to go about their strange on and off 'relationship'. It was true what he had said, he didn't want to argue with Harry, he didn't want to purposefully upset him anymore- but he also didn't want to lead him into thinking they were friends when they weren't.
Just stay away from him. Ignore him. Problem solved.
He sighed and decided to just get on with his work, he didn't want to deal with it, never mind think about it, so for the first time in his life, he actually found himself interested in atoms.
"You heard about the Halloween party the schools throwing?" Liam asked him towards the end of the lesson as they were finishing up their work.
"Yeah, Harry told me. He found out from his sister Gemma" Louis replied just as he finished an equation.
"I'm buzzing mate, apparently some third years are gonna sneak alcohol in and I bet they'd give you some" He said with a grin, "You'll have to get some for me and Zayn" He added with a wink.
Louis huffed out a laugh, "I can't even imagine what you'd be like drunk. You seem too preppy for it"
"Coming from you?" Liam raised a brow. "And here I thought posh pricks don't get wasted"
"Even if I wanted to you think my father would give me drinks?" Louis scoffed, "I think he'd rather shoot himself than let me get drunk"
"Well it's about time you start. I reckon you'll be a right party animal by second year" Liam replied.
"Highly doubt that" Louis shook his head. "I already have to watch what I do and say in front of everyone, it'd be a nightmare if I was wasted"
"That's the point of getting wasted though Tommo, you let loose" Liam said with a smile, packing away his things, "You won't give a shit about all that once you've got a few drinks down ya'"
"Guess I can't get too drunk in the first place then" Louis replied, shoving his books into his bag before standing up.
"You always have to have the last word don't you" Liam rolled his eyes playfully and stood up with him. "What will you dress up as?"
"No fucking clue" Louis leaned against the table as they waited to be dismissed. "Haven't thought about it"
"I was thinking of superman or something, not sure yet. Me, you and Zayn should go shopping for outfits this weekend" he suggested.
"Sure. I'll try think of something till then" Louis agreed.
"Alright class, don't forget about your assignment due in on Thursday. You may leave" Fullmer said, and Louis sighed in relief that the double lesson was over with.
"Can we go get some food? I haven't eaten since Sunday" Louis asked Liam on the way out- and he realised how bad it sounded once it left his mouth.
"What the fuck?" Liam widened his eyes in concern and stopped walking just as they got out into the hallway. "Louis it's fucking Tuesday. Why haven't you eaten?"
"Calm down- it's not that serious. I've just been too busy and hadn't had the chance. The last meal I had was before we got locked out, by that point once we got to the hotel we were too tired to eat. Then in the morning we didn't have time to get breakfast because of my father showing up. Then me and Harry missed meals when we got back here because again, we were too tired and we lost track of time" Louis explained as he ignored his hunger pains. "So can we just go get food now?"
"Well you don't need to bloody ask me now do you" Liam replied, putting a hand on his shoulder with a rough pat that made Louis flinch. He eyed him warily for a moment before pulling him in the direction of the common room. "They just put vending machines in the common room so we'll go there- did it whilst you and Harry were away"
"Vending machines? Maybe this school is-"
"Louis!" Someone called out from down the hall behind them and Louis repressed a groan when he realised it was Harry. "Wait up!"
"You go ahead, I'll catch up" Louis said to Liam, gesturing with his hand for him to keep walking.
"Alright" Liam mumbled and did as told.
Louis turned around just as Harry had caught up to him and he gave him an expectant look. "What is it?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to print out the photos for the photography assignment after classes- they're on my camera so" He trailed off with a smile.
"Oh, um" Louis brushed a hand through his hair and fidgeted on the spot. "I can't, got a counselling session"
"Oh- I thought you had sessions on a Friday?" Harry asked with a small frown, though he looked like he was trying to conceal it.
"Yeh, I do. But- like I can go see her whenever I want" Louis scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "I need to talk to her about something"
"Ah, right. Uh, okay- well never mind then. You, you go do that. Yup" Harry nodded and backed away slowly, a pout resting on his flushed face as he turned and walked away.
"Fuck sake" Louis whispered under his breath, turning around to catch up with Liam.
Honestly, he wasn't planning on seeing his counsellor, but now he just might. He felt like shit for doing that, and he had expected it to feel like a relief- now he was even more confused than before.
He wasn't supposed to have friends, he wasn't supposed to somewhat like Harry's company, and he knew the more time he spent with him the harder it would be to deny a friendship.
He knew in the back of his head he wanted one, and recently it would seem like they already were friends. But Louis couldn't help but notice all the signs that were saying no. His father for one, he hated Harry himself, never mind the fact that he didn't want Louis to make friends. Then there was the feeling of embarrassment he got when talking to Liam and Zayn about it, or when he would catch himself being nice to him. Maybe he was looking into it too deeply, but then again, Louis always did find it hard letting go of grudges.
Louis made it to the common room and found Liam and Zayn standing besides the vending machine having a conversation. A few students waved or said hi to him as he walked in, Louis giving them tight lipped smiles in return.
"Hey" Louis greeted them, taking out his wallet to finally buy something to eat. There wasn't much selection, some crisps, breakfast bars, chocolate and sweets, but it would do. He went with salt and vinegar crisps and a nature valley breakfast bar.
"Hi mate- sorry about the other day. You know, when you got locked out and all" Zayn replied with a sheepish smile.
"It's alright, got it sorted in the end" Louis waved him off and grabbed his items once they fell to the bottom of the machine. "What class do we have next?" He asked Liam.
"Maths" Liam replied, "We've got pretty shit lessons today"
"You're telling me" Louis rolled his eyes, sighing just from the thought of having to do algebra. "Anything happened whilst I was gone?"
"That Sophia girls been hounding Liam non stop. Keeps flirting with him even though he's told her he's not interested" Zayn said with a chipped tone, "She won't fucking give up"
"I don't get why you won't give her a chance" Louis grinned as he opened his crisps, leaning against the vending machine. "Shes pretty, smart-" Liam raised his brows, "Okay, maybe not the smartest but she's classy-" Zayn scoffed, "Alright alright, maybe not that either" Louis shrugged. "Yeh maybe don't give her a chance"
"She won't leave me alone" Liam looked over the room and of course there she was, staring at him as she twirled her hair around her finger. He groaned and looked away. "I keep telling her I'm not interested but she won't have it. Couldn't you get Eleanor to tell her to cut it out? She practically stalks me"
Louis chuckled, "Why don't you tell Eleanor?"
"You're closer with her, if she'll do it for anyone she'll do it for you" Liam said with the look of a sad puppy dog. "Please? She's starting to make me feel uncomfortable"
"Fine, I will. On one condition" Louis said with a smirk.
"I'll literally do anything" Liam nodded with wide eyes.
"Cover for me if Harry's looking for me"
"What? Why you running from Harry?" Zayn asked, his brows pinched together.
"I think he seems to believe we're friends or something- and I feel bad turning him down when he asks me to do stuff. Had to make the excuse of going to see my counsellor earlier on"
"If you feel bad why avoid him? There's nothing wrong with hanging out with him" Liam replied, sharing a confused glance with Zayn.
"Because- I, it's hard to explain. I just, I don't want to argue with him but if I don't he's going to get the wrong idea. It's best to just avoid him" Louis said, though it didn't really make much sense to his ears either- so why would they understand.
"Mate- I'm sorry but that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard" Zayn said after a moment, a disbelieving smile on his face. "Just fucking be friends with him already"
"Exactly. You clearly don't have an issue with him anymore so what's stopping you?" Liam added.
"Maybe the fact that I'm not supposed to be friends with him" Louis bit back, frustrated.
"Says who?" Liam asked.
"My father. He hates Harry"
"Oh come on, your dad won't even know if you're friends with him or not. Why doesn't he like him anyway? He barely knows him" Liam replied.
"Fuck knows why, he just doesn't. I just feel like I shouldn't even want to be friends with him, I don't know. It's just- complicated" Louis said, struggling to find the right words.
"Why do you all of a sudden want to be his friend in the first place though? What's changed?" Zayn asked.
Louis hesitated for a moment before answering, "I guess I just know him better now"
"Right" Liam said slowly, "Either way, you're being utterly stupid. If you want to be friends, be friends. If you don't, don't. It's that simple"
"Louis!" He was cut off from replying when Niall practically skipped into the room, a large smile on his face. "How are you? Haven't seen you in a while"
"He's barely seen anyone in a while" Zayn mumbled, and Liam had to refrain from laughing.
"I'm good Niall. What's up?" Louis replied, ignoring Zayn's comment.
"I'm looking for Harry. He was supposed to meet me in here after classes but I don't see him" Niall said as his eyes scanned the room.
Louis furrowed his brows, "I saw him after class but he went in the opposite direction"
"Oh, maybe he forgot then" Niall shrugged, "Guess I'll just catch up with him at lunch or something"
Louis hummed with a nod though he couldn't help but feel as if it may be his fault. Harry seemed off after he declined to print the photos with him- and a knot formed in his stomach that added to his guilt.
"What you all going as for Halloween then?" Niall asked, sparking the same conversation everyone seemed to be having.
"Not sure, we were talking about this before" Louis replied. "You got any ideas?"
"I did have one idea but Harry just laughed at me, so I'm re-thinking it"
"Well what was it?" Liam asked.
"I saw a huge inflatable Pint of beer costume- now that I say it out loud it does sound pretty weird" Niall said with red cheeks that only got brighter once the three boys began to laugh.
"You wanted to go as a pint of beer? Really Niall?" Louis asked with a grin.
"Shows my Irish spirit doesn't it?" Niall quipped back.
"If this is about Irish spirit you'd be better off going as a leprechaun" Zayn replied after his laughter had died down.
Niall's eyes widened at the realisation, "Wait- that's perfect! Why did I think of that?"
"I wasn't serious Nialler" Zayn chuckled, but it didn't deter Niall's excitement.
"You don't have to be but I am!" Niall exclaimed and began running out the room, "See ya lads!"
The three looked at each other with confused, slightly weirded out looks before they burst into another fit of laughter.
——————————
"Come in!" Came a voice through the door that Louis could tell was his counsellors. He opened the door and poked his head through. "Oh, Louis. We don't have a session until Friday right?"
"Um, no we don't. But I was wondering if I could speak to you? If you're not busy?" He asked hesitantly, feeling like a nuisance already.
"Course, come in" She said with a smile, waving him into the room. Louis sighed in relief and walked inside. "Take a seat"
He sat down, moving the pillows around him to get comfortable. "I'm really not bothering you right now?"
"Not at all" She shook her head and closed her laptop. "Is something wrong?"
He hesitated before speaking, second guessing himself on whether he wanted to bring it up. He realised he would prefer getting advice from her than his friends. "Uh, kind of. I'm more confused than anything"
"What about?" She asked, taking a sip of her tea.
"My father, and- Harry" he said as he picked at his nails, his heart beat picking up in pace.
"Harry- the boy you don't get along with?" She checked, and Louis nodded. "Still having trouble with him then?"
"I- not exactly. Trouble with him yes, just not in the way you think" He paused and gulped louder than he intended, "He said he wanted to be friends the other day"
Sarah winded her eyes, a look of surprise crossing her face before it settled into an easy smile. "That's great isn't it? He wants to get along with you"
"Not really" Louis shrugged, "I mean, yeh it's nice that he doesn't want us to argue- and I don't either. But I said no to being friends"
Sarah pursed her lips and leant further towards the desk. "Why did you say no? How did you feel when Harry asked to be friends?"
Louis knew the question would be asked, and it was his fault for coming here in the first place- but he sure as hell was tired of hearing the same damn question. "Because I feel like we shouldn't be friends" he said as if it were obvious. "And I was surprised, mostly. I wasn't expecting it. It almost humoured me"
"Why do you feel like you shouldn't be friends?"
"Because my father says I shouldn't have them, and he's not particularly fond of Harry" he replied, careful with how he described his father. "I've hated Harry for so long now that it feels wrong to even be nice to him, never mind admit to wanting a friendship"
"So you do want to be friends with him?" She raised a knowing brow.
"I- I don't know what I want" He stammered, and it was ironic really that whilst explaining that it felt wrong to admit to a friendship, he almost did just that. "Harry asked for a friendship before some other shit happened. Now I don't know whether I've changed my mind or not"
"What else happened afterwards then?"
"He told me something- I won't go into detail because it's not my place to say, but it made me realise I'm a lot more like him than I originally thought. It's made me feel bad for him, so I'm wary of upsetting him. That's why I don't want us to argue anymore"
"Was what he told you something you can relate to?"
"Yes, I can relate to it a lot. I guess that's why I'm so afraid of upsetting him now because I see a lot of myself in him. But at the same time I don't want a friendship because I just don't see it going well. I treat him like shit even when he's nice to me"
"Okay, I understand that" She said with a smile, pausing for a moment. "Look, I'm going to ask you a yes or no question and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind alright? No hesitation, go with your gut feeling"
"Okay" Louis said nervously, mentally preparing himself.
"Do you want to be friends with Harry?"
"Yes"
Shit.
She smiled brightly, "So the issue isn't whether you want to or not, it's admitting it to other people. Do you know why you might be scared of admitting that?"
Louis sighed and pulled his legs up under his thighs, his head leant back against the sofa. "I don't know. I'm not scared as such, just embarrassed I guess" he dragged his head up and looked at her again. "It's like, whenever I mention anything about Harry around my mates they make a huge deal out of it and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I bet if I told them I had made friends with some other guy from our classes they wouldn't give a shit- but when it's Harry its a bigger fucking deal than Christmas"
"So don't admit it then" She replied casually.
"That's not the reply I was expecting at all" Louis said, beginning to think this was a waste of time.
She let out a breathy laugh and leant back in her chair. "What I meant by that was there's no need to admit it. Most friendships form spontaneously, there's no asking to be friends or agreeing to one, it's not some kind of contract. I think you're stressing yourself out with this when you don't need to. Just relax, go about life as you normally would with Harry and if you get along naturally then that's great, you'll basically be friends with him without all this 'admitting' business. If you don't- well there was nothing to worry about in the first place, in that case a friendship just won't work out. But if you want one, and he does too, then I'm sure it will go smoothly"
Maybe it wasn't a waste of time, because to Louis that actually made a lot of sense and it was far beyond the advice he could've gotten from Liam or Zayn. He was starting to think that having a counsellor might not be so bad after all.
"Yeah, but I feel like Harry wants me to admit it" Louis replied, "I get what you're saying, but that doesn't solve the issue of if I end up shouting at him again, or upsetting him. And my father sure as hell won't like the idea of me getting along with Harry. He hates him"
"If Harry wants a friendship I'm sure you denying him that will already be upsetting him. He clearly thinks it can work, and I think you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. And that's not me putting the blame on you- don't get me wrong, I just think if you stop over thinking this then you'll realise it'll be a lot easier to deal with" Louis nodded slowly and she continued. "As for your father, unless Harry is a bad influence, which I'm sure he's not, then he really shouldn't have a say in who you're friends with. That's your choice Louis, if you like someone you like them, if you don't you don't, but that shouldn't be influenced by your fathers opinion on that person because that doesn't affect you or your relationship with Harry"
"But how can a parent not influence their child's opinion? If my father is adamant I shouldn't be friends with someone then why shouldn't I listen to him?"
"Let's put it this way, If I didn't like Harry and I told you right now not to be friends with him what would you say?" She asked, linking her fingers together.
"I'd probably tell you to fuck off to be honest" Louis snorted, "Sorry"
"Don't be" She shook her head with an amused smile. "But that's what I'd expect you to say, because I'm just a counsellor right? I don't have any control over what you do because I don't know you on a personal level. So really, the only thing that's stopping you from being Harry's friend in terms of his opinion is his title; your father figure. What if you took away his title?"
"Then... his opinion wouldn't matter?" Louis replied with a questioning tone.
"Exactly. Because without his title, it's just another persons opinion on someone you're linked to. Your father may not like Harry, and that's his opinion, the reasons don't matter. But just because he doesn't, and he's your father, that doesn't mean you have to have the same exact opinion. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Louis froze for a second before he quickly leaned forward and pressed his elbows to his knees, his chin resting on his hands. "You're really good at explaining things, did you know that?" He replied with a smile, staring at her.
Sarah raised her brows and chuckled, "It is kind of my job"
"No- but like. Really good. You should've seen how confused I was earlier on- or well, you couldn't really see inside my head anyway but you get what I mean" He realised he was speaking absolute nonsense, "Basically what I'm saying is you should get a raise"
"Well, uh, thank you? I'm glad I could help" She replied with a wide smile. "Anything else you want to talk about? I've got another twenty minutes till my next session"
Louis thought for a moment and his mind flashed back to what Harry had said about bringing up his past- his mum.
"If you're not comfortable talking to me about it I think you should bring it up to your counsellor"
"Louis? Is there something you want to say?" Sarah asked again once he never answered, snapping him out his thoughts.
"Oh, uh" He wasn't ready. He couldn't, not yet. "No, no that's everything. Thank you for the help" he stood up with a small smile.
She eyed him warily for a moment before speaking. "You sure? You can talk to me about absolutely anything you know"
"Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks" he nodded and made his way to the door.
"Alright. Bye Louis" she waved him out.
"Bye" he mumbled and closed the door behind him, sighing in relief.
He was glad it was over with, but he was also glad he decided to go in the first place. Earlier on he knew he was slipping again. He knew he was on the verge of losing any 'progress' he had made, though he didn't want to call it that, and Sarah had probably made it to the top of his non existent 'who to go to for advice' list.
One of Louis' main issues was that he tended to doubt himself a lot, and he could easily be influenced by others. As soon as he realised he had done something that didn't quite match up with what he had been taught previously, alarms would go off in his head as if to say 'Stop! You're doing something wrong!'
He wanted to let go of that. He was trying to. For the first time in his life, he wanted to make his own decisions, form his own opinions and do whatever the fuck he wanted. And the first step to achieving that was to stop over thinking everything he did, just like Sarah had said.
So with his thoughts cleared, organised, and a newly found positive outlook, he set off to find Harry in hopes that the boy wasn't too upset with his previous cold behaviour.
————————————
Author notes:
This chapter is a tiny bit shorter than the last few but I thought this was a good place to end it.
Sorry again if I scared you a little at the beginning! I was thinking of setting Louis back a little with self doubt but I decided against it half way through lmao, so sorry if this chapters a little messy.
I'm a little worried I didn't explain how Louis was feeling throughout the first part of the chapter properly, so I hope you don't think it's too stupid and you understand why he's so worried! Louis is still new to friendships and he still hasn't completely let go of his fathers manipulation yet, and honestly, if I had said i hated someone for so long I'd be a little embarrassed admitting I wanted to be their friend too, so I hope you got that.
Either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please leave your opinions.
Love you all xxx