My marriage could be named a forced marriage if my life was a novel. But it wasn't. Early marriage,forced marriage were thought and accepted with no emphasis in our country.
The family's decision was final and uninterruptable decision. At last,it got the tag of ' girl's fate ' which was unchangeable and pretty much ignorable.
Growing up in hand to mouth,I still had the audacity to cherish a dream.A dream which would have swerved my life.
I wanted to be a doctor. Inspite of staring my father toiling in rain or sun, getting into the turbulence of brother, suppression of my mother's agony; I , in sober fact , wanted to spring out of that small hut of miseries.
I had all the dreams of a youthful woman.I wanted to see a big city with twinkling road-lights,crowded markets, shopping mall with AC,food courts with aroma of western platters.
In other words, I pursued to be a city girl,with an average job,a well settled husband, not a big mansion; I hoped a small flat in Dhaka. My eyes used to see all these in the spark of moonlight at night. I studied with my heart and soul to get rid of the financial problems of our family.
I was disheartened when Bilal came to my home with a marriage proposal.
He was blunt for me but serendipitous for my family. He was an army officer in the Dhaka Batalian. Well-established and prestigious status.
I just completed my college,when father compelled me to accept him as a husband. My all toils,all notes,all dreams were stamped under my bridal attire.
We didn't had the stability to arrange engagement,Mehndi night, marriage,other occasions and arrangements of a wedding session separetely.
Bilal 's family had,they were supposed to arrange a grand Wedding for the youngest son of their family. But they materialized the wedding simply any middle class family would. There came no one except his uncle,aunty and his brother's family in our wedding.
Bilal was someone I detested for ruining my dreams in a gust of wind.
I stayed clueless with hollowed eyes, why would he want to marry a poor, average looking, lanky, unwelcomed girl? I didn't deserve him in any prospect.
Still he insisted on our wedding.
Whereas, all of my family were blooming out of good luck and ecstatic thoughts because of our wedding.
Father consoled me every time, I should be grateful to him. I should respect him with heart. Not all girls get a golden chance like me.
I somehow inhibited the grudges for the sake of our family.
A girl has to do it. This is the mentality with, we were upbringed.
The wedding day arrived despite of my praying, something miracle would happen and I would not see his face again. I prayed to Allah that I did not wish to see his face second time. I just saw a glance of him when he first came home like a shameless in my eyes, an angel in father's eyes.
I grumbled uncountable times with my mother as I had left last piece of trust on her before his family were coming in our wedding day.
I cried my voice tightening mother's hands in mine,
" How can you do this being a responsible parents? What if he is a fraud ? You can't decide that he was wearing a army suit and he is a army? You gave my hand without any little bit of hesitation?"
" Listen to me Husna... Your father has taken information about him. He is of a well Family and there's no doubt about his job, how can we not think about our daughter? "
She folded my hands more delicately consoling my heart with the words.
" But ma, I wanna study more ! I am not ready for a marriage! I am tired of explaining that to you and baba! "
I let out my voice with tenderness with trembling chins.
"Dear, you can't wait. You can't miss a chance to get a place in such a nice, established family! You will get all the joys you have dreamt ! A life in the city ! " She forcedly said shaking my shoulders.
Not only ma, a dozen of relatives were successful to show hundreds of reasons,versality and benefits of marrying Bilal.
Me, a lasstitude girl could do nothing but supine in the bed and witness crushing all the dreams I cherished in my orbs.
At last I got married.
It was sure, without any obstinacy.
I didn't shed a drop of tear out of trauma. I was suffocated under others' opinions and suppressions.
I came to Dhaka with Bilal and his family leaving my greenish village far behind. I wanted to leave my village,but not like this.
It was excruciating.
The most thing I was tangled with was,his mother. From our wedding day I didn't see his mother attending any functions. He had no one in his family except his mother and a brother. His brother was settled in Russia with his family. He returned to abroad with his family the day after our marriage. His father was a martyr.
That was another influncial reasons I was married. My family said I could enjoy my married life more than any one could. There were no family problems,no distress of sister-in-laws
etc etc.
They claimed very easily that Bilal's mother was ill during his wedding. So she was in her sister's house. Though my family ignored the matter , I surely did smelt something fishy.
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In the night of our wedding, I kept crying in the balcony of the bedroom of a nice endowed flat in a an apartment.Bilal didn't cared about my wailing. I was not in the state to talk to him,to ask why he married me,why he only chose me and why he deliberately helped my family.
The next day, I woke up with puffy red eyes,tired of crying.
He offered a glass of milk with a raw egg to me. It cleared that he was an army officer who eat that disgusting food.
I was atonished and showed no desire to have it.
He said in the most celestial way,
"I married you because you are needed me in every step of my life. I am grateful to you forever. I can never be rude to you,not even a spoon amount."
I kept glaring the glass with hollowed eyes and wrinkled nose. I foolishly drank the milk in a sip with squeezed eyes.
I oblivioned his words thinking he was trying to confuse me in his weird expressions and talks. There left a trace of anxiety and doubtfulness in my heart.
Bilal was successful to curb my regrets,my grudges,my pain and stubbornness.
I was melting by Bilal's behavior.
He is a man,who couldn't have been more noble and polite than anyone. His deligence, caring manner,tenderness, soothingness was beyond my expectations.
He didn't have a little bit of arrogance of being richer than me. Rather,he treated me as if I was a daughter of a king.
I could accept all his words as a delicate flower but I didn't inure his goodness so easily. He had an ethereal personality.
I was living in a dreamland. I enjoyed every moment of the 5 days we roamed the new city, the grocery shops,Bazars, shopping malls,even hospital and his batalian.
I was walking around the world amidst with his smile and virtuality.
My family came and they were delighted to see me than any other thing. They sheded some tears of satisfaction and gratefulness.
6 days passed momentarily. Bilal took a week recess from the Batalian for marriage. There left one day for him to stay with me and he would take part in a special operation of 2 months.
But I was carefree as Bilal made me aware of everything. He literally taught me to live a new life like a mother teaches her child. He made all the arrangements to not make me feel alone of his absence. He gave his aunt's number for any emergencies.
But he was worried to death for some unbeknownst reasons. He didn't potrayed it in face but I had a sensation of it.
I had forgotten the regret of being a doctor, shattered dream, clueless life and anger on Bilal as he embraced me with joviality and his effervescent personality.
One week passed, I was exasperated but not sad.
I didn't want to leave his warm appearance,his presence.
Did I imagined that Bilal, whom I hated till the day of our marriage would take an irreplaceable shore in my heart?
Did I ever expected him as my other half?
But now I believed,I admired him more than anyone.
Before the sun rose that day, I found the bed vacant. Bilal left. Abruptly.
Without saying anything.
Just as a gust of wind.
But there left a wooden box lying in the bed. I spent few hours staring blankly.
My hands were too lazy and unenergetic to open it. Still I took my slow, hesitant steps near it.
To be continued....
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