Dylan’s Point of View
“If you want to go talk to him, I don’t mind.”
I turned towards Alec, shocked. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know how to reply.
“I know how you might not like him, but maybe if you speak to him he might leave? Or better yet, he might tell you what he’s actually doing here?”
I glanced over at Jayme and slowly nodded my head. Alec was right, if he wasn’t going to leave before talking to me, I might as well get it over with.
“You’re probably right,” I said and quickly got to my feet. I leaned down and gave Alec a quick kiss. “I won’t be long.”
“Dylan-“ warned Mitch, but I ignored him and made my way towards Jayme. I would deal with Mitch later.
He didn’t turn around as I approached, so I chose to stand next to and turned my attention towards the flames, just like him. I didn’t say anything. I had nothing to say. If he wanted to talk to me, now was his chance.
“You look good,” said Jayme, not turning away from the flames. I looked at him in surprise, that wasn’t what I was expecting him to say.
“So do you,” I mumbled back, and his mouth turned up slightly at the edges. I was telling the truth; he did look good. He was cleanly shaven, and his dark hair was shorter than I was used to. He didn’t have dark circles under his eyes; I used to think they were permanently marked onto his skin. What was familiar was the smell of cigarettes; that smell never left him.
He looked down at the ground quickly before turning to face me, and at the sight of him before me I felt whatever anger I held towards him simmer way and be replaced by nostalgia.
In a way I had been lying to Alec. Jayme wasn’t the bad guy I had made him out to be. Yes, he broke my heart, but I also drove him to doing it.
“How are you?” he asked, and I could tell he was testing the waters. He wasn’t used to Dylan that Alec knew; he was used to the one I had been when he had been my boyfriend.
“I’m good,” I replied, trying to be as vague as possible. Jayme had always been much more reserved, whereas I was more inclined to be as honest as I could- to the point where I could appear too honest.
Jayme gave me a knowing look. “How are you really?”
“I’m better.”
He nodded and turned back towards the bonfire.
“Why are you here?” I asked, still looking at him. He refused to look at me as he spoke.
“After the car crash... I guess it gave me perspective. I woke up and there was Cally, crying and telling me how stupid I was and how worried she had been... and all I wanted was for her to shut up because I had a massive headache.” He chuckled bitterly and glanced at me before turning back to the fire.
“I realised that I shouldn’t have left you. I used Cally as an excuse to leave because I knew that I couldn’t help you. I introduced to my lifestyle, and I couldn’t pull you away from it. That was my fault.”
Jayme was the one who gave me first cigarette, who I went out drink with and who took me to places where I got into fights. His lifestyle was rough and dangerous, but he only skimmed the edges of that world. When he introduced me to it, I got sucked into the middle and couldn’t get out. Didn’t want to get out.
“I’m sorry,” I said. My apology made him look up at me in confusion. “I got angry when you refused to get dragged down with me. I couldn’t handle it and that wasn’t your fault.”
“You don’t need to apologise,” he said. “I could see how much you trusted me and I abused that. At the time I was selfish, and I never should have left you they way you were. How’d you get better?”
“Mitch,” I said, and Jayme laughed.
“I knew that guy was a force to be reckoned with. He hated me.”
“He still does,” I said, laughing softly. “He and Sally made me get my shit together. And Sophie. I realised what and idiot I was.”
“And Alec?” said Jayme softly, looking back at the bonfire. I glanced over at Alec in time to see him quickly look away. I smiled.
“He helped, showed me it was worth it.”
Jayme nodded and pulled out a cigarette. He looked up and me as he went to light it, and being considerate- something that I used to think he was incapable of- he took it out of his mouth and put it back into his pocket.
“I came back to see how you were,” he said softly, and I realised how close together we were standing. I didn’t pull away from him like I thought I would, warning signs didn’t pop up in my head.
“I also wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I would say that if I could go back and chose not to leave that I would. But if I hadn’t have left I don’t think you’d be as happy as you are now. What I would change, though, is how I left. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
I believed him. He was the Jayme that I knew to start off with, the boy I began to fall for. Right then I realised that my feelings towards him hadn’t changed- I’d used anger to cover up the hurt, because he did hurt me. He made me set up the walls and shut everyone out. He made my friends and family work to slowly knock them down.
“I can see you’re happy. I just wished I could have been the one to make this happy.”
Then he kissed me. It was the same as I remembered; his lips were soft and gentle against mine. It was familiar. It was history.
It was over quickly and Jayme pulled away, for once looking a bit sheepish.
“Sorry. I... I’ll leave you alone now,” he said and walked off.
I didn’t watch him go. I just stood there in confusion. Jayme made me feel the way he always did; that kiss was just like I remembered. But I felt no passion. No lust. No overwhelming sense of emotion like I did with Alec-
Oh shit, Alec.
I turned towards him and saw him watching me and the expression on his face was enough to make me move from my shocked standstill. I started to make my way towards him as he stood up. Mitch tried to stop him, but he left and headed towards the car park. I jogged past my friends and headed straight for Alec.
“Alec, I’m sorry, will you just wait and-“
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
He kept walking towards the car park, and I followed closely behind him. I needed him to listen to me. I need to tell him what I now know- what I had always knew.
I tried calling his name a few more times, but he just ignored me. When we reached the car park he stopped and seemed to be frustrated. He probably just remembered that I had drove him here.
“Will you please just take me home?” he asked softly. I was shocked at how calm he sounded.
“Sure,” I said just as softly.
We walked side by side to the car; I realised that it wasn’t worth trying to talk to Alec. I needed to wait until he wanted to listen to me.
We quickly got into the car and started the journey home. The car ride was quiet, but when we pulled up outside Alec’s house I had to try to get him to listen to me one more time. He didn’t give me the chance to talk.
“Do you love him?” he asked, emotionlessly, staring out of the windshield.
“What?” I asked, slightly confused. The emotionless look on Alec’s face was the most hearbreaking thing I had ever seen. Alec was always full of emotion; I had made him block it out and put up walls. Just like Jayme had done to me.
He turned to face me and looked me straight in the eye.
“Do you still love him?”
He couldn’t be serious, could he? I realised that he wasn’t going to move from the passenger seat until he had a serious answer. I frowned and reached out to take his hand, but he pulled away.
“Alec, I just- what do- can we just-“
I should have just said no. Why didn’t I say no? His face changed and I knew I could quite possibly have just lost him completely.
I tried to finish what I was going to say but he didn’t want to hear it. He opened the car door and made his way towards the house as quickly as he could. I quickly got out of the car and tried to catch up with him; but I was too late.
He opened the front door and shut it on me, locking me out.
I rested my hands and forehead against the door and took a deep breath, blinking back the tears.
I made my way back the car and got behind the wheel. I started to drive.
I was half way home when I started to sob. The tears came in floods and I couldn’t breathe. I pulled over to the side of the road and rested my head against the steering wheel.
I was such an idiot.
He’s left you too.
I screamed and started hitting my hands against the steering wheel while sobbing hysterically. I fucked things up. Again.
My phone rang and I took it out of my pocket. It was Mitch.
I tried to get my breathing under control before answering it, but there was no way I could hide my sobs from him.
“I fucked things up,” I said as soon as I answered.
“Where are you?” he asked calmly. I told him the road I was on. “I’m coming to get you, please don’t do anything stupid.”
I rummaged through the glove compartment while I waited for Mitch. The tears didn’t stop. I found some tissues and tried to clean myself up, but I was a mess. I couldn’t get my breathing under control. I needed something to distract me, to calm me down.
I leaned over into the back seat and had a look under the passenger seat. There. I removed one from the packet, found a lighter in the glove compartment and lit it.
I sat back and waited for Mitch, and smoked my first cigarette in over five months.