This novella contains mature language.
Yua closed her notepad and sat back in her desk chair after looking over her notes from the day. None of the typical music came in from under the door. Jaime hadn't played a single record since coming home. She hadn't even left her room unless to get the food left outside of her door by Yua, or use the bathroom and Yua couldn't blame her.
After all her big talk at the hospital, the moment that she walked into Jaime's hospital room and saw the easy affection Jessica Warren gave her, it had been turned to mush. She didn't actually know much about Jaime at all. Jessica obviously did as her ex girlfriend of several years. Perhaps Yua had just kidded herself into thinking there was something more to what was going on with them because of how much she loved it all. Perhaps she had somehow pressured Jaime into something she wasn't even...
No, she knew she hadn't pressured Jaime into anything. Not after the way she spoke to her. Not after the way she touched her like no other could. It felt like it had been months since their mornings of waking up in one another's arms, but it had been exactly five days. Five days of torture on Yua's part and utter shock. Jaime had always chased her, but now, she wasn't.
Not that Yua really felt she had a place to voice her opinion on the matter. Jaime was hurt trying to protect her. She was angry at herself and at Jaime, and it felt all wrong.
What kind of person got angry at someone they cared about over something like a promise Yua knew Jaime couldn't have kept? It was wrong of her to even demand she vow such a thing, but she also felt conflicted on the matter once she learned of Jaime challenging Ryan to a fight. How could she have done that after swearing not to take risks? How could Yua have not seen it coming in the first place? Most importantly, how could she blame Jaime for it when she knew acting first and asking questions later was just how she was built?
She could never hold that against her, but Jaime was a ticking time bomb. She got angry so easily and let it take her over. Yua knew it and still got involved with her based on the fact that she felt safe in her arms and intrigued by her reaction to her. A reaction which she had yet to truly name. She stirred something within Yua no other could. Or at least, that was what she thought until she was able to touch Kevin.
Yua held her hand up and turned it over and over again, examining it. Not just the one time at the hospital, but she patted his shoulder when he came to relay Jaime's condition. None of the burning was there. In fact, it felt pleasant to be able to touch him so casually. With Ryan in custody, her guard was lowered even further and she had chanced the contact. If she were able to touch others besides Jaime, was their connection as strong as she originally believed? She felt cheated out of something and as much as she fought to not be angry at herself and Jaime, she couldn't let it go.
Her fingertips began to itch the longer she stared at them and thought of Jaime, finally realizing the only person whom she wanted to equally embrace and receive tender caresses was different to those she could platonically touch. Something about Jaime was different, yet no matter the different passages she took in her mind to possible answers, she couldn't find a single one. Maybe, the problems with Yua were just too deep, too impenetrable to actually breach and she would never find her real answers. Perhaps, she was a lost cause and now Jaime knew it as well.
Was she even fixable, or was she utterly broken?
Yua's office phone rang and she startled with a small yelp, then picked it up. "Hello. This is the office of--"
"Hey." Jaime's gruff voice came from the other line and Yua stiffened.
"J-Jaime...? What are you doing out of bed? Were you hungry?" She stood and began to gather her things. "You shouldn't be out of bed in your condition. I will be over right--"
"No. Don't."
Yua remained silent as she waited for some kind of explanation, but none came. "What's going on, Jaime?"
"I think...maybe I should stay with Kev for a bit. He's coming over in a little while to--"
"What?"
"Yua..."
"No!" Yua hung up the phone and dropped her things. She ran to the door and through it, to her loft. Once inside, she closed the ashwood door and found Jaime scurrying as fast as she could back to her room, without her cane. "Jaime!"
"Fuck!" She spun around and put her hands out in front of herself, but Yua still walked toward her. "Stay there...!"
The trepidation in her voice was stirring, yet Yua couldn't stop her feet from moving. "No."
"No? Uh... L-Look, I just--" Jaime buckled and slouched against the wall. Everything in Yua told her to catch her fall, but she fisted her hands at her sides and walked closer. For the first time, it felt like Jaime was the one who needed to say if touching was alright. "I just need some time to..." She caught her face in her hands and leaned forward. "I don't know what I'm doing, Yua."
"Not listening to the doctors and walking around when you should be resting? Not going to your physical therapy? Not talking to anyone? Pick one." Yua cast her gaze away and began tapping her fingers along her thighs. "Running away?"
"And you aren't?" Yua turned back toward Jaime and found her face lifted with tears swimming in her eyes. She swallowed and looked back down at her feet. "Yeah. That's what I thought. Kev told me he let you know how I was. He also told me you even touched him. So, I guess you got what you needed from me, right?" Yua gazed upward at her again and opened and closed her mouth several times, but didn't know what to say. The agony on Jaime's face was replaced with a blank stare and she patted her leg a couple times. "It's fine. I-I'm getting better even without the rehab. I'll be out of here soon and y-you won't have to deal with the mess much longer. Glad I could be...o-of service."
She turned and Yua lunged before her mind had a chance to catch up. She was wrong. Touch was always different with Jaime. Everything was different. Maybe Yua was to blame for the air around them or maybe they both were, but all the anger, the hurt... It wouldn't go anywhere unless she put her thoughts to words.
She wrapped her arms around Jaime's middle and held her tightly, but Jaime tried to fight her off. "Stop it... Let me go, Yua."
"No, I won't."
"Yua... This isn't helping and--"
"No." Jaime stiffened for a moment, then leaned back against her just as a knock came from the front door. She sighed and tapped on Yua's hands, but she had to say something, anything to make Jaime hear her. "No, I can't let go. Not with you, Jaime."
She turned in her arms and cupped her face. "Then don't." She pulled Yua in and kissed her. Soon, and astonishingly aggressively, Yua had Jaime's back to the wall and was holding her upright. Yua marveled at her own strength as she surged against Jaime and whimpered with every soft caress of her lips as she gingerly rubbed her thumbs along her cheeks.. "Talk to me, kiss me, but give me something. Please, Yua."
"I can't...let go." She proclaimed against her lips and it was the ultimate truth. All insecurities be damned, all reservations and anger forgotten. They'd both screwed up and had so much to discuss. Yua couldn't lose that chance. She couldn't lose the opportunity to get to know the woman in front of her, know everything she could of her, and have all she could with her. "Jaime..." She wrapped her arms around Yua and winced, making her back up and cup her mouth. "Oh god! Your leg. I'm so sorry, Jaime."
She was pulled into a tight hold and fell against Jaime's chest as someone called from beside them, "The hell is this?" They both pulled apart ever so slightly and spotted Jaime's ex standing next to the kitchen island. Yua suddenly remembered she hadn't locked the door on her way in and pulled further from Jaime's arms, immediately missing them. "Roommates, huh?"
"What are you doing here, Jess?" Jaime asked as she angled herself between her and Yua. Something deep inside Yua's gut cried out and she latched onto Jaime's wrist. "What do you--"
Jaime stopped mid sentence and peered back at Yua as she stepped forward. Yua moved in front of her and took charge of the situation. This time would be different. This time she would be the protector and unafraid.
"Jaime isn't well and you--"
"She looked pretty well off to me just then." Jessica looked at Jaime and shook her head a few times as if she needed time for the idea of them together to sink in. "You can't possibly be serious with this."
"This," Jaime said as she gestured between herself and Yua. "Is none of your business. You should go."
"You heard her." Yua stepped forward and did all she could to come off as firm in her desire as she could. It didn't take much. She knew what she wanted. There was a lot to talk about, and the sooner, the better. "Please, leave my...our home."
"Your home? You actually think she wants to be with you? Someone who's afraid of their own damn shadow?" Jessica replied with a cocky grin. "Why would she bother when--"
"Wrong."
"I'm sorry?"
"You. Are. Wrong." Yua took another step forward and squared off against her. "I'm not afraid anymore. I want to know her, really know her. Jaime means more to me than you could ever imagine, regardless of whatever you say. I won't pressure her. I wouldn't dream of it because what Jaime wants is what is most important to me. She is my person and I'll be damned if I let you threaten me in our home. Now leave," Yua smirked as she added her last part. "Douche canoe."
"You really going to let her fight your--"
"I said leave, Miss Warren." Yua blocked her view of Jaime and felt her hand on the small of her back. She looked over her shoulder and saw a blush creeping across Jaime's cheeks, her eyes growing darker by the minute. Yua peered back at Jessica and took a deep breath. "And do not ever come back. You aren't welcome here."
Jessica snickered and walked toward the front door, then called over her shoulder, "I know where you work, Jay. All I have to do is wait a bit. See you soon. I'm sure dad would love a visit from me."
"And what would your father think of your behavior?" Yua asked as she followed her to the door. She opened it and nodded toward the hallway with a witty smile of her own. "I have spoken with Captain Warren several times since Jaime was hurt, helping with the investigation and all, and I cannot say that he is anything like you."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning I doubt he would approve of your continued harassment of Detective Schmidt. In fact, from the way he speaks of her so earnestly, I expect he would find your current behaviour quite appalling." Yua walked toward her, making her move back and over the threshold and into the hallway with wide eyes. "I do believe he told me to call him if I happened to run into further problems. Wouldn't it be quite the disappointment to find out his own daughter is said problem, harassing my girlfriend and I at our residence?"
"Is that a fuckin' threat, you five-foot-four crazy in a--"
"It may very well be. A blatant one to someone who is trespassing without permission. I may not be a fancy lawyer such as yourself, but I do know how the law works here. You are in the wrong. You need to leave and never come back."
"You don't know the shitstorm you're starting, little one." Jessica seethed with rage and Yua softly smiled as she closed the door in her face. "I'm not finished yet!"
She scoffed as Jessica yelled from the outside hallway, and then locked the door. "Well, I am." She turned and was immediately pushed up against the wall, kissed so hotly she lost all rational thought. When Jaime finally pulled back, they were both gasping for air. Jaime winced and grabbed at her leg, prompting Yua to wrap her arm under her shoulders. "Let's get you back into bed. Jaime, we need to talk, but you also really need to start going to--"
"I will. I promise." Jaime's words made her stiffen a bit as she helped her to her room. "I know I broke my promise before. I did it and didn't even think I was wrong. But...I could have died." Jaime stopped them at the edge of her bed after entering her room and covered her face with her hand. "I could've died, Yua..."
"You didn't. I've got you now. And no, you shouldn't have risked it, but you know what?" She cupped Jaime's face and turned her to look into her eyes. "I screwed up as well. I ran away. When you needed me, my fear got the better of me and--"
"Yua... Don't do that. Don't apologize for me being an asshole."
She grasped Yua's hips and Yua placed a string of kisses along her throat as she whispered, "Just listen to me."
"That's cheating, Doc." Yua smiled against her throat, and then shoved her back onto the bed. Jaime peered up at her in surprise as she lowered herself to lay down beside her. She wrapped her arm around Jaime's waist, her favorite place to hold, and sighed a breath of relief. "You're always surprising me."
"I take that as a compliment." Yua looked up at her and trailed her fingers up and down her cheek as she wrapped her up into her arms. "I was afraid. I was able to touch Kevin and it scared me that this was just something physical. And I hated the way Jessica was with you in the hospital. It made me feel insignificant. I--"
"But you have to know that-- Ow, ow, ow!" Yua pinched her cheek and she grinned even as she claimed it hurt. "Okay, I'm listening."
"I didn't like that you put your life at risk and pulled away, but that was wrong of me." She poked Jaime's dimple, and then ran her fingers over her lips, delighting in the light kisses Jaime placed on them. "No burning. I'm not afraid anymore. I should never have asked you to promise something like that to me. It was completely unfair and for that, I'm sorry. I put you in a bad position. I shouldn't have run away and should have just talked to you like I usually do. However, I also have to say something about your actions."
Jaime swallowed and nodded.
"If we are to make this work, you can't close yourself off either. We both made the mistake of running from this and that is ridiculous." She propped herself up on her elbow and ran her fingers up and down Jaime's defined stomach muscles. "I feel so deeply for you, Jaime. What I said to Jessica is true. You're my person."
Jaime watched her hand with a gentle smile as she replied, "I know."
"We have to be able to talk to each other like we always have." Jaime met her gaze again before she finished with, "No matter what, alright?"
"Okay. And can I say something, too?" Yua nodded and surveyed every part of Jaime's face. "I was wrong for being angry, too. Granted, you not being there after I got hurt, that fuckin' hurt the most. But I know you. Maybe not everything, but I also want to. I won't push you or anyone else away anymore. I'm sorry for being so angry."
"Let's agree that we both made mistakes and we need to work on them. Work on us. Together."
"Agreed."
Yua rested her head along Jaime's shoulder and took in her scent, remembering the first thing that drew them to one another; talking. She let Jaime's smell calm her and felt herself drifting away as soft words carried into her dreams.
"I think...I love you, Yua."