I'm not sure which of us moves first. I'm not sure who grabs who. But suddenly my arms are around Holden's neck and he's lifting me up by the waist and then our mouths are crashing into each other.
We kiss. We kiss like we're making up for all the time we've lost and all the times we'll never take for granted. We kiss like it's the answer to everything and I think maybe it is.
My ankles lock tightly at his back when I feel him moving, taking us somewhere. I don't really care where we're going because I'm too busy pushing my hands into his hair and tilting his head to get as much of his mouth as possible. His lips are soft to the touch but hard in the way they work mine. He controls the kiss the way he tries to control everything else in his life and I let him. I let him because it feels too good to want it any other way.
My back hits something soft as Holden sets me down. Immediately I know it's his bed because I'm suddenly surrounded in his scent. It's like he's everywhere all at once and my pulse thunders with need. I want more of him. So much more.
My hands seek out the hem of his shirt and I tug up. He meets me halfway when he pulls it off so fast I barely register that his lips left mine because they're back just as quickly. The silk of his tongue wraps around mine in soft brushes every time he takes my lips between his. He's not just kissing me anymore—he's ravishing me. With greedy lips, and strong hands cupping my face to pin me right where he wants me, and soft growls of approval coming from the back of his throat whenever a moan escapes from mine. He leaves absolutely no doubt about how much he wants me. I don't think I've ever felt so wanted.
An endless pit forms in my stomach when I feel his hands, hot and strong, sneak under my shirt and graze my skin with a barely-there touch. But it's his touch and I feel it so completely that I writhe because it's almost too much. The pads of his fingers skim up until they knock into the underside of my breasts. My nipples pebble in anticipation when he pauses.
"Are you okay with this?" He asks, voice gravelly. He's just barely pulled back to look at me and his eyes search mine for an answer.
"More than okay," I reassure him.
His thumbs sweep over the swell of my breasts, teasingly close to my nipples, and my mouth parts as a shaky breath breezes past them. Holden watches my reaction with a heavy gaze.
"I'm asking how naked I can get you."
Oh.
My skin actually tingles to the point of pain. My cheeks are on fire when I make myself ask, "how naked do you want me?"
I think my question amuses him. He shakes his head as he places his knees on the bed and climbs over me. All the while his hands won't stop tracing along my chest and taunting me with the things he won't give me yet. I'm a trembling mess when he leans down close enough for me to feel the heat of his bare torso.
"There's not an inch of your body I don't plan on having my mouth on. Do the math."
Holy crap. My throat dries out. "That's a lot of naked."
Definitely amused. His head tilts to the side so his mouth can catch the edge of my jaw. His teeth nip a trail downward until his lips settle on my racing pulse on the side of my neck. He nips that too.
"Is that okay with you?" He repeats.
His fingers have moved to the edge of my breasts now and closer to where I want them. I arch my back and finally, finally, his hands span over both my breasts. He takes them in his hands and catches my nipples between the side of his fingers, tugging. A breathless cry flutters out of me.
"Definitely okay," I almost beg.
And to prove it, I wrap my legs around him and tug his body down the rest of the way. His hardness nestles between my legs and Holden groans, grinding his hips into mine. I no longer feel embarrassed of how badly I want him because I can feel just how bad he wants me too. He's ridiculously hard and big. Huge. He's going to rip me in half and I'm going to like it.
My shirt is pulled off my head so fast I barely have time to process it. As soon as cold hair hits my body, my hands move to cover my midsection instinctively. I have no idea why. It's still really dark in here and the moonlight coming from Holden's windows is faint. It's also been a long time since I was insecure about my stomach. I love the way it looks now. It still has a bit of softness to it that makes my frame curvy but it's toned and generally flat I guess. I'm not self-conscious about it anymore but old habits die hard. I clear my throat a little nervously when Holden grabs my wrists and moves my hands away, refusing to let me hide.
"What?" He questions, peering up at me through his lashes. "Why are you trying to cover yourself?"
"I'm not," I scoff. The heat on my cheek spreads down to my neck guilty. Busted. "I was cold."
"I'm the last person you need to worry around," He continues, totally not believing me. "You never saw it but not once did I have a problem with your body. Not then, not now. You really don't think you're my type?"
I think he meant that question rhetorically so I keep my mouth shut. It's not like I could speak anyways when his lips wrap around my nipple, taking one bud into his mouth. He sucks leisurely, biting around the areola in the most daunting way. I push my fingers into his hair and watch them disappear under the dark strands, watch him lick and bite and suck like he has all the time in the world to do just this. I can barely hold back my moans and I'm close to giving up altogether.
"You think these tits aren't my type?" He murmurs, shifting his mouth to the next one. His middle finger circles the nipple he just abandoned and a breathless cry escapes me. My nails dig into his scalp when the pleasure becomes too much and I think he just learned how sensitive my breasts are because he chuckles. "I can barely hold them in my hand. Can barely fit them in my mouth. Do you know how fucking insane that makes me?"
More rhetorical questions. It's a good thing too because I still can't find my voice so I settle on shaking my head. I don't know if he saw me because I'm not looking at him at all. My head is thrown back and keeping my eyes open is proving to be way too difficult.
"What about these curves?" His whispers move over my skin when his mouth glides down to my stomach. He dips his tongue in my belly button and I squirm. He has to grab the bends in my waist to keep me still. "I like having something to grab onto when I fuck. I like digging my fingers in round hips. You feel so goddamn soft against me."
My muscles start losing their tension as I sag into him. I don't want to cover myself or hide. He likes my body. He really and genuinely likes it. And that makes me want to give it to him.
"What about here?" His mouth reaches the waistband of my shorts and my heart stutters. I know exactly what he's about to do.
So I bring my eyes down and discover that he's already looking at me as his hands grab the hem and slowly pull my shorts off. He takes my panties with them too and my legs clench nervously, involuntarily. The look in his eyes tells me to trust him so I do. When my shorts are off he finally breaks our stare to look at the very centre of me. I swallow hard. His jaw clenches.
"Still no complaints." He takes hold of the back of my thighs and spreads them apart, cursing under his breath. "Fuck, Sierra. Don't even have to touch you. I can see how wet you are for me."
Every part of me grows warmer at his words. My pulse thunders faster and I wonder if he can see that too. "That's great and all but I was really hoping for some touching."
Since I was talking to the ceiling more so than him, I'm not the least bit prepared when I feel something hot and wet enter me. His tongue, I realize, at the same moment a shocked gasp tears out of me. His tongue is inside of me.
"Oh my God." My hands fly to his hair to clutch the strands, needing to grab onto something because my entire body suddenly feels weightless. Like I'm made of nothing at all. But I feel everything he's doing and it's almost too much and my body squirms relentlessly because of it. "Holden."
His tongue slides out of me and I whimper from the sudden loss. His lips gently suck the skin of my inner thighs when he murmurs, "want me to slow down?"
Is he insane? I shake my head again, eyes trained on the ceiling and holding my breath in anticipation.
"Then you need to look at me. Eyes down here, Shortcake."
God, he's as bossy in bed as he is with just about everything else. I shouldn't be surprised. I go up on my elbows in compliance and meet his dark gaze. It feels like he can see right through me and I try not to bristle. "Hi."
Hi? Did I just say hi to him when his mouth is on my vagina? I'm acting like a fumbling virgin and not someone who's had her fair share of acquaintance with the male anatomy. My wince is immediate.
I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure Holden's mouth just twitched. "Look at me while I do this. No hiding. No being shy. Watch me and feel as good as I'm going to try to make you."
Oh. I swallow down my tongue since it decided to stop working on me. "I'll try."
"Good girl," He whispers back and then his mouth is on me again.
I've never done something as intense as this. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to look away because this is too much but I don't. I stay propped on my elbows as I watch Holden eat me out. He keeps his eyes on me the whole time, watching my face for cues.
The flat of his tongue parts me when he drags it up and down and his eyes hood like he's having trouble keeping them open too. God, that's hot. Then his lips move up to wrap around my clit and he takes it into his mouth, sucking it just barely. The slightest touch but it electrocutes my whole body and I jerk, one hand flying to grip his hair again. My mouth drops on its own accord and attempts to pull in air. I'm totally making my orgasm face and he's totally watching it but somewhere between his tongue on me and the intrusion of two fingers in my entrance, I stopped caring. Because he's right—I feel as good as he's making me.
His fingers curl up into a particular spot that makes shocks burst at my knees and my legs start trembling because of it. I try like hell to keep my eyes open, to stay upright. Holden doesn't make it any easier when he starts moving his fingers inside me and curling them in and out. Over and over again until I feel stretched and prodded and sore in the best way. My clit pulses in response, swells in size, and Holden is having way too much fun sucking it like it's his favourite candy.
"Holden." His name sounds like something between a moan and a plea. I can feel my stomach twist painfully and warn me that I'm about to fall apart. "I'm...oh, please."
"Use your words," He demands and takes his fingers out of me. My eyes had drifted shut but they snap back open in alarm. What is he doing! I'm right there. He must see the incredulity on my face because he shrugs, putting his fingers in his mouth instead. Oh, God. He groans deep in his throat at the taste of me, that stupid and arrogant glint flashing across his eyes. "I'm not a mind reader, Sierra. My clients tell me what they need from me and only then do I give it to them. I never try to read between the lines. That's what makes me so good."
I go up on my palms to gape at him. "I am not your client, buddy. And I'm losing my orgasm! Go get it."
He ignores that remark but this time I definitely see his lips twitch. "I'm saying I like verbal guidance. Instructions. So that I never do my job wrong. You might not be my client but making you come is my job now and I'm going to take it very seriously."
My jaw unhinges. Did I hear that right?
Holden's eyes narrow on my lips with a look I've seen before. I've always wondered what made him look at me like that but this time I don't. Because he tells me. "One day, you're going to fuck me with this mouth you can't seem to keep closed."
And I think I torture us both when my jaw drops even further. He curses and suddenly I'm on my back and he's looming on top of me, breathing hard through his nose. My head spins.
"Tell me what you need so I can give it to you." His thumb presses down on my bottom lip to draw it out and then he pushes it into my mouth. He grazes the surface of my tongue with it, head tilting like he's observing me. "We don't fuck until you come first. Consider that a rule of mine. And I really want to be inside of you so stop making me wait."
My heart misses its next beat. So he's big on the dirty talk. I want to be surprised but I'm not. I am excited though and I really want him inside of me too so I take a deep breath and...give him what he wants. "I want you to make me come, Holden. I want to do it with your tongue inside of me and your fingers rubbing my clit because that's what I like best. Will you give me that?"
His palms brace beside me, large forearms obscuring my peripheral until I have tunnel vision and he's all I see. And right now I stare up at him, at the way his hair falls over his forehead and how his eyes flash at my words and how his jaw pulses like he's about to lose it. Then he jerks his head in a nod and his mouth is back on me just as quick.
I'm not quite sure what happened. One second I was falling into the abyss of his eyes and the next, I'm seeing stars and hearing my own heartbeat pound in my ears because I'm coming harder than I ever have. I grab onto the sheets to ground myself and focus on what's happening so I don't miss it. Just like I asked, Holden is skillfully moving his tongue in and out of me while his thumb and index fingers roll my clit for stimulation. My legs are thrown across his shoulders and I dig my heels into deepest arch of his back to remind myself they're there. I can barely feel my legs but I see them trembling when I look down. This time I want to watch. Holden peers back at me through his lashes and we keep our gazes fixed as I writhe and moan and cry out pleas that don't even make sense.
And then it's over and I can't hold myself up anymore. I take away the weight of my elbows and drop back on the bed, trying like hell to catch my breath. I can't feel a single bone in my body. I don't even know what's left of me.
"You're going to have to do all the work," I pant. "When we have sex."
"I always do all the work." I don't need to look at him to know he's smirking. I can hear it in his arrogant voice. "I'm kind of a control-freak like that."
"Really? Hadn't noticed."
His chuckle is followed by a faint ripping noise. A condom. "That's my way of warning you. We'll take it slow and see how much control you're willing to give up to me."
That sounds promising. I've never been one for the whole dominant-submissive scenario but with Holden I don't have complaints. I just know there isn't anyone who could take care of me the way he would. If he's been taking care of me this whole time without me asking, he'll sure as hell take the best care when I do ask. And I think the best thing I can do is allow him to feel in control in return. I understand how much he needs it and love it about him so...yeah, why not?
Strong fingers wrap around my ankles and then my body is tugged down. I yelp when my back slides against his cool black sheets until it's almost at the edge of the bed. Only my legs hang off and Holden lifts them level with his torso. He stands high and tall in front of me and it's the most thrilling feeling I've experienced.
"Tell me one more time," He says softly. God, he looks gorgeous in the moonlight. Deliciously naked. My eyes skim his sculpted torso—broad shoulders, broad biceps, taut abdomen—all the way down to what's between his legs. My breath catches. I was prepared for the size of him but I'm still shocked. I've never had anyone as big as him inside me before. It's a good thing he prepared me well. "You still want to do this?"
The vulnerability in his eyes surprises me. Now that the crazy lusty vibes are gone, we're encased in something more somber. Something real and definite. Because this is it. For so many years we hurt apart, hurt each other, and this will change it all. Change everything.
"No more running," I promise him.
"No more hiding," He promises back.
His fingers lightly skim up my body until he's gripping my hips, and then he pushes into me.
I gasp. He groans. Only the head of him is in and already it's so much. I wait for my body to adjust and he stands still, his slightly tan skin gleaming with sweat. My entrance pulses when I feel pleasure instead of pain and I nod, letting him know to keep going.
Slowly, Holden pushes himself in the rest of the way. With each inch I take I arch higher off the bed, struggling to accept his overwhelming fullness and how good it feels. His fingers dig into my hips when he's all the way in and I feel more stretched than I ever have. I can barely take all of him but I do and Holden groans again, his head falling back. I watch that damn Adam's apple bob and how it nudges a bead of sweat to glide down his chest. I reach my hands forward to touch it. Touch him, the way I haven't been able to. His skin is burning hot and he sucks in a breath when my hands make contact.
"Keep going." I slide my hands to grip the edges of his torso, nudging him forward. "Please."
His muscles bunch and tighten under my palm. He feels so solid and unshakable but he is shaking, albeit slightly, and I think he feels as overwhelmed as I do. I brush my thumbs across his abdomen, trying to calm him down.
Then he's moving. Pulling out of me and slamming back in with one smooth motion. A breathy moan escapes the deepest part of my throat and Holden's head comes back down, eyes wild and dark. They zero in on my lips and he slams into me again. An even louder moan tears out of me and his gaze turns sharper, focused. He's made this his job too and he wants to do it just as well.
He locks my ankles at his back before putting one knee on the bed, changing our angle. He's even deeper this way but he's not hurting me. It's perfect and my face must show that because he stays that way and starts pounding into me. Deep strokes that aren't too fast and take us to where we want to go. I orgasmed not even five minutes ago but heat pools in my stomach and warns me another one is already on its way. Holden uses his hand to keep my leg propped on his hip, his other hand sliding to the back of my neck before he leans down to kiss me.
Kissing him makes the sex so much better. His mouth consuming mine, his body taking mine. My arms wind around his neck to hold him, to ground myself as he continues to slam into me. Our tongues tangle and battle and he tilts his head to get in even deeper. He wants all of me in every way and I give myself up because I always have belonged to him, haven't I?
I cry into his mouth when he suddenly hits a part of me I didn't even know existed. My walls clench around him desperately, wanting him to stay exactly where he is.
He chuckles against my mouth. "I think I just found your sweet spot."
"Very funny, Satan," I mutter back but he's right. He totally found it and I totally appreciate the baker pun.
"Fuck," He groans into my neck and all traces of humour are gone. "The way you feel...I've tried not to feel for you but...there's never been anyone but you, Sierra."
My chest pulses and I know he can feel it because it's plastered against his. I can't believe how blind I was. My insecurities ate me alive and made me bitter. Holden was never my enemy. I remember all the little pieces I'd forgotten or maybe chose to forget—how he always complimented the way I looked while we waited for the bus, how every time some dude at school made fun of me they'd coincidentally have a black eye the next day, how I'd catch him staring at me sometimes but always thought it was in disgust or embarrassment. My perception of the world was shattered and I lost him because of it.
"I might have ran but I took you with me," I admit, my voice wavering. "You always had me, you dumb asshole."
He mouths comes back to mine and he kisses me harder, fucks me harder. I grip him tight and he holds me back and then we both fall apart. My walls squeeze him when my release slams into me and he curses, jerking his hips into mine when he comes undone a moment later. He kisses me through it all like his life depends on it, hand tightening on the back of my nexk. I take the strands of his hair between my fingers and hold on for dear life while I shake and tremble.
And then it's all over, but it's still the beginning of everything.
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A/N
I bet y'all were shook at the title reference, weren't you? LITTLE DID YOU KNOW.
But can we take a moment to talk about how HOT these two are? And how SWEET Holden is? The way he reassured Sierra and made her feel comfortable and cherished. THIS IS THE KIND OF SMUT I LOVE. Because realistically most of us want reassurance and we're not all comfortable with our bodies during intimacy. I loved writing this sex scene so much more than my previous ones.
Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!
Happy Reading :)