I kissed him. Out of all the things I could've ever done to account for in that situation I kissed him. Before I knew it, I was in his arms by the lake in dancing snow and a glistening happenstance.
Perhaps it was my daring capability of finding the romance in everything and my desperation for it, but something pulled me right back to him. I figured something was horrible when I started feeling butterflies in my stomach at the mere thought of him. What I didn't know was the fact that it was a horrible right to feel that way.
I smile, feeling the small waves of the car and listening to the soft humming of the radio while Matteo drove us back.
After we kissed not much was said but the look in our eyes said more than enough. A dreamscape wrote on a winter day. This type of thing never made it out of my journal or romance books yet here we are.
What now? Yes it was a kiss and something was there but, we were too beguiled to even speak of it. The pit in my stomach surely isn't having the best of it either. I sighed, turning to the driver of this ride.
His peaceful now, relaxed with his eyes fixed on the road. I watched his lips fight off a smile as he turned to look at me. He was right when he said he sucked at emotions but who could blame him? A month ago this same guy would've been throwing stones at me, laughing at my inability to curse or my overly perfectionistic lifestyle. If you had told me a week ago that this same guy would act so gently then I would've wished you straight to hell.
"So," I started, fiddling with my fingers, looking down, "what are we?"
He stops at the red light, turning to me with a face of uncertainty. My heart stops.
"I don't know," he looks away in dismay. I frowned at his response but didn't think much of it. Frankly, I don't know what we are either.
I chuckled nervously as the greenlight blinked and said, "are...are we gonna figure it out or—"
"Evie, I—trust me when I say I'm not good with shit like this. I'm sorry." He cuts me off to my surprise, "every time I start to love someone, things turn and goes to hell, that's why I end up—"
"Whoa, whoa, what?" I flailed my hands around erratically, "who said anything about love?"
As soon as the words left my mouth, Matteo hits the break to fast that I almost hit the dashboard. Thereby the gas stop, we were stagnant. The realization hits us like a wall and we both stare into the void. The engine roared; the only sound there is besides the traffic outside the misty window. The radio stopped now.
Then the atmosphere between us shifted to something ominous. Like words want to be said but not one of us can have the courage. I just sat there, my heart attempting to run away from me while my fingers danced in circles in an attempt to calm.
Everyone knows loving and liking is a polarity.
"Evie, you know what I meant." He turned, "the moment I try to work something out with someone, I become the weakling. I become blind and forgiving. Do you know how many of those I've wasted on others? Why do you think I'm such a fucking monster?" My eyes widened at his admittance. His eyes were wild while his finger pointed to him, mocking himself.
His eyes were glassy, waiting for my response but I couldn't just dig it out of nowhere. The words he uttered were so raw that I am sure he's never said anything like that before and that scares me. With his experience in this and my lack thereof, neither one of us exactly knows what this is; we just have to figure it out somehow.
I smiled faintly before grabbing his cold hand into mine, watching as his tensed body relax and said, "You, obviously, have done the whole relationship thing before. I haven't. We don't have to rush into it, no attachment, no labels. Let's just figure it out, ok? We don't have to tell anyone." I assured him.
He only stares at me in disbelief before leaning in and planting his soft lips on my hand that held his, like a seal of approval.
"You are unbelievably patient for someone who has been desperate for a Darcy, you know that right?" He whispered before chuckling and starting the car back up again.
"Hey now, don't ruin it," I said making him chuckle as we headed back to the road. I eased myself into the seat having been assured that at least we are on the same page but of course, there are a few doubts.
After the long drive back to the dorms, we arrived in the darkness. A few college kids roamed the streets, drunk or sober both kind enjoying the first hints of winter. Matteo opened the door for me, reminding me of what had happened and how quickly things changed, butterflies fluttered once again.
We both agreed not to tell anyone, Matteo agreed and so did I. We both wanted this but then, seeing Danica sat by the bed watching as the two of us walk in, the realization of how hard this would be, came to light.
"There you are, I didn't know where you disappeared off to," she jumped up, her hoodie dropping down as she came and hugged me. "Hey, Matteo, where'd you take my girl?" She queried, squinting at him.
I walk to my bed and watched as the cold-hearted Matteo seemed to appear again. I got whiplash from how quick he did that.
"It was just some assignment for our philosophy class," he said and was surprised there was no insult, "if only I didn't have to listen to her speak Aristotle for that long. I was ready to strangle myself." There it is.
Dani placed both her hands on her hips like a mother on guard. She then turns to me with raised brows before shrugging and walking off to her bed as though she believed it.
Matteo mouths an apology as he leaned on the door frame and I almost laughed when Danica caught my eye. Man, this might be harder than I thought.
"Also, you might hate it but while you were gone your mother called," Dani said, opening her laptop as she slid into her blanket.
My face drops at the mention and even Matteo clenched his jaw.
Oh God, if mom and dad found out then they'll kill me.
"Did you answer?" I asked with urgency, going to my desk and finding my phone.
"No, dummy. I would never speak to your psycho of a parent, you know that."
Five missed calls. That's a great start.
"Why don't you just leave if you have big issues with them?" Matteo intervened, popping down on my bed and relaxing like it's his. I'm too caught up and stressed to even actually care.
"Because I physically can't." I insisted, wishing my phone away, "they pay for me to live. I'm dependent on them and they made it that way. I can't do much if I tried."
"So?" He raised a brow and I watched as Dani side-eyed, intrigued by his investment. "You've got friends for a reason, sure they can help."
"Yeah, right. I assure you, being a burden to someone else is not on my bucket list." I scoffed. Turning to my desk, preparing to call back.
"One, you aren't calling them, and two, I can help."
"No, Matteo. No. There is just no way that I'm putting my baggage in some else's cart. I'm enough by myself, without the expenses. Thanks but no." I replied, making sure that my faux annoyance is evident for Dani to see.
I saw the glint of disappointment and impatience in Matteo's eyes as he crossed his arms and glared at Dani. Probably because he knew there's only some way he can react to not make anything obvious.
"Suit yourself, missy," he scoffed and I looked down.
I know it's all an act but that brings back enough memories to make me remember who exactly I'm dealing with.
As he utters his dissatisfaction, I watched him close the door and leave. Leaving me to my doubts.
Should I be trusting him so much because of the things he said and the way he said them? Because one thing I learned about being a hopeless romantic is, some things are just too good to be true.
I slam the door close, huffing as I hit my stirring wheel. I know it was an act, it should've been. But if it weren't then would she have agreed?
Of course, she wouldn't. For all, I know she doesn't even trust me the way I hope she did. Why would she? There's no reason for her to trust a kiss or label it in the first place. As she said, no attachments, no labels. I agreed with her when she spoke of the conditions and I know exactly what I agreed on.
So why the hell am I so hung up on such a small thing.
Knowing me, before I burst into flames from my own self-loathing and doubts, I turn the engine on and drove off. Hoping that by the morning I'm over my old ways. Maybe I'll visit her in the morning before school. Who knows?
When I arrived back at the frat house, I was exhausted. Not once did my mind alter from either the thought of Evangeline or the thought of her declining my advances. I wanted to slam something, throw a glass to a wall just to relieve myself but I know I should hold off. Things have never been better and now that I have the one thing I've been dying to have, I don't want to do anything to screw it up.
"Cadwell!" I hear Axel's penetrating voice through the halls just as I was headed to my room. I rolled my head, turning to face him in reluctance only to find a bunch of envelopes in his hand.
I frown at him as he says, "here's your mail," he hands it to me but I keep my hands in my pockets.
"You know the drill about my mail," I reminded him. Always throw 'em out was my rule. I didn't care who they were from or what they were. This way I didn't have to hear from anyone back in Italy; even if they tried.
"Well, this one begs not to be thrown," he raised a brow, picking one red, thick envelope and handing it to me. I tensed at the sight of the seal, an Italian emblem from our company of course. Just the sight of it makes me want to strangle myself.
I took it with hesitation, scanning it for any other name than mine but found nothing.
What could they possibly want from me now?
Deciding not to argue for much, I dropped my hand, waving Axel away to throw the other junk letters as I headed to my room. I slammed the door close, locking it before hastily ripping the packet open. There, I find a letter addressed to me, written in Italian with more than enough problems to be dealt with:
Dear Mr. Sorrentino
I hope this letter finds you well. This comes to you in the light of recent events here in Sorrentino Enterprises. As you know, so long as your father passed, the company has been held by your uncle, Alejandro. However, as of March this year, abnormalities have been detected within our contacts and we are afraid we may need you back here. Your holdings and the company itself are facing threats bigger than we had imagined in your father's lifetime. And we have our suspects.
The inability to come back here may result in you losing your holdings in the enterprise or being completely cut off. We have too many connections outside Italy and I'm afraid that's starting to cost us more than we could pay for in damage control.
We expect to hear from you by March, if not, then we may have to decide for ourselves.
Kind regards,
Chief Of Security
Massimo Estorini