"That book flip though Mendel." Cordelia stated, raising an eyebrow.
Mendel laughed, "I can't actually do that." Trina chucked.
[JASON]
My father's a homo
Jade laughed, "Hah! Jason you can't say that!"
My mother's not thrilled at all
Father homo:
What about chromosomes?
Do they carry?
Will they carry?
Who's the homo now?
My father said that one day I'll grow up to be president
And that idea's not so wild
I don't live the life of a normal child
Issie snorted at On Stage Jason, "What was that spin?"
'Cause I'm too smart for my own good
And I'm too good for my sorry little life
My mother's no wife
Trina gasped and looked at Jason, who avoided eye contact and decided that the floor was very interesting to look at.
And my father's no man
No man at all!
Marvin sighed, Whizzer rubbed his arm comfortingly.
[TRINA, spoken]
Honey, why don't you go out and play?
[JASON, spoken]
No
(Jason begins to play chess with himself. Quickly playing one side, turning the board, moving a piece, turning the board again, etc.)
Whizzer frowned. "How in the world are you playing chess by yourself?" he asked confused. Jason just laughed.
[TRINA]
Sweetheart, I worry
Sweetheart, I do
I worry a lot
I worry a lot
I worry a lot
(spoken)
I could take you to the Jewish center?
Whizzer laughed at how boring that sounded, Marvin rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.
[JASON mocks throwing up.]
"Yeah, exactly."
[TRINA]
I think you like playing chess alone
That's not normal
[JASON]
What is normal?
"Oooo." Jade sang, causing Trina to glare at them, shutting them up. "Sorry."
[TRINA, spoken]
I wouldn't know
"That kinda sad tho." Issie stated quietly to Jade.
(sung)
Why don't you speak on the telephone
With anyone, just get a friend—
Anyone
Darling, please, see a psychiatrist
He's quite a guy
And I admire how he acts
No one is saying you're a sick neurotic
But you could find some help
Hear me out, please
Yes, you could find some help
He could help you realize
How confused you are!
Yes, it's very clear:
Daddy's sincere
But a schmo!
You and I must trust our emotions
Make no commotions
Will you go?
[JASON, spoken]
No!
Whizzer laughed even louder.
[MARVIN]
Jason, please see a psychiatrist
He's just a psychiatrist
I'll pay the bill until you're old
"See! Marvin agreed!" Trina frantically points to the screen. Mendel just taps her leg.
[MARVIN]
Jason
Please see
A psychiatrist
He's just
A psychiatrist
I'll pay the
Bill
Until
You're old
[TRINA]
Darling please listen
To your father here
He's not a genius type
Lord knows, but he
Knows what's true
He chose a man who I
Think knows the answers
To all your problems
Mendel understands
What's bothering you
[JASON]
No
I won't go
I will not go
Never never
Never never
Never never
Never
[JASON, spoken]
Forget it
"Too many voices." Whizzer groans, leaning his head on Marvin's shoulder.
[ALL]
What a mess this is
This family!
Experts can see
This is so!
[Photo flash; they all make faces like a parody of a happy family portrait, then relax.]
"I would pay to see that picture!" Cordelia joked.
Photographs can't
Capture our magic
We're simply tragic!
[MARVIN AND TRINA]
Will you go?
[JASON, spoken]
No
Whizzer lifted his head from Marvin's shoulder. "Wow, you really needed my help huh?" he stated, earning a flick to the forehead from his boyfriend and an eye roll from Trina.
[MARVIN AND TRINA]
Jason, please see a psychiatrist!
He's not—
[JASON]
I won't say boo!
[MARVIN AND TRINA]
—exorbitant
And he's very smart!
[JASON]
If intelligence were the only criteria
Then I wouldn't really need a psychiatrist, would I?
[TRINA, spoken]
No
[JASON]
Would I?
[MARVIN, spoken]
No
[JASON]
Just because you failed as parents...
"Oof." The hosts wince.
[TRINA]
...Get thee to a psychiatrist!
[MARVIN]
Hey, kid, listen—
[JASON]
I don't need—
[TRINA AND MARVIN]
He needs a psychiatrist!
[JASON]
I want—
[TRINA AND MARVIN]
A psychiatrist!
[JASON]
I wanna speak with Whizzer!
"Woo!" Cordelia cheered for her best friend.
[MARVIN]
Speak with whom?
"Fuck off with your perfect grammar Marvin." Whizzer mumbled, Marvin chuckled.
[JASON]
With Whizzer
[MARVIN]
With Whizzer?
[TRINA]
With Whizzer
[JASON]
With Whizzer
Whizzer and Jason smile widely at each other.
[MARVIN, spoken]
Oh my god
(fun fact; when i finished listening to falsettos, my best friend asked me what i thought the best part was, so i sent her the link to this song, and the timestamp of this next part. she just responded with "valid.")
[TRINA, MARVIN & JASON]
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Cordelia sang along in the last 'Whizzer!'.
[Whizzer kneels between Marvin and Jason.]
[JASON]
Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?
[WHIZZER]
I'm not sure, Jason
Jason, maybe so
Absolutely, Jason
"Wow, that head flick is the height of comedy." Mendel stated. (absolutely nothing better than that)
[JASON]
...Okay, I'll go
[WHIZZER]
He'll go
[JASON]
I'll go
[TRINA]
He'll go!
[JASON]
If he comes here
[MARVIN]
If he comes here?
[TRINA]
He might come here
[MARVIN]
They don't make house calls
[Whizzer's watch alarm begins beeping.]