Author's Note: Surprise, it's here! Since the last chapter was so short I wanted to get this one out early. I hope y'all enjoy it, cause it's probably my favorite chapter so far!
The first thing you're aware of is the pain.
Your head is throbbing and your throat is dry and scratchy. Your ribs feel like you've been run over by a truck.
The second thing you're aware of is a cramp in your hand. Someone is squeezing it so tightly your fingertips are numb.
You try to open your eyes but they resist and stay firmly closed. Your mouth refuses to open either. You panic briefly.
Why can't I move? Am I paralyzed? Am I dead?
You hear a beeping noise to your right and would have jumped out of your skin if you could, you know, move.
"Her heart rate is through the roof." Someone comments. "Is she having a nightmare?"
You focus all your energy on wiggling your fingers. It seems like hours pass but you finally manage to squeeze the hand holding yours.
"She squeezed my hand. Just now, I felt a squeeze."
Aaron. You recognize his voice instantly.
"Are you sure?" And Emily.
"Y/N, can you hear me? Squeeze again if you can hear my voice."
You manage a second squeeze.
"She did it again. Baby, are you awake?" You hear a crack in his voice.
Oh no, he's upset. Is he crying? Aaron, I'm okay. I have to open my eyes. I have to tell him I'm okay.
You try again, desperately willing your eyes to open. When they don't, you let out a frustrated grunt.
Fucking damn hell shit!
"Did you hear that? She's trying to talk! Y/N, we hear you. Can you hear us?"
Yes Emily you damn big mouth. You're yelling in my ear of course I hear you!
You're so tired. You fight against the sleepiness trying to overtake you again.
No no no I need to let Aaron know I'm okay.
You summon all your strength and focus on opening one eye.
Come on you dumb bitch, open just a little bit, damn it, come on, open, open-
Both eyelids lift and you wince as the light hits them. Ouch.
"Her eyes are open!" Emily screeches, and you flinch. "Her eyes are open!"
Your vision slowly clears and you see her and Hotch hovering over you. Your heart sinks when he comes into full focus. He looks exhausted and his eyes are red from crying.
"Baby, can you hear me?"
You blink.
"I'm gonna get the doctor." Emily tells him.
She sprints from the room and Aaron starts peppering your face with gentle kisses. "Thank God. I was so worried you weren't gonna wake up."
You try to speak once more. "Aaronnnn." You manage to croak.
His megawatt smile makes your heart flutter. "I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere."
"Spp...Spp-"
"Spencer's fine. Everyone's fine, just worried sick about you. I feel like I've been holding my breath the past five days and I can finally breathe again."
Five days? I've been unconscious for five days?
Another man is suddenly hovering in your line of vision. "I'm Doctor Oberton, Y/N. Can you follow my light with your eyes?"
You struggle to do as he says. He takes your hands and asks you to squeeze them. You manage to give one small squeeze.
"You're doing so good, baby." Aaron encourages.
"Y/N, can you feel this?"
You feel a tingling sensation on the bottom of your foot and nod.
"Now on the right?"
You nod again.
"That's great, Y/N. You're doing very well. Now, can you tell me where you are?"
"Hosp...hosp..."
"That's good, don't strain yourself. This is excellent progress."
"She's okay, right?" Emily asks worriedly. "She's not speaking well."
"Her throat is probably dry and sore from the tube we had to place for surgery. It may take a few more days for her voice to come back completely. The most important thing is that she rests and doesn't try to overdo it."
"Good luck convincing her that." Aaron mutters and your eyes flicker to him.
Shit. He's mad at me. Almost dying didn't get me off the hook.
He takes your hand again and you squeeze it as hard as you can. His eyes shoot up to your face and you scowl at him then roll your eyes.
He looks surprised, then chuckles. "Knock it off, you little asshole. Get some rest."
You use the last of your strength to stick out your tongue before passing out once more.
____________________
When you awaken later, it's much easier to open to your eyes and move around some. You glance down and see Aaron seated to your right, his head resting on the bed. His fingers are laced with yours and even in his sleep he's lightly stroking your thumb.
You stay quiet and let him rest. He looks so tired, the dark circles under his eyes are more prominent than usual and his forehead is furrowed.
Emily steps into the room and you motion for her to stay quiet. She grins from ear-to-ear when she sees you moving around.
"The doctor weaned you off some of your pain meds; looks like it really made a difference!" She whispers, sitting on the other side of the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Sore, but I think I'll live. How's Spencer? What happened to Alex?"
"Spencer is fine, he had a mild concussion. Alex is in jail, no one will bond him out. Of course he was in the hospital a few days from the beat-down Hotch put on him."
"I'm glad."
"Other than checking on Jack, he's not left your side, girly."
You look down at him and frown. "He's gonna be so pissed at me."
"He's just grateful you're okay, Y/N. Trust me. The man has been a wreck."
Aaron stirs and lifts his head.
"Y/N?"
"Hi."
"Hi." He smiles sleepily.
"I'll let the doctor know you're awake again." Emily says before leaving the room to give you and Aaron some privacy.
"How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, honestly. My head hurts and my side is a little sore."
"You had a skull fracture and three broken ribs. When they were doing surgery to repair the damage to your skull you had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. They were worried for a little while that you..." He trails off, then clears his throat. "They thought you might not wake up."
"Aaron-"
"And if you did, you might have deficits."
"I'm fine. I feel fine." You reassure him, running a hand over his forehead. "You don't have to worry about me."
"All I do is worry about you, baby."
There's no malice to his words but they still sting you a little.
Of course you do, because I'm such a fuck-up.
"I'm sorry. I know I've been a real burden." You whisper. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just couldn't wait on Derek. It was Spencer, Aaron."
He shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about that. It's not important. I just want to focus on you getting better and getting to come home, okay?"
"Aaron, I know you're upset with me. It's understandable."
"Enough. I said it doesn't matter." He waves a hand dismissively.
You want to protest but the doctor comes in. He's an older man with a large belly and an even bigger smile.
"How are we feeling today, Y/N?"
"Oh just peachy, doc."
"Let's go over the same tests as before." He shines a light, has you follow his finger, then check your reflexes.
"Do you know where you are?"
"Hospital."
"And why are you in the hospital?"
"Some douche bag gave me a skull fracture."
Emily snorts.
"Ah, well, that's the gist of it, from what I've been told." He smiles kindly. "Are you in any pain?"
"Just my head, a little. I don't want to be on anything that'll knock me out, though."
"We can try a mild pain reliever and go from there. At some point today I'd like to send PT in here to get you out of bed."
"Can I take a shower?"
He shakes his head. "I think it may be a little too soon for that."
"I feel gross."
"We can have a nurse give you a bed bath but for now I'd rather you not push yourself too far physically."
A bed bath? Ew. No.
"I'd like you to start on clear liquids today: broths, ginger ale."
"I want a burrito." You mutter.
"Y/N. Stop giving Doctor Oberton a hard time." Aaron scolds you. "He's done an excellent job with your care so far."
"I'll check back in on you in a little bit." The doctor pats your knee and leaves the room.
"I'm gonna call everyone and let them know how you're doing." Emily offers. "Do you want me to tell them to wait on visiting?"
"No, but let them know I stink and look like death."
She steps out once more.
"Y/N, I know you've been through a lot, but you could lose the attitude with the doctor. He saved your life."
"I just want a shower and some real food, Aaron. I feel fine."
"Well you're not fine! You just had head surgery after being attacked by a lunatic. So shut up, take the damn bed bath, eat the damn broth, and do what the damn doctor says." He snaps, glowering at you.
Uh-oh.
The look on his face is unreadable. As quickly as he snapped at you, he's back at your side, smiling warmly.
"I just want you to be okay." He presses a kiss to your cheek. "Please, listen to your doctor, Y/N."
You nod slowly. "I will."
"I have to go check on Jack but I'll be back in an hour or so. Have Emily call me if you need anything, okay?" He drops a light peck on your lips.
"Okay. Be safe."
He leaves and Emily returns a few minutes later.
"Everything alright with Hotch?" She asks. "He seems tense."
"I really don't know. One minute he's sweet and concerned, and the next he looks like he wants to bite my head off."
"He's just processing everything, Y/N. He was terrified he was going to lose you. You have to know by now that he's crazy about you."
You smile softly. "I'm in love with him, Emily. I haven't told him yet, but I'm so in love with him."
"Honestly, I figured." She chuckles. "I think he feels the same way."
"I know you told me not to fall for him-"
"Forget what I said." She interrupts. "I was projecting my own issues onto your relationship. I'm happy for you, both of you."
"Happy enough to help me get a shower?" You question hopefully.
"Haha. Nice try girly, but Aaron told me to tie you to the bed and force-feed you chicken broth if necessary."
You change the subject. "Is the team coming?"
"A team of unsubs with machine guns couldn't keep them away. Spencer and Penelope have actually been by a few times. The room beautification was all her."
You glance around. A light pink throw was resting over the lower half of your legs. On the nightstand beside you were various pictures of the team, and there were several different bouquets of flowers scattered around the room.
"Wow, she certainly knows how to make a hospital a home."
"I imagine she'll bring even more stuff with her when she visits again. She was talking about hanging tapestries when she left the other night."
You laugh and let out a small groan as pain shoots through your side.
"Are you okay?" Emily asks, alarmed. "Are you hurting?"
"Just my side, and not too bad. Only when I breathe or talk or laugh."
She shakes her head. "Y/N, don't downplay your pain when the doc asks. If you need something for it, you need to tell him."
"I don't want to be knocked out again." You protest. "I can take a little pain."
"Fine, but if it gets to be too much you better speak up." She scolds. "I don't want you to lie there hurting."
"I bet a hot shower would help with the pain." You suggest with a sheepish grin.
She chuckles. "You just don't know when to quit."
____________________
Later that night, you're alone in your room. The team had come and gone, bringing flowers and hugs. Even Spencer had squeezed you until you couldn't breathe and told you he loved you.
You toss and turn, wondering where Aaron could be. Derek had brought your phone and it was fully charged, but Aaron hadn't called or sent any texts.
You try to turn over and your hair brushes against your fingers.
Ugh, it feels like pine straw.
A nurse had come in to bathe you but you had dismissed her and washed up yourself. It wasn't the best bath, but it was something. Your catheter had been taken out for physical therapy but you now had to resort to bed pans, as they didn't feel you were strong enough to walk to and from the bathroom.
You feel sweaty and sticky. Sitting upright, you kick off your covers and stand slowly.
I have to get a shower, I just have to. I have never felt so gross in my entire life.
Holding on to the wall and your IV pole, you guide yourself slowly into the bathroom and cut on the shower.
How the hell am I gonna shower with an IV in?
You think for a moment, then shut the machine off and pull the IV out of your arm.
Ouch.
Slipping off your gown, you step under the warm water and let out a moan of pure contentment. To your relief, Penelope had unpacked your to-go bag and your toiletries were lined up in a neat row on the sink. You reach out of the shower and attempt to grab your shampoo.
When you straighten back up, your vision goes fuzzy. You blink and take a step back, grabbing the shower curtain as you slip and tumble to the floor.
"Shit!"
You look around for something to pull yourself up with. There's a cord dangling that would summon a nurse but you don't want anyone to know you broke the rules. They can figure it out when they notice your IV is out. You sit for a few moments trying to catch your breath. Your side and head are throbbing.
I definitely overdid it. What a clusterfuck.
You must have nodded off or passed out. You open your eyes and struggle once more to stand, getting almost halfway up before exhaustion kicks in and you land back on your ass.
You're debating pulling the damn emergency cord when Aaron's head pops in the door.
"Y/N?"
"I'm in here."
His mouth falls open. "Y/N, what the hell happened? Are you alright?"
He scoops you from the tub and sits you on the toilet, surveying you for injuries.
"What the fuck were you trying to do?"
"I wanted a shower." You whimper. "I slipped."
"You got in the tub by yourself? After you were told not to?"
"I couldn't sleep because I felt so gross." You try to explain. "A bed bath didn't help."
"Goddamnit Y/N, you little idiot. You could have really hurt yourself!" He snatches a towel off the wall hook and starts to dry your hair. "You never listen to anyone. You always think you know best. When are you going to stop acting so damn stupid?"
You blink, startled. "I'm sorry. I know I should have listened to the doctor.""
"Yeah, you should have, but you don't think! You just do whatever you want to do and then everyone around you is stuck dealing with the consequences. What if you'd broken your neck?"
The anger in his voice makes you nervous. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you're sorry. Until you do the next stupid thing. God, baby, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" He pulls you upright and starts toweling off your body. "I think you're trying to kill me, Y/N, I really do."
"I didn't mean to." You mumble. "Please don't be mad at me."
"I'm fucking furious with you, Y/N, and not just for the shower."
He's mad that I didn't wait for back-up. He's mad that I got myself hurt.
"The very first thing I taught you. What was it?" He demands. "Answer me."
"Wait for back-up." You admit softly.
"Exactly. You don't listen. Teaching you has been a waste of time. You're always going to do what you want to do, even if you get yourself hurt or killed." He kneels on the floor to dry your calves.
Normally, this is the part where your temper would flare and you'd tell him off or cuss him out.
Normally.
Instead, you start to cry. Aaron looks up from drying your feet.
"Y/N?"
You shove him away and sit back down on the toilet, burying your face in your hands. He tries to wrap his arms around you, but you push at him and yell.
"No, don't touch me!"
"Stop. Stop, baby, stop."
You let out a sob and let him pull you into his chest. He strokes your hair and back while you whimper.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that. I'm just mad. I was so scared, Y/N. When I saw you on the floor and you were bleeding, you don't know how terrified I was. Then the doctor said you might not wake up. I felt like the ground was falling away underneath my feet."
"I never meant for you to worry. I just had to get to Spencer. He's my best friend." You sob uncontrollably now, your tears staining his shirt.
"I know. You have such a good heart. I know you were just trying to save him."
"I listen to you, I promise I do. You're a good teacher." You wail. "You've taught me so much."
"Shh, shh, baby, please stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Y/N. Don't hate me, please don't hate me."
"You called me stupid." You sniffle.
"You're not. You're a brilliant woman who sometimes does stupid things."
"You said I'm a waste of time."
"I didn't mean it, baby, any of it." He swears.
"You said you're furious with me."
"I'm not. I'm not." He pleads.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Both of you freeze.
Neither of you speak for several minutes. You aren't sure what to even say.
Oh God. I said it. I said it.
He said it, too.
You wait to see if he'll repeat himself. He doesn't say a word.
Finally you whisper that you're cold and he quickly stands, lifting you into his arms and carrying you out of the bathroom. Placing you on the bed, he digs through your bag for a pair of panties and an oversized shirt, standing you up and dressing you quickly. He hits the call light for the nurse and you wince as he chews her out for not checking on you.
"I want a new nurse for her and I want her IV replaced. NOW."
She nods and scampers from the room.
"It wasn't her fault."
His death stare shushes you up.
Another nurse rushes into the room, offering apologies. She accesses you for injury and replaces your IV. "We'll put her on fifteen minute watches if needed. Just let us know when she's going to be alone."
"Make it five minute watches. She can get in a lot of trouble if given more than that."
You glare at him.
The nurse apologizes once more and leaves the room.
"I want to brush my teeth."
His eyes narrow. "Lay down."
You quickly do as he says, not wanting to anger him again. He disappears into the bathroom and returns with your toothbrush and a cup of water.
You brush your teeth, then rinse and spit. "Thank you."
He nods and heads to the bathroom once more. When he returns he takes his seat beside you.
"I'm sorry I was so late getting back. Jack has a science project due tomorrow that he didn't tell me about until the last minute."
"How is Jack?"
"He's fine. Getting excited for Halloween."
"Me, too. It's my favorite holiday."
He smiles. "Why am I not surprised? I bet you dress up and everything."
"Indeed I do."
"Are you tired? Sore?"
"A little bit of both, honestly. I'm fine by myself though, if you need to leave."
"I'm not leaving you alone again, period. You might blow the hospital up."
"That chair can't be comfortable."
"Then scoot over."
You move to the edge of the bed and he climbs in beside you. "Mind your side." He warns.
"I'm fine."
His arms loop around your shoulders and you snuggle into his chest. You start to fall asleep almost instantly.
"I've missed this." He says softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Me too."
"I'm really sorry for the things I said, Y/N. You didn't deserve any of that. If the situation were reversed I would have done the same thing. Spencer is family."
"I'm sorry, too. I know you were scared for me."
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
"Probably lower your blood pressure." You yawn.
He chuckles. "You're worth the stress, Y/N. I hope you know that."
"I'm really not, but it's sweet of you to say so."
You feel sleep threatening to overtake you.
"Aaron?"
"Hmm?"
"I am so in love with you."
"You are?"
"Mm-hmm. It's okay if-" You yawn. "It's okay if you don't feel the same way."
"Y/N, I-"
You're asleep before you can hear his response.