Carson Hughes
Spending the afternoon alone in my house wasn't something I usually did, so when I told Logan I couldn't go to his house on Monday afternoon, he was undoubtedly confused. However, he didn't question me as he and the others went over to his house.
It wasn't that I necessarily wanted to avoid Vinny after what had happened over the weekend, but I knew it would be hard to keep myself from trying to see him if I was there. I had decided I would wait for him to come to me, so staying out of his house was the easiest way to keep myself from breaking the promise I made to myself.
What I didn't expect was a knock on my door in the afternoon, and opening it to see a winded Vinny with his cheeks flushed and his breathing heavy.
"Did you run here?" I asked him with an alarmed look.
Vinny nodded and I ushered him inside.
"Why?" I wondered.
"I was on a run and just kinda ended up in your neighborhood," Vinny explained, his breathing evening out. "I know what it sounds like but I'm not kidding."
A minuscule smile spread on my lips as I realized Vinny seemed to have gone back to normal. He didn't seem to be in the spirits he was over the weekend, with sunken eyes, pale skin, and a look of emptiness.
"Can we talk?" Vinny asked in a low voice.
He looked uncomfortable even saying that. He was never the one to start the conversations between us, but it seemed as if he knew he had to start this one. If there was anything I knew for sure about Vinny it was that he hated being vulnerable, and by the look on his face, that rang true.
Vinny nervously took his bottom lip between his teeth as he waited for my response.
"Of course," I told him, leading him into the living room, the two of us sitting side my side on the couch.
He was silent for a few moments as if trying to gather his thoughts and grasp at the right words to say. I waited as patiently as I could, knowing opening up, like he was about to do, was difficult for him.
"On Saturday, I wasn't feeling well," Vinny started. "I felt like shit."
"I could tell."
Vinny's eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn't direct his glare at me. It was almost like it was inward, directing it at himself.
"Sometimes I get like that and I can't help it," he explained, directing a wide eyed gaze at me. "It's like there's this dark cloud over me and it controls me. It makes it impossible for me to feel anything or pull myself out of it. It's suffocating."
He paused for a moment before he continued, "And I kinda just have to wait for it to be over," he said. "It's not an excuse, but it's an explanation at least. I was hoping to avoid you until it was over."
"You should know by now that it's hard to avoid me," I said.
Vinny scoffed. "Yeah, you just invite yourself in whenever you want."
"Well you don't ever invite me in, so I have to find my own ways," I teased, and Vinny looked slightly embarrassed.
"I have to get used to actually wanting someone in my room," he sheepishly admitted, running a hand through his hair.
"That's okay," I said with a grin, reaching out to put a hand on his leg as he turned to face me. "I can force myself in until you're ready."
Vinny snorted out a laugh and leaned closer. I was beginning to be able to tell when he was implicitly telling me what he wanted. And when he inched closer to me with his eyes softening and the tension leaving his shoulders, he wanted my arm around him.
I pulled Vinny to me, wrapping my arm over his shoulder as he let out a content sigh.
"I– uh," Vinny stuttered. "I'm sorry for how I acted the other day. I just realized I never said that."
"I'm just glad you came over," I told him. "And that you're better now, of course."
"Whatever that means," he muttered, leaning closer to my side and resting his head on my shoulder. I had come to find out that despite his closed off, sharp exterior, Vinny loved to be cuddled.
"Maybe you should talk to someone," I lightly suggested, brushing his hair back off his forehead with my hand. "Other than me."
"Like a therapist," he said, not as a question, like he had thought about it before.
I didn't say anything else, and neither did he. I didn't want to overstep and I was sure he didn't want to go into it more than he had to. It was enough for now to get the thought out there.
Vinny turned into my side, burying his face in my chest and letting out a long sigh before standing up from the couch, looking down at me.
"I have to go," he said. "I told my dad I was going on a run. He's going to start looking for me if I don't show up at home soon."
I held out my hand for Vinny to pull me up so I was standing in front of him.
"Do you want me to drive you?" I asked.
Instead of answering, Vinny placed a kiss on my lips.
"You're cute, but no," he said, pulling away and placing his hand on my shoulder. "That would look suspicious. I'm sure my dad is staring out the window waiting for my return."
I hummed in agreement, leaning in to kiss him again.
"Did Logan say anything about me not going over there today?" I wondered aloud as I pulled away from him.
"Not that I know of," Vinny replied, his hand on my chest. "I just noticed you weren't there and knew it was because I fucked up."
Vinny still looked slightly embarrassed, a look I wasn't used to seeing on him. It took a lot for him to come here and I knew that. Despite the way his actions the day before made me feel, I couldn't help but instantly forgive him. That might have been a dangerous habit to get into, but I couldn't find it in me to care.
"Gotta run," he said, making his way toward the door.
"Why don't you come over tomorrow?" I asked him with a hopeful gaze. He looked out the door briefly, then back to me.
"You're going to be able to get away from Logan two days in a row?"
I shrugged. "I don't have to always hang out with him."
Vinny seemed hesitant at first but his face softened after a moment and he seemed to give in.
"Alright," he said.
Vinny gave me one last kiss on the mouth before jogging off my porch and down the street back toward his house.
***
Vinny Taylor
My feet slapped down on the pavement as I rounded the corner out of Carson's neighborhood. I left his house feeling lighter, like a burden had been lifted from my chest and the guilt I had felt from before eased slightly. Even then, my mind couldn't help but remind me that Carson was way too good for me. I wished I could push that thought out of my head, but it was always there, front and center.
Even running did nothing to clear my mind. It was like it was making my thoughts louder and more prominent. I didn't know how to make them stop. What I thought could be a distraction for me wasn't. It was more like an amplifier.
My train of thought was interrupted when a car pulled up beside me, causing me to abruptly stop on the sidewalk. I knew exactly who it belonged to almost instantly.
"Well isn't this a nice surprise," Seth said through the open window of his car, a viscous smirk on his face.
"More like a huge inconvenience," I spat, though my confidence wavered when he stepped out of the car and made his way to me. It probably would have been in my best interest to run, but I was already tired and I was sure if he wanted to, he could catch me.
"I didn't purposely seek you out," he said, leaning against his car. "Even though that's probably what you're thinking."
"So why did you stop?" My fists were clenched by my sides and the only reason I wasn't completely shutting down was because he was keeping his distance.
"I haven't seen you in a while," he said with a shrug. "Darren's been on my case about leaving you alone. Hadley has him on a tight leash."
I didn't respond, wanting to vanish from the scene instead of standing in front of him.
"I also have something to say to you," Seth continued, trampling over my silence.
"Then just say it," I snapped, growing more and more agitated the longer I stood there.
In reality I should have felt fine. We were in public, though no one was around, but being alone in Seth's presence was one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. I didn't truly like being alone with anyone but Carson, but even that was taking some getting used to.
Seth let his amused look fall into a sneer, but he stayed against his car, far enough away from me where I didn't feel the need to bolt out of there. Part of me didn't know if I truly feared him or if I had just exacerbated any fear in my own mind.
"Just because Darren is letting some bitch control him now doesn't mean I won't have my eyes on you," he said in a low, menacing tone.
I clenched my jaw as the two of us glared at each other from where we stood.
I wanted to snap at him, tell him off like I would if we had an audience. But we didn't so I stayed quiet. There was no one around to keep him in check and I didn't want to find out just what he would do to me if I made him angry enough.
"That it?" I bit out through clenched teeth.
"Didn't want you to get too comfortable without me around," Seth said with a shrug, the sneer on his face going back to a normal expression. He pushed himself up off his car and started walking back around to the driver's seat.
Seth drove away with out another word and I didn't start running again until his car was out of sight.
It was then that I was grateful for the intrusive thoughts about Carson that came rushing back to keep my mind off of the interaction with Seth. After that I didn't mind the amplified thoughts about how I wasn't good enough for Carson and how I knew eventually he would leave me after dealing with my shit for too long.
I had been right that my father would be staring out the window waiting for me when I got home. I jogged up the porch steps and walked into the house with a heavy breath, greeted by my father upon entering.
"That was a long run," he commented, though his tone seemed more interested than accusatory. "Where did you go?"
"Around town, through the park," I lied. It was a run I frequented when I used to go more often. "I'm a little out of shape. It took me longer than it used to."
Dad smiled and patted me on the shoulder. "You'll get there. It just takes time. You're just in time for dinner."
I followed Dad into the kitchen, Luna coming up beside me once she saw me pass the living room. I stopped and pet her before entering the kitchen where Mom, Logan, and Dana already sat at the table. I greeted them with a brief wave before washing my hands and then sitting down at the table.
Luckily, my parents were much better cooks than my grandmother, so even if I wasn't all that hungry, at least their food was appetizing.
"How was your run, sweetie?" Mom asked, pecking me on the cheek as I sat down beside her.
"Fine," I replied, taking a bite out of the food in front of me.
"I don't know how you run so much," Dana said, taking a sip of her water. "I'd die."
"That's because you're not remotely athletic," Logan told her with a snort.
Dana and Mom shared a look, each of them shaking their heads.
"You're son is so rude," she told Mom.
"I know, I don't know why you stay with him," Mom replied, earning a sound of protest from Logan while I let out a small laugh of my own. He deserved it. "Where's Carson today? He didn't want to come over for dinner?"
Although nobody looked at me, I still felt like I was being stared at. Mom's question was obviously meant for Logan and Dana, but I almost felt obligated to answer it. I sat back in my seat, hoping none of them noticed the tinge on my cheeks.
"He's been acting a little strange," Dana said slowly, as if she was trying to find the right words.
"No he's not. He's just..." Logan trailed, letting out a sigh. "Busy? I don't know."
I knew Carson making excuses to Logan as to why he couldn't be here wouldn't work for long. Carson was always here like he was a member of the family. It was obvious it wasn't going to take long for them to start questioning what was going on with him. I couldn't help but feel at fault for his recent absences.
"Maybe his mom is taking some time off," Dad suggested as he cut up his food. "She seriously deserves it."
Logan shrugged. "Could be. She started seeing someone."
"Good for her!" Mom exclaimed.
I hadn't known Carson's mom had started seeing someone. I tried not to let the fact that Logan knew bother me, but it did because it made me realized that I didn't know much about Carson at all. It was a small thing, not something that would really come up in any of our conversations, yet it still put a twinge of guilt in me. Maybe he hadn't told me because I hadn't asked.
As soon as I was excused away from the table, I went up to my room and opened my window to sit on the window sill. I lit a cigarette and pulled my phone out to FaceTime Carson after realizing he had texted to make sure I got home alright.
"Hey," Carson greeted with a wide grin. He sat on his bed, leaning back against the headboard.
"Hey," I replied, blowing smoke out my window. "You wanna go somewhere tonight?"
He shot me a look of confusion. "Tonight?"
I nodded, coughing slightly as I took another drag.
Carson still looked confused, but he shrugged anyway.
"Sure, where are we going?"
"I'll pick you up at eleven."
**
Hi all! Thanks for reading!
Please let me know what you thought of the chapter. What did you think about Vinny's apology to Carson? And his run in with Seth? Where do you think they're going to go?