A/N: TW for self-harm & suicidal thoughts/almost attempt
I let my brain wonder and my fingers type for this one so I hope you enjoy!
...
Addison
The sand trickled through her hand. Her head rested on her knees currently tucked to her chest. Why? Why was it always her? She had been so close. So close to everything she'd ever wanted - a life of travel, kids, a good, caring husband. And then he has the audacity to bring another home, into their special place she held so dearly, so close to her heart. 4 years. 4 years for what? To get her heart broken by some Chad? Maybe she was just incapable of love. Maybe she was just too closed off and, as he would've called it, "not ugly, not not pretty but just unpretty compared to her."
She took a deep breath, the salty air somewhat soothing. Looking out at the sunset, she turned towards the cliffs. It would be pretty up there. Surely.
Bryce
His feet dangled off the edge. It was freeing, the feeling of almost not having a care in the world. Almost. It was freeing to think that one push and he'd have no more worries, no more cares, no more sorrows. A new kind of freedom. He looked down at his arms, lines of anger, pain, drawn from his elbow to his wrist. The ocean would wash them away, he thought, just like everything else. It was the ugly truth; this way to go was the most freeing way to go. He'd sat up here many times before, watching the waves ebb and flow, thinking about the time when he would stand at the top and let himself go. Falling, falling, falling, the wind whipping through his hair as he falls headfirst into relief.
And then he'd be free.
Addison
Standing on the cliffs felt truly liberating. Fuck him, she thought. Fuck him. She placed her shoes on the rough rock near the trees before stepping out onto the stony outcrop. It may have been my fault, but I still deserve better. She slowly made her way across the rocks, focusing on the sting of her feet. She got out to almost halfway before she realized there was already someone there. Frowning, she thought about whether to turn around and leave them or go to sit on a different part of the cliff edge. The person shifted oddly close to the brink of the cliff and her heart dropped into her stomach. They're here to say goodbye, she whispered to herself. I can't let them die. She scurried forward, ignoring the stabbing pain in her feet. They shifted closer with every second, arms out, welcoming. She gasped when she got within ten or so metres. She'd know the back of that man from anywhere. She struggled to let out a breath, yet she ran forward.
"Hey," she said, warning him of her presence. When his response was a muffled sob, she stepped forward to console him in the way she'd done many times, six years ago. Her fingers ran through his hair as she bobbed down, pressing kisses to the top of his head. "Don't do this. Please. Talk to me first."
She heard him let out a sob, yet he pushed himself back, so his calves touched the rocks. His head was still low, yet she knew he knew who she was. He was speechless as he racked with desperate cries, and Addison sat down next to him. She draped a leg over his, the other behind his back as she huddled into his side, comforting and loving.
Bryce
He shifted himself, his legs hanging further off of the cliff. He tipped his head up, his eyes closed. The rocks pricked at his hands and he dropped his shoulders so he could drag his tender arms across the ragged surface. The pain shot up his arms and through his body. He didn't worry about blood - the water would wash it away in a matter of seconds. He shifted closer to the edge, the edge of his tailbone, the only thing holding him alive. He lifted his arms, welcoming the wind. He was almost free. Tears began to stream, his last unsaid emotions, feelings, thoughts in physical representation. He suddenly became aware of footsteps behind him, running, panicked. "Hey," she said. He let out a muffled sob. He'd know her voice from anywhere. She was his home. His comfort. Her fingers ran through his hair and he felt her bob down, her front against his back as she pressed kisses to the top of his head. "Don't do this. Please. Talk to me first."
He sobbed again, but he knew he had to do what she said; her just being here was a sign that his fight was not over yet. Pushing himself back so his calves touched the rocks, he couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't bring himself to look into the caramel eyes that had claimed him all those years ago. He couldn't speak, racking with desperate cries, and she sat down next to him. His leg felt hers drape on top of it as the other pressed against his back. And he finally felt some kind of feeling. Albeit a small one, he felt the tiny spark of life he always felt when she was around as she huddled into his side, comforting and loving.
Addison
It was a while before he could form words. They came out in short bursts, his body overwhelmed.
"Why... Why are you... here?" he whispered.
She pressed a tender kiss to his shoulder. "I don't know... I felt compelled. And now I know why," she whispered back.
"I... I was so close," he choked, "I was so close to being free."
"Or maybe that wasn't freedom. Maybe you being here in this moment was fate."
He squeezed his eyes closed, and she reached up to brush his hair out of his face. "Why didn't you just leave me?"
"I couldn't lose you again."
"I'm not worth it," he mumbled.
"You are worth it, B," she whispered, pulling him tighter into her. Her pet name for him rolled off of her tongue like it was meant to be said. Natural. Right.
He brought his hands up to hold his head and Addison was able to see his bleeding arms for the first time. She almost said something, but she bit her tongue. "I just ruin everything. I hurt everyone I meet. I hurt Momma, Tayler and Nick. I hurt Josh and Blake and... you."
"Bub, you were twenty-one and living your life. I was living mine. It wasn't right. Now you're twenty-seven, and not living as well as you would like to, and I'm here by complete fate, sitting on the same cliff. We were always meant to be in each other's lives." Bryce sniffed, tears still tracing across his cheeks. "Hey," she whispered, "Look at me."
When he didn't move, she brought her hand up to gently turn his head towards her. For the first time in years, the two made eye contact, and Addison shivered. His eyes held the emotions his body wasn't showing yet, all the pain and sorrow. "You're going to get through this. I know you will. And I'm going to be there every step of the way."
Bryce shook his head, looking away. "I've hurt you enough, I don't need to hurt you again."
Addison took his hands into hers, squeezing comfortingly. "That's not your decision to make," she whispered. It's amazing the comfort both of them had together, considering the last time they talked was three and a half years ago.
"I hurt you Addison, what can't you understand about that?"
Addison sighed. "You had a right to hurt me. I was with Chad; I was selfish, and I was a downright bitch to you. I deserved to cry for what I did."
"You never deserve to hurt."
"And neither do you," she whispered.
They were silent for a few moments before Bryce continued. "How come you're out at Big Sur?"
"Chad and I moved out to Fairfield two years ago to get away from it all..."
"Oh. You and..." he trailed off.
"Yeah."
He looked at her again. "Are you... still..."
"Four hours ago, yes. Until I caught him in bed with..." Addison swallowed thickly, "another woman and I broke down. I was driving back to Mom and Dad's when I felt the need to stop at the beach. And then I wanted to feel the wind on my skin, so I came up here."
Bryce nodded, dropping his gaze back down to his hands. "He's a dickhead. Only a dickhead would let you go."
"Bryce-"
"You know," he interrupted, "if I could do it all again, I would drop everything for you. You deserve the world."
Addison blushed. She was quiet for a moment. "I was engaged to him too," she whispered. "Our wedding was a month and 2 days away..."
"And he cheated?" Bryce frowned. "He's an idiot."
"I just wasn't good enough, it's okay," she shrugged.
Bryce turned to her, surprised. "Addi, you deserve the world. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and you deserve someone. who reminds you of that every day."
Addison smiled. "So you..."
"No, no, no. You deserve someone better than me," Bryce said.
"If you give us a chance, you'll be surprised," Addison whispered, reaching up to gently pull his face down to hers to kiss his cheek.
"Addison... we're both too vulnerable right now."
Addison sighed, "Yeah, I know." They sat in comfortable silence, wrapped up in each other. Addison's head rested on his shoulder; his head lay on hers. Gently, she lifted his arms to her lips, kissing the dried cuts. Words were left unspoken, and Bryce teared up. It was an act of acceptance; unjudgmental and caring. An act that said hey, I'll always be here for you, no matter what. He finally felt as if someone in the world truly cared. After a while, Addison spoke again. "We should probably get you home."
Bryce nodded. "Okay."
Addison shifted off of him, standing up. She waited for him to haul himself off of the edge, before she hugged him properly. He sighed into her, her warmth radiating into him as her arms wrapped around his neck. His sensitive arms trailed around her waist, holding her against him. When she pulled away, she intertwined their fingers and led him away to their cars.
"You still live in LA?" she asked, reaching forward to grad his other hand as they stand next to her car. "Cause there's about 6 hours to go so we'd have to stop over at Santa Maria..."
Bryce shook his head. "I left a year ago. I'm in a small bungalow in Morgan Hill. It's about two hours away. I understand if you don't want to come with me, but I was wondering if you wanted to..."
Addison smiled and nodded, "Of course I'll go to yours. I'll text Momma and tell her I'll drive home another day."
"Thank you Addi," he whispered. Addison just smiled as he led her to his car and opened the door for her.
~
The drive was mainly silent. Addison's hand drew soothing circles on Bryce's thigh and Bryce's free hand ran up and down her arm. They were drawn to each other, touching and comforting. When they finally pulled up at his small block, she took him into the bathroom, grabbing for antiseptic and a cloth.
"Trust me," she whispered, gently holding out his arm.
"Always have."
~
After some stinging and cursing, she wrapped his arms up. It was the early hours of the morning before they reached the bedroom. "I can sleep on the sofa if you want," he said, motioning to it in the corner.
"I don't mind, Bryce."
"I think it's better to. At least tonight," he whispered.
She nodded. "Can I borrow some clothes?"
"Yeah, you want a hoodie and trackpants?" he asked, standing at his cupboard.
Addison nodded, and she was soon snuggling into an old familiar scent. His smell hadn't changed all of these years. The bed beside her felt empty as she lay looking up at the ceiling, tears filling her eyes as she remembered all that could've been. All that could've been with Chad. All that could've been with Bryce. She sniffed, quickly wiping away the tears that had fallen loose. She felt the comforter shift and the bed dip as Bryce crawled in. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. As she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his quiet breathing, she finally felt content, comforted.
She finally felt at home.