Range and Saint was a dream to write. It's truly blissful to finally see things come to an end. This was once only an idea. Thank you for being here with me.
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Epilogue
"Relax," Ride butted in and slightly elbowed me out of my own deep thoughts.
I grunted. "So easy for you to say that because you aren't in my position. How can I relax?"
Tinignan ko ang pinsan na nagkibitbalikat lang sa akin.
Bahagya siyang natawa. "Bakit? Natatakot ka bang hindi siya sisipot mamaya?"
Maybe? What if Saint, while walking down the aisle, suddenly snaps from this fantasy and decides to no longer marry me? How would I feel if she stood me after realizing all the mistakes I did to her in the past were unforgivable? Pinatawad niya na ako pero hindi pa maalis sa isipan ko ang matakot. Alam ko na hindi basta-basta ang desisyon niyang magpakasal sa akin. Yes, it was an ambush engagement, but if Saint wasn't willing in the first, she would've turned me down. But still...
Hindi ko na alam ang pinag-uugatan ng kaba kong 'to.
Ang lahat ng bisitang nakaupo sa harapan ko'y bilang napabaling sa mga likod nila. Some stood with phones ready on their hands, some have their eyes glistening in tears.
Namamanhin ako. Wala akong ibang nararamdaman sa segundong 'to kundi kaginhawaan sa malapad na ngiti ni Saint sa likod ng belo niya. I cannot exactly tell how she feels, but I hope it's one where her heart is at peace knowing it is coming home. Right when I saw her joy, all the inhibition, guilt and regret that weighed me down earlier melted in a glimpse. I have nothing to worry about.
Hindi ko malilimutan ang araw na una ko siyang masilayan. It was instant attraction on my part, but sure, it wasn't for her. And I don't think she realizes that until now. That day was memorable because it brought us here now, choosing, and marrying each other.
A deep and prolonged moan woke me up from a deep slumber.
Who was she again? Sydney? Or was it Summer? I honestly couldn't remember her name, and it also doesn't help if your head is being internally drilled from a massive hangover.
This is how I live, partying, sex and work. The very reason it is impossible to tame me into a committed relationship... it is restrictive. Kaya ni minsa'y hindi sumagi sa isipan ko ang pagpapakasal o makasal man lang kahit namimilit na si Mama lalo't malapit na akong matapos sa eskwela. I'd rather explore in non-committal relationships such as one-night-stands like this, than risk my accustomed lifestyle in search for a love. That, for me, isn't a feasible move.
Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko mula sa kalasingan ko kagabi. Marcus smirked as soon as he saw me hammered still from last night. Walang pag-aalinlangan kong binato sa kanya ang susi ng sasakyan ko. Dismayado siyang umiling at may makahulugang ngiti pa sa labi.
"Saan mo na naman napulot? Sa San Lorenzo?" panimula niya.
I shrugged. I don't know if that girl I brought home last night was from the island, but better if not. Kung ganito kasing mga one-night stand, minsa'y naghahabol pa kaya mas mahirap kung taga-rito pa sa amin. Mahihirapan akong umiwas.
In disbelief, Marcus shook his head in after I shrugged off his initial question. Lahat sila na nasa hapag ay iyon ang itsura, nanunutya na animo'y hindi nila gawain ang ginagawa ko.
I was taking a sip of my precious coffee when Ryder, my cousin, graced the dining hall to join in the morning fun. Nakapintura na ang nakakarinding ngisi sa mukha niya.
"You brought a girl home again?" he said as he was clicking his tongue in such a disappointed manner. "I hope you get struck straight in the heart by a love arrow because it will be pretty interesting to see you kneel before someone. You're being such a dick to these ladies. Hindi ka ba takot na makarma?"
Natawa ang mga kaibigan naming nasa lamesa ngayon.
As I promise to myself, even if anyone would curse me into committed relationship, I am still not up for it. Simply because a relationship is too restrictive and boring. And love? Who, up to this day, still believes in that shit-show anyway? Love is an illusion, made by our carnal desires, that blinds us into thinking we love a person when in fact we aren't. People actually only crave the good time and nothing else.
I hissed. "Love my ass."
Ride gave me a very challenging expression. Doon ako medyo naiirita kasi mukha siyang may pinatutunayan dito.
"Hindi ka naman talaga gusto ng mga babaeng inuuwi mo. Gusto ka lang ng mga babae rito kasi tagapagmana ka ng plantasiyon," may gana pa siyang matawa sa nasabi. "Ladies, even up to this modern age, still haven't lost their primitive instincts, Range. They would gravitate towards men who could provide. You can fucking provide, can't you?"
I raised a brow, too. "And your fucking point is?"
Hindi nakasagot si Ride nang pumasok sa dining hall ang Mayordoma ng mansiyon.
Nanay Leticia immediately scrunched her face. She might've heard Ride's stupid statements. Pagalit niyang binagsak sa lamesa namin ang hawak na orange juice. Pumamewang siya saka iniintimida kaming magkakaibigan. Siya ang rason kung ba't pinapamadali ko kay Marcus na ihatid iyong babae kung saan niya man gusto. Malaking gulo pa kasi kung makakarating sa Mayordoma, at mukhang iyon na nga ang nangyari lalo't mabigat ang pagtalikod niya sa amin.
Maverick cackled out of nowhere. "I will bet you my newly modified Bugatti, Range. Maghanap ka ng babaeng sinabi ni Ride. Iyong babaeng gugustuhin ka maliban sa pera niyo. Game?"
A bet? Hindi ko masabi kung plinano ba nila ang pinagsasabi ng pinsan ko bago pa ako maupo rito pero nahuli nga nila ang kuryusidad at atensiyon ko.
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangisi. "Then put you damn key in the table now, Mave."
Fucking easy! Anyone, as long as they are oblivious of my social status, isn't it? Then my choices and chances are limited, but not zero. Hindi naman ako pumapaniwala pinagsasabi ng pinsan ko pero mukhang masaya na patunayang mali ang teorya niya na gusto lang ako ng mga babae sa pera at negosyong meron ang pamilya namin.
"No one in the island is up for that bet," Ride enthusiastically butted in. "Siguro'y dapat hindi taga-Buenavista? Though she has to be utterly oblivious of you being a Villaverde for you to pull this off. Mukhang d'yan pa lang, malabo nang manalo ka?
Nagkatinginan kaming magkakaibigan. Alam ko kaagad ang tumatakbo sa isipan nila lalo't pare-parehas lang naman kami kung mag-isip ng mga katarantaduhan. Lucky enough, this whole week is the province's annual festival, Palayag. Medyo maraming dadayo sa Buenavista na galing sa mga karatig na isla ng Bacolod, Iloilo at Cebu.
"Kung ano na namang pinaplano niyong magpinsan, huwag niyo na iyang ituloy!" Nanay Leticia was again policing our conversation from a far corner. "Kung wala kayong magawa, e, kayo na ang magdala ng mga kaing ng mangga sa sentro! Ipapasabi ko kay Danilo na kayo na ang bahala kaya magsitayo na kayong dalawa r'yan kasi marami-rami ang gagawin niyo."
Nanay Leticia has seen us grow. Magkatitinginan pa lang kami ni Ryder, alam niya na ang binabalak namin kaya wala talaga kaming takas. At dahil narinig niya ang pinag-uusapan namin tungkol sa pustahan, ilang linggo na naman kaya na bawal akong magdala ng babae dito sa mansiyon? Not that I cannot sneak them in anyway, but it is much better to bring them in without any restrictions from her.
Man, this bet is causing me to abstain!
"This is your fucking fault," makasampung beses nang reklamo ni Ride.
Wala pa nga kami sa kalahati ng trabaho ay binibingi niya na ako sa mga reklamo niyang 'to. Ako tuloy ang mas pawisan sa aming dalawa lalo't dumudoble ang ginagawa ko tuwing bumabagal ang galaw niya sa pagrereklamo.
Soaked of sweat, we dropped our last crate to this mango shake stand. The plantation donates crates of mangoes to small businesses during Palayag to help them out. Tradisyon na ng pamilya namin mula pa noon kaya hindi puwedeng ipagpaliban.
"Maraming salamat, hijo," ani ng matandang babae sa akin. "Ang bubuti niyo talagang magpinsan, 'no? Pakisabi kay Leticia na maraming salamat sa mga manggang 'to. Malaking tulong sa aming lahat."
I nodded out of respect to the old lady, but I don't entirely agree with her fake compliment. Sakit kami sa ulo ng mga magulang namin kaya para saan pa ang pagbigay ng pugay kung wala namang kapupuri sa akin, sa amin ni Ride?
I was suddenly pulled out from my deep thoughts when a group of rowdy girls shoved me a bit to buy shakes in this stall. Maingay silang naghahagikhikan at may dala pang mga selfie stick. Ang mas kinairita ko ay ang muntik na pagkahagip ng selfies stick ng katabi ko sa akin pero ni wala man lang siyang pakialam kung may mabulang siya rito! The girl who nearly poked my eyes was just busy taking a vain video that she never cared of what she's almost done to me.
Sa iritasyon, tumaas ang kilay ko. Hindi ko na napansin na sobrang tumagal pala ang pagmamasid ko sa galaw ng babaeng 'to. Hindi naman ako interesado pero nag-iingat lang na at baka matusok niya ulit ako ng hawak niyang selfie stick.
Or I can just leave the stall right? But I suddenly felt the urge to stay and tell this girl to watch her dangerous actions. I stayed. But before I could even open my mouth to lecture her, she took her aviators up to her hair, suddenly irritated of my mere presence. But what the careless girl did next angered me to the extreme. She twisted her lips to roll her eyes disgustingly at me!
Inirapan niya ako na para bang nabastos ko siya ng husto!
What? She thinks I am creeping on her now with my intense gaze? Ang kapal niya naman para maisip 'yan? Hindi ba puwedeng nag-iingat ako rito para hindi niya matusok ulit ng selfie stick niya? Pero kung sabagay, babae siya at kung may tumabi sa'yong pawisang lalaki na kagaya ko, at wagas pa kung makatitig, mapapairap ka talaga. Siguro'y nag-iingat lang din siya sa presensiya ko.
Hindi ko napigilan, bumama ang tingin ko sa basang t-shirt. Damn... I must've looked too creepy for her to diss me like that!
With an unknown anger boiler inside of me, I turned my back away from the mango stall, didn't even had the chance to lecture her about her carelessness. Ngayon lang ako pinandiriian ng ganoon ng isang babae. At kung ba't heto ako umaapoy na nag-aapoy inis, hindi ko rin masabi.
Maybe I was just used to ladies flocking to me like a moth to a flame. I was used to praises. I was used with my ego being stroked. I wasn't used of being dissed like that at all. Suddenly, what I regard as a stupid remark of Ride earlier kept ringing on the back of my head. Those girls who flocked, praised and stroked my ego, knew I was the heir of the whole Oro Verde. I was hit my a train-wreck of realization that maybe Ride was right all along, those girls only gravitated towards me because of our name and nothing else.
Damn it. Ride definitely succeeded in messing up my rationality, didn't he?
At sa mapanuyang tawa ng pinsan ko, alam ko kaagad na pinaglalaruan ako niya ako mula pa kaninang umaga. Natatawa si Ride na sumunod sa akin dito sa pick-up. Inignora ko ang presensiya niya lalo't nalulunod pa ako sa pagkairita sa simpleng pag-irap ng babaeng iyon sa akin.
That careless girl had the audacity to what? Roll her eyes at me? Hindi niya ba ako kilala, huh? No one rolls their eyes to me as casually as that! And maybe... that was simply the reason, wasn't it? Na wala pang nakakagawa no'n sa akin at siya pa lang.
And that simple eye roll never really left my system the whole day. I even took a fucking bath again, changed into clean clothes, but I still feel so fired up. Mukhang hindi na huhupa itong inis ko, at hindi ko na rin alam ang makakapagpahinanon sa akin.
Sa kadaldalan ni Ride, nasabi niya sa mga kaibigan namin ang nangyari kanina sa mango stand. Pati rito tuloy sa mansiyon, pinagkakaisahan ako ng lahat sa pang-aasar at panunutya. I am now a hundred-percent convinced that they planned this to extremely piss me off, as such, for me to irrationally agree with Maverick's stupid bet.
Or... should I just agree to it?
Base sa interaksiyon ko sa malamyang babaeng iyon, hindi niya ako kilala. Kasi kung kilala niya ako kanina, kukunin niya iyong oportunidad na magkunwari upang mahuli ang atensiyon ko.
Hindi niya ako kilala! My brain screamed at me. I smirked at a brilliant plan forming up on my messy brain. Siya na ang hinahanap naming babae, hindi ba? Iyong hindi ako kilala?
"That girl doesn't know you, man. Ano, hahanapin na natin mamayang gabi?" si Mave nang tulala ako at hindi nakasagot sa batuhan nila ng suhestiyon.
Alam kong hindi ako kilala ng malamyang babaeng iyon. But why do I suddenly want her to know me? The thought of her knowing me is sort of... thrilling. What would her initial reactions be? Kagaya pa rin kanina na walang pakialam o gaya rin ba siya sa mga babaeng sinabi ni Ride na hahabulin ako para sa pera? At sa biglaan kong naisip, na magbabago ang opiniyon no'n kapag malaman ang estado ko sa buhay, mas lalo lang akong nairita.
At kung ano mang gayuma ang tumama sa 'kin, hindi ko na maipuna pa. Natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili na masugid ding sinusuyod ang sentro kakahanap ng misteryosong babaeng iyon. And the way I am invested in this bet shows how interested I am to prove my cousin wrong, but in a way, I also want to show that careless girl that no one can step on my ego as easily as she did.
It is hitting two birds in one stone. Yes?
Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili, sumilay ang totoo kong nararamdaman sa ginagawa kong 'to, hindi ba? Lumabas din sa akin na ang kinaiinisan ko rito'y walang iba kundi ang walang pasintabi pagtapak ng babaeng iyon sa ego ko. What the use of denying? Yes, she stepped on my ego.
But after a while of this hopeless search, we decided to call it a night and direct ourselves to having a good time instead. At alam kong sumuko na ako kakahanap sa babaeng iyon pero kung sinusuwerte ka nga naman, sa kabilang lamesa namin ay ang grupo ng babaeng hinahanap ko mula pa kanina.
With a raising heartbeat, I carefully scanned their table, only to find my mystery girl, with eyes closed, leaning back on her chair. Her cheeks and nose were bright-red, a great contrast to her fair complexion. She was intoxicated, very obvious. And the way she downed that half-empty beer made me suddenly raise a brow. It bothered me how hard she was drowning herself in alcohol.
"Let me just check the backstage," Ride announced as he stood.
Naglakad siya papuntang backstage kaya nawala bigla ang atensiyon ko sa babae. Nang balingan ko ng tingin ang babae, humihikbi na nang malala. Her deep, seethed eyes were slightly closed, but her cheeks were already soaked of hot tears.
What happened in those couple of seconds for her to bawl this way?
"Pangit ba ako, Willow?" she moaned loudly enough for me to hear.
And maybe it was loud for me to hear because of how invested I was in everything about her. I'm suddenly all ears. Man, not just all ears, my attention never really left her.
May umiling sa grupo nila bilang sagot sa tanong niya.
Wala sa sarili, umiling din ako sa naging tanong niya. Hindi siya pangit. Ang layo-layo niya sa pangit. In fact, she's really fucking cute. If she wasn't cute, why would I waste my energy to police her every move, right?
Napabasa ako ng ibabang labi sa naisip. Umiwas ako ng tingin. Pinaglaruan ko ang gilid ng bote ng beer kong hindi ko pa nagagalaw.
Ilang segundo lang ang lumipas, binalik ko ulit ang tingin sa babae. I simply cannot take my eyes off this girl, the reason being? She is entertaining as hell to watch.
Her tears, instead of ceasing, pooled more off her after a while.
Nakuryuso ako bigla kung ba't makaiyak siya'y para bang may namatay? Or probably there was one close to her that died recently? Did she fail an exam or something? Iyon ba ang mga rason sa paglulong niya ng sarili sa alak?
"Kung hindi ako pangit, p'wes bakit siya nambababae? Hindi ba ako sapat? Ano ba ang kulang, huh, Willow? Ginagawa ko naman lahat, ah?"
I wet my bottom lip, frustrated.
So instead of crying for a failed test or a deceased loved one, this careless girl was crying because of a what? A cheating boyfriend? By the looks of her, I don't regard her as someone who takes bullshit. More so, tolerate a man to treat her that badly. Kung makaiyak siya'y wagas. Ba't hindi niya na lang hiwalayan kung ganoong nagloloko sa kanya?
Another girl from their table lifted her head up. "Sex. Bigyan mo ng masarap na ganoon!"
The careless girl pouted. She was suddenly out of words, as though she was considering her friend's suggestion as well.
Gusto ko nang sumabat na hiwalayan niya na lang pero hindi ba't ang tsismoso ng lagay ko kung biglaan akong sisingit sa usapang babae nila?
Umiwas ako ng tingin 'tsaka napainom ng alak bago ko pa magawa ng namumuong plano sa utak ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin kaso hindi ako kumportable sa biglaang suhestiyon ng kaibigan niya. So is this girl that bad on the bed the reason her boyfriend cheated on her? But good sex definitely isn't enough to make a man stay. At least for me, I wouldn't. I wouldn't stay tied to a relationship just for sex. But more so, her boyfriend is probably stupid and lame on bed then? Baka iyon ang hindi marunong sa kama at hindi ang babaeng 'to?
But what the actual hell? Why am I suddenly on at her defense?
Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa hindi ko alam na dahilan. I saw Ryder being persistent on the attendant near the stage, so my attention stayed with my cousin for a while. At pagbalik ko ng tingin sa lamesa nila, wala na ang babae roon! Bigla akong napatayo sa kinauupuan ko.
May kumuha?
Annoyed, I scanned the festival grounds. I better not see a drunk man pulling her aside, or else... Or else, what, Range? Ano nga ba ang gagawin ko kung may kumuha nga sa kanya? At mas ano ang mararamdaman ko kung kusa siyang sumama kung sakali?
After a minute of scanning the festival grounds, I finally saw her scrambling her way through the sea of tables. Based on her path now, she is on her way to the container vans turned into toilets. I gave out a sigh of relief after knowing I was wrong, na walang kumuha sa kanya at mas lalong wala siyang sinamahang ibang lalaki.
Walang pag-aalinlangan akong tumayo upang sundan siya sa container van. Gusto ko lang na mas mapanatag ang loob ko, wala na akong iba pang rason sa gagawin kong 'to. Sumandal ako sa container van, masigasing siyang iniintay na makababa para ihatid ko ng matiwasay sa lamesa nila.
By the state of how she walked earlier, she's lucky to have reached the toilet without an injury.
Nang magsasampung minuto na siya sa loob ng container van, binalot na akong ng matinding kaba. Did she pass out inside? O siguro'y sumusuka? Should I go in and check? Am I even allowed to do that?
Pero bago ko pa ma-check ang loob ng container van, nakita ko na siyang pababa. With eyes closed, this careless girl took a step down into the container van without a care in the world! And my initial instinct was to catch her, of course. Mabilis kong iminuwestra ang katawan para masalo ko ang katawan niyang babagsak talaga sa lupa. Kaakibat ng pagkasalo ko sa babae'y ang pagkahawak ko sa maliliit niyang braso.
I swallowed laboriously. I admit what this careless girl did exhilarated me a whole lot. Paano kung wala ako sa posisyon ko rito? E 'di, nabalian na siya ng paa o leeg?
Nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang kirot sa puso ko habang pinagmamasdan ang maamo niyang mukha. Can I just point out how cute this girl is, with disheveled hair and bright-red cheeks?
Ni wala siyang kamuwang-muwang sa muntik niyang pagkahulog sa container van, ni wala ring reaksiyon. Nanatili siyang nakapikit at lulong pa sa alcohol. At sa ilang segundo kong pagtanaw sa maamo niyang mukha, masasabi kong tama ako sa kumento ko kanina. She's far from being ugly.
The girl moaned a bit. I immediately loosened my grip on her. Tumindig ang balahibo ko. Ngayon ko lang napansin na nanginginig pala ang mga kamay kong nakahawak sa maliliit niyang braso.
What the fuck? Why am I suddenly all flustered? I held many women before, so I never get flushed anymore. But how come... I am now so bothered with our little skin-to-skin action?
"You are so drunk, woman!" in my attempt to wake her senses up.
Pikit mata siyang sumama sa panghihila ko. I know I promised to bring her straight to her table for safety, but I do know the only way to bring her into real safety is to bring her somewhere else to grasp for fresh air. She needs to calm down and gain her senses back before I bring her back to her drunk friends.
A sensible plan, isn't it?
Sa Oro Verde ko siya dinala kasi wala na akong ibang lugar na naisip pa. I hurried to park the car in the middle of the plantation to grab a bottled water on my trunk. Mabuti na lang at may dala akong extra na bottled water sa gym bag ko.
"Drink water first. Para mahimasmasan ka," I guided the bottle's tip to her mouth, careful not to drown her.
This girl almost emptied the bottle before she rested her back on my car seat again. Nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata niya, gaya kanina nang muntik na siyang mahulog sa container van. Hinilig niya ang ulo sa car seat. Hindi naman tulog 'to, siguro'y nagpapabalik ulirat lang.
Though, is she aware that she is with me?
Nervously, I cleared my throat. Hindi ko alam kung tutol ba siya sa gagawin ko pero mas mabuti kung buksan niya ang mga mata. I took her out of the car and guided her out of my car accordingly. Ingat na ingat akong huwag siyang bitawan kaagad sa takot na mawalan siya ng balanse kapag iyon ang ginawa ko.
"Where are we?" she curiously asked with eyes still closed.
Pumasok kaagad sa isip ko ang sinasabi ng mga kaibigan ko at ni Ride. I am aware that any girl could have any other intention aside from love, but am I willing to risk that this time? Man, no doubt I would risk my identity to this careless girl, because why not? Halata namang interesado ako sa kanya.
"In our mango plantation..." I hesitated, but still gave her a truthful answer.
Bigla akong binalot ng natakot. At kung bakit, hindi ko rin alam o masabi. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng sobra-sobrang pag-aalala na nanginginig ang kalamnan ko.
I watched her curious self reaching for a mango tree above her. She's small and cute, so it's way impossible for her to be able to reach even a single leaf. Mariin ang tingin ko sa kanya kaya siguro siya napalingon, may pagkakuryoso ang pagkunot ng noo niya pabalik sa akin.
I finally got a slight glimpse of her eyes. If only she wasn't intoxicated, she might realize I was that creepy guy beside her from the morning. O naalala na niya ba ako kaya ganiyan na gulat ang itsura niya? Ang pagkunot ba ng noo niya'y dahil napagtagpi-tagpi niya kung sino ako? The thought of her knowing me gave me a flush of thrill and excitement.
Lumapit ako sa tabi niya nang hindi siya nagpaawat sa pag-abot ng mga dahon ng mangga. Delikado kung malayo ako kung sakali mang mapatid siya sa ginagawa.
"Sa inyo ito?" she asked, still trying to reach the tall mango tree from above her.
I nodded. And by doing so, no bet will occur between me and Mave because I conceded. Yes, I conceded that easily, knowing I have nothing to prove anyway. And Ride's theory isn't merely a fact.
The moment our eyes locked, I knew that was in it for longer. I got myself stuck in deep, deep chasm, without a possibility of coming out alive from the other end. I was magically bewitched by a careless girl who almost shoved a selfie stick right up to my eye. And funny how I only cursed love this morning, but also got my karma hours later.
Kung ito lang din naman ang karmang sinasabi ng pinsan ko, ang suwerte ko naman yata?
Makikita sa mukha niya ang takot sa pagsama sa akin dito sa Oro Verde. Sa wakas ay bumalik siya sa tamang ulirat, hindi niya nga lang napigilan ang sarili na akusahan akong mamamatay tao. Of course, she has nothing to worry about with my company. Dinala ko siya rito sa Oro Verde para mahimasmasan at wala nang iba pa.
"What's your name?" I asked.
Asking for a girl's name is also unusual for me. I never really cared about names until this very moment. Heart on the edge, I was waiting for her to say it back to me, but she only chuckled.
She wet her bottom lip. "I don't give my name to strangers, I'm afraid."
Not only careless and cute but also feisty, huh? I furrowed my brow because I didn't expect her to be this hostile to a man who just saved her from falling from her death? At mukhang wala talaga siya sa tamang ulirat para maalala pa iyon o kahit man lang pasalamatan ako sa pagsalo ko sa kanya.
"Ranger," nilahad ko ang kamay sa babaeng 'to.
And the moment she invited me to kiss her, I knew I was in it for a long ride.
Given that this girl hasn't given me any information about her — not even her name, we wouldn't go further than making out. She might have shown her fierceness, but that doesn't mean she is already on a right state of mind to have consensual sex. She is obviously cannot give me proper consent. However, it was hard for me to stop when her body tells me otherwise, but I did control myself eventually. At hindi rin naman ako ang tipo na nananamantala ng babaeng lasing. Heck, I won't do it with her pissed drunk. She has to be willing to spend the night with me.
Hinilot ko ang sentido. Sa harapan ko ngayo'y and daan-daang manifesto mula sa pantalan. Kung hindi ba naman ako sobrang excited kagabi, e 'di sana'y nakuha ko ang pangalan niya at hindi ako nagpapakahirap ng ganito? The thought of her well-being mattered more to me last night than anything else. Yes, that includes knowing her identity and contact number.
"Did you at least got a name?" Mave asked.
Dismayado akong umiling kaya siya nagbigay ng malalim na buntong hininga. Sumandal siya sa likod ng upuan at pinaikot-ikot ang rum sa baso niya.
Imbis na tulungan ako, nagawa pa akong pagtawanan ni Ride. Aniya'y karma ko raw sa pasumpa-sumpa ko sa pag-ibig kahapon. I wasn't convinced I was hit by a beautiful karma, but because I lost that girl again last night I am starting to think my ordeals are indeed karma.
I could easily whip an investigator to find my careless girl. But for me, that sounds unnatural and forced. Gusto ko siyang mahanap na ako lang at nang hindi ko pinipilit, na hindi ako gagamit ng pera o kahit ano mang koneksyon ang meron ako.
However, day by day, I lose all hope of finding her that eventhough I opposed using money at first, I am now considering to do so. Money moves, you know. Or I thought it did.
Noah suggested to start our search in Cebu, since that girl doesn't look like someone from Buenavista. Agad tinutulan ni Maverick ang suhestiyong iyon kasi hindi raw siya pamilyar sa babae. May gut instincts nga lang ako na puwedeng taga-Iloilo siya.
Masasabi kong puwedeng taga-Iloilo siya kasi hindi man ako kilala masyado sa Iloilo kahit na roon ko piniling mag-aral ng kolehiyo. I could've gone with Ride in La Salle, but I wanted to be out of the limelight, out of people's intrigue about our family and businesses. And Iloilo thankfully gave me that freedom without being too far away from home.
Months passed, and the search for that girl became more and more unattainable. Dumating na sa puntong sumuko na ako kakahanap sa kanya. Not until one day when she was magically dropped on my feet again, like a beautiful fallen angel that she is.
Agad na nakuha ng mga kaibigan ko ang tinitignan ko ngayon, kasama niya ang kaibigan na tumabi sa amin dito sa Manggahan. She sat next to me as I tried to calm my jitters a bit. But how can I calm down when she smells like fresh peonies beside me? Damn. Even her scent excites me. Ano pa kaya kung mahalikan ko siya ulit?
S'yempre, si Ryder na naman nanguna sa pang-aasar sa akin. Bahagya niya akong siniko kaya pagalit ko siyang binalingan. Tumaas-baba ang kilay niya saka tinuro ang katabi ko gamit ang labi. Mag-ingat naman siya sa pagturo!
"Halikan mo na tutal ilang buwan mo 'yang hinahanap?" umusog siya para ibulong iyon.
Keep it fucking together, Range!
Para kang asong ulol kung makaasta, ah? But at this point, maybe I am a fucking love-sick puppy to a girl I barely know of. And, honestly speaking, our kiss never truly left me after that night. It stayed in my heart like a wine stain on a dress. It was addictive.
My careless girl is utterly fierce and feisty. The reason I wasn't surprised when she shamelessly shoved the hand of help I offered her. Sa galit at iritado niyang itsura, hindi ko mapigilang masiyahan. Knowing I made her infuriated, for me, was a great fucking achievement. Para sa akin, kahit anong emosyon ang lumabas sa kanya basta galing o para sa akin, isang iyong malaking karangalan. Because I notice her attention to be somewhat... expensive.
Or she probably just remembers the night we made out in the middle of Oro Verde? Kaya ba umaarte siyang hindi ako kilala kasi sila pa noong manloloko niyang boyfriend? And seeing me brought formidable embarrassment on her part, knowing she was taken that time, or still is right now? Pinagsisihan niya ba ang halikan namin noon?
Her deep, seethed eyes were soaked in tears as the neon lights from the stage beamed through it. I cannot deny that those tears put a sudden pang on my chest. I stared at her, wallowing as her ugly boyfriend sensually went inside a tinted van with a girl. Niloko na naman siguro o sa wakas ay nahuli niya sa akto.
Ano'ng iniiyak niya, e, ang pangit no'n?
Halos magdiwang ang buo kong pagkatao nang pumayag siya sa inutos kong hiwalayan na lang ang pangit niyang boyfriend. A beautiful lady like her deserves someone... of a high caliber, someone handsome, and not just any random brute who clearly doesn't care about her. Hindi ko naman sinabing ako pero puwede naman kung gusto niyang ako ang ipalit niya.
E 'di, sa'n na iyong pasumpa-sumpa ko na away ko sa isang relasyon kasi nakakasakal? Nasaan na ang kagustuhan ko ng kalayaan mula sa isang relasyon? Bibigay rin naman pala ako kapag natamaan na? In my case, I was struck by the love arrow way deep, with no possibility of turning it around.
Saint. I finally got her name. It wouldn't be hard for me to find her, right? Or I thought so...
Ngumuso si Maverick at pinagsalikop ang dalawang kamay sa ibabaw ng lamesa ko. Hinihintay ko ang sasabihin niya pero umiling siya sa akin.
Fuck! I should have known that she gave me a damn made-up name! She probably just acted cool last night in fear of being murdered by me in a curb. Siguro'y sumakay na lang sa akin at ibinigay ang gawa-gawang pangalan para huwag nang mapahamak pa. Or there's also a possibility I creeped the fuck out of her yesterday when I stalked her until we finally got to talk in the children's playground. Heck, I wouldn't even touch her without her consent. But still...
"Wala talaga, e," paglatag ni Maverick sa manifesto sa lamesa ko. "Ito na lahat ang manifesto ng mga umalis na bangka kanina pabalik ng Iloilo. Baka may dugtong pa ang pangalan o baka naman alyas lang ang Saint?" he curiously added.
Umiling ako lalo't wala rin akong alam. Sana pala kinuha ko ang numero at imbis na ang pangalan niya? Ang tanga ko naman!
Damn, I thought it would be so easy trying to find her!
Kumunot ang noo ko sa bundol-bundol na tao sa likod ng football stadium ng College ko. May away ba at ba't ang daming nakikiusyuso? Hindi ako tsismoso pero sa pagkakataong 'to, naenganyo akong maging kuryoso gaya ng iba. Mas dumami ang pumalibot at huminto para makinuod dito sa likod ng stadium. It helps when you're tall, I towered everyone who came to eavesdrop a couple's fight. Hindi ako nahirapan na makita kung ano ang nangyayari sa gitna.
In awe, my mouth widened. Saint is here. My feisty, careless girl is fighting her ugly ex-boyfriend again in front of the whole student body.
Natawa ako dahil mukhang tanga ang ex-boyfriend niya na nakaluhod sa harapan niya ngaton. Kitang-kita ko ang iritasiyon kay Saint, hindi ko lang alam kung totoong pangalan niya ba iyan o hindi.
Right when her tears fell, I knew I had to step in and help her out of this embarrassing fiasco. My gut urged me to step in between them, too. I couldn't just ignore the urge. Kunwari akong dadalaan lang pero nasa isip ko na pagitnaan sila para sapilitang umalis na itong ex-boyfriend niya.
Tila hindi ako makapag-isip nang marinig ko ulit ang boses niyang kay baba. Pero ang mas nagpatigil ng mundo ko'y ang pagkakahigit niya sa braso ko.
With her trembling lips, she forced to speak up. "This is Range, my boyfriend..."
Darating din pala ang araw na masisiyahan ako na tawaging 'boyfriend'. Siguro ay pabor akong tawaging boyfriend kung siya rin naman ang tatawag sa akin ng ganiyan.
And can I also highlight her deep, bedroom voice? I wonder how it would sound when she begs for it... or if...
Fuck. Ano ba itong kalibugang naiisip ko?
It's cheesy, I know, but I felt my whole halt when she announced me as a boyfriend to everyone who came here to eavesdrop. I had to snap back out of my little fantasy to hold out my hand and prove his ugly ex-boyfriend our genuiness. But a huge part of me hoped she wasn't kidding around.
Her ex-boyfriend, however, was hardheaded. He forced Saint to prove our genuineness, so it prompted her towards extreme. She kissed me in front of everyone hastily, without a care in the world. Her kiss is like feathers. Her lips were insatiably soft and very, very addictive.
After being enchanted, I felt as though I was bound to kiss only her lips in this lifetime. Though I am up for such challenge because kissing anyone else from this day onward would be a definite sin for me.
I grinned widely because I don't mind that at all.
Unfortunately, Saint is hostile with relationships now, obviously not keen on letting another man walk into her life that easily. And I can't simply force her to jump straight into a relationship with me if she's not fully healed from that emotionally abusive relationship. I want her to take time in healing. But heck, I like her so bad! But rushing her is too dangerous and risky. Kailangan kong maghintay na siya mismo ang magpapapasok sa akin sa buhay niya kasi mahirap kung pipilitin pa. Baka lang mas lalo lang iyong lalayo sa akin.
Pagod, hinilot ko ang sentido. Pinagtatawanan ako ng lima na animo'y kay gagaling sa mga babae nila. We are all the same fucked-ups as far as I am aware.
"Just don't speak to her. Tiisin mong huwag siyang kausapin o kahit man lang magpakita sa kanya," magaling na suhestiyon ni Maverick.
Pinagtawanan ni Marcus sa sinabi ng kapatid niya. Umismid si Maverick ng dahil doon.
"Bakit, Kuya? Based on experience ba 'yan, huh?"
Kumunot ang noo ko. How is not speaking to Saint going be of any help to me? E 'di mas lalong lalayo iyon kung hindi ako magpaparamdam? Madaming umaaligid do'n lalo't usapan na sa buong West ang away nila ng ex niyang kupal. There were videos of their fight, making more people curious and interested on Saint. And it was hardwork, trying to prevent any suitors from coming forward, only to toss that away if I carry on as Mave would have wanted.
Kumalat naman sa campus na kami dahil iyon ang pagpapakilala niya sa akin pero humupa kaagad ang balitang iyon. Dumami ang pumalagay na hiniwalayan niya ako pagkatapos ng ilang linggo.
"She'll come running back to you, man. Trust me," Maverick clicked my glass as he downed another shot of his whiskey.
"Based on experience nga, Kuya?" walang humpay na panunutya ni Marcus kay Mave.
Labag man sa kalooban ko, pinili kong sundin ang payo ni Maverick. After all, he's older than the rest of us, so I had to trust his 'experience' as Marcus would suggest. Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan ko, hindi ba? I doubt she would come back running, but I proceeded with the plan to ignore her with empty hopes anyway.
What I learned about Saint is that she can be a little secretive of her feelings. Sometimes she could also be straight up and honest about it. Either way, I am terrified. Takot ako sa dalawa niyang personalidad.
Pulang-pula ang ilong niya matapos sabihing nakita niya raw akong gumawa ng kahalayan sa library kanina. Kahit madilim na'y nakikita ko ang pagpupuyos niya sa galit.
"Library sex, huh? You have an actual fetish for that, Range? That's disgusting!" she yelled.
I had to calm down eventhough I am overwhelmed with her jealous reaction. Kinakagat ko ang dila upang huwag ngumisi sa pagkawala niya sa sarili dahil na inis ng nakita niya 'raw' sa library.
"Ano ang ibig mong sabihin?" tinanong ko siya gamit ang mababang boses.
Kahit na halatang hindi siya kumportable sa pag-uusap na 'to, nagawa niya pa ring humalukipkip. "Akala mo ba hindi ko kayo makikita sa dulong shelves? Doon sa madilim pa talaga kayo pumuwesto na sobrang obvious?"
Saint doesn't come off to me as someone jealous or even possessive, so seeing her lose her cool and this jealous brought much excitement to my heart. Her long, silky hair danced along her back as her wet, teary eyes drenched on frustrations, a feisty girl turned absolute mad after I ignored her for days. I hate to admit, but this has to be the cutest she has been.
Are you jealous, Saint? Gusto mo bang sa'yo lang ang atensiyon ko kaya heto ka at nanggagalaiti sa inis? I don't care if she's possessive over me now. And I am the type that is easily turned off by that, but with Saint, I'd rather her be possessive of me than not care about me at all.
However, the talk with Ride thrown me off the curb. I wanted to punch his face for giving me these headaches! Siya itong nagmamagaling na naglahad na walang magse-seryosong babae sa amin dahil sa impluwensyang meron ang pamilya namin.
I don't think Saint is the kind of woman that sees me as an opportunity or a ladder to have a lavish lifestyle anyway. Hindi siya ang tipo ng na babae tumatanaw sa estado sa buhay ng mga taong nasa paligid niya. Hindi siya ganoon at malayo ang intensiyon ni Saint sa kayamanang meron kami. And if she does, I honestly couldn't care less because I realize I am in love with her.
Inamin ko na rin naman kay Saint na sa amin ang Oro Verde. But what baffled me was that she hadn't mentioned the night at all. Day by day, I realized she forgot about what happened in Palayag. As weeks passed, I confirmed that she was really oblivious of my true identity. Hindi ako sigurado pero iyon ang hinala ko. Hindi ko rin mawari kung bakit hindi niya maalala. Pero maaaring sa kalasingan niya kung ba't nalimutan niya ang ginawa namin si Oro Verde.
That is when Ride's stupid words linger on my heart like a rooted vine. Sa huli, hindi ko lubos maisip na pinagpatuloy ko ang pagtago ng totoong kong pagkatao kay Saint. And maybe a part of me was scared to lose Saint that way, too. Sobra akong masasaktan kung isa nga siya sa mga mangagagantyong sinasabi ni Ride sa akin, na gaya siya ng mga babaeng nakagisnan ko na pera ang habol sa akin.
As I've said, I couldn't care less if she does, but a part of me wishes she isn't one of them.
Somehow, Ryder convinced me to hide my identity to the only person I ever loved and cared this much. Naglalaro rin kasi sa utak ko na kung mamahalin ako ni Saint, iyon ay ako lang muna at walang kaakibat na Villaverde na tagapagmana ng Oro Verde sa balikat ko. It is fucking stupid and messed-up thinking, I know. But my rationality went down the drain when it comes to Saint. It was my own fault.
Sa paglipas ng buwan, linggo at araw, unti-unting humihirap ang pagpapanggap kong 'to. At lingid sa kaalaman ko'y mas lumalalim lang pala ang butas na ako mismo ang naghuhukay para sa sarili.
In truth, hiding my identity and being untrue to her was the biggest mistake I committed in my whole life. It did me bad more than good, I had shamefully instilled in my head. Alam ko na nagdududa siya sa mga pahapway kong mga sagot pero wala man lang akong ginawa o binago man lang. My desperation to have normal relationship with her was all I could think that I was blinded with the fact she was slowly slipping away from my grasp.
Saint did not deserve my treatment. I was so stupid and immature to put her in such disdain. I had no other choice at this point but to clean and admit my cowardness to her. I know both of my feet are already in six-feet deep and only by admitting my mistakes will it cover the grave I have made. I must tell her before everything blows out of proportion.
On my twenty-third birthday, I was ready to admit all my shortcomings to Saint. But as to why I waited that long, I also have no idea. Coming to her clean risks our relationship, but I rather be honest now than to continue pretending as someone I am not. And if I truly love Saint, I would not let fear get in the way of the truth. If what I feel towards her was sincere, I would not fear the consequences. Magiging tapat ako kasi iyon na dapat ang una kong ginawa.
Saint can act fine. She definitely can. Aakalaing mong wala siyang pinuproblema pero marami na palang bumabagabag sa kalooban niya.
Nahuli niya akong kasama si Claudia sa gabi bago ang kaarawan ko, isang araw bago ang plano kong pag-amin sa lahat ng mga kasinungalingan ko. At sa pagbuo ng luha sa mga mata niya, iyong galit na galit, hindi na ako umaasang pakikingan niya pa ang mga ipapaliwanag ko. Wala nang saysay pa ang plano kong pag-amin kung sarado na ang tainga niya para pakinggan ako.
Saint has been so distant and cold lately and seeing me with a girl would fire her up even more. I can't ever, ever cheat on her. That's the last thing I would commit. Or I thought that was her reason to why she was suddenly became distant. Hindi ko man lang nakutuban itong sinasabi niya sa akin ngayon patungkol sa relasyon namin ni Claudia.
Pulang-pula ang pisngi niya kakasigaw ng mga naipon niyang hinaing sa akin.
"Just fucking admit it, you have her for money! Aminin mo na please! Ano? Kulang na kulang ka ba at kailangan mo pang magpabayad, huh, Range? You disgusts me to hell! Sana man lang ay sinabihan mo ako para hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga sa harapan ng iba. Nakakahiya kayo!" Saint threw weakened punches to my chest.
Where will your fucking lies take you, Range?
Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng 'to kaya ano ang karapatan kong magsisi sa pagkawala ng bagay na ginusto kong manatili? I lost the love of my life due to a bet that didn't even happen. I lost Saint all because of my own foolishness and irrationality. I had no one to blame but myself.
At kung paano siya umabot sa kongklusyong piniperahan ko si Claudia, hindi ko alam. Of course, Saint thought I was a commoner, and Claudia is a Lopez, for heaven's sake. But I doubt Saint thought and pieced every detail that seamlessly on her own — someone close must've fed the parasite in her brain due to an enigmatic nature that I have painted myself. I guess in Saint's desperation to know more about my real background, she dug a different hole that led her to assume that my relationship to Claudia revolved around money.
How I wish I was more attentive to Saint's feelings. If I were, I would have prevented this whole fiasco from detonating. But also I wish I could turn back the time to correct the things I have already committed. If given a chance to go back in time, I will be honest to her from the very beginning.
At sa kasamaang palad, mukhang malabong magkakaroon pa ako ng isa pang pagkakataon na ipaliwanag ang sarili kay Saint. Sarado na ang tainga at isipan niya nang malamang may pustahan pa kami ni Maverick. And she was in utter shock upon knowing I was the heir of the whole Oro Verde. The pain and betrayal on her eyes the moment she realized what Claudia had said made sense to her... I knew then that I lost her forever.
Ang kapal naman ng mukha ko kung magpupumilit ako sa pagpapatawad niya? At kahit na labag sa kalooban ko ang desisyon kong 'to, hinayaan kong lumayo siya sa akin. Makakabuti kay Saint na malayo siya sa akin. Mas ikakabuti niyang wala ako sa tabi niya.
At kaya rin siguro hindi ko maatim na bumalik ng Pilipinas kasi takot akong makasalubong siya sa daan. Baka kasi kung ganoon ang mangyari, mapaluhod ako sa mga tala para sa isa pang imposibleng hiling, isa pang pagkakataon.
"Cancel the wedding, Mama," pagod kong binato sa desk ang wedding magazine namin ni Claudia.
Wala pang isang araw sa pagpayag kong magpakasal sa iba, aatras na kaagad ako. Sino ba kasi ang nagsabi na magpapakasal ako sa iba maliban kay Saint? Four years later, I am still madly whipped by that careless, feisty woman back in the Philippines. I refuse to marry anyone else.
"Hijo," si Mama na tinignan si Papa na para bang nanghihingi pa ng tulong. "The Lopezes wouldn't be happy to hear about your haste desicion. Ano'ng sasabihin nating rason sa pag-atras mo sa kasunduan?"
Papa sighed as a protest. Napabaling ulit si Mama sa kanya.
"Let your son decide for his own sake, Carolina. You cannot force him to marry someone he has no interest in. Pabayaan mo na," malamig na pahayag ni Papa.
"But-" Mama couldn't finish her words. She sighed eventually.
It's all planned out now. Kung takot akong umuwi ng Pilipinas, hindi kami uusad. I must get her back. Iyon ang bulong ko sa sarili. Kailangan kong isakatuparan ang planong matagal nang naglalaro sa isipan ko.
Abot-tahip ang dibdib ko sa takot sa magiging reaksiyon niya sa pagkikita namin mamaya. Will she run away from me again? What would her initial reactions be? It's given that she's angry, but what else?
Hinila ni Nanay Leticia si Marcus para raw mag-ensayo para sa pagdating nina Saint mamaya. Oro Verde offered to sponsor the hospital that Saint worked at to conduct an outreach program here in Buenavista. This plan was shot in the moon, but we've got to try every single chance we have, don't we?
Nag-eensayo si Nanay Leticia kasi ayaw niya raw na magkamali mamaya sa harapan ni Saint. Siya kasi ang sasalubong sa kanila habang nag-aantay kami ng tamang oras at t'yempo para magpakita. Nanay Leticia planned to act sad to tickle Saint's guilt. Gusto raw na paawain si Saint kung sakali mang mag-alsa balutan iyong umalis kapag nalaman niyang dito sila sa mansiyon tutuloy ng isang linggo.
Sigurado talaga si Nanay Leticia na magkukumahog si Saint umalis papalayo sa akin at papalayo sa isla.
That is fucking encouraging, isn't it?
"Saint, ikaw na nga iyan! Ganap ka na nga'ng nurse! Ako na riyan sa bag mo." Nanay Leticia begun her fake acting.
My brow automatically raised.
"O, s'yempre hindi iyon papayag na kukunin ko ang bag niya, Marcus," hinila niya sa braso si Marcus para pumirmi. "Ikaw magbitbit ng bag mo, hijo..."
"Ganito po ba?" si Marcus na hindi rin sigurado sa ginagawa.
"Iyan. Ganiyan nga!"
Marcus began acting as though he was taking his own damn bag.
Napatayo ako kaya kaya natigil sila sa pag-e-ensayo. Hinilot ko ang sentido bago nagpapalakad-lakad sa harapan nila. This is ridiculous, isn't it? At kung ganito ang asal namin, hindi ba'y magsusupetya iyon na may plano ako sa likod niya? If our actions are calculated, would it still be genuine? If we rehearse everything, for me it sounds too unnatural and forced.
"Nay, uuwi akong Iloilo!" si Marcus kay Nanay Leticia.
Nanay gave us a sample of her ridiculous sad face. "Saint. Naku! Huwag ka naman sanang umuwi kaagad? Maraming bata ang umaasa sa pagdating niyo ngayon. Paano na sila?"
Ngumiwi ako dahil hindi naman nakakaatim damdamin. It needs... more emotion. Gusto kong magmura lalo't kanina'y tutol naman ako sa pag-eensayo ni Nanay Leticia pero tignan mo naman ako na lulong na ngayon para masigurong tama nga ang gagawin at sasabihin ni Nanay Leticia para mamaya!
I am fucked up!
"Do it with more emotions, Nanay. It's not that compelling, just... yet," pinutol ko ang pag-e-ensayo niya.
Ngumiwi si Nanay Leticia at tinanaw muna ang relos. Hindi ko namalayang oras na ng pagdating nina Saint.
Unang gabi ni Saint mansiyon, iritado na kaagad ako. Sino na naman kasi iyong lalaking sumunod sa grupo nila? Manliligaw niya? Ang kinaiinisan ko pa ay ang pasadyang paglagay ni Nanay Leticia doon sa manliligaw ni Saint sa kuwarto niya! If Nanay Leticia was really on my side, why would she do that? Why would she let another man sleep with Saint?
"I thought you were on my side?" tumaas bahagya ang boses ko kay Nanay Leticia. "Ba't mo ipapatulog ang ibang lalaki sa kuwarto niya kung kampi ka sa akin?"
Nanay Leticia just shrugged me off, so I let out a frustrated grunt. But before I could walk away from her, she said a very brilliant advice.
"Kaya nga! Katukin mo o bulabugin mo sa taas kung hindi ka napapanatag dito. Ba't ba sa kasi akin ka nagrereklamo? Ano ba ang maitutulong ko sa'yo? Hindi naman ako ang tatabi kay Saint mamaya, ah? Hindi nga iyon nagreklamo sa akin. Ikaw pa ang nagrereklamo sa akin dito ngayon, hijo."
Well, Saint is Saint. Baka kasi sinakyan niya talaga ang biro ni Nanay Leticia na kinulang sa kuwarto ang mansiyon.
I sent Nanay death stares because I know her too well. She is deliberately doing this, so I no longer have any choice but to speak to Saint.
Fuck.
Sa iritasiyon ko, mabigat ang bawat pagkatok ko sa kuwarto ni Saint. Iniisip ko, kung pagbubuksan niya ako at makita ko silang magkasama. Ano naman sa akin? Saint opened her door for me when I expected she wouldn't. What annoyed me even more was the fact that she possessively guarded her door for me not to go in! Isinara niya at lumabas para harapin ako na para bang may pinuprotektahan siya riyan sa loob!
With both of us being hostile, our first talk after four dreadful years ended up with constant shouting. The fact that Saint has spent a night with another man under my roof was a hard pill for me to swallow. A hard pill because I felt so far away from her even though she's only a reach away from me.
The disgust on her face whenever we lock glances, her sarcastic remarks, was enough to knock up a few senses on my hopeful heart. She will never forgive me, ever. I should just give up, but a tad glimmer of desire in her eyes gave me hope to continue. I know I still have affect her. It is very obvious. Iyon na lang ang pinanghahawakan ko ng husto.
Her damn suitor is obviously playing with her. I saw the bastard kissing one of his staff on the second night in our theater room. That cunt was never loyal to her, huh. Nanliligaw pa lang ang gagong iyon kay Saint, iyon na ang kabalastugang ginagawa niya. Puwes, ano na lang kung sakaling sasagutin siya ni Saint?
Pero bago ko mabalaan si Saint sa manliligaw niya'y biglaan siyang naglaho sa gitna ng Oro Verde.
Siguro'y humalo ang lahat ng emosyon niya sa akin, sa nakaraan namin at sa kasalukuyang manliligaw niya. If Saint reacted that harshly about them, then I realized she must've known what's going around with her suitor and her friend? Hindi ko mapigilang magalit sa posisyon niya kasi kung niloloko siya'y hindi niya dapat hinahayaan pa!
Say fucking me who betrayed her trust too, huh?
Pinatawag ko ang ilang mga trabahante sa plantasiyon para tumulong sa paghahanap kay Saint. Nawala siya nang iwanan nila sa gitna ng Oro Verde kanina. Ipapahanap ko muna sa buong plantasiyon bago ko puntahan sa pantalan para tignan kung lumayag nga ba siya papaalis ng isla.
Ilang oras ang nakalipas, pagkababa ng araw, wala pang nakakahanap sa kanya sa buong Oro Verde. Nag-aalala na ako ng husto. Nanay Leticia glanced back at me with eyes full of concern.
"Tumulak ka na sa pantalan, hijo. Kumpirmahin mo lang na kung ligtas ba siyang nakasakay ng bangkang pa-Iloilo," utos ni Nanay Leticia sa akin.
Iyon ang minabuti kong gawin ngunit wala raw silang nakita na sumakay ng bangka na angkop sa deskripsiyon ko. Puwes, nasa isla pa si Saint. My first instinct was to think all the places I've shown her here before, and one place stood out on my mind.
Ang barnhouse. Ang barnhouse lang alam niyang lugar na maliban sa mansiyon kaya roon dapat ako pumunta.
Mamumuo ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata niya matapos akong sabihan na nagtampo siya sa pagpili ko sa kaibigan niya kanina. Hindi niya man masabi iyon ng deritso, may parte sa akin na nagsasabing nagtatampo siya ng dahil doon. I didn't choose anyone over her. I would never do that. I just had no choice earlier, given that situation. Kinailangan kong maiuwi ang kaibigan niyang puno ng putik pero ang layo noon sa sinasabi niyang iyon ang kinampihan ko.
"You believed her twisted story, Range. Sa kanya ka naniwala kanina at hindi sa akin. Siya ang inuna mo kahit kita ko nang may sugat din ako. Kinampihan mo siya..." malalim siyang humikbi.
Saint's opinions about anything matter more to me than my very own. A dangerous power she possesses over me, but what can I possibly do? And as much as I want her to dangle her feet to the water with me, I cannot demand for her to do so. Importante pa rin sa akin na willing at siya mismo ang nagdesisyon sa sarili niya na pagkatiwalaan ako.
With all the trauma I brought to her, what right do I even have to demand? I understand that my decisions and actions to her rely heavily on her willingness to let me in, forgive me or even hear me. One wrong move on my part can cause me everything that I worked hard for so far. But this time, if I still fuck-up, no more second chances for me. One wrong move and her heart will plunge into an endless chasm, and neither can the both of us save her remaining trust.
"Leave, Claudia," kalmado ko pahayag kahit na punong-puno ako ng iritasyon.
Gusto niyang sabihan ko si Saint sa kanselado naming kasal pero wala na akong nakikitang rason para sabihin pa iyon kay Saint. Kaya ito si Claudia at gumagawa ng eksena sa pagtanggi ko gusto niyang mangyari. It didn't matter to me anyway. The wedding was cancelled a long time ago, so why should it matter now?
At akala siguro ni Claudia na hindi ko pa alam na siya at mga kaibigan niya ang nagpasimuno ng tsismis kay Saint na piniperahan ko siya noon. Alam kong hindi mag-iisip ng ganoon si Saint sa sarili niya lang. Her friends poisoned Saint's mind behind my back to break us even more. She capitalized on the information that Marcus has given her regarding my relationship with Saint. And I know our relationship has cracks in the first place, but what were her reasons to break us like that?
"You are making a huge mistake! Peperahan ka niya gaya ng sinabi ni Ride! Hindi mo ba nakikita 'yan o napapansin man lang?" Claudia's powerful wail echoed across our library.
Calmly, I leaned forward on my desk. A ghost of a smile unconsciously resurfaced on my face after that ridiculous comment. I honestly don't give a fuck if Saint sees me that way. So what if she's into me for money? So fucking what?
"I don't want to be fucking rude but will you please leave our mansion?" I ordered the Lopezes without fear.
Claudia fist her palms. "But-"
"Leave while I'm still calm, will you? See yourself out, Miss Lopez." I spat.
Mama and Papa were silent after the Lopezes left our mansion unwillingly.
Noah threw an outdated wedding magazine on the circular dinning table. Not just any wedding magazine, it's a feature with me and Claudia on it. Mas napahilot ako ng sentido nang mas bumaon na sa akin ang rason kung ba't umalis na naman si Saint ng walang paalam. Umalis siya dahil sa wedding magazine na 'to. And Saint being herself, rather than asking my side of the story, she'd rather exit my life in haste. She took matters into her own hands again.
"Sanay ka namang naghahabol," natatawang sinabi ni Ride.
"Aren't you worse yourself?" pagbalik ko ng insulto sa kanya.
Ang sabi ko, huling palugit na iyong ibinigay na sa akin pero sa kaloob-looban ko, kahit alam kong imposible, may tyansang mapatawad niya pa ako. I know by this time, she already assumed I married someone else, and I can only imagine the anger brewing in her, but a risk is a must. Kailangan kong siyang sundan sa Canada. At kailangan ko siyang paliwanagan walang kasalang naganap sa pagitan namin ni Claudia.
And if, after I explained the situation to her, she chooses not to give me a chance, maybe that is when I'll give up and let her be. But first I have to chase her, as I have always been doing.
How lucky am I that Saint is stubborn but also very understanding? The risk I took paid off. Pinatawad at pinakinggan niya ako. Ang mas kinasasaya ko rito'y ang pagpayag niyang magpakasal sa akin pagkatapos ng lahat. I am terribly lucky, too, after knowing we were pregnant. That was the reason why the wedding was rushed before her tummy became noticeable.
Seven months of being married, our routine has already been engraved on my head.
Sa umaga, nauuna na akong magising sa kanya, bababa ako ng ilang minuto para kumustahin si Maximus. Pagkatapos no'y aakyat ako para maligo para tabihan ulit siya bago magising. Kailanga'y kalyulado ang bawat galaw ko kasi kung hindi, gaya ngayon, mahirap siyang patahanin kapag magigising siyang wala ako sa tabi niya.
A crying, heavily pregnant wife greeted me this morning.
Halatang kakagising lang kasi magulo pa ang buhok at nasa puti niya pang bestida. Bumama ako kay Maximus para aluhin ang asawang umiiyak. Gusto kong matawa pero kinakagat ko lang ang dila na huwag iyong gawin.
She used the back of her hand to wipe the tears rolling down her cheeks. Ang mapula niyang ilong ay sinasabihan akong kanina pa siya ngumangawa ng ganito.
Saint slightly punched my chest. "Ba't... kasi 'di mo ako ginising kung bababa ka? Hindi ba dapat gisingin mo ako para sabay na tayo?" naiirita niyang reklamo kaya 'di ko na napigilang matawa.
"I am sorry..." I bit my lower lip to stifle a chuckle. "Bukas ay gigisingin na kita kung mauuna ulit akong masiging sa'yo."
I guess our routine is now messed up, isn't it?
With our due date nearing, I wonder if our son will be more like her than me? Or is it the total opposite? But I hope he would be a perfect combination of both of us. Iyong ugali ni Saint at samahan pa ng dugong Villaverde. My heart is warm thinking about our family's future. This is everything I wished for and more.
If being cursed means spending my days with my wife likes this, then I'd asked to be cursed more. I admit I didn't treat girls right before, but to still be blessed with Saint is beyond my imagining. I am truly a lucky man. Dapat nga malala pa sana ang parusa ko pero ang suwerte ko na mabigyan pa ng biyaya, at si Saint iyon.
Communicate better, that was one of our vows. We both had to learn that the hardest way possible, didn't we? When problems arise, we can't solve it separately. We both have to navigate through all adversities thrown at us maturely. Both of us have to give the same equal amount of efforts and sacrifice to each other and for the family that we will build together. We learned that now.
Pagkalabas ko ng banyo, napuno na ang kuwarto ng musika galing sa vinyl disc na pinapatugtog niya tuwing umaga. Well, I thought I messed up our routine already, but I'm glad I haven't now that I see the same fluid sway she does every morning.
S'yempre hindi ko mapigilang hindi lumapit para saluhan siya. I held her from the back to give her a hug. She flinched, a bit startled of me, but then chuckled when she took a big whiff of my newly showered scent.
"Hmm," her tone rose a bit. "Parati ka pala nauunang gumigising, huh? Akala mo siguro hindi kita mahuhuli?"
Nahuli niya nga ako matapos ng ilang buwan. Hindi ko na napigilang matawa.
"Uh-huh," I scrunched to kiss her side temple, but Saint was quick enough to swerve her head away to avoid my kiss.
Sa pagkunot ng noo niya, alam kong may kumukulong inis sa loob-loob niya ngayon.
Lumayo siya at minasamaan niya ako ng tingin. "Ano ang ginagawa mo sa baba kung tulog pa ako?"
Man. A part of me hopes that Saint's jealousy and clinginess isn't just a phase brought by her pregnancy. Kung ibang lalaki siguro'y naiirita na siguro sa paulit-ulit na paghingi ng reassurance ng mga asawa nila pero ako ni minsa'y hindi napagod. In truth, I fucking enjoy giving Saint all the assurance she seeks from me. Minsan lang kung magselos si Saint kaya imbis na inis ang maramdaman ko, na-i-excite at naaaliw ako masyado. Isa pa, baka pagkatapos niyang manganak, wala na rin 'to. Nilulubos ko lang ang pagkakataong 'to.
Humiwalay siya sa pagkakahawak ko bago ako hinarap nang nakataas na isang kilay. Humalukipkip siya sa hindi ko agarang pagsagot. I can't help but be swayed by her reactions sometimes, and my silence is being too deep and personal to her again.
"I play with Maximus. That's it-"
"Wala kang kinikitang babae na mas bata at sexy habang tulog ako?" mas tumaas ang kilay niya.
Umismid ako at umiling. "Wala, Saint. Bukas ay gigisingin kita para makanuod ka sa ginagawa ko tuwing tulog ka pa."
What fascinates me more is how expressive she is becoming because of this pregnancy. Noon, hindi mo talaga mababasa ang nasa isipan o nararamdaman niya. Saint has always had this distinct poker face, even amid a predicament. But now, her being pregnant, she expresses every emotion with her face. Kung iritado o naiinis, gaya ngayon, iirap siya. Kung masaya at pabor sa sitwasyon sa kanya, pipigilan ang ngiti. And more. Marami pa at saulado ko na lahat 'yan.
Hindi naman siguro dala lang 'to ng pagbubuntis niya? I guess I shall see after we welcome our boy in a few weeks time. Man, if it truly is a pregnancy phase, I'll find another way to read her body language. A little sacrifice on my part again.
Her eyes narrowed, this time, she's open about the idea I just presented. "Baka naman hindi mo na kikitain iyon kasi alam mong kasama mo na ako bukas?"
If I let her deep thoughts prevail this way, it will take me the whole afternoon to explain my innocence. Halata ang gulat sa kanya nang hinagkan ko ulit siya sa baywang, umiwas ang galit niyang tingin papalayo sa akin kaya ginamit ko ang hintuturo para ipirmi ang mukha niya para matignan ako. I kissed her thoroughly, hoping this would distract her jealous thoughts away. And the way she aggressively responded to my kiss, I know I was successful yet again.
"I love you way too much to have another woman, Mrs. Villaverde." I whispered to her.
She giggled as though she was tickled by my whispers. Her soft laugh and giggles are music to my ears.