A/N: Important authors note at the end of this chapter so pleaseeee make sure you check it out!!
December 12th, 2019
Harry's POV
This is it. The night before the world is given my album. The night before I reveal a piece of myself to the larger population and for some reason that scares the shit out of me. Everyone's coming over for dinner tomorrow night, even Mum and Gemma's flight landed this morning to be here for it, but I wanted to spend tonight with her. I wanted to be in the moment with her. The album is my gift to Tilly and this time when I show it to her, I'd rather not do it the way I did last time. S'pose that wasn't the best idea come to think of it but nevertheless it doesn't fail to make me laugh when I think about the look on Dean's face. Dean. I miss him really badly. He was like a second father and I wish I could give the album to him the way I can his daughter. Before he died, I remember being on the phone with him, just a few days before we landed in Manchester.
February 15th, 2019
I shuffle on my feet as I lean against the wall outside, looking over the view as the waves are set afire by the sinking sun that melts into the deep ocean sky. I run my hand through my hair and keep the phone held out on speaker with the other.
"Hmm I can... kinda hear it..." Dean says through a deep cough and I inhale, squeezing my eyes shut as I hold back the tears.
"Here, I'll facetime you-"
"No! Don't you do that, Harold. You don't wanna see me like this." Dean says proudly and I take the phone off speaker and hold it to my ear.
"Remember when I was in year three and I broke out in really awful hives at school?" I ask him and I hear a soft laugh on the other line.
"Mum was in London and she couldn't pick me up from school and Robin was stuck in a meeting, so he wasn't picking up. So Mum told the front office lady-"
"The one with the bright red glasses and the same coloured lipstick?" Dean says and I hear the smirk through his voice.
"Yeah and somehow it always ended up on her teeth? But she was nice and always offered us saltwater taffy... Even if it was at least a month old." I say and smile.
"Tilly loved those damn lollies." He says and I smile.
"Well Mum told the office lady to call you and you had to come pick me up."
"I left work, picked both you and Til up early that day..."
"Sure did. Point being, you've seen me at my worst... I don't think it would be a problem seeing you the way you are right now, Dean." I say and I hear a sigh followed by a quick, 'Alright'.
I take the phone away from my ear and hold it up to the sky and I press facetime, after a few rings it changes from the Caller ID to Dean sat outside by his garden with a drip in his nose. His hair isn't dark and gelled to perfection anymore, rather it sits low and flat, pushed back out of his face. His eyes look hollow and the clear blue of his iris' has faded to make them look grey. The under bags of his eyes are dark, almost purple and his face is drained of any colour and life it once had. I feel a heat rise in my chest as a lump grows within my throat and I force a smile at the camera.
"Hey Dean." I say softly.
"Hello Harry." Dean responds with ten times more warmth.
I inhale sharply and do a spin, showing him the view.
"Look how beautiful it is." I say.
"You've done well, Styles my boy." Dean says and I flip the camera around and show him a more accurate view of the sunset.
"I don't ever get tired of this view, Dean." I say and he smiles as he leans in closer to the camera and his tired eyes prove to be glossy and brimming with tears.
"You know, Harry... I always wanted a son and granted I have Tilly and I love her with everything, but she's no son. She's stubborn and argumentative with a strong head upon her shoulders but I always wanted a son." Dean says as he sits back in his chair and looks out to what I assume is his garden. The very garden I grew up in that blossoms a rainbow of flowers in the spring. The green grass I lay on in summer eating ice poles with Tilly as we decipher images out of fluffy white clouds that litter the bright blue sky. The garden that's ground is covered with bright orange, yellow and red leaves that would crunch under my yellow wellies in the autumnal months. The garden that warmed my heart while I fell in love in during the cold months of Winter.
"Why didn't you have a son?" I ask him.
"Well, I guess Tilly's mother died while she was only young, and remarrying was never an option. But Harry, I've always considered you a son the way Anne considers Tilly another daughter." He says and I feel the tears grow as I listen to his words.
"Dean?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"I love you." I say.
"I love you too, my boy." He says and I feel the tears gush down my cheeks softly and slowly. There's a moment of peaceful silence as we watch the sun disappear into the ocean even further. White clouds fading into darkness upon the purple horizon.
"I want a son one day." I say softly.
"You'll make an exceptional father, but make sure you live a little first." Dean says and I chuckle.
"Dean I wanna ask you something." I say softly and he nods his head at me.
"What is it?"
"I would never be able to do it without your blessing and excuse my language, but I fucking wish to god that this wasn't the circumstance that I had to ask this because it isn't right. I should be sat at your side with a cup of tea when I ask this, or at least that's how I imagined this would go..."
"Get on with it Harry." Dean laughs and it feels good to hear him laugh.
"I just know that when we fly down-"
"She won't leave my side." Dean finishes my sentence and I feel the lump in my throat become immensely unmanageable.
"Yeah." I say softly.
"Well, flip the thingo magingo around and look at me when you ask, boyo." Dean says as he waves his index finger around the camera and I laugh, flipping the camera to look at me rather than the ocean that is now almost entirely dark.
"Dean... I'd really like to have your blessing to one day marry Matilda." I ask and Dean smiles and rubs his nose with the back of his hand.
"Promise me you'll look after her, Harry."
"I'd give up everything for her. I promise, Dean... I really, really do." I say and he nods at me in approval.
"Promise me one thing more?" Dean says and I nod my head.
"In a few days' time we know I won't be around anymore." He says sternly and a dull ache grows in my temple.
"I need you to be strong for her when it happens. Comfort her, promise her she will be okay, make her endless cups of camomile tea and when she falls physically or mentally, you pick her up." He whispers and I nod my head in agreeance as I watch the most wonderful man I know, fade into someone I barely recognise through the glow of my phone screen.
December 12th, 2019
"Hey! Whatcha up too?" I say as I rest my arms on the back of the lounge behind Tilly and she smiles, leaning forward to put her book down on the coffee table. Her hair is short, up in a small ponytail from when she cut it for her recent movie.
"I was reading The Old Man and The Sea." She mumbles.
"Ahhh, Ernest Hemmingway... Gemma's favourite!" I say and she smiles.
"What do you want, My Boy?" She asks softly, almost in annoyance.
"Well, Fish, as we both know the album drops tomorrow and you still haven't heard the majority of the songs..." I say and she jumps up and sits on her knees.
"Styles, are you asking me to have a listening party?" She asks me as she raises one eyebrow with a smirk.
"Maybe." I say and she smiles and stands to her pats the spot on the lounge next to her.
"Not here." I say and she furrows her brows.
"Okay... where are we going then?" She says and I walk to the door.
"Chuck your cons on, I'll drive." I say and she smiles, standing from the lounge and making her way to the door.
******
"When you said Hollywood sign I thought, 'Wow! That would be so sick!' but now that we're walking, I think I'm so unfit that I might actually be sick..." Tilly groans as she trails in front of me and I push her up the hill.
"It's literally just around that corner..." I call out.
"You mean the one that says, 'No Trespassing'?" She asks and I smirk.
"Yep."
We make our way past the sign and around to the fence and I squeeze through a gap in the barbed fence and she follows me through it. Her white Led Zeppelin tee-shirt that was neatly tucked into her baggy denim jeans only an hour ago is coming out all over the place and her hair comes undone from her ponytail. I offer my hand and she takes it in her own and I walk her over to the ledge and we sit underneath the first 'O' in the Hollywood sign. I pull out my phone and rest it on my black jeans.
"Wow." She says as we look out to the glowing city of Hollywood.
"Ready?" I ask and she nods.
"Remember that song you found written in my journal? The alternative lyrics?" I ask and she nods as I press play and the soft tapping at the cymbal accompanied by the keyboard begins to play. The 'Hey!' catches her off guard and she jumps, making me laugh. We listen to the song in its entirety and she begins to nod her head and a smile raises on her lips.
"Harry this is brilliant!" She says and I smile, feeling like a proud kid. Millions, if not billions, of people will hear this album tomorrow night... But her opinion is the only one that matters. The twenty-eight goldens play and I explain to her the meaning behind the fact that there's twenty-eight which she loved the personal touch. We finish the song and I explain the meaning behind it to her.
"I love you, I really do, y'know..." She says and I smile.
"And of course, you would have heard Watermelon Sugar..." I mumble, feeling suddenly shy around her. I play the song and she dance around while sitting next to me and I can't help but dance with her.
"May I ask the meaning of the song title though?" She says and I scratch the back of my neck, awkwardness rushing over me.
"Well... the first time I uh..."
"Went down on me?" She says confidently and I exhale a smile.
"Yeah. You were wearing a green bra and pink undies." I say and her mouth widens, and she breaks out into laughter, her head tilting back in the afternoon sun.
I press play on track three, 'Adore You', and she nods her head to the beat.
"This song means a lot to me because I wrote it about the start of our relationship. Finding the bearings and discovering what we are more if we're more than friends, it's also the next single so we'll have a music video out by early January." I say and she smiles.
"Walk in your rainbow paradise..." My voice sings and I press pause and look at her and it takes her a second until the lyric processes in her head.
"Paris... The small room we called our rainbow-"
"Paradise." We say in unison and she smiles.
I press play and my voice picks up again.
"Strawberry lipstick state of mind, would you believe it? You don't have to say you love me; you don't have to say nothing... you don't have to say your mine, honey!" She smiles at me, her teeth gently tugging at her bottom lip as the chorus picks up which she can't help but dance too and I dance along with her. Her fingers dance in the air as the girls' voice pick up in the background vocals over Mitch's guitar solo and I smile at her as she tries to sing it, unaware of the lyrics.
"Walk through fire for you! Just let me adore you!" She sings out, pointing at me with shimmying finger guns and I laugh at her. The song ends and Lights Up begins to play and she smiles, looking into the distance of the city beneath us. She moves her head about slowly as she listens to the music.
"I really loved the music video, H... One could say I 'adored' it." She smiles and I nudge her playfully. We listen to Lights Up and once my voice is drowned out by silence, I feel a slight nervousness come up in my chest when the acoustic guitar of 'Cherry' picks up and I pause it.
"Tilly before Cherry starts-"
"Cherry?" She asks.
"Your hipbone tattoo is a cherry... it made sense." I say and a soft smirk curls up on her lips.
"Hey, don't worry though... whatever it is, I'll love it because you wrote it." She says and she rests her head upon my shoulder, and I restart the song for her, the guitar finding its way to fill the air once more.
"Don't you call him baby... We're not talking lately... Don't you call him what you used to call me... I, I confess... I can tell that you were at your best, I'm selfish so I'm hating it." My voice sings and she lifts her head from my shoulder and closes her eyes, her hands remaining in her lap and I look at her as the afternoon sun glistens, showing off her baby hairs in the glow.
"You were doing so well in acting and I was selfish. I wanted to keep you away from the world, protect you... but we aren't little kids anymore and you loved someone else." I say and she turns to me, slowly opening her eyes with a soft smile. She takes my hand in her lap, running her fingers over my knuckles and looks back to the view.
"I notice that there's a piece of you in how I dress, take it as a compliment." My voice sings and she looks down at my hand and lifts it up, admiring my rings.
"I never liked rings until you wore them, then I couldn't live without them." I say and she kisses each ring, ever so gently.
"I just miss... I just miss your accent and your friends... did you know I still talk to them?" I sing and she smiles.
"Does he take you walking round his parent's gallery?" I sing and she turns her head to me quickly and smirks.
"No, no, he never did." She affirms and I smile, pressing my lips to her forehead. The chorus picks up again and the screams of my voice drown out the music, followed by silence. She sits waiting for the next song but instead, a guitar picks up and I look to her, waiting for her reaction.
"Hey, this is the same rift you were playing on the balcony of my old apartment... The recording, right?" She says and I stare at her, my eyes flickering between her own... and then her voice picks up and she stares down at the phone with her lips slightly parted and knitted brows. I press my lips into a straight line and cringe at the silence between us... but then to my surprise she laughs.
"What the fuck is my voice doing on your album!" She says with a wide smile and I shake my head at her frantically.
"You're not mad?" I ask.
"Of course not! Just surprised! That's me talking to Montelle!" She exclaims with a sudden burst of happiness and I nod my head.
"Yes, yes, it is!"
Track six, Falling, plays and she listens to it and despite the fact she's heard it, she closes her eyes and takes each lyric, every instrument and characteristic of the song in as she finds new meaning for each song. To Be So Lonely plays and she laughs and tells me how I shouldn't self-depreciate myself... but she finds the soft blows at her amusing which I hoped she would.
"This one is Mitch's favourite." I say as She begins to play. She takes in the song, tapping her fingers on my knee with every high pitched 'She'. The guitar solo picks up and her mouth widens.
"This is fucking sick! Mitch is a god!" She says.
"Don't tell him that, it'll fuel his ego." I say.
"Nope! Next time I see Mitch Rowland I intend on telling him how amazing he is." She says and I smile.
"He'd like that... a little too much."
Sunflower Vol. 6 plays and I announce the title to her, explaining that when we were younger my favourite thing about her house was that a vinyl would always be playing on her Dad's record player in the living room on volume six and we take in the song.
"I wrote this song about kissing you in the kitchen." I say and she laughs.
"I can see that."
Canyon Moon plays and she instantly recognises the guitar.
"Gotta see it to believe it, sky never looked so blue. So hard to leave it, that's what I always do." My voice sings and she smiles widely.
"Our road trip!" She squeals and I nod.
"So I keep thinking back to the time under the canyon moon." She listens to my voice and nods her head, realising.
"The world's happy waiting, doors yellow broken blue."
"The motel door!" She says and I nod again.
"I heard Jenny saying, "Go get the kids from school!" And I keep thinking back to the time under the canyon moon." I sing and she stands up to dance, pulling my hands up. We dance around underneath the Hollywood sign, listening to the chorus and the next verse.
"Through Paris all through Rome and I'm still thinking back to a time under the canyon moon."
"No fucking way... Paris and Rome, that's where we went!" She says and I smile at her childlike happiness.
"This is incredible! All the details are so great, Harry, truely!" She says as we dance.
"Maybe we can find a place to feel good and we can treat people with kindness, find a place to feel good!"
Tilly stops dancing again and stands still, her arms held by her side. The sun beginning to set behind her as she faces me side-on. I pick up my phone and take a photo of her without her noticing. She looks breathtakingly beautiful. She throws her hands up in the air and begins to dance around again, spinning with her arms around her and moving her hips to the beat.
"I love it!" She screams at me and I watch her as she dances.
"Maybe we can (all together now) We can (one more time!) Find a place to feel good (oh yeah) And we can treat people with kindness (just a little more kindness) Find a place to feel good!" She runs over to me and kisses my lips.
"You're incredible!" She says and I feel so happy I could burst at the seams and meltdown the side of the ledge.
"Tilly..."
"No! Don't you dare undermine yourself! You're so talented, so innovative, so fucking incredible at singing... My god I sound like a dying seagull when I sing! I cannot believe you-"
"Tilly..."
"Did I say you're talented? I feel like I need to say it again, right?"
I walk over and plant a kiss on her lips, my hands holding her cheeks while my thumb gently glides across her jaw.
"And you're really good at that." She says more quietly. The sun begins to set in the distance and the lights below us in the city have begun to turn on.
"I need you to sit down and listen to this song with me. This is the last one, it's also the title of the album." I say and she nods, sitting down on the ledge.
"Do you remember the night I told you I loved you?" I ask her.
"Every second of it." She says and I smile.
"Why's that?" She asks.
"You'll find out." I say as I press play on the phone and the music picks up, followed by a single guitar.
"Put a price on emotion... looking for something to buy..." My voice sings and she lifts her gaze from her lap and looks out onto the city. Her shoulders become stiff, but her breathing is relaxed as her shoulders rise and fall with each breath. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply.
"You've got my devotion... But man, I can hate you sometimes..."
"Our fight." She whispers and I nod.
"And I don't want to sleep in the dirt."
She laughs softly and I notice she's crying. Her tears roll down her cheeks and I watch as she breathes in the truth of that night. I almost lost her. It was such a fine line.
We'll get the drinks in... so I'll get to thinking of her..."
"We'll be a fine line..."
The line repeats itself six times, one for each time I wanted to tell her I loved her. One for each perfect moment I was never strong enough to tell her how much I fucking loved her. One for each time that was perfectly suited to tell her I loved her, instead I used it as a way to stop her from walking out the door. I wish I hadn't.
"Test of my patience... There's things that we'll never know."
"You sunshine, you temptress... My hand's at risk, I fold."
"Fuck." She says softly.
"Crisp trepidation, I'll try to shake this soon... Spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you..."
The final serenade play's and she begins to sob quietly. Tears rushing down her cheeks and I watch as she breaks down.
"Every... moment... it's playing in my head..." She whispers.
"From kindergarten to that stupid Halloween party, to X-Factor to your long hair, to long-distance texting... From funerals to parties to tears... friendship that turned into love, Harry it's all playing in my head." She says and I begin to feel tears of my own form. After the song finishes, we sit in silence until Tilly breaths in a quick exhale.
"Explain Fine Line to me... Why are we a 'Fine Line', Harry?" She asks, her eyes still closed.
"When people get old their skin falls into fine lines that show a life well-lived. Their skin has felt and seen things as they have grown older. The fine lines and wrinkles, as much as we hate them, they're the cover to our fantastic books. We've known one another since we were kids so the cover of our book has seen many things... meaning we have many fine lines. We've grown together and we've grown apart but when it comes down to it, you're the proof of my fine lines and I'm the proof of yours." I say and she smiles at me.
"I've never asked Tilly, but I want you to be my girlfriend... officially." I say and she smiles widely.
"I thought you'd never ask, Harry Styles."
A/N: So! Few orders of business:
First and foremost we hit 22.3k reads this morning and that is insanity to me! Only two chapters ago I was thanking everyone for 14k! So welcome to my new readers, its such a pleasure having you here so keep voting and commenting!
Next: This has been a crazy ride but there are only five more chapters left of this book and one epilogue chapter! So keep an eye out for that.
I'm also in the beginning stages of writing my next book!!!!!
That's so exciting! I'll leave a link for the mood board here: https://pin.it/665yc1Q
I'm remaining tight-lipped on the next book, but the mood board should give you the real vibe and aesthetic of it.