GENERAL WARNING: Hello! I've briefly mentioned it before, but this book will be more mature than my others. It deals with topics that could be upsetting to some readers and also slight sexual content that is a bit more intense than my usual fluff. I'm not claiming that this book is strictly for a certain age group only or that it's "that bad", in fact, some of you might not see the need for a warning at all, but I know there could be younger readers or people who are sensitive/would rather skip such things so I wanted to give a warning out. From this point in the book and on, there will be some scenes that need to be addressed with *** to clarify that it is for slightly more mature audiences.
Thanks!
-Rae/Becca
~~~
SAVE PARK JIMIN. SAVE PARK JIMIN. SAVE PARK JIMIN.
Your mind was screaming those three words over and over again as you clutched tightly onto the steering wheel. The leather under your clammy skin wasn't comforting and it didn't feel as if you truly had much control over the vehicle.
You were confused and terrified.
Outside, you could see that it was pouring down rain which made the driving situation even worse. The rain was pelting your window like bullets and obstructed your vision as the road in front of you became harder to see.
You jumped and yelped a bit when a flash of lightning touched the sky, but you kept going. Maybe you were foolish, but what had just happened to you in your bathroom mirror felt like some sort of haunting confirmation that your unease and fears had been well placed all along.
Now you might be chasing nothing when you should be calling a paranormal investigator, but somehow you knew where to go even if the reasoning wasn't clear.
You leaned closer to the steering wheel in order to see better as your car moved uphill and you tried to not look out the side of your passenger window. It was a long fall down, and one you didn't want to take.
You carefully rubbed the goosebumps that had formed against your forearms and cursed the lack of warmth that your pajamas provided as you attempted to seek an alternative source of heat while driving. Turning to the car's control panel, you fiddled with the heating while the storm reined on outside.
Looking down once was all it took.
Your head snapped upwards as light flooded your vision, and before you could even properly scream, you yanked the steering wheel as hard as you could to the right.
Then there was cold darkness, and then, you were drowning.
~~~
You felt itchy and anxious, maybe even more so than the first time you had been standing in the same position you were right then.
The sequins of your slightly more revealing dress pressed irritably against your skin as you laced your fingers together and breathed out in a way to calm your nerves. The cold air against your exposed back wasn't helping your discomfort then as you shook your head in disbelief.
Just as time had rushed 19's departure, it had rushed something else as well. And now you were gearing up to face it.
"We don't have to do this you know. I can talk to the ringmaster, we can-"
"No it's ok. That wouldn't be fair to you, and I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
It was already time for your and Jimin's second performance.
You were fine. Really, you were. 19 was gone, but things were moving on and you were doing your best to keep your head up. You made a promise and a commitment, so it didn't matter that you had taken a period of time to mourn. You were still going to uphold your end and see the whole mess through to it.
You thought you were ready and had spent a whole day mentally preparing yourself, but unfortunately your dream from the night before had shaken you up a bit, and now you could barely recall why.
All you could remember was that your dream wasn't the usual feeling of drowning, but had been some hazy recollection that involved driving. You couldn't remember very well and had to assume it was caused by nerves and thoughts of Jimin, who's connection to you apparently involved a car accident.
You tried to shake the shivers coating your spine caused by the dream away completely regardless of the new visions you were experiencing. Right then, although maybe in the past you would have given the rare presence of dreams more thought, you had more important things to worry about.
Like the fact that you would be on stage with Jimin in 10 minutes.
You watched the rush of people scrambling about in the back trying to get ready while you fidgeted in your discomfort. The ringmaster commanded a few shadows in a harsh tone to help out due to the shortness of workers while different tiers worked their positions.
You coughed when a silver worker ran past and threw more powders against your face as if you didn't have enough already. She was gone quickly and you waved the dust out of the air to see Jimin also getting last minute preparations done on the other side of the stage behind the first curtain.
He was looking at you out of the corner of his eye from the distance while make up artists tried to part his black strands exactly right against his forehead. He looked away the moment you met his eyes, and you couldn't help but notice that maybe the workers had overdone it with the blush. His face was really pink.
It wasn't your place to judge however, so you shrugged off the observation while noting that like usual, Jimin looked beyond stunning and ready to be basked in the stage lights.
You breathed out once more and moved closer to the curtain to lightly peek from behind it. You saw the currently empty stage and people bustling about trying to get to their seats in excitement. You were about to entertain these people, and most likely for the last time.
You hadn't told Jimin yet, but you saw no reason to continue dancing with him. It wasn't that you didn't like it... per say... but it was a lot of work, and now, it was a lot of work for nothing. In fact, you didn't even plan on collecting your memory that was supposed to come from the current dance. It meant nothing to you these days.
You hoped your friend would understand, and you still planned on spending time with him even without the excuses of practicing. In fact, you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, even maybe more than before. You just held guilt that he wouldn't continue to receive the deal you were against, but he might still yearn for.
A warmth touched your heart when you observed that 25 and 52, who usually hated the show, were sitting on the tops of the bleachers just as they had last time with 19. Your throat tightened in remembrance of those times, but a happiness still lingered in the memory.
Lost in your thoughts, you hadn't even noticed someone behind you until you felt a hand on your shoulder.
The touch was cold, and you jumped in fear while quickly drawing away from the curtain to whirl around and face whoever had startled you in such a way. Your heart had been hammering, but it lessened slightly when you recognized the form in front of you.
9 was smiling and winked while holding a finger to his lips when you faced him and your own parted slightly in surprise. You didn't think he was allowed back stage and wasn't quite sure how he had gotten there. He held the vendor tray around his neck and quickly moved his head to throw the bangs out of his eyes while allowing them to trail your form.
"God, 79," he made out while peering at your unusual attire. You flushed and suddenly felt more exposed than ever as you recognized the true nature of your outfit. You knew it had been a bit too much, but when trying it on in front of Jimin you hadn't felt as uncomfortable so had assumed it would be OK. "You look great."
"Oh, well," you laughed in embarrassment and folded your arms in front of you while looking down. "It's different than what I usually wear for sure."
9 simply hummed, and you straightened your spine when you recalled his odd presence.
"What are you doing back here?" You questioned, allowing your eyes to flicker about to see if anyone had noticed he was there. The ringmaster was busy prepping to go on stage and Jimin was talking to a stylist, so no one had caught sight of the tall male.
"Just talking to you," he spoke simply with a smug smile, and you forced a laugh. "You know, since you're always busy."
You felt a bit guilty then and could kick yourself in the remembrance of promising to show him around the Between forever ago. You still hadn't gotten around to it, and by now he probably knew everything just by seeing it for himself.
"I-I'm really sorry," you made out while mentally scolding yourself and shaking your head. "Really, I am. I promised to show you around and stuff, but I've just had so much on my plate. I hope you understand?"
You looked up at him in a hopeful manner, and the male's green eyes seemed to flicker slightly before he held his head up and pursed his lips in thought.
"Hmm, I do," he caved, and you smiled. "But after the performance you'll be free, right?"
Your face fell.
No, you weren't free. Jimin had already planned to take you to the afterparty at the bar again, but because it wasn't really your scene the two of you were wanting to take the food and split to hang out at his hotel room instead.
You felt nerves dance in your chest as you hesitated and 9 could clearly see right through you.
"Ah. So you aren't free? You have plans with 62 then, I'm assuming?"
Your silence was enough of an answer and guilt began to eat you alive as his eyes darkened a bit and he looked away.
"You spend a lot of time with him, I thought maybe you could spare some time. Not even that much. I just wanted to talk to you, after all." His eyes caught yours once more and you stiffened. Sudden remembrance of wanting to talk to 9 touched your mind as you recalled his intriguing nature.
And now your uncontrollable force of curiosity was whirling as he mentioned wanting to talk to you as well. What could it be about? You tried not to bite your lower lip in fear of ruining your makeup as you watched 9 clench more tightly onto the vendor's tray as his gaze trailed you once more.
"Wait," you finally made out, giving in. His attention snapped back upwards, and you met his green orbs in an awkward confidence. "I think I can spare some time, right after the performance. You just want to talk, right?"
"Right," He agreed with a grin, "That sounds perfect. Don't worry, I won't take up much of your time." His tone was deep and you found it slightly riveting right then as you hoped he was right.
You didn't want hide things from Jimin, but you figured you could talk to 9 right after the performance then meet up with him at the party. There was no need to upset your dance partner over nothing, and he got upset towards the mention of anything regarding 9.
You nodded, and thought maybe 9 would move back to the stands to sell concessions, but he was still there.
"One more thing," he made out, and you watched as he took one of the items off the vendor tray. It was a bottle of water. He stretched the item out to you and you took it with curiosity present in your mind. "I'm sure dancing is hard, right? So right after the show I figured you might need this, 'cause you're tired and all. Then come meet me. I'll be waiting next to the food truck."
"O-Oh," you stammered while looking down at the bottle. The color of the reflective water seemed to be a bit distorted in the odd lighting behind stage and looked rather pretty, as if it held a different hue. It was a thoughtful gift you supposed, so you smiled towards him. "Thanks!"
A playful expression danced through his gaze as he winked and gave you one more look before casually throwing back a "no problem" and walking back out from behind the curtain as if he held no worries.
You clutched tightly onto the water bottle and sighed as nerves danced in your stomach once more and you tried to ready yourself to dance. The ringmaster seemed to have talked to the sound guys and was now ready to go.
You watched as he held the microphone in his hands and the music and stage lights started as his blank form pushed through the front curtains.
The show was starting.
Jimin was already getting ready in the correct position and was eyeing you in worry as he noticed your nervous form from afar. You didn't want to worry him, but you couldn't help but be nervous.
The new intimate routine paired with your inexperience and lack of skill made you feel unworthy to be on stage, and although you might have slightly enjoyed the feeling last time, you couldn't look past your insecurities to relish in the memory.
You felt exposed and chilled as the cold air touched your skin, and your mouth suddenly went dry as you tried not to tremble.
You could do this... right?
Your mind whirled in remembrance of practice as you walked through the routine in your mind. What had Jimin said last time?
"If you trip, just make it part of the dance."
Easy for someone like him to say. If you messed up, you'd crash to the floor. That was why you didn't want to mess up the performance for him.
You tightly grasped onto the plastic of the water bottle in your grip as some of the stage workers urged you to go stand with Jimin. You were lightly shaking, but nodded in agreement.
Before going to the starting position, you looked for a good spot to put the water bottle down. Walking over to a stray chair, you almost sat the contained liquid down before peering at it further. Your nerves had led you to not eat or drink much that day, and you couldn't help but admit that even before the dance the sound of water felt enticing.
Hesitation touched you just slightly before you shrugged and and opened the bottle with ease. Before giving the situation any more thought, you brought the object to your lips and allowed the room temperatured water to slide down your throat. It felt satisfying, so you continued to drink until over half of it was gone.
You were surprised when you began coughing; as if the liquid was denser than it should have been. The taste also held a faded bitterness, but it wasn't strong so you figured you had just accidently allowed the water to go down the wrong pipe.
You tightly tapped your chest to make sure everything was out of your system before breathing out and putting the cap back on the bottle. After sitting it back on the chair, you had to admit it felt better to have allowed the liquid to enter your deprived system.
Now you felt slightly more ready to perform as you whirled around to see where Jimin was so you could make your way over to him. You could hear the ringmaster introducing the night's show like a loud echo that made it's way through the tent.
It rang through your ears as you locked eyes with Jimin... and suddenly felt strange.
You faltered a bit as your nerves seemed to lift to where you felt light... but somehow heavy at the same time. Your head became slightly clouded, and you blinked as it suddenly seemed as if a warm buzz was penetrating your system.
You shook your head a bit at this weird sensation and it cleared just slightly as you moved in front of Jimin and he softly smiled at you with both a teasing and worried light touching his eyes.
"Ready, peanut?" He spoke through his soft expression, but you couldn't hear him very well in the sudden buzzing that returned to your ears. You blinked and tilted your head as even your vision seemed to be flickering in how you were seeing the hue of the lighting.
"Huh?" You attempted to question, but for some reason you weren't even sure if you could hear your own voice. You felt odd, as if your mind and body weren't properly working in sync. Jimin clearly wasn't aware of your predicament and continued to speak as you listened to the rhythms of his soothing voice that escaped his parted lips.
"You know... are you ready? You looked a bit nervous over there, so I just wanted to make sure everything was OK." He rubbed the back of his neck and pursed his lips a bit as your eyes scanned his face and you took a bit longer to respond than you should have.
"I'm not nervous," you admitted hesitantly, and found that you truly weren't.
All feelings of anxiety were completely gone and instead replaced with that continuous odd sensation buzzing through your veins. Jimin met your eyes and saw that this was true. You no longer held any signs of nerves in your orbs.
Relief washed through him as he assumed you had calmed down and finally gained confidence in your performance abilities. He smiled at you and fell slightly prey to the way you were looking at him as he held eye contact.
Your eyes were beautiful, and he lingered in the way his stomach fluttered. For a moment, he thought maybe your orbs held a purple hue, but it must have been a trick in the odd lighting behind stage.
"That's good then," he spoke while keeping his kind smile, and his hands slid against your waist to pull you closer.
The moment he touched you, everything went to hell.
***
You gasped as suddenly his touch was the only thing you could think about and his skin left a burning trail against yours. The world blurred then slowed as time seemed to move in a different way under his hold.
Vision coated in a new light, that buzzing that had lightly penetrated your system before returned in a much stronger way as the odd warmth filled you completely.
Your brain clearly wasn't functioning correctly, because right then all it could think about was one thing.
You... wanted something. No, needed something. There was an intense desire burning through your system that craved to be satisfied, and you froze as this overwhelming sensation shook you.
At first you only relished in what was happening as you felt a pulsing warmth against your core and you began to shake in sudden wants. You breathed out to calm them.
These feelings weren't familiar to you, and if you had had them before then you couldn't recognize what they were in it's full overwhelming strength.
Suddenly, your mind drifted further into sinful territory.
Against your will that seemed to be separated from the situation entirely, you wondered what things could happen to satisfy these sudden needs and feelings.
You wanted someone to... touch you. Do things to you. In any way that they pleased, but preferably in a way that would pleasure you entirely and to the fullest.
But who? For a split second, you didn't quite care. Then you remembered who was touching you, and your heart lurched as for a moment, it finally slightly recognized the feelings you were experiencing and found the ability to match it to only one name.
Time was on a bit of a different plane and your senses were still rather blurred, but you could just make out Jimin's worried expression upon hearing your gasp as the ringmaster began to introduce the two of you to the audience.
You were about to dance, but all you could care about was the guy in front of you. You heard the echoing of the ringmaster call the name Park Jimin through the pulsing flooding your system, and suddenly you knew the answer.
It was Jimin, wasn't it? He could satisfy you in more ways than one. His body was familiar, and you knew it well enough to know the things he could potentially do.
Your dance partner was completely oblivious to what was happening and only knew he could feel your light shaking under his palms. Worry stayed present against his face. It was too late to call off the dance.
In fact, the curtain was already going up.
"Peanut?" He still managed to question in concern right before that moment, and his words speaking your 'name' fueled what you knew was true as your eyes darkened and your arms found their place around his neck.
Don't tease me, Jimin. Not anymore.
You were basked under a sudden blinding light, and Jimin had no choice but to start the performance. He moved, and even in your blurred state, your body knew what to do. You had, after all, practiced hundreds of times.
Even if you couldn't be satisfied immediately, the surging heat found pleasure in the familiar routine that was full of intimate moments and a closeness you craved more than anything.
The audience was nonexistent to you as you only focused on he that held you pulled so close to him. In the past, you had done your best to maximize the allowed distance between the two of you, but now all you wanted was him as close as possible.
It was still a dance however, and thankfully you were aware of this fact and didn't stop the performance completely when the closeness came.
His warm breath touched you in a way that was so pleasing that you wanted to have it fan against every bit of your body. You shuddered when it stayed against your neck however, and when he moved to the next portion of the dance, you truly took him in while allowing his touch to trail against your skin.
Jimin's eyes were deep in the concentration he usually held when dancing, and this mesmerized you before you swallowed hard and truly took in his form. His jaw line was somehow sharp and soft all at once, and his body was built so perfectly.
The way he moved did things to you, and your form lurched in want when he was suddenly holding you close once more. Thankfully the movement was slight and wasn't enough to throw off the dance, but Jimin did acknowledge it.
During practice you had always felt a bit distant during that bit, but now your hips were practically against his and Jimin was quick to harshly bite his lower lip in order to dispose of his own sudden rising thoughts. He had to force them away.
They were too lustful.
You did however look tempting in your attire on stage, and Jimin noted that he had a hard time focusing upon noting that your expression... was perfect. He had scolded you in the past for not doing well on your gaze during the dance, but now you were looking at him in a way that suited the performance perfectly.
Your eyes were only on him and were full of a blissful want and passion. If he didn't know any better, then he would be fooled into thinking your gaze was disconnected from the dance entirely.
It's just for the performance, Jimin. Stop thinking like that. Focus on the dance, pervert.
You were nearing the end of the routine, and you recognized the moment with a beating heart. You hadn't once paid attention to the awe of the crowd and all the pairs of eyes on you, and the distant form of the ringmaster watching from afar was even more faded into the hazy background.
You just... didn't care.
The moment was coming, and in the back of your blurred mind you recalled all the times you had practiced the end of the routine in the past. Even back then, your forehead connected to Jimin's had been... heated. Sharing the same breath was intimate and tempting.
Jimin dipped you as the music you hadn't thought about once or had even cared to hear ended, and suddenly you were relishing in this familiar feeling once more. However, unlike the other times, you stared only at his lips.
It wasn't fair, he was still teasing you.
They were so full and perfect, and you could just imagine them against you. You could imagine them against yours. His breath was heavy, and you released a shuttering sigh as the dance ended and you fought control.
Didn't he know what he was doing to you?!
Time stilled again as you continued to stare at Jimin, and he seemed to finally notice your unusually weak frame. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he drew back just enough to open his eyes and look into yours.
You met his only for a moment before looking at his lips once more. Time was moving as slow as a single heartbeat, and suddenly you found you couldn't hold back any longer.
You kissed Park Jimin, and the curtain fell.