The car journey was long and quiet. We only properly spoke when we drove to and ordered McDonalds for lunch halfway.
It wasn't exactly an uncomfortable silence, but it also wasn't our normal quietness; there was tension between us.
You could tell something had happened - anyone could.
I hated it. I just wanted to go back to our easy, laidback way of being, but I also couldn't ignore how I felt. I wasn't just going to ignore my feelings because I missed something when I could embrace how I was feeling and find a way to sort it out and then we could potentially be even better than before.
But that is the thing with me, I will sort out the small stuff but turn a blind eye to the important stuff.
I placed the straw in my mouth, taking a sip of my ice-cold Fanta. My whole body faced oriented towards the window. The hour and half that we had been in the car made me realise how much I hated this, us not speaking.
I knew I was pushing him away, I did. It's just hard unlearning old defence mechanisms that helped you survive when you were younger. That helped you think that you didn't care because you had pushed them out of your life. It worked before but what I had to realise was that my way of dealing with situations like these was out-dated. It no longer served me. Jace was nothing like my father and would not just heartlessly leave and turn against me like my Dad had. At least, I hoped not.
Jace's reflection on the window caught my attention. He looked deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowing together a little and his head pushed back into the head rest. His window was open, allowing him to rest his left arm on the door as his left hand clutched onto the wheel and took full control of the car. Every now and then he ran his right hand through his messy looking hair that was blowing with the wind. It looked unruly and I wanted to run my hands through it again. He looked undoubtedly good looking.
I stopped gawping at Jace and returned my attention to the speed that the world whizzed past my eyes.
"Jace?"
"Yeah," he softly replied.
"I'm going to be completely honest: I'm getting mixed signals. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. One-minute you're giving me all the right ones to go ahead with this. Make it work. But then the next you're acting all cold. We kissed on the beach and then I didn't see you for weeks but now you're back again. Do you know how confusing that is?"
"I do and I'm sorry, Princess. I would never want to intentionally make you feel that way. I like you, a lot. I'm just a very private person, I don't talk about stuff easily unless it's important to me. But I will try more, for you." He placed his hand on mine and brought it up to his lips. He kissed the back of my hand and placed our interwoven hands on his lap.
He was here for me. It was nice to feel that; a male actually being there for you. The predominant male figure in my life miserably failed at making me feel wanted, making me feel like I was not enough and not worth waiting or fighting for. Jace made me feel like I was.
I sighed. I felt better now that I had addressed and said it to Jace but something inside me was still worrying.
I decided to ignore my worried feeling just for now. Just so I could enjoy my day with Jace.
With my drink in my hand, I shook it, seeing how much was left. I lifted the drink to my mouth, about to finish it off when it was taken out of my hand.
I observed as Jace replaced where my hand was seconds before with my drink and lifted it to his mouth. He watched me as he ran his tongue over the top of the straw before placing it in his mouth.
Jace made me feel nervous. When his eyes were set on me and only me it made me feel all types of different ways but the butterflies that were floating around in my stomach were one of the things that were reoccurring.
My palms started to get clammy, something that frequently happens whenever I am nervous. His intense stare finally returned to the road and off me. I deeply exhaled and let out a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding in. I rubbed my hands on my jeans at an attempt to calm my breathing and heartrate down.
If he was trying to get a reaction out of me, he had succeeded.
*
I split this chapter into two, so that's why it is slightly shorter than normal. I kind of had a mini writers block whilst writing this, but I got everything I wanted to write, written. I like the way Ivy decides to confront most things rather than letting it build up. Honestly, that's something I'm trying to do more myself lmao.
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