Lost↲
Frank Ocean
"Now you're lost, lost in the heat of it all . . ."
≡
Izuku groaned and grimaced as he turned in his sleep. His breathing flashed around in uneven spouts as distorted images fluttered around in his mind—fogging his senses. Another inexplicable dream, or nightmare at this point, plaguing him until he couldn't breathe; fracturing his veiled thoughts like knives; inevitably leaving him with misguided pieces of information he knew nothing about. But the real question was why?
They had always been there, however, more so when he had met Katsuki. Simple daydreams he had no control over had turned to dreams which turned to frustrating nights awake. And as the days were being hauled by unforgiving forces his dreams became more vivid, trance-like, and lucid.
Like memories. Memories he was sure he had but never recalled living and Izuku could not help but wonder what they all meant. For some were good, an assortment of cherished colors and love-veiled laughs . . . However, some were bad. Like now.
His skin screamed as rough palms grazed them and his head spun as they pushed against the wood. It wasn't real, he knew that, but maybe that was the worst part—he knew they weren't real yet there was nothing he could do from falling. He tumbled . . . cracked . . . fell . . . gone.
Izuku gasped as a warm hand lifted him from his slumber, cold air nipping the base of his throat and cooling the liquid pearls pooling at his forehead. Emerald eyes searched desperately in the dissipating darkness of the room, landing on a familiar pair of scarlet eyes big with worry beneath the moonlight. Katsuki.
"I heard you from down the hall . . . you were screaming . . ." he whispered, biting his lip as he threw caution to the wind—his finger glided through the younger's locks soothingly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Izuku breathed out pressing the flat of his hand against his thumping heart. "It was just a—just a bad dream." he attempted to calm his erratic breathing much to no prevail.
However, Katsuki remained unconvinced as he pulled his legs under him, slightly rocking the springs as he did so. He recalled a time years ago, the last time he had caught Izuku after another nightmare, the boy had appeared dazed then just as he is now while he rocked back and forth. Usually, the elder would accompany him until he fell back asleep—for they had developed a system of simple actions the blond could always do in order to get Izuku to sleep.
But Izuku didn't know that now.
"I'm sorry I woke you up," the younger's head felling into his hands. "I'll be fine, you can go back to sleep now."
"But can you go back to sleep?" Katsuki countered, his features pulling downwards.
Izuku cocked an eyebrow as he measured the blond's face. "What do you care?"
I care because I love you. I care because I never stopped loving you.
"I know what it's like to get really bad nightmares," Katsuki hummed, his fingers deftly curling into the loose strands of the duvet. "Like you're trapped and confused, you know it's fake but that doesn't stop you from—"
"—Getting scared . . . feeling lost," Izuku finished with a sigh.
The man was right and Izuku knew it. His dreams . . . nightmares . . . unexplainable memories were like raindrops being propelled onto a window. A new came every second and replaced the other, similar to the last but with its own intricate detail. In short, they hardly made any sense yet still managed to frighten him. But if he were being truly and unmistakably honest, with not only himself but with this man before him, the worst part of them all was the loneliness he felt during and afterward. It truly was like being trapped. He was paralyzed in his dream-locked haze and awakened to an empty bed longing to be cradled as he attempted to quiet his fearful and flummoxed mind.
Yet that warmth from another never did appear when he needed it most.
"What do you usually do when you get them?" he asked in a brittle stream of words, his shoulders hunching over.
Katsuki tentatively placed a hand above his as a bittersweet smile painted across the coral of his lips. "I had a friend who stayed with me until I fell back asleep," he chuckled while biting back the rest of the words that laved across his tongue.
The freckled boy fell silent once more as he wiped away at the involuntary saline pearls that wrapped around his cheeks. He was crying. Shocked, Izuku gazed down at the droplets which had stuck firmly to his fingertips . . . What the hell?
"Hey," Katsuki pulled his brows together. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked softly as a flummoxed Izuku padded away at his tears.
"Just for a little bit . . . I'm sure you have a busy day tomorrow. I already feel bad for keeping you up this late, you know what—" a hand being placed across his mouth was enough for Izuku to obtain a bit of coherency.
Katsuki gently guided the boy down and under the covers as he sat up on the side of the bed, being cautious to keep space between them. A space he wished to cross with each passing second he was in the same room with Izuku. "It's okay, just try and get some rest, yeah?"
"But what about—?"
"Don't worry about my schedule. All those fucking meetings they have me do are pointless anyway," Katsuki grinned, "Why not keep my fans on their toes by being elusive with things, huh?"
The younger released a series of muffled chuckles as he gaped at the boy. "You're something else Katsuki Bakugou," he murmured, "to be honest you're not what I expected at all."
"Oh?"
Shifting, Izuku pulls the duvet above his nose as he attempts to warm himself. "Yeah—don't get me wrong I love your music—but I thought you'd be a total douche-bag," he admitted instantly going flush while he jolts up into a sitting position. "Sorry, I say stupid shit when I'm tired—"
"No, I get it," the scarlet-eyed male waved a dismissive hand as a small smile curved his lips. "I am a bit of an asshole. You've seen that in magazines and tabloids, right?"
Izuku nodded as he allowed himself to be placed back down. "Didn't you punch a paparazzi guy like . . . last year?" he snickered, "You're kind of a—yeah, you're kind of an asshole."
"In my defense—" Katsuki paused as his mouth hung agape, "—no, nevermind I have no defense."
I was grieving . . . it's no excuse but I had no clue what to do without you. I punched him on the day of our anniversary last year.
The younger curved his hand along Katsuki's wrist as his eyes began to flip close. "I'm sure you had your reasons," he sighed as he buried his nose into the pillow. "You're lying . . . you don't have to tell me why, that's your business . . . Thank you."
"For what?" Katsuki's free hand subconsciously glided through the younger's curls, sighing with relief when he didn't push him off as he had anticipated.
". . . I know you're only doing this whole fake dating thing for publicity, but you have no clue how much you helped me," Izuku's words had begun to slur as his hold on the elder tightened. "My broke ass was drowning in student debt . . . and working . . . five jobs still didn't seem to help."
At this revelation Katsuki sputtered, hurt and empathy covering his thoughts in a hazed sheen as he took this in. Naturally, when he had done his background check on Izuku—following up on what the boy had been through for the past three years—it had not come as a surprise that e and Inko had been struggling. However, it was not until now . . . now that his initial knowledge had been spoken aloud . . . well, that was the worse feeling ever. Speaking it made it more real and fuck that hurt like a bitch.
To know what he had endured; to see the weight and stress it had put on his love's shoulder; to observe from the shadows the burden he had put on himself was too much to bear. The even worse part? Katsuki knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent it from ever happening.
But he sure as hell could do something now.
"You won't have to worry about that ever again," he reassured firmly, slowly dragging his fingers through the mess of green curls before him.
"Hm?" Izuku's nose turned up, "I appreciate the money you're giving me and my mother for all this . . . but I highly doubt I won't have to worry about money again." he chuckled slowly as he struggled to keep his eyes open.
Katsuki bit his lip. "What if I offered you a job after . . . you know all this is over?"
"No . . . Like I said you've already . . . done so much," Izuku sighed, the will to argue proving to be a tad bit stronger than his overwhelming exhaustion. "Besides won't your beloved fans find it odd . . . that you gave a job to your soon to be ex in a few months?"
The elder grinned as amusement stroked across the scarlet surface of his eyes. "Don't worry about that. Just get some shut-eye and I'll tell you more in the morning," he ordered playfully.
"Mmm . . . 'kay. Thanks, Katsuki,"
Katsuki smiled as he brushed loose strands of hair from the boy's face. "You're welcome," he hummed before quietly whispering, "I love you."
And with that Izuku had fallen into a deep sleep, unfretted by dreams or nightmares of any sort as his fingers never unloosened themselves from Katsuki's wrist. Eventually, after a good thirty minutes of trying to pry himself free from Izuku's iron grasp, Katsuki had given up—uncomplainingly lying down next to the boy while still keeping his distance. Those peaceful and thoughtless seconds for the duo turned to minutes and shifted into hours until the sun had announced its arrival and the moon its departure.
With Izuku greeting the morning without a frown on his face as he habitually did.
The college student muttered a string of incoherent words and phrases as he turned, his face burying deep into the warmth and comfort of Katsuki's chest. He inhaled. A peculiar wave of nostalgia prickling at the base of his mind before it inexorably dissipated.
"Good morning,"
Izuku yelped as he sat up with wide eyes searching around the room until they landed on the red-eyed male. "Oh . . . sorry I—what happened?" he chuckled sheepishly.
"You had a nightmare and I offered to stay until you fell asleep," he murmured as he rubbed his eyes with one hand.
"Well, you clearly stayed longer," Izuku snorted, albeit no malice or irritation had crept into his voice as he spoke the words.
Katsuki smirked as he lifted his right hand which still promptly had Izuku's finger's digging into. "You haven't let go of my wrist all night, asshole," he smiled, "you're still holding on."
Heat flushed the boy as he quickly let go, watching as the patch of pale white on the blond's wrist was flooded with the same heat his freckles were greeted with. Embarrassment wrapping lithely around him as he shook his head.
"I'm an idiot,"
"Maybe . . . but you're an idiot who's one hell of an artist." Katsuki offered genuinely. His muscles clenching and popping as he rested in a seating position akin to Izuku's. "Which is what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh," realization quickly replaced Izuku's bashfulness, "You mean the job you were talking about last night?"
The elder nodded. "Now, I don't need you to start right away—you already have too much on your plate—but I still wanted to offer it to you anyway. I release tons of singles, albums, and ep's yearly; the problem is my cover artist kind of bailed on me a little while back—"
"—And you want me to be your new cover artist?" Izuku beamed, leaning forward on his hands as he practically bounced with glee.
"Mhm, since we have nothing to do today I was thinking maybe I could take you down to where all the 'magic happens'," he said in air quotations, "Only if you want."
"Uhm, hell yeah!"
The two got ready as they did their daily morning routines. By the time they were finished the driver had been already waiting patiently outside the building with the door open for them. Izuku could hardly contain his excitement the entire car ride, talking nonstop as he asked a plethora of questions at a time. However, it wasn't until they finally arrive that Katsuki had begun answering them.
The building they parked in front of was tall, much like the penthouse, except in bright black bold plastered on the very front of this building read Plus Ultra Records.
"Holy crap," Izuku breathed as Katsuki led him up the steps, "I've always wanted to come here! But the place is like a fortress with all the security and passcodes to get in," he rambled off.
I know . . . it had always been a dream of yours . . . I'm just glad you get to fulfill it now.
"Watch this," Katsuki whispered as they approached the steps to the front gate, shooting Izuku a wink when they stopped in front of the security guards. "Excuse me," he cleared his throat, "But I'm going to need to get past you guys."
The first guard eyed the two with suspicion, for Katsuki and Izuku had gone through the necessary precautions to put on disguises in case of another paparazzi attack.
"Yeah, and I wanna meet Santa Claus," the man scoffed, "Looks like we both ain't getting what we want, now beat it."
Katsuki pulled down his hoodie. "You know I can have your damn job for that," he threatened, although Izuku could see a glint of playfulness dancing in his eyes. "Now, I repeat myself: I'm going to need to get past you guys."
The green-haired male stifled the laugh rumbling within his chest as the two security guards did a double-take on them both. It was not as if their disguises were any good, however, they were well enough to have fooled these two men.
As the men bashfully offered and praised the blond celebrity with apologies Izuku silently shook his head, for he was beginning to enjoy himself in the elder's company. For the past week, his life had taken a full one-eighty, one day had been more eventful than the last and he had no clue how to stop or keep up with them. When he went to school people of all grades and ages had bombarded him in the halls; tapped his shoulder whilst taking a test; commencing conversation in the middle of him speaking with a professor.
And to make matters worse . . . he hadn't even talked to his friends or mother for the past week. Just meaningless texts or two-minute phone calls to let them know he was okay.
But with Katsuki he had somehow managed to locate a few strands of solace in the midst of his newly obtained chaotic life.
"You're right about one thing," Izuku said as they walked side by side down the infamous halls of Plus Ultra Records.
"And what's that?"
"You are an asshole," the freckled male squealed when a deft hand briskly tickled at his sides. "Okay, okay—wait I'm sorry!" Izuku laughed as the elder pressed him firmly against the wall.
A wave of wistfulness had coursed through Katsuki as he smiled fondly at Izuku. "Tell me I'm not an asshole then," he ordered playfully.
"Katsuki . . . Bakugou you're not an . . . asshole!" Izuku yelped as his face flushed a deep red.
"That's the biggest lie I've heard all year," a disembodied voice proclaimed amusedly.
The two reluctantly put a pause to their messing around as they turned their attention to the black-haired male standing prominently at the end of the hall. Izuku watched from an artist's standpoint how the lights from the ceilings reflected prismatically over the awards and records framed along the walls and onto the man. Aizawa.
"Fuck off, old man," Katsuki scoffed as he and Izuku crossed the distance. "What're you doing here? I thought you had a press conference today,"
Reluctance and a twinge of sadness pulsed through the black-haired male, either way he said nothing when the two reached him. Katsuki stiffened for he had noticed the rim of faded red outlining the man's usual tired eyes . . . he had been crying. His father never cried.
"You're driver called me he said you two would be here," Aizawa smiled at Izuku as he patted the boy's shoulder. "Can you give me and Katsuki a minute? You can go in that studio room over there—I'm sure that's where he was taking you anyway," he chuckled strenuously.
"Sure!"
Katsuki watched with a set jaw as Izuku happily skipped into the room, shutting the door behind him. "What the fuck happened?" he hissed under his breath, "Are you okay? Where's my brother's and sister?"
"It's not them," Aizawa croaked as he shook his head. "Remember how I told you I pulled up Izuku's old medical files?" Katsuki nodded his head slowly, "Well, I had a friend of mine look over them . . ."
"So?" he had tried to keep his voice at a contained level, albeit the moment Izuku's name had slipped off the man's tongue Katsuki couldn't help but waver. Something was wrong.
The elder shoved his hands deep in his pockets. "He's had extensive damage to his temporal lobe. Too much damage,"
"What. Does. That. Mean?" Katsuki demanded through gritted teeth, his hands curling into tight fists at his sides.
"It means this is all pointless!" Aizawa wheezed as more tears leaked down his face, "No matter how hard we try, hell, we could tell him everything he's forgotten and it wouldn't do shit. He won't remember!"
That was it.
Those words had stuck with Katsuki like a bullet to his heart.
He won't remember . . .
Present(ly wondering where you all are in life)
I'M BACK BITHCESSSSSZZZ
Sorry for going MIA . . . again. I've been rather busy, I have mid-terms right now and parent teacher conferences next month (wish me luck) so I've been focused on school lately. However, to make up for my disappearance I wrote the longest chapter I have ever written in fuckin' life.
3,150 words
Bitch tf?
Anywho, I'm sobbing for this chapter particularly. I had a hard time incorporating that angst and fluff but I hope I did well. What did you guys think? Honestly I'm bored and love going through your comments for fun. So I have these questions for you (You guys honestly don't have to answer I just wanna know XD)
What are some key aspects of this chapter (hell this STORY) so far that you love?
What some things that you hate? *le gasp*
If you could say anything to one of the characters in this book, ONLY ONE, what would you say and why?
XD happy answering ig.
I probably will start focusing a lot more on this book, don't know if I already mention that previously but uhmmm yeah!
Until we meet again!!!