I was at a loss for words as I followed the King of Autumn through a clearing in the forest, out of breath from the long hike up the side of the Fiercest Mountain, his own, as we finally broke through the landscape of trees and foliage and the sky once again broke through the clouds of green treetops to reveal the setting sun.
Wooyoung came to a halt and glanced back at me for a moment before walking onto the bridge paving a way through the free-fall and enormous empty space at the end of the cliff we had reached, built from a mix of white and slightly tan stones that matched the palace at its other end, everything glowing warmly in the light from the tired sun.
I hesitated for a moment before stepping onto the bridge as well. Not a word had been exchanged between the two of us since what had happened in the library earlier, the feelings of guilt and want and desperation within me swirling restlessly as I looked at the king's back and followed him.
He had wanted to show me his palace, having promised it a long time ago, but, considering the fact that the eighth trial was nearing, now seemed like the best time, the only time, we would have the chance. He had come to find me in the gallery, having stumbled upon Taeyong and me at the worst possible moment. And despite all of it, he had been there to comfort me, to offer me more than I ever deserved.
I was honored, truly, as I stared up at the Palace of Autumn; pristine and grand and elegant with its warm tones and hues of autumn, open windows and red roofs glowing warmly in the sunset. But I found myself unable to shake off that feeling of guilt as I once again noted the distance between the two of us, hating every part of it, wanting, more than anything, to tell the king how I really felt, how everything in that gallery had been a mistake, how my words to Taeyong had been a mistake.
I realized all of it now, how the cliff between my best friend and I had grown to an irreversible depth, and how, if I continued to fear the future that lay ahead, I would lose Wooyoung as well.
I needed to tell him, I decided, walking a little faster as the autumn trees around us shook slightly in an invisible breeze, the only sign of its existence being the way the yellow, orange, and crimson leaves the colour of blood danced in its wake as it sang its usual songs of secrets and desires and forgotten stories.
I left behind the view of the mountains and the sky and the sunset and Martell looming far beneath the bridge as I made it to the other side of the cliff and hurried into the Palace after Wooyoung only to slightly halt in my steps as awe washed over me at the sight of the space I suddenly found myself at the middle of.
The room was enormous, a mass of polished floors that covered the entirety of the space, almost mirror-like, reflecting the rows of columns that lined the walls at the very edges of the room, making their gilded surfaces look almost infinitely tall.
The silence in the room, the grace of it all, was almost suffocating as I felt my breath catch in my throat and continued forward, hesitantly, breathlessly, unable to keep my eyes off the wall of windows at my side as I passed them; intricate windowsills reflecting the late sunlight, making the room glow warmly in the golden hues of sunset.
I hated that sun, I realized, feeling a familiar flicker of anger flare to life within me as I let my eyes drift across the rest of the impressive interior when I noticed a throne at the very end of the room.
I hated it despite its beauty, because of its beauty, maybe, as it concealed the horrible truth behind its god, Helios, his actions, and the suffering he had brought upon the king at my side as I came to a halt next to him, both of us staring at the throne in silence.
I bit my lip as I glanced at Wooyoung through the corner of my eye, wanting to touch him, to hold him, to comfort him, but finding myself unable to do anything else than let out a shaky breath and reach out for the throne, letting my fingers graze across the armrest; made of bones, of golden antlers, entwining in intricate shapes and patterns, identical to the crown on his head.
"Yuna," Wooyoung said, his voice cutting beautifully through the silence in a way that made my heart skip a beat as I turned to him, letting go of the throne as my eyes finally locked with his; hazel, the colour of autumn and falling leaves at the end of the season. Hazel, the colour of warmth, the lack of time, and a sense of comfort that I had come to depend on.
"I would never silence you. Never. But the overwhelming need to get this off my chest once and for all, to give you all of me, is something that I can no longer hold back so I just need a moment of your time. A moment is all I ask for."
I swallowed thickly, reaching for his hand as he closed his eyes for a moment and entwining our fingers the very moment they fluttered back open, clear and honest and flooding with emotions that momentarily took my breath away.
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved, and the many disappointments life has thrown at you."
The King of Autumn took a deep breath as he tightened his grip on my hand, the small action being enough to make my heart skip a beat, picking up, as he continued and the look in his hazel eyes of endless autumn and falling leaves softened.
"The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a word, smile, or laugh become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, because all you need is just having them nearby."
"I believe I have found that someone," Wooyoung said, pausing for a moment as he took a step closer to me, "I think of that someone on every occasion and I see them in everything I do. Simple things bring them to mind like the beautiful blue sky, the gentle wind that never leaves me, or even the storm clouds on the horizon when they're away."
I felt tears well up in my eyes as he said, "That someone is you, Kang Yuna," his voice barely more than a breath as it left his lips and he pulled his hand from mine to cup my face instead, "My heart was silent for so long and yet, you managed to open it back up. And I let you, knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day but in opening my heart, I've experienced a love and joy that I never even dared to dream possible."
"I've found that being vulnerable is the only way to allow my heart to feel true pleasure so real it scares me, terrifies me, even," the king said, caressing my cheek with the back of his thumb and wiping away the tears as they trailed down the flushed skin.
"I have found strength in knowing that I have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal until the very end. Life seems completely different now, no longer dark and hopeless and heartbreaking, but exciting and worthwhile. My only hope and security is in knowing that you're a part of that life, of my life, Yuna."
"I-" I stuttered, choking on my tears as my eyes flickered across the face of the man in front of me, so painfully kind, handsome, and caring, the sound of my heartbeat echoing in my ears like thunder as time itself seemed to stop the moment Wooyoung's next words left his lips.
"I'm in love with you," the King of Autumn said quietly.
"I fell in love with you the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. At first, I pushed it away, pushed you away, because we accept the love we think we deserve. But then I realized that there is never a right time or place for true love. No, it happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing throbbing moment. But I know now, with my entire being, that I am in love with you because I can no longer fall asleep at night without you on my mind. Because reality is finally better than my dreams."
"Wooyoung," I said, finding myself at a loss of words as I reached up to trace my thumb across his cheekbone, the King of Autumn's eyes fluttering shut at the action. "Jung Wooyoung," I said, nothing more. Just his name. "That's me," he breathed, shivering slightly underneath my touch as he momentarily stopped caressing my cheek.
I had never been held the way he held me at that moment, I realized, feeling my heart hammering against my ribs with such desperation that it hurt me physically. I had never been loved before, I realized, never loved before. But I did now. I felt all of it now, overwhelming and dizzying as it may have been.
"You once told me that you think I am good, genuinely good," I said, biting my lip as Wooyoung's eyes fluttered back open and met mine, "I'm not. Or at least, I haven't been. I'm a liar and I'm bitter and I have made terrible choices which have cost both of us dearly-"
My words faltered as Wooyoung opened his mouth as if to protest, as if to disagree, only to halt as I moved my hand to his chest and pressed it against the steady thrumming of his heartbeat, taking a shaky breath as I straightened myself.
"But I love you, selfish and irresponsible as it may be, undeserving as I may be. I love you without knowing how, when, or from where," I said, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as the words left my lips, tears once again trailing down my cheeks as I leaned into Wooyoung's touch, "I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, this is all of me."
We had been face-to-face before, shared breath before, been intimate before but this, this was completely different, I thought to myself, as the King of Autumn took another step closer to me, pushing me slightly against the golden throne of golden antlers, centuries of pain and loneliness.
Somehow this was so, so, different, I realized, sucking in a quick breath as Wooyoung's hand trailed from my cheek where it had been moving in lazy, comforting circles to the back of my neck where he tugged softly at my hair, earning a sigh in response as my eyes flickered to his lips, want and craving washing over me in a wave so overwhelming it could have drowned me had it not been for the fact that he was supporting me, holding me.
I felt open, completely revealed and much too vulnerable after those words had escaped my lips, after the truth finally laid bare. The silence between us grew heavier, almost suffocating as the king softly pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before revealing endless pools of hazel as they opened again, the sight making my breath hitch.
No one had ever looked at me the way Wooyoung did, no one had ever admired me as much as he did, I realized, my heart hammering against my ribs as I let out a shaky breath. No one had ever loved me like he did.
"You have no idea what you do to me, Yuna," the King of Autumn breathed as he slowly closed the space between us, "You are my entire world, the only thing that keeps me going. I would lay down my life for you if I could, die in order to protect you," he whispered, caressing the sensitive skin at the back of my neck and pulling me closer as his lips parted.
I let my eyes flutter shut in contentment and pure bliss as Wooyoung finally connected our lips, pressing me close enough for my chest to touch his, the feeling of our hammering hearts echoing each other being enough for me to shiver as I took a sharp breath, feeling desperate for his touch, for his warmth, for more time, as he moved his lips against mine.
I gasped as I fell backwards, stumbling onto the throne, his throne, but Wooyoung didn't hesitate to follow as he breathed, "I love you so much that it could kill me," before kissing me again, fiercely, passionately, forcing me to lean back in the golden seat, mixed tears of desperation and the sorrow of knowing that our story wouldn't, couldn't end happily, wetting cheeks and lashes and hands as he pulled me closer to him.
I melted into his touch as he held me tighter, taking a quick breath as his hands slid down to my waist and the small of my back, heat seeping through my clothes almost as if it had been bare skin.
I was drunk on his touch, on his very being, breathing raggedly as my cheeks burned, unable to get enough of him, unable to get close enough to him. "I love you too," I breathed against his lips, letting myself, even if only for a moment, get lost in the moment as the sun set over Martell in the distance and a familiar breeze flickered through the open windows.
I let myself get lost in the moment as it danced through the throne room and ruffled the king's hair, whispering secrets and comforts and forgotten stories in my ear before disappearing in the late afternoon like that part of himself he had finally decided to let go and leave behind.
A/N:
If you enjoyed the story so far, please leave a vote on the little star in the corner. It would mean the world to me :)
A quick disclaimer that this chapter contains an incredibly beautiful quote by Bob Marley. All credit goes to him, his brilliant mind, and memory. And because I love to read, snippets of John Green, Sarah Dessen, Pablo Neruda, and Dr. Seuss can also be found in here :)) - I want to disclose that I in no way claim them and simply want to include them because of their wonderful way of bringing emotions to life in their works.
I also don't know whether or not I should feel sorry to have made you wait for 42 chapters before finally getting the 'I love you' out there but here it is lmao - Cara :))