Edit/Rewritten: May 16, 2021
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Logans POV
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Chapter Seventeen: Useless Walnut
"This sucks."
"You suck."
Kyle gives me a dead-pan expression, "Wow, how original you useless walnut."
Useless walnut? "What the fuck does that even mean?"
He shrugs, "Figure it ou-"
"Boys!" Our mother cuts through, distress evident on her face as she sits on the opposite couch, next to her new best friend Kai. Call me bitter, I have every right to be. "This isn't the time to be arguing like this."
My brother snorts next to me, leaning forward to rest the palm of his hands on his thighs. "And this isn't the time for you to be acting like our mother. Where have you been these last ten years? In fact, why are you here now? Isn't work calling you?"
Our mother flinches, stammering as she begins to explain herself. "Your father and I- we, we weren't- we never,"
Sometimes I think Kyle should have been born before me, he would have been a great big brother because, "Your excuses aren't important right now. Or ever. We aren't here for you." He dismisses, turning his attention towards Kai. "I believe you full heartedly and will do my best to support you. But my father never sexually abused me, or touched me in that manner. The only thing I can attest to is him being aggressive and often beating Logan up when he got drunk."
Now it was my turn to flinch in my seat, both because of the mention of the beating and because Kyle agreeing to help automatically pushes me in the direction of helping Kai out as well. Said male shifts next to my mom, looking visibly uncomfortable with our family tension. "Thank you Kyle, that means a lot. Would you like me to set up an appointment with the therapist or do you guys want to just set up with the detective on the case to draft a testimony?"
Kai seemed a lot calmer than our last meeting, and it worked in reassuring me as well. I stop Kyle from answering by placing my hand over his, making his eyes flicker over to mine. "Before answering, I'd like to ask my mom a question." She became a fluttering mess in seconds, waiting anxiously for my question. "Did you ever have reason to believe that dad was . . . sexually abusing us? Or anything of that nature?"
"Your father is aggressive when he drinks. I really don't know what he's capable of."
"That doesn't answer his question, mom." Kyle seethes, tone sharp and mocking. "Do you think dad sexually abused us?"
"After hearing," She gestures to Kai. "Their story. I think anything is possible."
So yes, I sigh. "Then I think it would be best to see a therapist first, then draft our testimony if there is one."
Kyle agreed, and an awkward silence filled the atmosphere. It didn't take long after that for them to excuse themselves, scurrying out of the dorm and agreeing to contact me when the appointments had been set up. The air shifted back to comfort once they left and Kyle let out a heavy sigh next to me, shifting to lean his body against mine.
"What are you thinking about?"
Truthfully, I didn't know. There was almost too much to think about at this point. "I was scared that dad did do something to you. I was going crazy thinking the worst."
"He didn't." Kyle reassures, hugging me at an angle. "Dad probably hates us, treated us like garbage and never spared us a glance unless he wanted to let off steam, but he never touched me inappropriately."
There was hesitation when he finishes his reaffirmation, pausing, and my skin tingles uncomfortably - my heart hammering in my chest at his next question. "Did he, you never clarified whether he did or didn't, he didn't right?"
More tightening, "I don't know. Some part of me says no, I don't remember anything of that sort. But then there's this other part of me that's screaming to be recognized, but I don't know."
And then there's these nightmares, I kept to myself, the nightmare I had for years growing up. Of a boy crying in my bedroom, begging to go home. But I don't know if that boy was me or if that boy was. . . Kai. And if it was me, where was home? Where was I? And if it was Kai, why didn't I ever say anything? Why did I hold onto that tearful face?
"How's college life anyways?" Kyle quips, looking around the living room in an attempt to change the topic. I'm thankful, "Looks cozy."
"It is." I easily respond, "Life here is a lot cosier."
"Is that because you're away from home or because you're with Tripp?"
I snort, "Because I'm with Tripp. Even when I was at home, simply hanging out with Tripp would put my world back on its axis."
"I'm glad he finally confessed," His nose twitches, as if remembering something distasteful. "Being around you guys was awful."
"Actually, I was the one who confessed."
"Woah!" My brother exclaims, pushing at my chest. "This is better than you telling me that you watched gay porn on accident after I came out to you, tell me the details!
"It was one time!" I whine, gripping his wrists and silently thanking the higher being for the 'on accident' excuse. I did only watch it once, but it was after waking up from a wet dream of Tripp pinning me to the lockers in the football change rooms, during my junior year. "And yeah! I confessed first. I didn't think he liked me as more than a friend, and in an attempt to rip the bandage off I just kissed him. And then he kissed back and we confessed and yada-yada."
"That-" He gives me an incredulous look, "You literally left out all the details."
"I really don't know what else to add." I shrug, "One day after we moved here I just started overthinking my feelings about him, I think it's cause he came out to me as bisexual, so the thought of him dating me just skyrocketed."
"He's bisexual?"
A hum, "That's what he said. I never really paid much attention to his dating life in high school since we didn't go to the same one but I do recall seeing him with a lot of friends in general."
"Well you guys finally accepting this is a lot better than that awkward pinning you've been doing for years."
"It wasn't awkward."
"Logan, for junior and senior prom you barged into my room in the middle of night having a crisis about wanting to take Tripp to the prom. Then, you spent exactly 30 minutes on both occasions, convincing yourself that it would be a terrible idea before ultimately deciding that it would be best to just go with your girlfriend." My mouth opened to argue but he continued. "AND THEN, on prom night you would take your date to the dance, stay approximately an hour before telling them you were too tired, coming home to change, then heading over to Tripps for the weekend."
There was no argument against that. Having Kyle tell me all this makes me realize just how much of a sucker I was for Tripp even back in highschool. "When we called, you said he liked me since the first night. Is that true?"
"Mhm. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and when I stumbled into the entertainment room, you were on his lap asleep. And he was looking at you like-" His lips purse as he looks for how to describe whatever he saw. It makes me almost wish being there, Kyle grins as he responds. "Like he had found his muse in life."
And that effectively made my heart leap against my ribcage, because Kyle was a candor being. Above anything else, he was honest, so him confessing this to me made my confidence in the relationship increase, even if just slightly.
From: K(reep)ai
I set you and Kyle up for 3:00 P.M. tomorrow.
What came next was the link to the building where we would meet. Kyle sniffled as he looked at the message, nudging my shoulder with his to say 'I'm here, we can do this'.
We can do this.
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Notes while editing:
I know my writing style keeps changing, im so sorry. I try staying consistent but it never works.