▪~why Deidara decided never to mess with the five foot girl living in their base for some reason~▪
Tobi slammed open the slider door. "Tau-chan!! Let's play a game!!"
He froze.
Straight ahead of him, Toph, a pair of pants held out in front of her and wearing nothing else but her underwear, froze too.
A tense stillness reigned supreme, dominating the two with icy fingers of awkwardness.
"W-well, I never took you for the type of girl who'd wear undies with teddies on them," Tobi stuttered.
Those words were fatal.
"GET OUT!!" Toph howled, her face going supernova red. She clutched the pants close to her and punched violently down. The hallway erupted, slamming down and turning her wooden door to nothing more than splinters and rubble.
Tobi teleported out in the hallway, feeling his heart beat in his throat. He had felt some serious K.I, and had narrowly dodged a what could've been a fatal blow.
Then the rock opened.
Toph stepped out, wearing the pants.
"You." She snarled. Tobi eeped and stepped back. "Are.
"DEAD."
▪▪▪
Tobi came hurtling into the kitchen, shrieking at the top of his lungs, his legs working frantically.
Kisame looked up from his sandwich. Deidara glanced up too, only he had no sandwich.
The mountain rumbled ominously.
"What did you do now, Tobi?" Kisame asked, already knowing that he had messed up.
The masked man-child hid behind the explosive blond sitting at the table. He peeped out from behind a spiky ponytail and shook his head. "Deidara-senpai!! Someone is coming to murder me!"
The two mature people in the room traded glances.
The ground rumbled again, and Toph stomped into the room, face red, eyes wide in rage. Kisame took an instinctive step back before he caught himself.
But really. His instincts told him that only death would await him if he hindered her now.
"Youuuu," Toph hissed. Her hand came up, pointing unerringly towards where Tobi cowered.
He let out a babble of fear, then climbed further up Deidara.
She started charging forward, rage radiating from all five feet of her. Kisame caught her, tucking her under an arm.
"Deidara, this is our potential new recruit, Toph Bei Fong. Toph-kun, this is Deidara, formerly of Iwa." He paused. Toph clearly wasn't listening, too busy clawing and kicking as she tried to get free.
Her face held only promises of death.
"Hn," Deidara examined her. "Young."
"Give him up," Toph spat. "Surrender the creeping PERVY WIMP, and I MIGHT just let you live!!"
A silence came over the room. Kisame looked down at the hissing, seething ball of fury in his hold, then flicked his gaze up to Tobi. "What did you do?"
"Aha ha ha, about that," Tobi shrank a little further behind his partner. "I kinda... maybe... walkedinonherwhileshewaschanging?"
"You. Are. ~bleep~ing DEAD!!" Toph cursed.
Kisame gasped.
Tobi gasped.
(Somewhere far away, Sakura gasped for absolutely no reason. Ino looked at her curiously.)
Kisame looked at Tobi.
Tobi looked at Kisame.
And Kisame dropped Toph.
▪~shopping~▪
"Do we haaaave to?" Toph whined, seeming unashamed at her childish behaviour. "This is the devil's errand, I tell you. Devil's errand!"
He knew she could feel the flat look Kisame gave her.
"Your clothing is well worn," he explained patiently. "Ninja are hard on clothing, and you only had a pair and a half to begin with. You need new clothing, or else you are going to be walking around in rags."
"Devil's. Errand." Toph said pointedly.
Kisame sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "When did this happen? Why me? Why must I be the one to parent this wayward child?"
"Because you love me," Toph deadpanned. "Can we get some takioyaki while we're out, dad?"
She skipped away, completely missing how the tall shark man froze in place, face flushing a dark purple shade.
"You just called me-" he cut himself off abruptly, looking away from where Toph was haggling at a food stall.
He'd just been called dad.
Kisame coughed, trying to rid himself of the fluffy feelings rising up in his chest and walked after her.
Upon seeing his distinct cloak, the vendor hastily changed his tune about his food even costing anything and the two (one-and-a-half, really) Akatsuki members walked away, both holding tiny waterproof boxes filled with tiny fried balls of octopus.
(They did get their shopping done, but Kisame had been almost totally out of it for the first few minutes, so he didn't catch it when Toph asked an employee where the Akatsuki-honoring stuff was.)
(He did not miss the blue shark plushie the worker gleefully gave to her, only pretended to.)
She had called him 'dad.'
(He was still in shock an hour later. A less obvious shock, but still shock nonetheless.)
▪~Card Games~▪
Toph sat in the meeting room, holding a hand of cards, surrounded by the other members of the Akatsuki.
(Except Kisame, of course, but he never participated in any games with them, so it wasn't unexpected.)
What were they doing?
Playing poker.
Was it a good idea?
Who knew. There was no one there to tell them no, though, so they were doing it anyways.
The prizes were simple dares. Deidara had made a rainbow smoke bomb for Tobi, who pocketed it with utter glee. Sasori, likewise, was down a puppet. It sat at Konan's elbow like a particularly spiky gremlin.
There was one person who'd lost more than a weapon, though.
Behind her, Konan whispered quietly into her ear, telling her what cards she held.
"You're going down!" Kakuzu slurred slightly.
He'd already lost several rounds, and he was down most of his clothes. (For some reason, every time he lost a hand, the winning member made him remove something. They hadn't planned it or anything; it had just happened).
He clung tightly to the cup filled with alcohol in his hand and laughed, wearing only his socks and underwear, which nobody really wanted to remove.
If there was ever a time Toph was glad she was blind, it was now.
Toph touched her toes to the ground. Tobi's heart was going really fast, but it was Tobi, so she didn't know whether it was just because he was stupid or whether he had a bad hand.
Deidara, however, had an obviously bad hand and seemed like he would be bluffing. Toph felt a full, tooth filled smile stretch her face.
"NO!" Kisame screeched. "NO!"
He burst into the meeting room at the speed of a shunshin, scooping Toph up and tossing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Are you all MAD!?" Kisame yelled. "She's like, twelve!"
"Excuse me!" Toph snarked. "I'm actually-" she ran seasons over in her mind. "- sixteen. Whoah, I'm old!"
Kisame turned his head against her side, then his free hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I know know how my sensei felt when I tried alcohol the first time."
Toph shrugged as best she could, then handed him her cards. "If you're going to pull me out, at least finish the round for me."
"There is no way I'm-" Kisame went suddenly still as he saw what was on her cards. A heartbeat passed, then he took her chair, sat down, and set her his lap. "Whose turn is it?"
Deidara tossed his cards on the table and walked out. "Nope!"
Tobi's head turned from Kisame to Konan and back again.
Konan folded too.
"Wimps!" Kakuzu called.
Itachi, who hadn't really been playing but rather just hanging around to watch the others humiliation, walked around to Kisame's side, then bowed and hurried away (it didn't matter that he was nearly blind; NO ONE wanted to see what would come next).
Those at the table who still had heartbeats felt far more worried, now. Toph grinned even wider and leaned back against Kisame's arm like a hooker.
Unsurprisingly, she (Kisame) won.
Straight royal flush.
Absolutely beautiful.
Rather unlike what followed, really.
"Right Kakuzu," Kisame remarked in a gloating tone. He stood, leaving the royal flush on the table and scooping Toph up like a cat, careful to keep her from touching the ground or any walls. "Off with those."
They waited a second longer, then Kisame turned and marched out of the room.
He didn't put her down for almost an hour, just to be safe.
▪~appreciation of art~▪
"Isn't this painting so pretty, Tau-chan?" Tobi asked.
Toph's voice was filled with flat sarcasam. "Yeah, totally."
Tobi:
▪~what would happen if Kisame and Kakashi ever met~▪
Kisame eyed the Copy nin, taking in the eyepatch, the mask, and the orange book in his hands.
His danger alert went off, blaring loud sirens in his head.
He reached down and covered Toph's eyes, just in case she had somehow miraculously gained sight.
"Yo," the man said, his eye curving like it was smiling. It had to do all his emotional work for him; there was literally no other part of his face showing.
"No," Kisame shot back instantly. "You- I- No."
"She was mine first," Kakashi argued. He would have looked serious if not for the fact that he was still holding that blasted book over his mask.
"First doesn't mean now," Kisame felt his own eyes being drawn to the obnoxiously bright book.
He knew its contents.
"Hey, Kakashi," Toph tried to say, but Kisame covered her mouth.
"Shush, dear. The adults are talking."
"Who?" Toph asked from behind Kisame's hands. "I see no adults here."
They both shoot her blank looks she can't see.
"Nevermind," Kisame deadpanns. "You can have her."
"Hmmmm," Kakashi's eye roamed over the two of them, then curved up in an eyesmile as he decided to play along. "On second thought, she's caused a lot of trouble. You may keep her."
"Ha ha ha. Very funny," Toph mocked.
"On a serious note, though," Kisame said. "Mine."
"I think you mean mine," Kakashi shot back.
"I read didn't."
"Oh, but I think you do."
"You'd be wrong."
"I wouldn't."
"Children," Toph muttered. "Absolute children."
▪~Toph's Christmas in the Akatsuki~▪
(I know Christmas isn't a thing in Naruto, but we're going to pretend it is. The middle of this took a very unexpected turn, and I can't decide whether or not to make it canon. Y'all get to choose. Merry Christmas to all of you, btw.)
Toph was sitting on the rickety old couch in the lounge area, carefully sharpening her sword. She ran the whetstone along its edges carefully, and Kisame could tell by the tone that each of her motions were on point.
"What are we going to do?" He asked Itachi.
The Uchiha sat besides him, his weapon kit strewn on the counter as he took care of each individual tool. He had already tossed out two kunai for being less than perfect, and now he was carefully dipping senbon in a vial of poison he'd won from Sasori during their poker game.
Kisame took a second to scrub further memories of that night out of his mind, then opened his eyes to find Itachi giving him the flattest stare he could manage without moving his face from its neutral position.
"Do about what, Hoshigaki-san?" Itachi asked.
"Christmas!" Kisame lowered his voice a bit more. The continual ringing sounds ceased for a moment as Toph tried the edge, then started up again. "She's just a kid. She should still have Christmas, even though she's with us now."
"What do you want to do?" Itachi asked, holding a senbon in front of his face as he looked it over, squinting a little.
"We should at least get her a gift or something," Kisame whispered. "What do you think she'd like?"
Itachi set down the throwing needle, seeming to honestly be considering the question. "Tomatoes."
"...what?" Kisame asked in confusion.
"Or a toy dinosaur," the Uchiha nodded sagely.
"She's a girl," Kisame reminded him flatly. "And a teenager. Just suggesting what you had as a child won't work.
"Besides," he continued, ignoring Itachi's disgruntled eyebrows. "You were probably a weird kid, so that nopes out anything you suggest. We don't want her massacring us all."
Itachi dipped the next senbon into the vial with a tad more fury than was strictly necessary. "If you did not want my help, you shouldn't have asked."
"No, no," Kisame tried to placate him. He was aware they were both acting like teenage girls, but sometimes you did what you had to do. "I just don't think she'd like dinosaurs."
Itachi nodded again, slightly mollified. "What do you think she would like?"
Kisame paused, thinking about it.
"How about-" he began, then stopped.
He thought about it some more.
Itachi had finished with the senbon. He capped the bottle and blew on the final needle, trying to get it to dry a little faster.
"... a hairbrush?" He finally suggested.
Itachi raised his right eyebrow a fraction of an inch higher than his left. "As gift givingly stunted as you make me out to be, you are shaping up to be worse."
"Yeah, that's true," Kisame admitted. "We could ask Konan. She's a girl too."
"Ask Konan what?" Toph asked.
Kisame jumped.
"About stuff a girl would like," Itachi told her mildly. "We would like to get a gift for someone we know, but are having trouble coming up with a proper one."
"Iiiii- yes," Kisame cut himself off, trying to avoid making her more suspicious. "It's harder than it sounds."
"Well, I'm a girl," Toph remarked cheerfully. She plopped down in between them and picked up a polished kunai. "And my parents are merchants, so I know a bit about quality and cost. What kind of girl is she?"
A pause.
Kisame had honestly completely forgotten that Toph didn't have a tragic backstory like almost every other shinobi. He took a moment to remind himself that no matter what he felt, Toph still had parents, and they'd come first.
"She's really tough," Kisame admitted, voice a bit gruffer than usual. "She likes to do stuff herself, and is really outspoken."
Itachi blinked at him. If the look on his face could be put into words, it would say: you're not fooling anybody.
"Sounds like me," Toph pointed out.
Kisame was about to rush, lie, and deny when she continued.
"That means we probably like the same stuff," she said blythly.
"...yeah, probably," the words sounded strangled.
"How about a weapon?" Toph suggested.
Itachi began putting his weapon kit back together a little faster.
"Nah," Kisame shifted on his stool. "I was thinking something a bit more... special."
She was quiet for a few moments.
"Why don't you get her something special to her?" Toph suggested. Her voice was a lot smaller than usual. "I had a friend who owned a really special necklace, and she wore it everywhere she could. It used to be her mother's before she died, so it was really special to her."
They didn't really talk after that. They just sat at the counter and thought.
And the question remained: what were they going to get Toph for Christmas!?
▪▪▪
Kisame had been thinking it over as she strolled through the market place alone and he had come to a conclusion.
Well, two conclusions, but kidnapping the Nara boy wasn't really the best option, so that left him with only one.
He looked over towards the direction of the land of Stone. Kisame knew only three things about Toph's parents: one, they were merchants, two, they were rich, and three;...
They were Toph's parents.
She'd been with the Akatsuki for months now, and in Konoha alone for much longer. Unless they thought her dead, her parents probably really missed her.
He sighed quietly to himself, looking over a window display, the rain pitter pattering against his hood.
Inside the store, a little girl maybe half Toph's age clutched a stuftie to her chest and bounced up and down a few times before launching herself at a laughing older man.
Alright then. He supposed he had his plan.
Now he just had to carry it out.
▪▪▪
Kisame was this close to pounding his head against a tree trunk until it either broke or he passed out.
He was that frustrated.
How hard was this supposed to be? Ask around, travel to a few new places, then boom. Parents located.
But nooooo, it can't be that easy.
They were just merchants! Not even criminals!
The tree looked suddenly a lot more tempting. Kisame grit his teeth and turned back in the direction of the tiny port he had stopped in.
This time he was unable to hide his unmanly screech.
The creepy ghost lady stood behind him, red Sharingan spinning, her edges misting into nothingness.
Trying to control his breathing, Kisame stepped back a little. "What do you want?"
She looked at him with her creepy, creepy face and tilted her head. Her hair followed the movement, flowing like she was under water or something.
"What is it you seek?"
Kisame stopped and considered that.
"Is Tobi around here somewhere?" He asked, a delaying tactic.
The woman ghost lady didn't reply. She just floated there, waiting for his answer.
"I'm looking for some people," Kisame said, finally. "The Bei Fongs. Do you know where they are?"
She scrutinized him. What had Tobi called her? Rin? Rako?
"Please...Ran?"
The ghost extended a sleeve covered hand. Her skin was unmarred by callouses or scars, the nails far longer than any shinobi worth their salt would have.
"I can take you," she rasped. "Two hours."
There was only one thing to do in a situation like this.
Kisame reached out. His hand was almost twice as large as the ghost's, and while her hand was abnormally cold and see-through, it was solid.
A blink, and they were falling.
▪▪▪
Kisame didn't like the town Ran had dropped him at.
People stared and whispered. There were no shinobi at all; hardly anyone beyond the guards carried weapons, and all of them were dressed in clothing similar to but just off from ordinary civilians.
"-think it's some sort of spirit," a demure looking woman hissed to her companion. Kisame zeroed in on her.
"Hey, you," Kisame raised his voice a bit above his usual snarling growl. "Where is the Bei Fong family located?"
She cowered slightly in front of him, eyes firmly fixed to the ground at his feet. "They live j-just up that h-hill, sir."
"Don't 'sir' me," Kisame told her. "And thank you."
She and her companion scurried away as soon as he'd finished talking. Kisame watched them go, confusion coloring his face.
What in the world was wrong with her?
Kisame shook his head, then lumbered towards the hill the woman had mentioned.
Hopefully, not all of the people here were so... weird.
▪▪▪
"What do you mean they won't see us?!" An angry female voice shouted. "We've been waiting here for almost a month!"
Kisame turned the closest corner and almost groaned.
Right in front of the house he was probably trying to enter was a girl in blue, old enough to be downright annoying, her hair in complicated loops and braids.
He knew her type. Loud, picture perfect until something happened that she didn't like, and then she was as vicious as a Kiri shinobi.
"I demand you let us in!" She yelled. "We need to see-"
"Is there a problem here?" Kisame growled from behind her.
The guard who had been blocking the girl's way looked up (Kisame towered over him by over a foot) and yelped. The girl turned too, but her eyes only widened.
"N-no!" The guard all but whimpered.
"Great," Kisame looked away from hair-loopies to the guy. He looked soft and flabby enough to be a civilian. Yeah, there were big shinobi, like the Akimichi clan from Konoha, but they were solid in a way this guy wasn't. "I'm looking for the Bei Fongs. Chick down the road said this was the place."
"Who are you?" The girl asked. "You look-"
"I look like me," Kisame told her, making sure his tone identified the end of the conversation in a very final way. "Now, the man said you're not allowed entry. Mind gettin' outta the way?"
"I shouldn't be," she said loftily. "I'm traveling with the Avatar!"
"Never heard of him," Kisame turned to the guard. "You gonna let me in, or do I have to make you?"
"Wait!" Hair-loopies shrieked. "Don't hurt him!"
Kisame stopped and looked at her.
"Very entitled of you to think that I care about what you want me to do," Kisame told her, placing one hand to Samehada's hilt in a very clear threat.
"You're a spirit, right?" The girl asked. "I'm traveling with the Avatar! We can find out what you want without any violence."
Kisame blinked very slowly.
"I want to speak with the Bei Fongs." Kisame told her in no uncertain terms. "Now, if I see either you or this Avatar person again, I'm feeding you to my sharks. Get lost."
Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but she seemed to get the message and scurried away without another peep.
Kisame watched her go, satisfaction rising up in his chest. He turned back to the guard. "Now, about stepping aside."
▪▪▪
"Aang! Aang! There's a spirit loose in the village!" Katara shouted.
Sokka bolted up from where he had been very pleasantly napping, thank you very much. One hand shot to his boomerang, the other to his sword. "Wazzgoinon?"
"There's a giant blue spirit loose in the village!" Katara reiterated. "He's got this giant sword and is, like, totally about to kill Mr and Mrs Bei Fong!"
Aang did some whee-floating thing down from where he had been meditating ("Its not napping, Sokka!"). "Let's go!"
"Hold up," Sokka waved Boomerang in a decisive motion. "Last time we dealt with crazy spirits-"
Wide, scared blind eyes.
"It's right behind me, isn't it?"
Empty air where she'd been standing.
Not everyone comes back from a spirit attack.
"- back when I was captured, or when Katara was messing around pretending to be one, there was always big explosions and screaming and stuff getting blown up. We're right in the middle of town, so we'd be able to hear any of that if it happened." Sokka tried to reason.
"Trust me, that spirit was dangerous," Katara glared at him. "It looked really big and blue and, well, fishlike."
"Fishlike?" Sokka's interest was piqued.
"Fishlike," Katara nodded solemnly.
"Let's go!" Sokka burst out of the courtyard. "We've got a fish to fry!"
Aang and Katara looked after him in slight amusement.
"Shall we, sweetie?" Katara asked.
"We shall," Aang replied.
They both took off after him.
▪▪▪
Kisame took a deep breath.
Than another.
And another.
There were no doubts in his mind that these were Toph's parents. She shared her silky, black hair with her father, as well as the slightly pointed look to their eyes, though hers were as large as her mother's. She also had her mother's jawline and nose, although she kept a hardened, tough expression on her face that neither of her parents had.
If she shared her mother's genes in more ways than just her face...
Well, she was going to be ridiculously well-endowed by the time she hit her adult years.
Kisame closed his fingers around the tea cup he had been given. The bone china was thin and delicate, painted with strokes of gold around the rims, and obviously very expensive.
Of course, the cup had been made for someone half his size. It seemed laughably small and especially fragile against his large fingers and pointed nails.
"May I ask why you've come here?" The man asked. "Not many are allowed into my house without prior appointment."
The woman said nothing. She remained seated besides and slightly behind her husband, never looking up from her own cup even when Kisame's gaze raked over her.
"It's regarding your daughter," Kisame admitted. He released the tea cup and tilted his head. "Toph Bei Fong."
Mr Bei Fongs grip around his cup tightened until his knuckles were white. "We have no daughter."
"Sure you do," Kisame creased a brow, slightly confused. "This tall, black hair, earth voodoo. Sound familiar?"
There was a muffled sob. Kisame's eyes caught the woman's clenched fists buried amongst her layers of silk clothing. Her face seemed calm, but upon closer inspection, her eyes were rimmed in red and her brows were creased.
"You do know her," Kisame turned his gaze to the man. "So why...?"
"She has brought dishonor to our family name," the man replied stiffly. "Antics like what she's pulled have no place in propped society. She should know her place."
There rose a fury in Kisame like few he'd felt before. K.I. leaked out like gas in a public setting; slow and deadly.
The Bei Fongs paled.
Kisame lifted up the cup and swallowed the tea down like it was a shot. He slammed the china onto the table, ignoring the way it shattered.
He rose to his full height and rested one hand on Samehada's hilt. "What is wrong with you?"
"Wh-" Mr Bei Fong tried to answer but Kisame cut him off.
"You've said enough. Your daughter is the best Kami-blasted student I've ever had the honor of teaching. To hear what you say, to see the attitude held by your women-" Kisame felt his lip curl as he recalled the flinching and adverted eyes. "-it's a wonder she's managed to keep her self-confidence long enough to get away from you."
"Sir," the man was on his feet now too, puffed up but still two heads shorter. "You are a guest here!"
"I can see why she's never mentioned you," Kisame hissed. He ignored the way the woman gasped, stricken. "I'd be ashamed to have you stiff-coated, disloyal cowards for parents."
"She was blind!" The man roared. "Blind and female and fragile!"
"Is," Kisame returned, his voice raising. "Toph is blind. She's blind and brave and a shinobi, and no matter what you want her to be she'll never change!"
The man seemed taken aback. "A what?"
Samehada smashed through the wood of the table. Kisame took a deep breath, then pulled his still wrapped sword out of the splintered rubble.
"This was a mistake," Kisame realized. "If she wanted to see you again she would have."
The man stumbled back a step, but Kisame ignored him.
"Ran!" He called. "I'm going back now!"
A heartbeat passed. Then two.
And it wasn't a ghostly woman that smashed through the wall, but a young boy with a shaved head and arrow tatoos.
▪▪▪
The spirit was big. Bigger than a normal man, with pointed teeth and claws and a giant sword. His clothing was strange, reminding Aang of something he'd seen once, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly where.
And his skin was blue.
Aang swung his staff and sent the spirit smashing through the next wall. The Bei Fongs fell back, obviously scared and worried.
"I'll take care of this!" Aang told them. He flew through the gaping hole in the wall after the spirit.
He was met by scales.
A protective ball of air shoved him back just enough to avoid getting his face shredded. Aang corrected himself a short distance away and sank into a fighting stance. Katara and Sokka stepped up to either side of him, both ready to fight.
"No, guys," Aang waved them back. "It a spirit. That makes this my fight."
Last time his friends had fought with one...
The two water tribe siblings shared a look over his head, then nodded in unison and stood down.
"If you need us, we'll jump in no matter whose fight this is," Sokka told him.
Aang nodded.
As long as they weren't in the rampaging spirit's direct path, they wouldn't be in any danger of disappearing.
The man roared, his club-like blade sinking deep into the ground. "Ran!!"
"Look, I'm the avatar!" Aang tried to call the spirit down. "The bridge between our worlds, yada yada? We can just ta-"
The spirit cut him off with a high pressured blast of water. Katara attempted to seize control of it, but the jet didn't waver at her pull.
"What do you want?" Aang asked. The Bei Fongs garden was getting rather torn up between the wanton swings of the sword club and jets of water.
He danced around a wild swing and lashed out at him with a gust of air.
The blue fish spirit took it without flinching.
"Buzz OFF!" The spirit yelled. He slammed his sword club right into where Aang had been standing. "This place is a total bust!"
"A bust?" Aang echoed. "What's that mean?"
The fish spirit glared at him. "None of your business, shrimp."
Well. That was kinda offensive. Aang acknowledged his anger, then let it go.
"Stupid bald stick thinks he can just pick a fight with me and walk away," the fish spirit hissed.
Acknowledge. Let go-
"Let's see if you can still crawl once I'm done with you."
Screw that. Aang unleashed a swift Earthbending uppercut, the .option copied by a spike of Earth.
The fish spirit dodged his attack easily and looked at Aang with a scrutinizing glare.
There was a moment of stillness without attacks smashing up the Bei Fong's lawn. The fish spirit tilted his head the other way.
"Why was Hair-loopies beating down the door to this place?" The fish spirit asked.
Aang tilted his head in surprise. "Are you like the guardian spirit of this dwelling or something? Why would you care?"
"Just answer the question," the fish spirit said. It was impossible to read his expression.
Aang felt his face fall slightly. "Their daughter is our friend."
A heartbeat.
"You knew Toph?"
Of all the things to come out of the fish spirit's mouth, Aang was not expecting her name, Toph's name.
"What do you know about Toph?" Aang's voice was suddenly much harsher than usual. He leveled his staff at the fish spirit.
"You'll be answering my questions, thanks," Kisame snarled, the thankful word sounding like a threat.
"Not until you tell me how you know Toph," Aang badgered.
The fish spirit considered this for a moment. "I'm only telling you because I want to, not because you're threatening me or anything. Got it?"
Aang nodded fervently and let his staff rest in its usual straight up position.
"Toph Bei Fong is my student," the fish spirit told them proudly. "She's becoming a master of the sword and the finest shinobi she can be."
Aang felt the sudden euphoric hope in his belly drop. "You're lying."
"What?" The fish spirit seemed surprised.
"Toph's an Earthbender. She doesn't need a sword, and she's not a shinobi, whatever that is." Aang's fingers tightened around his staff. "Why are you really here?"
The temperature dropped as the fish spirit glared. "I'm not a liar."
"Toph wouldn't do that!" Aang yelled. "She'd try and come home, not mess around playing with a useless weapon!"
"I resent that statement!" Sokka called from where he and Katara were waiting in the rubble of what once was the Bei Fong family's wall.
The fish spirit's face flushed a faint lavender. "How dare you."
"How dare YOU!" Aang shouted back. "I'm the avatar and you're just a spirit!"
The fish spirit looked rather taken aback and very, very mad. "Spirit? Spirit? My name is Hoshigaki Kisame, and I'm done with this crap! Ran!"
What?
The very air itself seemed to shiver as a beautiful, ghostly lady with red eyes shimmered into existence behind the fish spirit.
Her voice was creaky and raspy as she spoke. "Two hours not done."
"I don't care," the fish spirit told her. "This was a total bust. There's nothing here Toph would want."
What?
"Very well," the spirit lady hissed. Her eyes began spinning, just like they had-
"No, stop!" Aang leaped forward, hand outstretched, trying to grab them, to stop them.
But like before, his hand passed through mist and nothingness, and he was left alone on the dirt.
▪▪▪
"That was a total waste of my time," Kisame snarled softly as he turned in a band of rogue nin heads to collect their bounty. The people in the building all looked at him fearfully.
He'd been searching for Toph's parents almost the entire week, and that had all come to nothing. He still had to get her a a Christmas present, and had been mulling over his options when he'd come apon the idiots whose heads he was turning in for money.
He hadn't even tried to hunt them down or anything. Those stupid, stupid missing nin decided to try and jump him when he was in a bad mood.
The receptionist, a tall, brown haired, mousy woman with a long hooked nose, was calculating his reward, blank-looking eyes fixed on the air above his head. Her fingers ran over blank papers, and she smiled.
"Their bounty was just doubled by a merchant they robbed," the woman told him. "You're in luck."
He watched as she felt around in different drawers, then handed him a paper. "Down the hall to the left. Ito'll dish out your reward money."
Kisame watched her. She seemed ridiculously familiar, even as she sat back and pulled a blank book off of a stack of papers and leaned back, fingers gliding over the page.
Wait a secind...
Kisame slammed his hands down on the counter, ignoring the way she jumped. "Are you blind?!"
The woman clutched at her chest, breathing hard. An incredulous expression came over her face. "Y-yes. Do you have a problem with that?"
"And you were reading?" Kisame asked.
"Yes."
A wide grin came to his lips unbidden.
"Would you perhaps be interested in coming home with me?"
▪bonus▪
Toph felt the woman sitting besides Kisame, wrapped in something long and thin-
A ribbon.
"Kisame-sensei," she told him. "I have a love interest already."