Chapter 13
Sam swallowed thickly as he stood behind the screen door leading to Bobby's porch, watching through the hole-riddled mesh as Ali's shoulders shook with heart-wrenching sobs just a few metres away. He had been in two minds about following her, but after sharing a silent glance with Bobby and pointedly ignoring Dean's bristling, he knew he had to.
Her clearly unintentional reveal back in the living room had almost stopped his heart – for the second time in too few days, apparently. She had a deal, that much was clear. What was also evident was that she had very little time left, if any. She said she had been searching for a way out for ten years. It was unlikely that a demon would grant anyone longer than that.
Despite the crushing revelation – the added weight of not only Dean's impending loss, but Ali's too – it was like a piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place. Certain mysteries about the girl that had been in the forefront of his mind for over a year had finally become clear, though others had become foggier in the process.
They needed to talk. There were some things he needed to work though, things that he couldn't talk about with Dean or Bobby without getting heated and defensive. He needed someone outside that circle of family to help him process everything that had happened in the last... Week? Two weeks? He wasn't sure. Time had become such a meaningless blur since this whole saga had started. Everything had been so urgent. Everything had been hell-bent on stopping the yellow-eyed demon, and now it was all over, but that feeling of having no time still hung over him. A ticking clock counting down to the day he would lose Dean – and Ali too, apparently.
His shoulders rose as he pulled in a steadying breath, before laying his hand to the screen door and pushing it open. Instantly, he saw Ali straighten, pressing the back of one hand to her mouth to quieten her sobs as the other caught the cuff of her shirtsleeve, frantically trying to sweep away her tears before anyone could see.
"Ali..."
"Don't Sam, I'm alright, just don't." She breathed unsteadily; her gaze fixed on the salvage yard before them as he moved to her side.
"Don't what?"
"Don't you dare look at me the way I know you are." She whispered, bracing one hand against the rail of the porch once more, as if she were afraid she'd fall without it. "I don't need pity."
"Ali... Christ, I don't even know if what I'm feeling is pity." Sam breathed, almost reaching to lay a hand on her shoulder, but curling his fingers back at the last moment; "This week... I can hardly wrap my head around it, but I know I'm not processing it particularly well." Scrubbing one hand over his face, he looked down at her trembling shoulders; "If I'm honest, I think I'm angry, I'm just too tired to feel it."
Sniffing in a breath, Ali at last managed to make herself lift her head to look at him, aware her face was undoubtably red and puffy from crying, her eyes probably bloodshot. "I get that." She whispered, reminding herself that she was far from the only one going through hell. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she self-consciously rubbed the cuff of her shirt over her cheeks, trying to catch the tears that were still resolutely rolling over them. He looked about as exhausted as she felt, she noted, looking up into his weary hazel eyes – there was no defensive wall built there, as there had been inside the house. They were softer now, open, gentle. It was a look he had given her before, in easier times.
Grimacing as the sound of raised voices drifted out from the house, her shoulders raised in a small cringe at the reminder that they weren't alone.
If they had to talk about this, she needed to put some space between them and the others.
"Come on." She breathed softly, cocking her head slightly in the direction of the salvage yard as she turned and slowly made her way down the creaking porch steps. Sam's heavy footfalls were enough to tell her that he was following, he didn't need to speak. In fact, they both remained silent on the long, meandering walk through the yard, until the boundary fence was in sight and Ali had led them as far from the house as she could get whilst remaining on Bobby's land. Sighing softly, she hauled herself to sit on the rusted hood of a long-abandoned pickup truck, propped up on cinderblocks in front of what might have once been a shed, but was now just some determined sheets of corrugated iron leaning together against the elements. The hood of the truck was warm, after basking in the sun all day. She hadn't realised that the weather had been good on her drive up to Sioux Falls, it hadn't mattered at the time. Now the day cast a golden shade over the metallic wasteland before her as the sun sank low in the sky, leaving her eyes to seek out the swaying fields beyond the barbed wire fencing.
Carefully, Sam pushed himself up to sit beside her, bracing his feet on the crumbling bumper of the truck but quickly lifting them as it squeaked threateningly in protest – his lips quirking at the soft, half-hearted breath of laughter that it pulled from Ali.
"Me first or you?" He asked after a long, quiet moment, turning to look down at the girl at his side.
Pursing her lips into a wry smile, Ali looked up to meet his gaze, feeling her gut twisting anxiously at the thought of telling him everything – of telling someone the whole, complete truth for the first time.
"I didn't mean to make a deal." The words came out in a sudden rush of breath, her voice hitching on the last word, before she forced herself to inhale slowly, focusing on Sam's steady gaze as it remained locked with hers, holding her in place; "I... You remember when I told you about my cousin?"
He nodded, not wanting to speak his confirmation in case it chased away the wary words spilling from her lips.
"When I said her death was the reason I got into hunting... That was half the truth." Ali admitted softly, wrapping her hands around her knees and staring down at a rip in her jeans; "I... It wasn't some monster that killed her, it was me." She paused for a beat, waiting for Sam to draw away in disgust, or interrupt with some word of disbelief, but he remained silent. "She... Lucy... Her family lived on this farm, out in the middle of nowhere in Vermont, and I was staying with them. She was two years older than me and... God I adored her- everything she did I wanted to do, I completely idolised her- so when she suggested borrowing her brother's car and letting me drive... I didn't even have a learners permit, I was only fifteen but I'd have jumped at anything she suggested..." Shaking her head, she tried to stem the frantic rush of words as she tried to get everything out, but there was no slowing the story now; "I... We should have been fine, the roads around the farm were totally deserted, we were singing along to the radio and I didn't even think to stop when we were passing through the crossroads because there was nothing there- and then this truck..." Her voice shook a little as she hesitated, for a moment fearing she wouldn't be able to finish, until Sam's warm, reassuring fingers curled around her hand.
Sucking in a breath of air, she stared down at their joined hands; "It ploughed straight into the passenger side- we flipped off the road and... I don't really remember, I... There was so much blood, and my legs were trapped under the steering wheel and we were upside down and I was screaming for Lucy-"
She started a little as Sam's free hand brushed her cheek, sweeping away the tears that she hadn't realised were falling; "Ali, you don't have to tell me if it's too hard..."
"No..." She breathed softly, shaking her head even as she leaned into his comforting touch, "No I... I need to Sam. I've never told anyone and..."
Nodding, he slipped his hand from where it was entwined with hers and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close against his side; "I'm here. For as long as you need."
Sniffing a little, she nodded; "I... I don't know how long I was trapped in the car for- I think I was screaming the whole time, I couldn't feel anything below my waist, I couldn't even turn my head to look for Lucy, and everything I could feel hurt so much and I knew it could be hours before anyone found us out there... I knew I was going to die, I just remember thinking... I would trade anything for us both to make it out of the car alive... I don't even remember saying it out loud but..." She pressed her knuckles to her mouth, using the pressure to ground herself; "Then I heard this man's voice- he said he'd take that deal- he could get us help if I agreed..." Sam's arm tightened around her shoulders, pulling her back to the present, away from the smell of gasoline and blood and mangled metal. "I... I think I blacked out then, because there were paramedics there when I woke up. They pulled me out first, but I begged them to get Lucy- they wouldn't let me see her, but the man had said she'd be alright, that we'd both make it out of the car alive, that was the deal..."
"She... She flatlined on the side of the road, five feet from the fucking car... The demon bastard made sure she was still alive when they pulled her out, but she didn't even last five minutes."
"God Ali..." Sam's soft breath against her hair only drew more mist to her eyes as he held her tighter; "Ali I'm so sorry..."
Shaking her head, she leaned into his hold, drawing on his warmth to lend her the strength she needed to continue; "He came to my hospital bed, I'd hit my head pretty bad but that was it... I'd felt my entire lower body get crushed and I walked away with a concussion. He explained everything, told me he'd see me when my ten years were up, and that was it. As soon as I was discharged from hospital I ran. I couldn't face my family after what had happened, I didn't even stay for Lucy's funeral... And then I started asking questions, reading and researching, and this whole world kind of opened up to me..."
Finding the courage to look into his face, she released a trembling breath; "It was all my fault, everything. I made all the wrong choices and whatever happens next is all my own doing."
"Ali, you didn't know..."
"Don't Sam, I've been over all of that in my head too many times." She cut him off softly, looking back out at the fields stained orange by the setting sun; "And I've already tried everything to get out of it – I even went back to that damn crossroads to try and barter with him when I'd learned a little more, but it was no good. Turns out even minors can make binding deals, and it still counts even if you were half-conscious when you agreed. He was decent about it, he knew he'd given me a rotten deal, but the ten years still stands, and if I try to run from it those hounds will drag me down all the harder."
Sam bit the inside of his cheek as he listened to her matter-of-fact statement, the wavering emotion in her voice reigned back to leave only calm acceptance, something he imagined had been present the entire time he had known her. She knew what was coming for her and had made her peace with it.
"How long do you have?"
She almost didn't hear his whispered question, his soft tone making it seem like he almost hadn't wanted to ask, like he hadn't wanted to know.
"Less than Dean." She admitted softly, not having the heart to ease the blow with a lie, nor could she bear to give him the exact date; "I'll get the call before he does."
"Is there nothing we can do?"
Shaking her head, she smiled sadly up at him, her gaze open and honest after all she had shared with him; "There's nothing left for me to try, Sam."
As he slipped into a defeated silence, she reached up to thread her fingers through his hand that rested on her shoulder; "It doesn't mean you have to stop trying Sam, there might be something I've missed that could help Dean."
"I've got to find something." He whispered softly, "He did it for me Ali, he brought me back, he shouldn't have..."
"Will you tell me what happened?" She prompted softly, squeezing his fingers reassuringly as she nestled into his hold, feeling him draw her closer still on the creaking hood of the truck.
He told her everything, about the yellow-eyed demon, the town of Cold Oak, the other kids, slipping away in Dean's arms. She hadn't expected to, but as he spoke, more calmly than she had done, she felt the warmth of tears rolling down her cheeks once more. That part of the story she loosely knew, from what Bobby had told her, but what came after rocked her to her core. The Devil's Gate, and the news that half of hell had spilled out into their world made her heart leap into her throat. Even the news that Dean had killed the demon that had haunted their family for so long wasn't much of a reassurance, as she thought about what they now had to face.
"I don't know what we're going to do, Ali." He breathed softly, pressing his face into her soft hair as he cradled her close, sighing as her arms snaked around his waist to cling to him tightly.
"We'll do what we can, Sam." She whispered into his chest, inhaling his comforting scent as they held each other. "That's all the world can ask for."
"Will you stay?" He asked after a long moment, feeling her beginning to grow cold in his arms as the sun slipped behind the horizon. The small shake of her head tugged at his heart, made him clutch her a little tighter, as if he could make her remain with him. He had known for a long time that he cared for this girl, abrasive, bewildering and stubborn as she was. He cared for her more deeply than he had ever expected to, more than he had thought he was capable of, after losing Jess. Perhaps there was another word he could use for this feeling, but if he was to utter it aloud, he knew she would run from it. If he acknowledged it, it would make parting with her impossible, even if he had absolutely no choice in the matter.
Sighing quietly into his chest, Ali listened to the faint thrum of his heart, beneath the layers of his jacket and shirt. It was safe here, in his arms. A safe and warm heaven that she had never imagined she would find again. That morning she had stepped into the house mourning him, drowning in a pain so acute she didn't think she would ever escape it, now she was cradled in his arms, feeling more secure and protected than she had felt in a long time. Since she had last fallen into his arms, so many months ago.
She had almost lost him, and despite her reservations, she couldn't bear to run from him now. She couldn't promise him forever, she couldn't even promise him a handful of months, but she couldn't leave him in this moment.
"Tonight." She promised quietly, "I'll stay tonight, but then you have to let me go, Sam."
[A/N: Thank you for reading and waiting so long for this chapter, I know it's been a hot minute since I updated this story! The next chapter should be up tomorrow, which will tie up this little story, so stay tuned for that! Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed! X]