𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒, dream

By simplyflaw

1.7M 51.4K 72.7K

❝ why are you throwing bonemeal at me?!" ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"so you grow the fuck up. ❞ 𝗮𝗺𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 [𝘢𝘮... More

000. prologue
001. the portmanteau's legacy
002. everyone meet god
003. drawing trees on paper
004. appear weak when you are strong and strong when you are weak
005. i solemnly swear that i am up to no good
006. the war to end all wars but not quite
007. someone dictate my will, i'm giving it all to waddles
008. may the 4th be with you
009. i was having a good sleep
010. get out, i need to go to my mind palace
011. gay dinosaur
012. they're just besties
013. shut up, george
015. always the goddamn babysitter
016. only in florida
017. the only straight I am is a straight-up bitch
018. act fool
019. shut up emily
020. ten minutes and thirty-nine seconds
021. we had some laughs, it was fun
022. I don't even know a samantha
023. I think there's been some confusion, I'm not the one in trouble here
024. it's the confidence for me
025. are you happy to be in paris?
026. you don't have a TV?
027. it's definitely not excité
028. I say more dumb shit before 9am than most people do all day
029. love or host
030. cereal killer
031. the turning point
032. mother knows best
033. cooties
034. abort mission
035. is there something you want to hear?
036. muffin
037. flatty patty
038. barbie says you're a piece of shit
039. achievement unlocked: the end?
040. achievement unlocked: the end.

014. I think you cracked the case, steve

37.6K 1.3K 2.8K
By simplyflaw


-ˋˏ 𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 ˎˊ-

chapter fourteen
· ━━━━━━ ୨💌୧ ━━━━━━ ·
❝ I think you cracked the case, steve ❞




















-ˋˏ insta! ˎˊ-




















mkarma
Brighton

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❤ㅤ💬ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ📌
liked by samanthastewart and 103,729 others
mkarma 💫
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nihaachuu i loved your outfit sm
━━━━━━ view all replies

mkarma @nihaachuu credits to you

eretvr WOW… you just stunned me beyond limits
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mkarma @eretvr <33

dreamwastaken idk who you think you are, but if you think it's someone hot, then okay
━━━━━━ view all replies

mkarma @dreamwastaken are you flirting or are you starting a fight

username1 @mkarma at least he tried

sapnapinsta dude
━━━━━━ view all replies

mkarma @sapnapinsta wassup bro

sapnapinsta @mkarma you'd marry me if I asked right

mkarma @sapnapinsta I'd marry the shit out of you man

sapnapinsta @mkarma cool

username2 @sapnapinsta @mkarma slay 🤩

ItsJustZayn what did you do today?
━━━━━━ view all replies

mkarma @ItsJustZayn walked

ItsJustZayn @mkarma I slept

mkarma @ItsJustZayn we live such extravagant lives you and I

ItsJustZayn @mkarma yep

ryanevans rISE AND SHINE
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mkarma @ryanevans wot

nolanevans @mkarma good morninG BITch

mkarma @nolanevans it's literally the afternoon

ryanevans @mkarma g o o d  m o r n i n g

username3 @ryanevans @nolanevans same tbh

username4 what's with the editing
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username5 @username4 wdym

username4 @username5 there is no way she's this fucking tall

username2 @username4 you've started pissing me off lately 🙂




















-ˋˏ dscrd! ˎˊ-




















# general 1ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ👥

━━━━━ August 2020 ━━━━━

Tommy
man

Tommy
english is so BORING

Tommy
I want to speak french like Wilbur

Malak
Wilbur speaks french?

Fundy
yeah

Fundy
but it's so BAD

Menace
french is such a gay language

Malak
🤨

Menace
"oh la la" sounds gay as hell

Fundy
HAHAHA

Menace
no offence

Malak
none taken??

Menace "oh la la" sounds gay as hell
Tommy
I'm British and I know that nobody actually says that

Fundy
except for Wilbur

Tommy
yes

Tommy
except for WILBUR

Tommy
the fucking nerve that bitch has

Menace
LOL

Tommy
Malak

Malak
Tommy

Tommy
can you teach me how to speak french?

Menace
ME TOO!!!

Malak
sure Lol

Tommy
👑

Tommy the fucking nerve that bitch has
Menace
how do we say bitch in french?

Slimer
omg

Malak
there are many different ways to call someone a bitch

Tommy
ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WORD FOR BITCH?????

Malak
the most common one is "petasse"

Malak
which is for the basic, trashy bitches

Menace
:0

Malak
and then there is "connasse"

Malak
which is for the mean bitches

Malak
there's also "conne" for the dumb bitches

Slimer
how many ways can you call a person a bitch―

Malak
and "morue" for the dirty bitches

Fundy
BRO?

Malak
"grognasse" is for the fat, ugly bitches

Fundy
HOW MANY ARE THERE??

Malak
my favourite thing is adding grosse in front of the bitch words

Malak
it makes it sound so much more powerful

Tommy
elaborate

Malak
for example "grosse petasse"

Malak
or like "grosse connasse"

Malak
"grosse poufiasse"

Menace
woahh

Tommy
THANK YOU!!

Tommy
Wilbur won't know what hit him

Slimer
I don't think that teaching the children all the different ways to call someone a bitch was a good idea

Menace
shut up PETASSE

Tommy
YEAH!

Tommy
SHUT UP YOU BASIC TRASHY BITCH!!

Fundy
💀

Malak
I can't believe you walked right into that one

Slimer
yeah

Slimer
I guess I did

Slimer
anyway, what's George doing?

Malak
snoring

Slimer
???

Pretty Boy
I don't SNORE

Malak
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP

Pretty Boy I don't SNORE
Slimer
that's not what Malak said though?

Pretty Boy I don't SNORE
Malak
then what was that?

Pretty Boy
It was a meme

Pretty Boy
I snorted

Malak
you mean like a pig?

Pretty Boy
😑

Tommy
HAHAHAHA

Wilbur
first message to pop up in my notifs as soon as I land

Wilbur
I'm going to send this to Technoblade

Tommy
ALREADY SENT IT BEFORE YOU GROSSE CONNE

Menace
PFFTTTT

Wilbur
what the hell is a "grosse conne"

Slimer I don't think that teaching the children all the different ways to call...
Slimer
I take that back

Malak
of course you do

Wilbur what the hell is a "grosse conne"
Wilbur
and why does it translate to "big bitch"

Tommy
HAHAHAHAH

Slimer
I CAN'T BREATHE

Big Bitch
it says it's french

Big Bitch
WHO TAUGHT TOMMY FRENCH

Tommy
it was Dream

Menace
Dream

Slimer
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ME?!?!!

Big Bitch
don't worry, Dream

Big Bitch
I believe you

Slimer
thanks?

Big Bitch
you can barely speak English, let alone French

Malak
😭

Slimer
You are on thin fucking ice, Wilbur Soot.

Tommy
you mean Big Bitch?

Big Bitch
you think you're so funny, Tommy

Slimer
he hasn't yet realised

Tommy
makes sense

Big Bitch
realised what?

Big Bitch
OH MY GOD

Big Bitch
TUBBO

Big Bitch
STOP CHANGING OUR NAMES

Slimer
who's Tubbo?

Menace
no clue, boss man

Tommy
you're jet-lagged, Wilbur

Tommy
you're imagining shit

Big Bitch
I think you cracked the case, Tommy

Tommy
GO FUCK YOURSELF

Malak
mm that's a bit lame and outdated, Toms

Slimer
it makes you sound like a peasant

Slimer
you should try saying "you're a coward and history will forget you"

Malak
bold AND intense? I like it

Slimer
yeah

Slimer
AND it will make you sound like you have a fuckton of dabloons

Malak
what the hell are dabloons?

Menace
MONEY

Malak bold AND intense? I like it
Malak
I love it*

Slimer
what can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible

Malak
had us in the first half, ngl

Slimer
FUCK

Slimer what can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible
Slimer
irresistible*

Malak
AHAHAHAHA

Slimer AND it will make you sound like you have a fuckton of dabloons
Tommy
are you saying it'll make me sound rich??

Slimer
basically

Tommy
RICHER THAN I ALREADY AM???

Slimer
definitely

Sapnap
hey guys

Sapnap
what's going on?

Slimer
I thought you were sleeping??

Sapnap
not when your ass is laughing this hard

Malak
😭😭

Sapnap
HI BABE

Malak
Sapnap, darling!!

Slimer
I think I missed a couple of chapters

Sapnap
how was your day?

Malak
HAD A LOT OF FUN

Malak
George and I are waiting for our flight so I'm gonna tell you all abt it

Slimer
should I buckle up? I feel like you're going to expose somebody

Malak
some bodies*

Sapnap
OHOHOHOH

Sapnap
THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD 😈

Menace
I LIKE THIS!

Menace
WHAT IS THIS?

Slimer
she has pictures

Menace
what's wrong with pictures?

Slimer
blackmail

Menace
what's blackmail??

Sapnap
at this point, he's just messing around

Menace
hehe 😁

Malak some bodies*
Tommy
I'm scared?

Malak
good

Malak
let's start with you

Tommy
WAIT HAHA

Malak
so we were sitting on a bench by the beach after George and I had breakfast with Wilbur, Niki and Fundy

Malak
Tommy and Tubbo were arguing; very light banter that's sole purpose was to rile someone up

Malak
someone was riled up alright

Menace
OMG THAT'S WHEN WILBUR RAN AFTER TOMMY FOR A GOOD FIVE MINUTES

Tommy
HE PUNCHED ME

Big Bitch
YOU DESERVED IT

Pretty Boy
that was hilarious

Slimer
LOL

Malak someone was riled up alright
Big Bitch
I look ridiculous

Big Bitch
please delete this

Nihachu
I don't think you look ridiculous!

Nihachu
I think you look cute 😊

Malak
don't lie to him, Niki

Nihachu
I'm not?

Tommy
she meant you look ugly

Big Bitch
fuck you

Malak
no, fuck YOU

Big Bitch
I―

Malak
you were saying?

Sapnap
absolutely DESTROYED 😍

Tommy
BAHAHAHA

Nihachu
omg hehe

Slimer
I CAN'T

Malak
personal favourite moment though

Sapnap
WHAT THE FAWK 😃

Malak
oops?

Slimer
HE'S LITERALLY A MINOR

Tommy
SHUT UP GREEN MAN

Pretty Boy
when did that happen??

Menace
you went to the restroom

Pretty Boy
for FIVE seconds

Malak personal favourite moment though
Menace
the guy in the picture is my best friend

Tommy
I'm the best friend

Malak
I still can't believe Wilbur is 6'5

Malak
he's so tall he's built like a giraffe

Big Bitch
we've already had this conversation before

Malak
so tall

Malak
literally a big bitch

Tommy
BAHAHAGA

Malak literally a big bitch
Big Bitch
YOU'RE 5'9

Sapnap
she's what now

Menace
oh yeah

Menace
Malak is TALL

Menace
not Wilbur tall tho

Malak
didn't you guys see my Instagram post?

Sapnap
I thought it was the angle or smthg

Sapnap
was gonna ask you to tell me how you made yourself look so long

Pretty Boy
LONG 😭

Malak
how tall did you guys think I was?

Sapnap
I'm gonna be honest

Sapnap
I was kinda hoping you were around 5'4

Tommy
Tubbo's not that short and that's saying a lot

Menace
very true

Sapnap
LEAVE ME ALONE

Malak
😭😭😭

Pretty Boy
I think Malak is shorter than me

Malak
good thing you don't get paid for thinking

Big Bitch
Malak is DEFINITELY taller than you, Gogy

Slimer
there is no way

Malak
why are we fighting over how tall I am??

Menace
I wish I was tall and skinny

Malak
☝😀

Menace
like Abraham Lincoln

Malak
✊😶

Sapnap
CRYING

Slimer
WHAHAT

Big Bitch
I'm just surprised he spelt it right

Malak
of course he did, look at him! so proud

Menace
YOOOOOO

Menace
THAT'S ME!!

Malak
THAT'S YOU

Menace
YAY :D

Pretty Boy
guys

Pretty Boy
Malak keeps on telling me not to post this because I look stupid

Slimer
what the hell is this?

Pretty Boy
hype me up

Pretty Boy Malak keeps on telling me not to post this because I look stupid
Sapnap
I approve

Pretty Boy
YESSSS

Sapnap
of Malak's statement

Malak
HA

Pretty Boy Malak keeps on telling me not to post this because I look stupid
Tommy
weirdchamp

Pretty Boy Malak keeps on telling me not to post this because I look stupid
Big Bitch
GOGY 😍

Pretty Boy
go away, Wilbur

Tommy
GOGYYY

Malak
then there's this picture I took of Wilbur and Niki right before George and I left

Big Bitch
nice

Nihachu
awww 💕

Nihachu
Thank you!!

Malak
you're welcome, lovely

Big Bitch
do you have any pictures of Fundy?

Fundy
whomst has summoned the almighty one

Malak
only one, but he was frowning at the camera

Fundy
that's because you made fun of me right before you took that

Malak
you were acting a little too tall for you're actual height

Fundy
I'M SIX FOOT THREE

Malak
YOU CAN'T TALK DOWN TO ME FROM THAT HEIGHT

Fundy
SIX

Fundy
FOOT

Fundy
THREE

Malak
👉🏻🙄👈🏻

Sapnap
the girls are fighting

Pretty Boy
what's new?

Slimer
I'm just glad it's not me

Sapnap
are you?

Slimer
not really

Malak 👉🏻🙄👈🏻
Slimer
You're such a child

Malak
I will not even hesitate to strangle you tomorrow.

Slimer
Can you even reach my neck?

Sapnap
he's probably into that

Pretty Boy
SAPNAP

Pretty Boy
STOP FUELING THE FIRE

Sapnap
sorry not sorry

Pretty Boy
I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS FOR ANOTHER TEN MINUTES

Sapnap
but I can

Sapnap
🤳🏻🤼‍♂️

Slimer Can you even reach my neck?
Malak
you make me so angry so quickly

Malak
it's remarkable

Slimer
I literally said only 6 words?

Malak
yet here I am, boiling with rage

Slimer
just say sorry and it'll all be over

Malak
okay, I'm sorry

Pretty Boy
OMG YES

Malak
that you're a PIECE OF SHIT

Pretty Boy
WE'RE BOARDING EARLIER

Malak
finally

Malak
I was getting tired

Pretty Boy
yawning every other second

Malak
I'm SLEEPY

Slimer
you should gather some energy through the flight, then

Slimer
if not, you'll just sleep when you land

Slimer
no biggie

Malak
yeah, maybe I should

Malak
have a nice night, asshole

Slimer
you too, princess

Sapnap
😳

Slimer you too, princess
Malak
look me in the eyes and repeat that dumbass shit you just said

Slimer
HAHAHAHA

Pretty Boys
MALAK GET OFF DISCORD

Malak
jesus christ

Malak
OKAY

Slimer
safe flight, you two!!

Sapnap
NOOO

Sapnap
I WAS HAVING FUN

Sapnap
don't leave me please

Slimer
I'm watching ghostbusters

Sapnap
say less

Sapnap
🏃 💨




















-ˋˏ 💌 ˎˊ-




















author's note

as you can see, I love quoting shows and stuff haha

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