You were running to catch up to her, the other you. The you that stays hidden inside.
She is a completely different personality this 'other half'. She delights in bloodshed and kicking puppies, but what could you expect? She was your demon side after all. You didn't like her. Who she was, who she is, what she can do, but that also means you don't like yourself since that is you. You tried to keep her under wraps, but it's not like she is a completely separate personality it's more of an addiction that brings on its own craving and urges when you least expect them.
You finally caught up to her but it was too late. You saw the bodies of the family on the ground, the family you had killed. She turned around with your favorite knife in hand, "Like what you see?" she smirked. It wasn't a cold smirk or even an evil one, just a normal one, and it ran chills through your bones. "Come on. Don't pretend you don't enjoy it y/n" she said coming up close. You could see your e/c eyes turn black as she crossed her arms. "Just admit it. You miss this". And sadly, you did. Somewhere inside of you, you did. You were so frustrated with yourself for all the emotions of grief, pain, and fear of what you were, you screamed in anger, gripping the side of your head as the other you laughed. You saw her wiping tears away from laughing so hard, the blood from her hands transferring to her face. "You miss me," she said more confident moving close with the blade...
You woke up with a start, Sweat brimming your brow. You look around taking in your surroundings. You were sitting on the living room floor with Jo curled up across your lap and a book you were most likely reading sitting on her face. You remove the book and noticed something was pushing into your back, as you turn around you see sam sound asleep, head uncomfortably drooping to the side, and an adorable Dean resting his head on Sam's shoulder. You had spent a couple of nights with the boys before but typically you would take the couch, not really paying attention to their sleep habits. Seeing them this way was completely heartwarming, they were so peaceful and childlike. So of course you took a photo, planning to make it a screen saver for Sam's laptop later down the line.
You look further around the room and see Ellen fast asleep at the desk a cup of whisky still in hand, but no sign of Bobby. You slowly push Jo off of you, trying to remember what exactly happened last night, while a headache jogged your memory. There was drinking, reading, storytelling, and I think you even all got a photo together at some point. Either way, you knew what today had in store for you. It was the day you were going to kill Lucifer or die trying.
You were normally the first one up due to your perpetual nightmares, so it was your responsibility to start some coffee. Knowing everyone was going to need a kick to start their day you brewed an extra caffeinated kind. You decided while it was brewing to go get dressed but came back up to see Bobby already drinking at the table with a cup for you. You smile upon seeing him.
"Goodmorning Bobby"
He just rolled his eyes turning his attention back towards the book he had on the table.
You took a couple of sips looking at him. He may seem calm and collected, but you knew him better than that. You knew he was nervous about what today could bring.
"What do you think that chances are we will all make it out alive?" you ask, thinking back through the brief plan you managed to come up with.
He turned to you, anger evident on his face "Don't talk like that. It's possible"
"But not probable" you reply.
You both sit in silence for another minute.
"Bobby I could..." But he quickly cut you off.
"No y/n you are not going alone. That would be a suicide mission"
You scoff "But it's not now?"
"There's safety in numbers"
"Numbers are what I am worried about" you stare at him. Unwavering in your position "the more numbers the more casualties"
You keep staring unblinkingly while he slams his book down and adjusts his baseball cap, breathing out his nose to try to keep his voice down.
"You think I don't know that?" He retorts surprising you.
"Then why are we all going?"
"Because we need to guarantee we stop the Devil"
Your jaw clenches thinking through his argument.
"We don't even know if the Colt is going to work" You say looking back down at your coffee.
"It better work, we don't have any other plan"
"Exactly!" you exclaim louder than you meant to. "Why are we putting our eggs all in one basket? Let me go with the Colt and we can see if it works. You know I have the best shot at killing him"
You hear someone clearing their throat from behind you. You watch as Bobby picks up his book again without even acknowledging the person behind you. You turn around deciding its best to face the problem straight on. You pull your best fake smile and flip around to see the grumpy faced Dean.
"Well good morning sleeping beauty," you say a smirk pulling across your face. "I am actually surprised you got up before Sam"
"Coffee" is all he managed to say as he lazily started walking towards the coffee pot. You just shake your head and return your attention back to drinking you long forgot cup infront of you. You watch as he makes his way to the table, almost tripping over his own feet as he sits down. He drinks in the hot liquid licking his upper lip as he sets it back down on the table. His green eyes were sparkling in the morning sun like speckles of cinnamon or sugar in an apple pie. You finally realized how long you were looking at him since he starting wiggling his eyebrows, acknowledging your stare.
"You alright sweetcheeks?" he says, a playful smirk gracing his features. With his bedhead, and soft freckles you were sure you were going to kiss him right then, but you pulled yourself together knowing he does NOT feel the same way and blushed slightly instead.
"I am just fine thanks" Bobby replied for you, rolling his eyes and moving his wheelchair away from the table. "Now if you knuckleheads don't mind I actually want to attempt to think of a backup plan in case things go south"
"But Bobby we are so much better at winging it" you chuckle as he gives you the stink eye and rolls away.
You turn your attention back to Dean, who looked much more serious now.
"What were you and Bobby talking about when I walked in?" He asked, watching your features closely.
"Oh it was nothing, just some crazy idea" You started, wanting to just dismiss it altogether.
"I like crazy ideas, want to fill me in?" He caught you. You knew he was just trying to casually bring it up.
"Fine Dean" you huff, slumping in your chair and crossing your arms "I wanted to go alone, ahead of you guys to see if I could come up with a better plan or try to kill him myself"
"That's not a crazy idea"
You looked at him shocked.
"That's a STUPID- freaking idea. Why the Hell would you go all alone?" There's the Dean you knew.
"What? It's stupid that me, being a Demon filled with all sorts of supernatural ability, goes first to try to save you, a bunch of non-supernatural fairly normal people? Last I checked, I would be the first you would sacrifice to save anyone else here"
"That's not fair," he said his eyes softening.
"Lifes not fair" I retort. We both sit there, stewing in our anger. I knew I overstepped a line by bringing up the past he just barely tried to fix. Yep too far
"Y/n" he said softly turning back to face you. He looked like he was going to say something else, but Jo walked in.
"Morning you two" She said happily.
You both leaned back away from the table, picking up your cups of coffee and sipping hard.
"Well, aren't you too so cute together" she smirked while eyeing your both, Dean nearly spits out his coffee making you giggle.
"W-what?" Dean stuttered.
"Jeez, I am just kidding," Jo said rolling her eyes, making Dean relax a little. "Maybe." she quickly added.
"I'm going to go shower" Dean stated, promptly standing up and heading out of the room. You thought you noticed a slight blush on his face but quickly dismissed it.
"So y/n," Jo said taking Dean's spot. "Seems he has a little crush on you according to Sam" She laughed.
"No" you stated, but the blush that came across your face said otherwise. "He doesn't think of me that way"
"YOU LIKE HIM" he said her eyes widening, a mischievous grin coming across her face.
"No" you said crossing your arms. She gave you a glare. "maybe just a little"
She smiled once again.
"But nothing is going to come of it." you finished.
That's when Sam walked in, joining the conversation. "What's not coming of what?" Sam asked walking to the coffee machine.
"Oh you know, y/n's crush on Dean-o"
"oh, that?" Sam asked completely unsurprised.
"What do you mean 'oh that'" you ask standing up.
"y/n its obvious you like each other. At first, I thought that was over considering your situation, but Dean got over it really quickly" Sam stated sitting down by Jo.
"No me and dean? Not gonna happen" You said crossing your arms again.
"I bet you $50 they kiss before the end of the week" Jo states. "Deal" replies Sam.
You just walk out of the room. You head swimming with thoughts of Dean, and the conversation with Sam and Jo. Definitely NOT where your head should be at considering the tasks planned for today. You walk past the living room seeing Bobby and Ellen both chatting, but you walk out the front door needing to breathe a little and collect your flustered self.
"What the actual fuck?" you say out loud, walking around the house towards the back yard. Behind the garage, you kept a small garden of all sorts of plants with different properties you could use in potions, you laugh thinking about how you will have to explain that to Sam and Dean sometime.
You loved your garden. It was so peaceful and filled with so many good memories and hope. It was your escape from everything else. You stood there staring at all your plants.
I can't let my feelings for Dean cloud my judgment. I can't let him too close, everyone gets hurt. You thought back to the nightmare.. the incident that Bobby doesn't even talk about. It puts you into tears. You sit down In the dirt crying.
No. No one can be close ever again.