ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ˡⁱˢᵗᵉⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵛᵉ. ᴮᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵖʳᵉᵐⁱᵘᵐ ʸᵒᵘᵗᵘᵇᵉ. ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ʷʰⁱˡᵉ ˡⁱˢᵗᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵘˢⁱᶜ. ᴱⁿʲᵒʸ! ✍
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December 25, 201X
Today, since it's Christmas, the gang decided that we should enjoy our two days off so we had a drink and plan a house party. We were back in Busan so everyone was enjoying their time. We were staying at Jimin's house since his parents were away and so we decided we will hold our House Party there.
A lot of embarrassing things happened like Taehyung asking Jimin to dance on his lap and the duo grinds their hips on the floor. It earned a lot of shouts and cheer from all our drunk friends.
However, the fun was cut off early since Jimin's neighbor complained about how loud we were. After cleaning up, the lovers, Yoongi and Jennie decided to stay in a hotel nearby and you already know what they would gonna do. Jin Oppa, Namjoon, and Hoseok Oppa went early because they still have things to finished for their thesis. The rest of the gang decided to continue the fun at the nearby bar. Jisoo decided to take a pass because she would be celebrating Christmas in Seoul instead, together with Ji-eun unnie.
The song Hope Not, along with our other song, Kick it, was set to be released on our Youtube Channel on January 1. We don't have an agency. It was just when we were in High school, we were all broke af and Namjoon decided to build a group of singers and rappers to perform every birthday, celebration.
Back then, we just cover songs from other artists until we decided to make our music and songs once we save enough for the band. Now, although we were on hiatus for 6 months, our growing popularity online can not be ignored that some agency started to approach us, and was trying to sign us under their label. We just haven't decided on it yet.
Everything was ready for our two singles, and Yoongi Oppa decided to add more lyrics in between. Right now, it sounded more like a breakup song rather than it's original writing.
I'm glad because it wouldn't sound like a desperate woman trying to lure the guy she likes. It can now be sung properly. I am thankful that Yoongi Oppa stops pestering me as to where I get such inspiration. After all, no one knows the in-out cycle of friends that I am in love with Jungkook all this time.
Anyway, I am writing again to vent my frustration with the same man. In my Diary, I dont have to mention his name. You already knew him. Yes. The man whom I keep loving for 8 years. The same man I wish that could see me more than his best friend.
After we had drunk our ass up, he just comes to me and kissed me. Did you hear it right? He kissed me while saying another woman's name.
Luckily, no one saw what happened because he passed out after that. I have to carry him from our neighborhood.
My first kiss should not happen this way! I shouldn't be kissed just because he hallucinates and saw me as another woman. I feel hurt. I feel dejected. I was crying while writing this. It's been Christmas midnight but I just couldn't sleep. Tell me, am I worth this pain in my chest?
༼ಢ_ಢ༽
If Jungkook would have whispered my name the moment he kissed me, I would have been the happiest woman in the world. However, like what the others said, we should stop hoping that the other person would like us back. Because if they did, they had already done that a long time ago.
If he was afraid that our friendship might be destroyed because of his confession then he has never been an mn, to begin with. A man accepts rejection and if love was that strong then they would choose to love unconditionally instead. Just like how I love him without anything in return.
What just happened a while ago breaks me into pieces. Why does fate give me this cruelty?
༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
If I asked him, would he even remember the Kiss? I don't think so. I am getting tired, to be honest. I may have loved him continuously all these years, but I dont think I can continue in the future. I dont think I can pursue these feelings anymore.
What should I do?
(_ _|||)
Lisa.
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Flashback
almost 8 years ago
"Twinkle twinkle littaaahh staaaahh!"
Jennie and Taehyung keep singing to their heart's content. They thought they were singing in some concert as they showed their non-human audience, dance, and hype, like they haven't experience in their life and Lisa, was also struggling to keep up with drunk Jungkook on her shoulder as he clings to her with drool on his face.
"Kook, can you walk properly? You know you're so much heavier right? Please help me at least."
Rosé and Jimin are somehow still bickering but supported each other while Hoseok Oppa and Jimin's younger brother, Dong-hee, were on both in the side of the two just to prevent if in case they kick and punch each other's guts out.
"I will win to you just so yah see, Mini."
"Huh. Do you think you can win with me on a car race when you just keep crashing? Whatta chipmunk."
"Hmmm.. I keep falling cause yah a cheater. Yah keeps hitting my car. Yah loser cheater Mini."
"What did you say?"
Jimin lazily grabbed Rosé's face as the two brothers keep them apart. Lisa could only smile watching the two while Jungkook was on her shoulder, murmuring things she couldn't understand.
She was left behind the others because no one was helping her, Kun and Haru had already gone home as they went drunk with just one shot so they asked her sister, Nana to come and pick them up. She was the only one sober because Jungkook keeps drinking her cup whenever she losses on their drunk game 'spin the bottle'. So since he did her a favor not to get drunk, she was here now helping him.
"Aish, I hate you, you know?"
She said watching him while he was sleeping on her shoulder and she lightly tapped his head.
"If you can't drink much then why force yourself? Now, you black out."
They kept walking for a while before Jungkook suddenly pulled her in his chest and talk,
"Ji-eun noona, I know now who the man you like."
"Kook..."
She tried her best to get out of his tight embrace. Her heart was frantic as she felt his breath on her ears. It tickles here and sent a volt of electricity on her back.
However, Jungkook didn't stop and just continue talking,
"You like him right? I saw you confessed to him..."
"Kook, please. Let's go home."
"Ji-eun noona, why not me? Why him?"
Lisa pushed him with all the strength as tears beamed on her face. He hit the cold cement floor and whimpered in pain. Lisa felt guilty about what happened so she did her best to stand him up. Still alternating between her sobs.
"Please, Kook let's go home. I am not Ji-eun unnie. This is Lisa."
"Noona, I love you."
Jungkook said as he cupped Lisa's face and kissed her deeply and passionately. She was frozen on the spot as tears fall on her face. She did her best to push him away when he tried to push his tongue inside Lisa. She was so ready to slap him but he fell on her shoulder before it happens.
Bigger teardrops had fallen from her eyes to her cheeks as she sobbed on his broad shoulders. He hugged her although she didn't know if she needed it at that time.
"Stop crying. Stop crying."
He kept on whispering while caressing her hair. Lisa had felt so many confusing emotions that her heart almost exploded.
The same man who just broke her heart a million times was the same man who comforted her. How ironic. How pathetic.
If Jungkook could only love her the same intensity, he didn't have to go through this heartbreak alone.
Lisa could only cry and sigh as Jungkook passed out after that.
She laid him down on his bed as his mom prepared some herbal tea. She left them two with a knowing smile but Lisa just chose to ignore what was going on inside her mom's mind.
"Lisa, why won't you stay? It's already late. I can prepare the best for you here. Don't be shy, you used to sleep here 5 years ago."
"Auntie..."
Lisa said shyly as her cheeks tinted in pink. Mama Jeon does know that his son's bestfriend was in love with him even if she will not open her mouth. However, they were still too young to start a relationship. Still, she will support them if in case.
"Ahh... No worries Lisa. Just giving you some suggestions."
She then went to close the door as Lisa was left alone to tend to drunk Jungkook.
She looked at him. Full of pain but full of love. She needed to think more. She needed to think fast before she will fall deeper in love. She needed to let go.
Only if Lisa knew how to let go. Sadly, she can't because a small part of her still hoped that he would notice her one day.
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At Present
Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi were now giving such a harsh look on Jungkook as he narrated to them what had happened and how he stumbled upon Lisa's diary. They all sit on one big couch as they listen attentively to what Jungkook was saying.
They can see the sadness and pain that he was experiencing right now. The maknae wouldn't reach for their help if she wasn't that troubled.
Yoongi could only give a slight smirk before speaking first.
"Maknae, I kinda understand where you come from. As someone who had been in a longest relationship than the rest of us, there were times where Jennie drive me to my limit but I couldn't leave her because I love her and even if her feelings changed, I would always do everything to pull her back to me."
He shifted his seat as the three put their attention on him. It was very rarely where Yoongi talks in a full sentence and this time was a very rare opportunity for them to listen to his speech.
He licked his lips before continuing,
"Back then, I kinda sense that Lisa liked you. Like c'mon! What type of woman would skip her entire class just to take care of you when you collapsed one time during college senior years because you hadn't slept for days due to your thesis? Remember, she also has a thesis going on at that time but she bit her tongue when the professors reprimanded her when she couldn't pass it on time. Like, how can you be so dense to that Kook? We even had a discussion back then about the relationship between the two of you, only to be shattered when you announced your relationship with Ji-eun after we graduated. We thought you would end up together, to be honest."
This time Jin, shifted his gaze to Jungkook as if waiting for his response but he only lowered down his head.
"Are you playing dumb about Lisa's feelings all this time?"
This time, it was Namjoon who said that. Jungkook was shocked by the bluntness of Namjoon. He leaned forward as he looked at him intensely.
Jungkook could only gulp because he knew what those words mean. Him playing dumb or just simply downplaying Lisa's feelings all this time. He deserved to be called the Jerk if he was Lisa.
"Look, Kook, since we were friends, I just wanted to be straightforward to you, okay? Didn't you know that Kun had a deep feelings for Lisa even back then? Didn't you know he accompanied her anywhere she goes when you were busy tending Ji-eun? They even got close to the point that he decided to go to Thailand, 3 years ago, to visit her after he finished their worldwide tour? See? Even him, as an idol was making time for Lisa. You didn't know all of that, did you?"
It was time Jungkook was woken up on his realization. He realized he didn't even pay attention to some of their friends back then because his main focus was just Ji-eun. He didn't even realize how Kun had been building his base around Lisa.
Is that someone that will accompany her back in Korea was Kun all the time?
Jungkook felt like someone just threw a bucket of cold water on him from head to toe. Goosebumps covered his body as tears started forming in his eyes.
"Kook, asking us advice for this matter was a little bit too late now. We will never know if Lisa still felt the same for you or if she had fallen in love with someone else within these years. Remember? It's been 5 years Kook. 5 years was long enough if you wanna forget someone. Love Band debuted 4 years ago Kook. They had been dominating the Korean charts ever since. The time you haven't contacted Lisa was even longer than that. We may never know if those two were already engaging in a secret relationship since Kun is an idol. Like I said Kook, it's already too late to realized these things. Even if Lisa wasn't in a relationship right now, it's impossible to say she hadn't moved on."
Namjoon's words had reached Jungkook's heart much deeper than a knife. He let out a sob as his body shakes in pain. Maybe, it was indeed his Karma that things turned out this way.
It was then, Jin's turned to talk. Like those two, he supported their words with bluntness to knock some sense to Jungkook.
"Kook, it's okay to cry because we did a mistake once in our life. Let this be a lesson to you. Our life wasn't made for the movie Kook, that even if 10 tears had passed, the main leads still love the same person. That's not how normal people's lives work. If we experienced pain, 2 years was long enough to move on. Even widowed and divorced people find love again, what more to a single lady who just experienced unrequited love? If Lisa hadn't moved on from you for all these years, then I might say she was dumb."
His cry could be heard around the sala of Jungkook's apartment. The three could only give him a sympathetic look. They were glad that they never run away from the love of their life, not the same way Jungkook did.
Yoongi drunk the last beer before he continued to speak,
"I am guilty too because I didn't tell you. Lisa was supposed to confess to you on the day you got a 'yes' from Ji-eun. I just realized it now when she sent me a text about finally confessing to the man she likes and when I ask her how did it go, she said it didn't go well. I just now finally connect the dots."
He stands up and lightly tap Jungkook's shoulder before saying,
"Even if it's too late now, there still a slim chance that Lisa would accept you but don't expect that it would be the same as it was back then."
He headed towards the door as he told them that his wife, Jennie, had given him a curfew that he should be home by 6 or she will beat him up and let him sleep outside, without a pillow. He couldn't let his pregnant wife be stressed outright? Namjoon followed as he whispered to Jungkook words of encouragement.
"I believe in what Yoongi Hyung said. Try to confess to her and if she said yes then it will be better but you should not mess up this time or you might lose her forever. If she said no, then Kook, accept it. Accept it like a real man and move on. Just remember that this failure is just one of the many failures you will be facing for many years to come."
The last one to leave was his brother, Jin. Although he trusted that he wouldn't let any words that they talked about right now to Lisa, he was still feeling heavy for the words that escaped his mouth just a moment ago.
"Dongsaeng, if you only realized this before or after your graduation, I would be more than willing to help you drag Lisa's back here in Korea. However, if she somehow accepts your proposal, are you willing to leave us behind and moved to Thailand to be with her? You know that her business was already been established in Thailand and her mom was also there. The choice is yours Kook but I just hoped that you would choose wisely. Right now, it's either your family or Lisa. I know Thailand isn't that far away but you know how mom wanted you to be just arm's reach. What if something might happen in the future, will you's be able to go here as soon as possible? Think carefully, Kook."
Jungkook was now left alone, drinking beers, frowning his sorrow. If sacrificing his own family for the sake of being with Lisa and catching up to all the things he had missed when she was still by his side, then he was willing to do it. If that's the only way for him to prove his love for her, he was willing to choose her over his family.
Jungkook looked at the ceiling as his eyes sparkled with determination and willingness to win Lisa's heart once again.
'No matter what will happen, I will stay by her side this time. I won't leave her hanging like what I did back then. I will pour all my heart into her. I will sacrifice my life for her because I knew that Lalisa was worth it. I'm willing to let her go if she couldn't love me anymore and had fallen out of love with me, but that would happen after I fought for her. Only then I can let her go.'
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