Parts of this chapter were written since December 2019, and done with a slight change.
.·。.·゜·༺♥༻ ·゜·。.
Oh God, thank you, you've allowed me
To spend the most beautiful years
With him
Living a love
I didn't know existed
I won't trade it
For anything in the world
- Twelve Most Beautiful Years, by BCL
.·。.·゜·༺♥༻ ·゜·。.
CAL LEROY SR.
"Gi, you're awake! How are you feeling, darling?" She looked up to see Cal leaning over her, the eager expression on his face reflected on the younger face of Junior kneeling on the bed next to him.
Gigi petted the crown of Junior's head. "Junior, I need to talk to your father for a while. Why don't you go down and fetch some new books so we can read together later?"
"Right away, Mamma!"
Cal raised his brows, looking at Junior cluelessly as he hopped down from the bed and hurried off through the doors. Faintly, he could hear Aravin try to pry in before being barred by Junior as he shut the door behind them.
The sunset behind the glass windows across from her gave a more reddish glow to Gigi's flustered face as she sighed contentedly.
"...Did I miss something?" Cal asked with a curious smile, still stunned.
"You certainly did." Now resting on her side facing him, Gigi carefully adjusted her injured arm on the pillows. "Welcome home, my husband. I wish I were in a better condition to greet you, perhaps offer you the comfort of my embrace."
"Hearing your voice and seeing you smile at me again is the warmest welcome." He seated down on the edge of her bed, draping an arm over her. "But you do not look ill at all, my darling. You are glowing."
He kissed her hair longingly, heart thumping with fervour as she nuzzled his chest. How he had missed this, her clean and soothing scent. He could feel her pressing her uninjured palm on his back, bringing him close. They took that moment to savour everything they had missed the week he was gone, and her unconscious.
"I know that you've been home for two days but for me, it's still been a week since I've last seen you." She gushed, he could sense a yearning in her voice. "Congratulations on succeeding in your mission. Thank the gods you have made it home safe."
"I caught a bit of heatstroke. I was so focused on getting the job done that I didn't realize a little too much sun could harm me." He replied, sheepishly.
"No wonder you look sunburned." She reached up to caress his cheeks before trailing her fingers down his chest. "My poor husband's been away from me for far too long."
Having her so close like this awakened the desire he had kept buried securely at the back of his mind. It reminded him about the decision he had made at the Doctor's.
He was so ready. He wished so badly to try it with her.
"Gi, there's something I need to tell you. It might surprise you, but I assure you that it's nothing you've forced on me. In fact, I've been wanting it for a while."
She nodded calmly. "I know, I do too."
"You do? I mean, I know you do. You haven't been very subtle about it." He tried suppressing his laugh, recalling the scene where she groped him in front of everyone at his birthday party.
She shot him an annoyed look. "I know that I've been fairly obvious about it, but could you at least give me a moment to say it directly?"
Cal tilted his head, confused. "Alright...?"
Gigi took his hand, entwining their fingers, before burying her face in his shirt. She took a deep breath before gazing up at him. "I love you, Sire."
"...What?"
"I never got the chance to answer you when you left. I know it's supposed to be more romantic, but I've wanted to get it off my chest all week."
She loved him. She loved him, but at the moment where he's supposed to rejoice, he felt a familiar sensation trying to hold him back, binding him to that godforsaken place.
He was soiled, damaged.
"Wait a minute, Gi—"
"After I recover, I'll figure out something better." She ended, kissing his knuckles. But after seeing the look on his face, she concluded that it wasn't the answer he was expecting. "...You don't look very pleased."
He shook his head calmly. "Gi... I don't deserve that yet."
"What do you mean 'yet'?"
Cal chuckles bitterly. "I have not earned it. I am not a very good husband... I've hurt you before. I dismissed you on our wedding night, I ignored you for weeks. I have not given you what you wanted, I couldn't even kiss you..."
Gigi's expression quickly twisted into a scowl. "Sire, it disheartens me to know that you think so shallowly of me... Do you think that those things would repel me? I said I'd wait for you, wasn't that enough for you?"
"No it's not you, Gi, it's always been me. I didn't come into this marriage all in one piece. I projected my damage onto you. You have no idea how many times during our marriage have I thought that you deserve someone better."
"You need to stop acting like you know what is best for me! It's not up to you to decide how I feel! How dare you to even wish me off with someone else, while all I ever want is you!" She screamed, and for a second it took a toll on her, as she reached to clutch the bandage around her head.
"Sire, if you truly have my best interests at heart, you need to hear me out. If you really meant to look out for me, then you should start by listening to me!"
Cal didn't say anything, as he knew anything that came out of his mouth would only make things worse. He locked his gaze with hers, signalling that she had his full attention.
"That first night I thought I had made a terrible mistake, that I had disgusted you so much that you would never sleep with me again. The weeks after that I thought that you hated me. You barely spoke to me, and you couldn't even bear looking at me. For a moment when I had given up, I was so happy and relieved to have found a friend in Junior. It was a lonely time."
"I admit, I had given up initially. I thought if you hated me, then I would leave you to your business and try to make do on my own. But as I spent time with Junior I kept seeing you as well, and gradually you seemed to warm up to me. You would smile and talk, and you weren't so cold as before. I kept telling myself that it was foolish of me to hope things had changed, but I treasured every single moment we spent together, no matter how brief. Sometimes I wished you would kiss and embrace me. Sometimes I just wanted you to hold my hand."
"It would lighten up my day, just seeing you smile. My heart beats faster whenever I'm with you. I stayed up at night craving for the warmth of your skin."
"There were times when I wanted to touch you and express my feelings for you in a more intimate manner but I thought, no, he didn't like it last time. What if he hates you this time? And I could never be too sure whether you actually loved me, whether you really care about me or were just toying with my feelings. You were a mystery. A mystery that I couldn't seem to unravel. Sometimes mysteries are fun but after so long you get really tired solving them."
Cal shut his eyes painfully at her recollection, once more pointing out everything that he did wrong. It only proved further that he never did a single thing to deserve her. But he did promise to hear her out, and allowing her to finish should be the least thing he could do to make up for everything.
"But then you told me about your trauma. And I thought, what sort of horrible thing could break someone so strong? How much pain did he have to endure all these years?"
That wasn't what he expected. Shouldn't she blame him for not being able to get over it, or say that it was all in his head? Everyone else did.
"I see you push yourself. Even when you're in pain, you keep going. Whenever you fall, you jump right back up." Her voice wavered, and Cal felt tears welling up in his eyes as he tightened his hold around her.
"Yes, you have limitations. Yes, you made mistakes. But you're always trying to do your best, for me and Junior. That's what keeps me going. That's what keeps me hoping. Because if you could hold on for Junior for years, then why couldn't I do the same for you?"
"I didn't think this kind of love existed. I didn't even know I could love someone this much." She smiled to herself, before reaching up to touch his cheek. "I used to think that love is something idyllic where both parties came together perfectly and flawlessly. But no, our love is perfect in its own imperfections. You taught me that, Sire..."
He gazed down at her tenderly, and her eyes had never shone brighter as she continued, "I treasure what we have, and I will not trade it, I will not exchange you for anything. Not for anything in the world."
It took him a few minutes before he could finally speak without his voice breaking. "I never hated you, Gi. I kept a distance from you because I was afraid that I would fall for you. I thought if we don't have feelings for each other it would save us both from pain. Now I see that it only did us greater damage. I was a fool, thinking that I could keep something so beautiful very close to me without falling for them."
"A lot of times I've wanted to hold you. Kiss you. To have you in my arms whispering my name. But I kept asking myself if I deserved it after my being so dismissive towards you. I could never thank you enough for understanding it all for my sake. You did nobly and bravely and beautifully and I am very oh so sorry, very sorry, that it must have been much hell for you. If I could redo everything, I would."
She shook her head quickly. "You don't need to. We have a whole future ahead of us."
"I'm afraid you'll change your mind once you learn about my past."
"I mind not about your past, Sire. It shall not affect the worth of the person you are today."
"As for my confession the other night, I meant it. I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you with the entirety of my soul. You are the most sincere, intelligent, beautiful person I've ever met. You inspire me to get better. I am stronger now because of you. And tonight, I... I am not so scared anymore," He laughed softly, trying to blink back his tears.
"So, are you strong enough to accept the truth that I love you too?"
Closing his eyes, Cal took a deep breath, trying to take everything in. Gigi loved him, and she was ready to accept everything that he was.
I am not soiled, he told himself. I am not damaged.
"If you'll have me," His lips quivered as he smiled. "There's nothing that I desire more in life than becoming yours... In entirety; mind, body, and soul."
Gigi shot him an amazed look. "Does that mean... Is that what you want?"
"More than anything in the world," He cradled her face in his palms, being careful not to crush her injured arm. As his breath touched her lips, she tilted her head closer, aching to comply, but hesitating.
He chuckled, "I'll be alright, I promise."
She wept quietly before closing the gap. "Then be mine."
They cried in between kisses. Cal had since long given up on preventing his tears from pouring out. This wasn't the tears of sorrow nor defeat. These were the tears of triumph. Of happiness. Of a promise from the future of becoming whole with her.
With her arm on his back, she pressed him against her, leaving no spaces between them. They were just desperate to feel more and more of each other.
They kept going on for what seemed like forever.
.·。.·゜·༺♥༻ ·゜·。.
Living a love
I didn't know existed
I will not trade it
For anything in the world
.·。.·゜·༺♥༻ ·゜·。.
For those who are asking if Cal & Gigi did the do?? No, they were just kissing 😝
Has Cal's trauma healed entirely?? The answer is no, he was just recovering from his fight-or-flight response. That's why the Doctor didn't recommend him to go forward with his plan. I have a very interesting concept about how he would heal later but being in love doesn't heal traumas; traumas don't just magically disappear. Just watch how the story would unravel later.