As Harry opens the door of his car to let me in, an idea crosses my mind.
"I'm gonna walk," I state.
"What?"
"I am going to walk back to the hotel"
"Emma, you can't walk," retorts my friend.
"I still have my legs, so I can"
"No. What I meant is someone like you shouldn't be walking"
I sigh but smile. I know he is only saying this in a positive manner. But I need to get my thoughts straightened out. I need to think about what Harry said, about what I am going to do, about many things. And I cannot do that in a car with him.
"I will drop by to see you before I leave," I announce.
I hug him quickly before walking away.
The streets are weirdly empty and calm. After all, it is London, I thought people would be outside celebrating or just having a good evening. But I am almost alone. And I don't say that in a sad and pathetic way, it's just that the streets are empty.
And somehow, it makes me think about what Harry said. "How do you think your friend, Mr Shelby, keeps himself distracted?" Why was I expecting something different from Thomas? After all, we never talked about this, and he never said anything about how he felt about me. Does he feel something about me? Do I feel something for him? Is that even possible?
Of course, Thomas is a handsome and achieved man. But he is nothing like I would've expected a man to be. He is barely polite, incredibly harsh sometimes, and too authoritarian. That, and his family doesn't even add in his favour. I have nothing to say about Arthur, but Polly? She hasn't been kind to me. Sure, I've only met her twice, I think, but she hasn't shown the slightest interest or kindest to my person.
But then, there's John and Ada. She was the one who encouraged me to discuss my differences with Thomas. And John, oh dear John. I've never laughed that much since my father died. John has been the kindest of them all. I still remember the time he came to the train station to make sure everything was fine. Or when he drove me home the day I went to Thomas' office. Even the other day when he came to chat and we spent the whole afternoon remembering our respective childhood. John is the only Shelby who made me feel like home since the moment I met him. He didn't try to be domineering nor overbearing. He was the nicest and most delightful person I've met since I arrived in Birmingham.
And Thomas is just madness. He is chaos itself. Who would consider themselves the devil if they weren't mad? I can still remember the night I saw the Duchess in his house, naked, and delusional. He didn't try to explain himself on that. He didn't try to defend his actions.
He never said who are the Peaky Blinders.
Hands grab my waist and I scream in surprise as I pulled away from the main street and into a small alley. I continue to scream, scared when someone puts his hand on my mouth. And by the size of it, I quickly understand I am being attacked by a man. I try to get free of his grip, but he is stronger than me.
Two other person walks into the alley. Two men, holding guns, walking toward me.
"Sei sicuro che sia lei?" Asks one of the two men.
Italians.
Why is he asking if I am the right girl?
Why would the Italian try to kill me? I haven't done anything. I have no business in Italy.
"È lei. Vincente l'ha vista con gli inglesi alla stazione," replies the man who still holds me.
Changrettas.
"The town... A fire" answers Charlie out of breath.
"What?"
"The Changrettas"
I try to scream words that would set me free, but they do not care. They may not even speak English. And when I try to scream in Italian, the two men aim their guns at me. When I see the canons pointed at me, a horrible memory comes back to me.
Flashback
I run out of the car, while the driver keeps screaming my name, my tears rolling down my cheeks. As I get away from the car, and closer to home, the driver's words fade away. I can only think of one thing.
Dad.
I have to see him. I have to be with him. I do not want to be an orphan. I cannot let them take him away from me. I don't wanna be alone, not again.
I trip on my dress and fall in the mud. I start sobbing and my sobs quickly turn into screams. I look up from the ground and see my house at the end of the road. Rains continue to pour on me and thunder shakes the sky.
"Father!!"
One bullet is fired.
"FATHER!!"
I get up and start running again. This time, I don't stop screaming. I keep on screaming again and again. The mud makes it so difficult for me to run. But I keep going. I have to see my dad. I don't wanna him to go.
And as I get closer to home, the front doors open. I stop myself for a second and yell when I see two men holding my father and one holding a gun against his forehead.
"DAD!!"
He turns his head to look at me and while I resume on running, I can see his lips moving. I can't hear him. Or can I? I don't understand. I don't understand why they are doing this. Why? We never hurt them, my dad never did anything to them. Why are they doing this to us? Why?!
He looks back at the man holding the gun, and my heart falls in pieces, my voice is torn apart and my mind explodes when the bullet goes through his head.
Flashback
When the first bullet is fired, I am startled. Tears roll down my cheeks and my whole body shakes in fear. I try to get away from the men, but they won't let me go. They are holding me, just like those men did my father. I am going to die, just like he did. I knew my family was cursed, but I never thought I would go the same way he did. I never thought Langdon's dynasty would die with me being shot to death.
Another bullet is fired and that's when it comes back to me.
"What is going on?!" I scream over the bullet's noises.
"Everything's gonna be fine ok?!" He shouts back, still holding my waist to keep me under him, using his own body as a shield for mine.
Thomas.
Multiple bullets are fired. I close my eyes, ready to die.
Then, the hands around my waist lose their grip and others finds their way to my cheeks.
"Emma"
I open my eyes and sigh when I see his face. "Hey, it's fine. Everything's fine now," sighs Thomas.
One of his hand falls on my back to hold me against his chest while the other caresses the back of my head.
"Thank you," I murmur, my tears now falling on Thomas' coat.
***
"You sure you gonna be alright Tommy?"
Thomas' coat on my shoulders, my body continues to shiver as if I was naked on a winter night. I am not crying anymore. But the sound of those bullets flying keeps playing in my head and I am reviving this scene over and over again.
Thomas helps me to get out of the car as Charlie shouts a few reassuring words to me. "Don't worry lady! You're good with this lad Ms Langdon!"
But I don't even pay attention to him. Thomas' arm around my body, he leads me into the hotel and to our suite. Once we're inside, alone, my legs fail me and I fall to my knees, exhausted. Not physically, but mentally.
"Hey, come on, let's get you to bed," whispers Thomas.
He looks back at the man holding the gun, and my heart falls in pieces, my voice is torn apart and my mind explodes when the bullet goes through his head.
Tears start rolling down my cheeks when his face takes control of my mind. Father. I am so sorry. It should've been me.
He turns his head to look at me and while I resume on running, I can see his lips moving. I can't hear him.
His last words. I didn't hear his last words. I lost him without having any idea about what he said to me.
"Emma"
"I'm sorry father," I murmur as I let my head fall on the floor.
This heaviness in my upper body is too strong to bear. I can't live with it. I lost him without saying goodbye. I became an orphan because of them, those people that I didn't even know.
"Emma," repeats Thomas.
With his hands on my shoulders, Tommy tries to lift me off the floor. When his gaze meets mine, something comes back rushing.
They were Changrettas.
"The town... A fire" answers Charlie out of breath.
"What?"
"The Changrettas"
But it was a dream. It can't be related to it. It was pure coincidence. Nothing else. It can't be anything else than that.
"Emma, listen to me. It's over now"
Why do I have the feeling it isn't?
***
I keep on staring at the ceiling, pondering on what happened.
I try to get away from the men, but they won't let me go. They are holding me, just like those men did my father. I am going to die, just like he did.
I get out of bed, tired to keep thinking about it. Only wearing my cami-bloomer made of silk, I step out of the room like I wasn't in control of my body. And when I enter the living room, I see Thomas seated on a chair, wearing his evening trousers and nothing else. A cigarette between his lips, he stares at the city through the windows.
When he hears me walking, he turns his head and stares at my attire. I can see his eyes going up and down my body, and somehow, I am not uncomfortable. I have the feeling that I won't ever be uncomfortable around him anymore.
I stand still in a corner of the room while Thomas' gaze continues to, somehow, scan me. He puts out his cigarette and stands up from his chair. Tommy walks up to me and stands just a few centimetres away from me. My eyes focused on his, so many questions come to my mind. But I stop myself from asking them. I remain silent and just admirative of the colour of his eyes. There are so many things I ignore about him, and yet I don't care.
I don't care anymore. He could be a thief I wouldn't care. Thomas saved my life tonight. Somehow, he was in the right place at the right time. Was that a sign? Maybe. Do I want to believe it was? Yes. I want to believe it so deeply that it might be just a coincidence.
I look down at Thomas' hand as it goes up my arm, slowly.
"Thank you," I whisper.
My eyes fall back on his face. "Why?" He asks.
I make one step toward Thomas and now, there is no space between our bodies. I stand on the tip of my toes, and even like that, I am nowhere near as tall as him. My eyes fall on his lips and I look up from them to try and remain calm.
"For insisting on having dinner," I whisper.