(A/N-edited- Hey cookies ^^ The recap is gonna be a bit long since the last proper chapter was 5 days ago. Also I just looked back on the last chapter, and jeez it was a bit harsh. But then again, this is an angst so at one point you have to write about the sensitive stuff. I'll rant at the end as per usual but for now, Chile anyways ill start da story >)
recap
Hinata ended up missing his morning race with Kageyama and arrived a couple minuets late with Natsu. He slid open the gym doors with his left hand and heard a "HINATA WH-" Kageyama started to screen at him, Hinata squinted for a split-second not enough for anyone to notice though. However, Natsu shivered a tiny bit and squeezed her brother's hand tighter. "Sorry guys I had to bring my sister with me today as my parents are out and I over-slept a little" He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Everyone was took back a bit but Suga broke the silence saying "It fine don't worry about it!" He then walked over and crouched down to Natsu taking notice of her flinch when Kageyama shouted. "Sorry about him shouting he's just like that. Annoying right?" Suga shut his eyes and smiled giggling, Natsu giggles a bit as well. "Well my name is Suga, what's your name". To Suga's surprise she let go of Hinata's hand and hugged Suga. He tensed up but quickly hugged her back. "I like you. Oh and Natsu"
This made Suga feel happy and laugh a bit. Everyone else laughed a bit as well. "Ha yeah she just says those kind of things when she is comfortable around someone" Hinata mentioned picking Natsu up. "Erm coach is she ok to stay with you for the day" He asked. "o-oh uh yeah sure she can help me out in the shop for a bit" Coach Ukai said to the ginger.
Hinata looked at Natsu and mouthed 'don't worry' knowing she wasn't good with strangers unless she liked them straight away. He then placed her on the benches next to Kiyoko and Yachi starting small talk with them. Hinata smiled through his worries.
recap end (A/N- LOL THAT WAS LIKE OVER 300 WORDS. LMAO GOMEN)
Practice soon came to an end and Hinata said goodbye to Natsu before she walked over to Coach Ukai's shop.
Hinata started to worry a bit about Natsu and if she was ok during 1st period 'I hope she is ok. Coach Ukai should look after her. Wait what if dad comes! NO! he wont find her!' 'Yes he will he will hurt her again' 'n-no he w-won't' 'Idiot your so stupid of course he will and Natsu is probably stressed because of you just die' 'I know...I should die....but....I cant leave Natsu'
Tears started to fall down Hinata's face and his breathing dramatically shortened. The voice would go away, he needed his razor. "Mr. Hinata are you ok?" The teacher said with a worried expression on her face "c-can I go to t-the washroom" Hinata stuttered "...Ok...be quick" "Hai"
Hinata walked out the classroom with his bag across his shoulder and once in the hallway started to sprint to the bathrooms. He finally got there, locked himself in the bathroom and started to rush through his back rapidly. 'where is it? where is it? where is it?' His thoughts were erratic as all he wanted, needed, was to cut. "yes" He whispered to himself through his heavy breaths. Hinata found it. He found his razor. Picking it up between his hands and bringing it towards his arms dragging it slowly pointed downwards. He started to press harder and adjust the angle to where it would cut deepest. Before even realising his arm was a mess...but the voice was gone. A shady consequence of shutting it out, but was it worth it?
Cuts from the lower shoulder to the very end of his pale arm. Some on his wrists and some on top. "Fuck" He said to himself. He started to cry again, tears dropped one by one as he chucked the blade back in his bag. He brought his fingers up to his face and sniffed. Metallic, The sweat glands from his fingers rubbed off on the metal now making his hands stink of a metallic rust.
Wiping his tears he got back up, washed his arms underneath the tap, bandaged them, and gloomily walked back to class. He came back as a different person, his Aura completely silencing the room. Hinata sat down and waited for class for the teacher to continue. "er..ok..so..um back to...what I was saying if you divide 4x by 3x minus 8 calculus and times tha....." Hinata caught about that much of what she said until he completely zoned out, staring outside at the clouds.
Long after, it was time for lunch. Hinata had zoned out or all 4 of his classes. If he really wanted he would pay attention and probably get better grades but to be honest he didn't even care. For him it was 'my life's not going anywhere anyway'.
But as it was lunch Hinata walked to the canteen with Tsuki and as usual ate half of his lunch. "Eat more" Tsuki commanded. "I can't" He said and got up walking away. Obviously Tsuki followed him and the boy already knew he wasn't gonna be able to get to the bathroom so he didn't even bother trying. He just went outside and sat on a bench next to Tsuki. They sat like that, in a comforting silence for around 10 minuets; until Tsuki asked him something.
~Hinata's POV~
"Hinata what was up with this morning?" Even though it was a question the way he said it sounded more like a demand. "Oh about Natsu? Her school just shut and so I had to bring her with me". Its not like all of that was a lie he DID have to bring her with him, just not because her school shut. "Hmm ok then but what was up with the bruise on her face? I thought you said your Dad didn't hurt Natsu." I started to tear up. Kei waited for a second and then saw me tearing up, he let his guard down for me and hugged me closely. "I-I n-normally h-h-hide Natsu but s-she was with me a-aand I put her in my bathroom b-but she heard what happened she h-heard me s-sc1scream and m-moan and w-when she came out F-Father threw her across the room" I literally stuttered on almost every word, not even sure if he was able to understand me or anything i was saying at that.
Kei didn't even look surprised nor sympathetic. Not that I'm complaining! I hated it when people pitied me. All he did was hug me closer and whisper. "Come on were going to the washroom and I need to see what happend..and.. you said moans shoyo, did he rape you?" I froze. 'NO, NO, NO, HE CANT SEE MY NEW SCARS I SAID I WOULD TRY NOT TO DO IT. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. AND I BLURTED OUT ABOT THE MOANS NO ,NO, NO, I HATE ME, KILL ME, I WANT TO DIE, I CAN'T DO THIS' I started to have an anxiety attack. I tried to catch my breathe but I couldn't, I couldn't breathe.
I started to feel Kei lifting me up like a doll onto his lap and brushing his long fingers through my hair. It was so embarrassing. Quite a few people saw us...I was sitting on Kei's lap crying his arms were hooked around my waist.
This looks so gay.
I didn't want it to stop though it felt so comforting and safe. His embrace was one of my few escapes in life. But of course I eventually had to go and show him my injuries, self harm, and ugly body.
..........................................
"come in" Kei opened a bathroom stall door and waited for me to go in. Yet again.This looks so gay. However, its not like I had a choice. I walked in and Kei followed locking it. "You're probably going to end up missing 5th Period but ill tell the teachers something so don't worry" He said. "mhm" I answered back, nodding. "Ok take everything off" Kei said. "W-what everything w-why?" "I'm not stupid you probably have injuries on your leg and by what you said earlier I'm pretty sure he did some other stuff to you". I sighed in defeat and started to strip down to my boxers and unbuttoned long-sleeved shirt 'He can see my arms; maybe ill get lucky'
"tell me next time, he really fucked you up. Let me get the bandages" He said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a bottle of witch hazel and 3 rolls of white bandages. I sat down on the toilet seat as he wrapped up my chest. I blushed a little. He then started to treat to my ankles where I had been kicked. (A/N- Ya'll don't even start with the ks references)
He finished treating them and caught a glimpse of the inside of my thighs "Sh-shoyo" He stuttered, Kei NEVER stutteres, he only ever did when he was blushing or genuinely scared. A minute passed and had managed to contain himself to what it looked like "He did rape you didn't he? That's what you meant by Natsu heard your moans. Don't even try lie I can see hand marks here and your inside thighs are all red" I saw a single tear drop down his face. "I'm s-sorry" I started to ball my eyes out again. "DONT BE SORRY!" He shouted clearly angry. I flinched a bit though. He reached his hands out and cupped my face "I swear on my life I'm never gonna let him do anything like that to you ever again, your mine" Kei exclaimed. As much as I didn't like the fact he said I 'was his' It gave me a sense of hope and safety.
I looked down at the floor in shame and said "Kei I'm sorry, I h-hurt myself again. I thought I should tell you" I started to count my fingers with the opposite hand trying to calm myself down. "Okay, arms?" He said so bluntly. I nodded not wanting to lose count. He pulled up with sleeves and had a sad look on his face "It breaks me when you do this" He whispered, unravelling the bandages and wrapping them around my left arm.
Kei sighed and then stood up lifting me up as well "I care for you so much, but no more of this, I cant let him do this to you again, We are going to tell Coach, Suga, Daichi, and Kiyoko everything and then we are going to the police. Enough is enough" The words that came out of Kei's mouth put me in shock I froze, well that was until he kissed me. I snapped right out of it blushing like a tomato, like I'd just forgotten all the terrifying things he said. He pulled apart and looked me in the eyes, he then smiled 'what? did he just smile at me? He's only ever at me once before...ill do this for him then'. "Ready?" He whispered. I gently nodded my head and hugged his waist since he was like over a foot taller than me.
A/N- I have SO much shit I wana sayyyyy, lol just skip if ya want. So basically I wanted to say a lot of the coping mechanisms in this story are always ones that I personally use and find helpful. The counting fingers one is very good for anyone with anxiety just tap your fingers, counting them slowly. I also relate to a lot of the thoughts and struggles in this book so please do not think I have just made them up and they don't actually happen, and I'm always here to talk no matter what. Oh and I wanted to ask since is kinda worrying me, is it just me that gets that weird metallic smell on there fingers after using their blade or razor and it stays for like hours? I get it all the time after barcoding and its scary kinda.
I also wanted to say...this book is coming to an end :c It will probably finish in the next 1-5 Chapters. I wanted to say I have loved writing this book and I will 100% be starting a new one! So don't be sad about this one ending. If you have any suggestions for what kind of book you'd like me to write (It will be a Haikyuu fan-fic) or any ships you want me to include don't be afraid to ask! Teehee I wuv you all and ty so much for almost 2K views, now gimme a hug .2143 Words.
Baiiii <3