We are Thriving. We are Living. We are not Dead Inside. We have Recovered from Carl's death. We are Still Crying.
Find the truth in those lies ^
When we first reached the prison Daryl would let me go with him when he went hunting. With him, I learned how to use a crossbow, a bow and arrow, and how to have an accurate shot with a gun.
Now I've been hunting by myself, remembering everything I have learned with Daryl. However, Carl decides to also go hunting in my area of the woods, leaving hardly any animals for me. I go hunting everyday and sometimes I see Carl trudge through the woods with squirrels, deer, or birds.
At first I was pissed, but then I decided to go very early in the morning or just before sunset, and then purposefully walk past Carl with the animals I got, making it a point to prove that I'm better than him. This has turned into an ongoing 'war' where we always try to one-up each other with our hunting skills.
In the past two weeks I haven't shot anything. I haven't even seen as much as a bird. But I always see Carl carrying his damn kills with pride and Daryl saying, "You're getting better than me, kid."
Today I've decided that I am staying in the woods until I get something no matter how late it gets. I've been under these trees since sunrise, and I'll stay here for two days if I have to. I'm just so sick of Carl stealing all of my kills.
I've been climbing trees, hiding behind bushes, and wandering around for hours now, and I slide down against a tree feeling the heat radiating off of my skin. I'm covered in sweat but I refuse to give up- I am only taking a break. Besides, an animal can still come out even if I'm just sitting in the open.
I take a drink of water, shove it back in my backpack, and stand up ready to continue my hunt, bow and arrow in hand. I shrink down behind a bush carefully observing the trees and ground for any sign of movement.
Finally- finally - I spot a squirrel rummaging around the ground, oblivious to the world around it. I smirk and aim my bow at the squirrel, excited to finally be able to get something. I used to get bored of finding squirrels everywhere, but ever since Carl-
A gunshot with a silencer sounds and the squirrel immediately fell to the ground, dead. My eyes widen in surprise then I quickly turn my head to the source of the sound and see Carl with a smug grin on his face, staring directly into my eyes.
I immediately push myself up to stand and storm over to him. "What the actual fuck? That was my damn squirrel and you fucking- you- why? Son of a bitch!" I shout.
"You have some colorful language when you're mad."
"Oh, fuck off!" I scream. "You couldn't just let me have this squirrel? You take all of my other kills and then you do this so you can get some more attention? I've been out here since sunrise! Sunrise, Carl! You have absolutely no respect, asshole! The one thing I'm good at is hunting, and it's something I can help the group with but when you come in and do this shit, I look useless!" Tears of anger start forming in my eyes and I try to wipe them away.
"Okay, first you need to lower your voice before walkers hear. Second, I honestly didn't know this meant that much to you. I didn't mean to make you upset I just... I don't really know. I guess I was just jealous of you," Carl replies softly. "You can take it." He gestures to the squirrel.
I shake my head and laugh. "Wouldn't that ruin your ego? I'm not taking it when it's now yours. I play fair."
Carl sighs and goes to pick up the squirrel. When he turns back around he freezes and stares behind me.
I spin around and see a deer- a huge ass deer. My heart pounds in excitement before I realize I'm not alone. "There you go. Two in a span of five minutes. Good job, Carl," I say glumly.
"I didn't shoot it," Carl says.
I sarcastically motion towards the deer. "Well now's your chance. I'm going back home."
"It's yours," he says.
"No, it's yours. You want it. You like to steal my kills. Besides, I probably wouldn't have seen it if you didn't take my squirrel. Go ahead before your ego gets ruined even more."
Carl stands up and crosses his arms. "Nope. Take it. If you don't it's just going back into the woods because I'm not shooting it."
"That's a waste of deer," I tell him.
"I'm out of bullets, better kill it before it gets away."
I roll my eyes. "Bullshit," I say as Carl smirks. He sucks at lying.
"Seriously Y/N, take it," he says calmly. I smile this time.
I aim my bow at the deer who is just trying to find some food on the ground. After a solid thirty seconds I finally release the arrow and it lands perfectly in the deer's head, killing it instantly. When I hunt I hate letting the animals suffer, so I try to get an instant kill. I pause for a moment before I go collect the deer. It's heavy, but I can manage to drag it back to the prison.
Carl and I walk back together in silence until I finally ask, "Why'd you do that?"
Carl looks at me. "Do what?"
"You let me take it. You didn't seem to care before. Now all of a sudden you're letting me get credit for this thing?"
Carl shrugs and then sighs. "I guess I was so caught up in competing against you I never realized that you actually just wanted to hunt."
I don't say anything.
"You do a lot for this group, Y/N. You're not useless. I didn't mean to make you feel that way, seriously. I'm sorry."
I still don't say anything, trying to take his words in. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I overreacted."
"Stop, Y/N. This was my fault, don't apologize. And don't try to argue with me or I'll claim that deer as my own," he jokes.
I giggle and we continue back to the prison.
"Damn, Carl, you got another deer?" Glenn says as we reach the prison.
Carl shakes his head. "That was all Y/N. I got this squirrel." He holds up his squirrel and Glenn chuckles.
We lay the carcasses down near Daryl so he can prepare them for one of our dinners. "I have to wash this deer smell off of me," I tell Carl.
"I'll meet you in my cell after?"
"What?" I say in surprise, not expecting that answer at all.
Carl's face turns red. "Oh, you don't have to if you don't want to, I just kind of blurted that out."
"I will," I answer. "Only because you gave me that deer, though." I smile and head to the showers.
After drying off and slipping into some sweatpants I suddenly feel my stomach fill with butterflies. Why am I nervous? Nervous to hang out with Carl? Seriously, Y/N?
I shake my head and stroll over to Carl's cell, still secretly anxious. I stop in the doorway and fold my arms nervously.
"Hey," Carl says, standing up from his desk chair when he notices me.
"Hey," I reply.
Carl chuckles. "You can come in, you know."
I smile and take a couple of steps inside as Carl closes the curtain behind me. "Sorry, I'm just in sweatpants..." My face turns red.
"It's cute," Carl says quietly. "Look, I'm really sorry about the hunting thing-"
My heart sinks and I cut him off as I realize something. "Oh, Carl, is this why you wanted me here? I already told you it's fine, don't worry about it." I start to walk back towards the door but Carl puts an arm out in front of my waist, stopping me. I look up at him.
He grabs my waist with his outstretched arm and pulls me into him. "No, that's not why I wanted you here," he whispers. My arms are still crossed as I lean into his chest, him still hugging me.
My heart is pounding and I manage to get out, "Then why..."
"I just want to start over. I know we didn't hate each other, but I want to get to know you. For real."
I lift my head up to look at him and we're closer than I thought we were. He rests his forehead on mine.
"If that's okay with you," he whispers and I gently nod. "Come here." He pulls away from me, grabs my hand, and we sit on his bed. He rests his hand on my knee. "Do you trust me?"
"Carl, I-"
"It's a yes or no question," he smirks.
I hesitate but finally nod.
"Stay here." He swiftly walks out of the cell and I'm left there wondering what the hell that was about.
I decide to get more comfortable and lay down with my head on a stack of pillows. I lay there for a while and I start to wonder if Carl was just making me look stupid. But I said I trust him so I'll stay put.
I relax a bit when Carl finally walks in and I sit up to find out where he was. He smiles and holds up a thick blanket and a bag of pre-popped popcorn. I haven't had popcorn in years at this point. He sees the excitement on my face and throws the blanket on me, making me laugh.
"Carl where did you get all of this?!"
"Well," Carl says, sitting down and tossing me the popcorn. "This is just one of our blankets I found. But the popcorn I took for myself on the last run. Thought I'd share it with you." I place the blanket on my legs as I sit up and start to open the bag but Carl grabs it from me. "I'll share this, if you share that blanket."
I playfully roll my eyes but open the blanket for Carl. I move over towards the wall more as Carl joins me. He then hands me the bag with a smile and I finally open it, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it in my mouth. "Fuck, this is good," I mutter with a mouthful of popcorn.
Carl laughs, taking popcorn for himself.
"Glenn would be pissed if he found out you didn't share any with him," I say.
"He won't find out," Carl shrugs.
By the end of the bag I realize I probably won't want popcorn again for a very long time, and judging by Carl's face, he won't either. He drops the bag on the floor and I snuggle up in the blanket as I lay down, unintentionally taking Carl's part of the blanket.
"This doesn't look like sharing," Carl teases.
"Sorry," I mumble as I face away from him. "I'll probably leave soon, anyway. I don't want to bother you any longer."
Carl lifts the blanket up and slides underneath it. "You're leaving already? You're not bothering me."
"It's late, Carl. We have to get up early tomorrow," I tell him.
Carl pauses for a moment. "You can stay with me." He moves closer to me and brushes my hair with his fingers.
"Are you sure?"
Carl leans down and kisses my cheek gently. "A hundred percent."
I blush and pull the blanket up to my face to hide, which pulls the blanket off of Carl again.
"Sharing, Y/N," is all he says before he wraps his arm around my stomach and pulls me close to him. "There we go." He wraps the blanket around both of us as I giggle.
I spin around to face him and he rubs my back as I bury my face in his chest.
"I'm just going to go throw that bag away before anyone sees, I'll be right back okay?"
"No, wait!" I whine before he can move. "I'm warm."
Carl kisses the top of my head and sighs. "You make a good argument."
I want Carl. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.