SUNDAY HAD ROLLED TOO soon than to your liking as you were now inside the church, walking up front to the lectern. relatives and the like of the deceased were given the time to say whatever they wanted to say as tears had already cascaded down your cheeks, non-stop, and you haven't even started yet.
resting your hands on the lectern as you had adjusted the mic so it was levelled with your mouth, your mind was all over the place, the suffocating feeling of pain piercing through your heart.
and so, you took a deep breath before starting. "she was a good friend who never failed to uplift people's spirits," you continued, trying your very best to not choke on your sobs as pairs of eyes have watched you from their seats. "she helped me with almost everything a-and it's funny how she knew more about myself than i personally do," you added as your fingers were now busy wiping away the tears that strayed from your eyes whilst attempting to chuckle softly.
"she was a crazy yet careful woman and i b-believe that, that is even an understatement of w-what kind of person she actually w-was," ー you paused, taking a deep breath ー "s-she led people with compassion, truly showing that she is a leader ー a natural born leader."
"there may have been t-times when i'd see her b-breakdown, but when she sees me, she acts just as if nothing w-was bringing her down," you paused, now a sobbing mess in front of every person right now inside the church. "she was a sister i n-never had. hange had always had m-my back whenever and t-the fact that she was willing to d-do everything in her power to help me ー m-much more save me ー i-it makes it a lot, lot, lot harder to let her go a-and accept t-this."
"i know that death is an i-inevitability, but w-why was she taken away from me ー from us ー far t-too soon? i-isn't it not fair?" you spoke, voice cracking ever so often as millions of memories with the brunette you cared for had kept flooding your mind.
"our study d-dates, jamming sessions, gi-giving of advices because i was a d-dumb hoe" ー you paused, eyes widening in realisation that you had just spoken such a word inside the church ー "ah, i-i'm sorry. what i meant was that sh-she never had missed a day of checking up on me ー on m-my being ー and i can't even remember j-just how many t-times i returned the favor."
"she was one of the f-few people who r-really cared for me since she k-knew of what i had gone through in the p-past. my m-mental health years ago wasn't that s-stable and w-when hange knew about this, she decided to live with me for a-almost a year? to h-help me stabilise it."
wishing to continue, you heaved a deep sigh, trying to put up a small smile on your face. "hange, thank you f-for everything ー for being a sister and a bully t-to me. thank you for always b-being there for me when no one was; for putting up with all the d-dumb stuff i do."
"thank you for b-being my go-to person whenever a-and wherever and trust me, i j-just can't thank you enough," you added, painfully smiling like an idiot as your e/c hues were fixated on her casket this time.
"please be happy and y-you could stop worrying now, bb. i-i've found people who love me and care f-for me like how you did. so please r-rest now, oki?" sniffs, tears, and overall, a crying mess was what you were now as of the moment as you tried your very best to accept all of this. there wasn't anything you could do right?
"hange, bb, y-you did well. i love you..." you spoke for the last time before allowing yourself to drown in your tears as sobs and sniffs were all you could do. your heart clenching in pain ー it felt suffocating.
click. clack. click. clack.
your feet had led you back to your seat to where eren and kiana were. the sad orbs of the 5-year-old had stared on your form as tears were also staining her face at the sight of you and the reason this mass was held. sitting beside eren on his right side (since kiana was on his left), an arm draped over your shoulders as the german's hand had guided your head to lay on his, attempting to comfort you.
the gesture jaeger did was enough to make you cry even harder. your vision was now blurry as salty tears never had ceased from falling out of your eyes. just days ago, you felt like you couldn't cry anymore, thinking that there were no more tears left to cry. but, why can't i stop them from falling?
eren's hand had squeezed your right shoulder from time to time as your sobs made his heart ache in pain. you had lost someone whom you treasured so dearly so it was really okay for you to cry ー to let all the pain out. he was saddened too to now see the friend that brought you, two together, gone from this mortal world ー the world who was just too focused on greed and envy.
and the mass had continued. for all you could remember, this was something that you were sure you'd never be able to forget.
-
the ground was now dug a good few feet as hange's casket was situated near it. people who came had held a flower or two in their hands as they were also in tears. your eyes had never strayed away from hange zoe's peaceful face since you thought that this would be the last time you'd see her. your heart had wished for her to be here with you, but that'd be against fate, right? there was nothing you could do now, but to accept all this.
the soft wind blew through your h/c locks in which you haven't bothered to put up into any kind of hairstyle ー feeling too tired to even do such thing. eren and kiana jaeger were standing a few feet behind you as the german had also tried to calm his daughter down who was also in the same state as you were.
kiana ran towards you and engulfed you in a hug from behind. you were startled at first, but e/c hues, soon, softened that it was the little girl whom you've considered your own. levelling your tear-stained face with hers, you asked, "kiana? are you okay, bb?"
of course you knew she wasn't, however that question rolled off your tongue as a force of habit.
she furiously shook her head and wiped her tears away with a hanky she brought with her. "you know, mommy?" she continued, "hanji-auntie didn't d-do anything bad yet s-someone killed her."
you painfully smiled, wishing for her to continue.
"and s-she told me that other p-people also die like h-how she did because of what t-they feel," she paused, "and uncle zeke w-was bad. hanji-auntie died because of h-him. that's why i'm so sad."
and she was right.
the world, unfortunately, revolved around feelings and these are what keep people moving ー pushing them to wake up in the morning or to pull an all-nighter just because of what they want.
you just hugged her form and allowed your tears to fall onto her dress, though the little girl didn't mind one bit. she understood what made you feel this way because that was what she felt too so her hands wrapped around your form.
just a few minutes later, it was time for the brunette's casket to be placed into the hole that was dug up. pain was growing oh so constantly in your heart and you just couldn't. this is too harsh. before it was closed to cover your best friend's face forever, you begged to look at her for, at least, a few more minutes.
"y/n?" you heard eren call out from behind you. "come here," he added, arms open, gesturing for you to be in his embrace.
just at that moment, he hugged you and kiana. though his heart had ached at the loss of a friend, he tried his ultimate best to not show it in front of all of you. the wind blew through your h/c hair for the second time just as it was about time hange zoe's casket to be placed six feet under the ground.
flowers flew and landed on the white casket that held her ー that held your sister and your best friend. in a blink of an eye, it was now slowly being covered as tears had
blurred your vision. you just couldn't. the feeling of sadness had overwhelmed you and so, you turned your back and hugged the german who immediately returned it.
"eren, i can't look at her," you spoke against his chest, "sh-she... i-" you couldn't even continue as you just kept crying. the little girl noticed as she also hugged you from the side in which you returned as well.
jaeger had rested his head onto yours as his right hand had rubbed and patted your back in attempts to comfort you.
"ms. y/n?" kiana said, "i'll miss hanji-auntie."
"i know. m-me too, bb."
eren's arms had embraced you both tighter and whispered to the both of you, "i'm pretty sure she misses you both, too."
"thank you, eren," you thanked the german, voice soft as you hugged him tighter. "you too, kiana for being there me."
he smiled at you though you couldn't see it. "i'll always be here for the both of you."
°°°
when was the last time i updated ree
here it is lol
we be almost reachin the end of this book thooo more or less 3-4 chapters to go
ilysm😭❤️