Nocturnal Me (Nameless Ghoul...

By DingDongMcghee

194K 5.6K 11.4K

TL;DR- Rain falls head over heels for you. Long slow burn, fluff, and incredible angst ensues. Eventual happy... More

Prologue
Chapter 1- Babysitting
Chapter 2- A little Heart to Heart
Chapter 3- An Infallible Plan
Chapter 4- Cards and Sheet Music
Chapter 5- Them Rats!
Chapter 6- A Decorated Title
Chapter 7- The Initiation
Chapter 8- First Impressions
Chapter 9- A Dance with a Devil
Chapter 10- Late Night Reports
Chapter 12- Triumph in the Tower
Chapter 13- Midnight Snow Fight
Chapter 14- Teardrop Tea
Chapter 15- Baked
Chapter 16- Saffron and Sex Education
Chapter 17- Raven's Rave
Chapter 18- Racing Hearts
Chapter 19- Flirting With Death
Chapter 20- An Aching Soul's Purgatory
Chapter 21- Mercurial Rumination
Chapter 22- Kismet (Part 1)
Chapter 22- Kismet (Part 2)

Chapter 11- A Crushing Confession

7.8K 233 1.2K
By DingDongMcghee


     Waking up was never easy, but this morning was especially tough. It felt like you had been hit by a truck the night before. All of the muscles in your body ached and protested being moved. Despite not having been this damn tired in a very long time, you got up and started your day. 

     You had an extra couple of minutes to eat your first meal in over twelve hours, talk with your friends, and fill them in on what happened yesterday, leaving out the part with you and Rain. Papa was appreciative of his black coffee and two sugars, and you left him to be juggled back and forth between clergy members. Nearly halfway through your day, Papa texted you to go to the post office and pick up a couple of packages. 

     It was well below forty degrees outside, so you layered your clothing and wore the scarf Papa III let you borrow. Since you were kicked out from your church in the late summer, you didn't feel the need to bring any warmer winter clothing other than a jacket you used to sleep on. Papa refused to let you go out with only your coat and held you still whilst he wrapped you in his clothing (much to your chagrin). It smelled faintly of cologne and his natural musk, but you were thankful that your nose wasn't frozen. 

     The windchill was strong enough to produce a whistle in your ears, the clouds gray and pregnant with snow due to come down later tonight. The cardinal shared mutual excitement for the first snow of the season. The cobblestone streets of the ancient little town had light traffic, most of the locals were finishing up their Christmas shopping before the stores closed for the holiday. The road was uneven under the soles of your shoes and gave somewhat of a satisfying massage to your aching feet. The air was crisp and stung your lungs. You brought the dark scarf to shield your mouth from the freezing atmosphere.

     You decided to stop into the shops before going to the post office so you didn't have to carry around a whole bunch of stuff for a long period of time (though at the end of the day, it didn't make a difference). There had been a lack of time to go out and buy your friends presents, but due to Papa's graciousness, you had your chance to. There had already been some gifts for Cardinal Copia and Papa II in your possession, those gifts being a couple of novels and bookmarks for the man in red and a bag of gingerbread for the latter. Despite your friendships with them still blooming, you didn't want to leave them out.

     You bought relatively inexpensive items and budgeted to the best of your ability. You had yet to receive your paycheck from the church. You weren't expecting that for another two weeks. From what you had been saving up and what you had taken when you left your old home, you had more than enough to spoil your pals. You never used your money on much back then.

     For Bea and Beau, you found a couple of cheap gag gifts along with make-up, rings, and earrings that you thought they'd enjoy. Several party crackers made their way into your basket. For your Papa, a giftcard to the local hoagie shop and a refurbished shiny silver watch to aid with his routine tardiness. He already had a watch on him at all times, but you recently found out that it wasn't actually functioning. Papa had only been using it as a facade so his brothers would get off his back about how late he was to everything. 

     Last week you would have had no idea what to get Aether, but after yesterday, you now couldn't choose. You decided on a pack of near top-line charcoal pencils and a couple of kneaded erasers. Whenever you drew something back in middle and highschool for art class, those always saved your work from looking like junk. You felt he would greatly appreciate them. 

     For Air, you got a small two hundred piece puzzle. Pictured on it were puppies in Santa hats. She'd often ask for help completing her jigsaws and you'd thoroughly enjoy doing so. 

     Multi was to receive an online gift card to feed her addiction to video games, and Swiss would get a really cool card deck with different demons and devils depicted on them. You found the perfect gifts for Mountain and Dewdrop in the small music store on a corner. The shop owner was able to make personalized drumsticks with an engraver, so you got the drummer ghoul's name branded onto them. You chuckled as you saw a pack of guitar picks with various insults stamped into them. It reminded you greatly of the fiery ghoul. You could already imagine Dew whipping the picks at you, "fuck you"s and "go to hell"s flying past your head as you laughed at his anger.

     Your last stop was at a bookshop you had often frequented since your time staying here. All of the novels were second hand, which made them cheaper than the new ones. You'd often get the surprise of the previous owner's annotations and notes in the margins of some pages and read them whilst you added your own. You'd sometimes laugh at their words or debate their stances by yourself, and it was one of your favourite past times. It made you smile to know that the books were so loved. The shop smelled of old paper, rotting binding, and light dust. This setting, you've discovered from experience, is where all of the good books are found. It was important that the shelves weren't too dusty. That would be a sign of a lack of customers, which pointed to a poor selection/no rotation of novels. The shop owner, Mrs. Duda, was fond of you and knew you by name. She waved a hand in your direction and flashed you her warm and cheery smile. Your smile tried its best to match hers. 

     "Salutem, (Y/n). Lovely to see you again!" Her accent was thick and sweet. 

     "Salve, Mrs. Duda. It's a pleasure to see you too!" After some small talk, you began your search for anything you might find interesting. Your eyes skimmed through hundreds of spines stacked stiffly next to and on top of each other. It took some self discipline to not take every text you found interesting off the shelf, but you somehow managed to pick only two as you made your way to the last row. It mainly contained young children's books. This section was a favourite to many collectors and lovers of nostalgia. You have found a couple of stories that were read at bedtime by your grandfather and grandmother here before. 

     Your fingers brushed past familiar titles, occasionally pulling out some and opening them to view the pictures. It was absolutely shocking, really. You've found a couple of signed books in the shop before, but nothing this high of value. You nearly dropped the two books already in your hand as you struck gold. 

     One of Rain's favourite authors/illustrators was Maurice Sendak, the creator of famous books such as 'Where the Wild Things are' and 'The Sign on Rosie's Door'. He often reminisced on how his mother would read him and his siblings bedtime stories with Sendak's artwork when he was really little. Rain said it influenced his work and personality and how he viewed the world. 

     It was just your luck. You became elated with the book you had just found. Not only was it from his favourite author, but the inside cover was also signed! A little drawing of a monster waved its paws at the reader, the speech bubble above it reading 'Boo!'. It was such a rare find, especially since Sendak had been deceased for nearly a decade and his signature went for hundreds these days. Rain was going to flip his shit. Your heart pounded with excitement as you checked out and made your way to the post office. 

     Passing by multiple little shops on your route, you observed the windows to see if there was anything else that you'd found interesting. You couldn't resist and decided to quickly stop into a jewelry store as their pins and bracelets caught your eye. You hadn't forgotten Air's brief mention of her love and desire for the messenger pins, so you decided to search for one. Your pupils constantly kept flitting down to the vulture on your breast and then back to the contents of the glass counters to compare. Instead of finding what you intended to get for Air, you saw a bracelet that reminded you of Rain.

     It was a simple dark-brown leather braided strap with two deep blue polished lapis-lazuli stones on either side of the barrel clasp. The clasp had intricate norse designs carved into its shiny metal dermis. It was a beautiful bracelet that you were positive the bassist would cherish. You'd have to hide it from the rest of the ghouls so they didn't think you were really picking favourites and give it to him at a separate time. You asked the shopkeep to reserve it for you so you could continue to search for the vulture. 

     Soon enough, you saw a hat pin that had a tiny golden bird skull attached to it. It had only a small resemblance to yours as there was the lack of a scroll, wings, and a grucifix, but the head was nearly identical. Handing over the required money to purchase your gifts, you left the store and promised yourself to no more distractions.

     Since Papa had called the post office in advance to notify them of your arrival, there were no issues receiving the mail for the church. The front desk had been so kind as to provide you with a large tote bag for the packages and sent you on your way. Your fingers had become unbearably numb by the time you had stepped into the semi-warm embrace of the cathedral doors and remained stiff until you were able to put down all of the shit you bought in your room before going back to Papa's office. You'd wrap everything later. 

     "Hello again, Papa. Here are the packages you were expecting." You held up the sack in your hand. He lifted his head from the paperwork it was buried in. He pointed to the spot next to him and directed you to place it down. Doing so, he thanked you. 

     "Did you enjoy your time out?" He asked, returning to his writing. 

     "Yes sir, I am very appreciative of your kindness in letting me catch up on personal matters. Lord- Excuse me, Satan knows I wouldn't have been able to leave for another couple of weeks. Many of the shops were depleted of their stock already." Papa quirked his eyebrow at your use of vocabulary, but said nothing of it. You had discussed with him the previous night about your becoming of a Sister of Sin, now Nuntius. He knew all about how horrendous the churches could be in the first place, not needing to hear how you were treated. You felt it was too soon in your relationship to unload generational religious trauma onto him. The man already had enough shit to deal with. 

     "Of course. We are not above our member's needs." You stood with your hands crossed behind your back attentively, ready for the next command. "Is that my brother's scarf you're wearing?" Your skin tightened with your rigidity. You totally forgot you still had it on.

     "Yes sir, he insisted I take it..." You paused to carefully formulate your sentence. "...and by insisted I mean he would not let me go until I did. I don't actually have any winter clothing, sir." He clicked his tongue in his mouth. You swallowed thickly. He had probably found the correlation between you leaving in the summer and your lack of appropriate seasonal clothing. He put his pen down briefly and opened a filing cabinet next to him, pulling out a plain manila folder. 

     "This is for him, you'll be able to return the scarf. Two birds with one stone." You saw a ghost of a smirk at the corner of his lips. You grinned sheepishly at him. You were relieved he wasn't upset at his brother's now-apparent affection towards you. You felt he already knew of how close you two were. "I won't need you until later tonight. Your penmanship proved to be very... useful yesterday" Papa worded. 

     "Yes sir, I'll come back after I'm finished." You grabbed the folder from him and started to head towards the door before stopping and turning. "...and, would you like me to get you lunch? It's a little past two." His eyes went from you to the clock above you and observed the time. You continued to surprise him with your constant watch for his well-being. 

     "I... yes, that would be nice, thank you. The special is fine." You nodded and bid him adieu before heading down to the cafeteria.

     A couple of brothers and sisters greeted you on your quest for Papa's lunch. You said your hello's back, the smile on your face never leaving. You loved knowing you had an effect on someone, especially a hard-ass like the second eldest brother. You were thoroughly pleased at how quickly you were winning him over. You weren't dumb; you knew Papa Emeritus II wanted nothing to do with you. Papa III had told you (in vivid detail) the whole argument between his brothers and him about the new messenger. 

     Apparently, Miss Imperator was very stubborn in her ways and gave the boys no say in who trained you. Although you would have much preferred the youngest Emeritus, Papa II was turning out to be a better mentor than you first believed. You could tell he was starting to enjoy having hired help. He scared you at first (and honestly still kind of did), but you made it your mission to face your fears head on. No more scaredy-cat (Y/n). It was time to start dealing with your issues.

     You were just relieved that you didn't have to work alongside the eldest brother. His makeup gave you the heebie-jeebies.

     The lunch was hot in your hand as you balanced it walking up the steps. Today's special was clam chowder and steamed corn. It smelled decent, but you were able to pop into a restaurant in town and eat something earlier, so you were not hungry right now. In your other hand was another cup of coffee, black with two sugars. 

     "Ah, Nuntius (Y/n)!" A light voice called after you. You turned to see Cardinal Copia in his usual bright red cassock and biretta speed-walking towards you. 

     "Good afternoon, cardinal. How are you?" 

     "Very well, thank you." He said when he reached you. "My apologies for giving you more work-" If you had a hand available, you'd flick him. 

     "Love, it's my job. I couldn't be more happy to help you, you know that. You are not burdening me, I promise." He sighed in defeat. 

     "I know, I know. It'll just take some time getting used to. I have something for Papa Emeritus II. I'd give it to him myself, but I uh... am preoccupied at the moment." You squinted at him, not believing a word he said. 

     "He's not that bad once you get to know him, cardinal." He blushed. You knew he was incredibly intimidated by the man. Who wasn't?

     "I suppose you're correct... just not right now." You laughed quietly and bumped his arm with the back of your hand. 

     "Getting the best out of your holiday, I see." He snorted and smiled bashfully at you. 

     "Oh stop your teasing, Raven." His hand disappeared behind his robe and re-appeared with a rectangular envelope. "Would you please give this to him for me? Err, do you have space?" He looked at your hands full of food. Your pinky finger stuck out and pinned the envelope to the coffee cup. 

     "Always got space. Good timing as well, I was just going up to his office. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He shook his head. 

     "This is quite enough for right now. I'm heading to lunch myself. Thank you for your help, (Y/n)." You adjusted the hot cup of soup balanced on your palm. It was starting to burn your skin. 

     "Of course, it's my pleasure. Let me know if you need anything at all!" You said as you began to walk away. Copia waved to you and trod down the steps.

     You pondered to yourself how you would knock on the door. The end result was to use your forehead. It emitted a heavier thud than you would have liked. After Papa's word of clearance, you battled with the door knob. It slipped through your fingers multiple times, your hands growing more desperate to fully twist the handle. You cursed under your breath. You wondered what Papa was thinking seeing the knob being jiggled back and forth by the person attempting to enter his room. You tried opening it with the tips of your fingers on both hands to no avail. 

     "For fucks sake!" You whispered. Anyone else would have put something on the ground and picked it back up after successfully opening the door, but you happened to know that Papa was a tad bit of a germaphobe. Papa III had let it slip in one of his long and convoluted rants about his brothers. You would have started to use your teeth had the door not open before then. 

     You looked up expecting to see the usual stern and cold face of the second Papa, but was greeted with quite the amused expression. He wasn't smiling, per se, but had a bit of a twinkle in his eye and a twitch of the mouth. You giggled childishly. A very faint chuckle emitted from his chest. It was so quiet, you almost missed it. 

     "My apologies, sir. I didn't want to put your lunch on the ground." He widened the entrance and let you in. You placed the items on a clear spot on his large wooden desk, relieving your hands of the near unbearable heat. 

     "I appreciate the thought. I was... entertained by your struggle." You perked your head up. 

     "Entertained?" You joshed. "Isn't it cruel to laugh at one's misfortunes?" This was the first time you had ever seen that man smile. He grinned mischievously at you. 

     "I wouldn't call your predicament a misfortune, it was rather a lack of another arm. Usually, people would be quite grateful for that." He made his way past you and back into his leather seat. You handed him Cardinal Copia's letter. 

     "I don't think I'd mind having another arm... as long as it was functioning." He used a small silver letter-opener to tear the seal. 

     "I'd beg to differ. You haven't thought about how difficult it'd be to find clothing with three sleeves." Papa's pupils scanned the contents of the paper. 

     "I've been taught to sew. I think I'd make out just fine." He folded the letter and placed it to the side. 

     "As much faith as I might have in you, I don't think you could function with another appendage." Before you could retort, he cut you off. "Thank you for getting me lunch. I assume you have eaten already?" 

     "Yes sir," you nodded, "I was able to stop when I was out. Is there anything else I can help you with before I pop off?" Papa shook his head. 

     "That will be all, (Y/n). Thank you." You said your goodbyes and headed off to his little brother's office.

________________________________________________________

     You were zoned out thinking of Papa II's strange behavior. Papa Emeritus III was currently raving on about how much of a douchebag his eldest brother was. He apparently had a bit of a scuffle with him earlier this morning. You knew you should have been listening to your friend, but when he bitches about his family he hardly asks for your feedback. He more or less uses you as a worry doll to ease his anger. You didn't mind, everyone needed to scream every once in a while, some more than others (ahem). 

     "No, I didn't see your fucking message at five in the morning. What kind of fucking heathen do you think I am? I'm not some old-ass twat who gets off on waking up early. Who the hell does he think-" You zoned out again and thought back to Papa II.

     He seemed to be a little more jovial today. Maybe he was excited that he had time to eat lunch? Maybe he was starting to warm up to you. That would be less likely, seeing as this was only your second day of work, but then again, maybe you were worming your way into his cold dead heart. Cardinal Copia also called you a raven. That was the second time you've been called that so far. It felt strange, more strange than being called Nuntius (Y/n). It was fitting, though. Ravens and crows have always been depicted as the jokesters and the messengers in legends and fables from an assortment of cultures.

     You thought back to the murder of crows in your old town that you used to feed. You wondered how they were doing. If you had the free time anywhere in the near or far future, you'd have to bring some good bread to a park. Hopefully you'd convince them to bring you pocket change like you did last time. You smiled in remembrance of your old familiars. Maybe you could bring one of the ghouls with you too. Were you even allowed to borrow a ghoul for personal reasons? There was no magic in you to summon a ghoul for yourself (not that you cared for one anyway), so the only other option was to ask to use one. Mountain and Air would love to go out and feed birds. The tall ghoul had once confided in you that he had an itch for the outdoors. With a name like Earth, you didn't doubt it for a second. The basement, despite how vast it was, must have cramped them up after a while.

     "...and in conclusion, he is the reason as to why I can't stand potato salad." You shot your focus back to Mr. Donnie Downer. You were confused as to when he started talking about that. 

     "Got it out of your system?" You asked. He put his hand on his abdomen and sighed. 

     "There's always more, but I don't have the energy. I think that was enough for today." His legs were propped up on his desk again, crushing the stack of papers you gave him when you entered the room well over an hour ago. 

     "Never say never, Papa. There's always a spark in you waiting to explode." He crossed his hands under his head and leaned back in his chair. It creaked in protest. 

     "And I'll know exactly where to find you when it happens." You closed your eyes and smiled. It was just around four o'clock, and the sleepiness was starting to catch up to you. 

     You wished you were able to take a nap before you met Rain tonight. You wanted to be fully awake and attentive for your conversations. Your brain stirred as you thought back to the ghoul. Papa had better let you go on time, you wanted to spend as much of the night with Rain as possible. His eyes pierced through your thoughts like an arrow. They were so beautiful and dark and calming... there was something about brown eyes that you loved. There were always so many colors involved in them. Sometimes you saw reddish browns, other times you'd see gold and yellows. You loved just the pure darkness that Rain's were. The near black made it look like his pupils were huge with how his irises blended with them. You wondered what his would be like in the light. You had only been able to see him in darker settings, not giving them a chance to change to a different hue. Maybe you'd get your chance tonight. You still had no idea where he was going to take you or going to do with you, for that matter.

     "Who are you thinking about?" Papa's voice rang from right next to your ear. 

     "Jesus Christ!" You jumped in your chair. He laughed at your started expression. Your heart thumped vigorously in your chest. You glared at him playfully. "Don't scare me like that! I could've punched you." He stood tall and turned his back to you. His head looked over his shoulder. 

     "But'chya didn't-" 

     "I could have, buddy. Just wait, one of these days I'll get you." Papa patted your head. You swatted his hands away. 

     "You didn't answer my question." You didn't hear what he asked due to your fight or flight response kicking in. 

     "What was it again?" He fixed the parts of your hair he mussed. 

     "Who were you thinking about?" The skin of your cheeks lit up like a match. You cursed at yourself internally. There had to be a way to get out of this. There was no chance on Earth that you were going to admit that you like one of his ghouls. It felt wrong. 

     "What makes you think I was thinking of someone?" He strutted back to behind his desk and flopped into his seat. 

     "I know that look anywhere, amare. Dazed eyes, slight smile, flushed cheeks. The signs of love~" 

     "Now wait just a minute-" You interrupted, but he cut you off faster. 

     "Ah ah ah, I am always right, never been wrong, not even once." You felt that was horse shit. "Now tell me..." Papa leaned across the desk and close to your face. "...who is it?" You clenched your jaw. 

     "I bought you lunch, you can't do this to me." You complained. 

     "Oh yes I can, and I will. As I am your Papa, and you are the messenger, it is your job to answer me when I ask you a question." You were taken aback. You didn't think he would stoop that low. 

     "Using your rank in the church as a way of intimidation? I'm surprised at you." You leaned back in your chair and gave him a dirty look. 

     "It's a simple question, cara. Besides, all work relations have to be disclosed with the church-" 

     "Hold on a second, I never said I had a crush on someone who works here-" 

     "But you admit you have a crush on someone?" 

     "For f-" You bit your tongue. 

     "I knew it." Papa growled triumphantly. "Which one is it?" He added. 

     "Oh my God!" You shouted exasperatedly. Your face was in your hands to shield your reddened appearance. Not only did he know you had a crush on someone, and not only did he know it was someone you worked with, but he knew it was one of the ghouls. 

     "You're fucking insane!"

     "I bet you I know exactly which one it is too." You scowled at him through a gap in your fingers. You shouldn't have decided to challenge him. If there was one thing about Papa that everyone knew, it was that he never backed down from a challenge. 

     "Go on, try your best." He gave you the smuggest smile you had ever seen. 

     "Rain." 

     "AAAAHHHH!" You screamed in embarrassment and turned away from him. Your head felt like it was about to combust.

     "I KNEW IT!" He shouted equally as loud. He pumped his fists in the air in victory. You had started to laugh. This was all so ridiculous, and Papa seemed to be getting a kick out of your anguish. You were choking back sobs of laughter. There was no pin-pointing what emotion you felt at the moment. Embarrassment, shame, guilt, excitement, joy, and giddiness all crashed together inside your skull. This was humiliating, yes, but you knew Papa didn't actually care. You remembered back to your initiation when you were in the little hallway being led to his older brothers. That was probably the moment he figured it out. You were so stupid for letting it come off that easily. 

     Papa's giggles blended in with yours as they bounced off the thick stone walls. He slapped his hand on the desk in desperation for relief. You fell to the floor, not being able to breath. You managed to choke out a feeble couple of words. 

     "Stop~ Stop it!! I can't- I- I can't breath!" He took a sharp breath of air in and immediately wheezed it out. 

     "I can't- You stop!" You covered your mouth to stifle the giggles threatening to spill out. You hadn't laughed this hard since Beau tripped in the hallway one morning. It wasn't particularly funny, but it tickled you pink for some reason.

     After a painful couple of minutes, you were able to sit back up in your chair. Papa had begun to fix the makeup that had been streaked due to his tears. You grabbed a tissue from his desk and dabbed your eyes before blowing your nose and tossing it in the bin next to you. You refused to look at him in fear of being in stitches again. Your abs could not handle it a second time. You sniffled and waited for him to finish. He snapped his compact shut and tossed it into a drawer on his left. He fixed himself in his chair and folded his hands on top of each other. You crossed your legs and sat up straight. 

     "So-" Papa started. You immediately burst out laughing, him returning the act. "Shut the fuck up, I just fixed my face!" He waved you back. You bit your finger to collect yourself. 

     "I'm good now." You said after taking a deep breath. Papa pinched the bridge of his nose. 

     "Okay, me too. I am okay and I am not going to laugh anymore..." He tried convincing himself. 

     "Mhm, mhm. We are professionals." A smile poked at the corner of his lips. 

     "Yes... professionals. Speaking of professionality, all work relationships have to be disclosed with the church. That especially includes human-ghoul relations." He sniffled. 

     "Especially?" Your head tilted in confusion. 

     "It's more for safety of both parties," he explained, "...so the church knows to watch for any signs of the ghoul starting to act dangerously and that the ghoul won't be cast back to hell if they're not needed. Separation of a ghoul and its partner can be... detrimental." You weren't yet in the 'Relationships of Ghouls' section of the book Miss Imperator had given to you. 

     "What do you mean 'detrimental'?" You asked. He leaned back and placed his hands in his lap. 

     "Ghouls, because they are not at all human and not all animal, are finicky creatures. They take monogamy to a new level in where they have one partner for life. Now, ghouls date around and have their fun, but when they find a mate they wish to settle down with, that is the partner they will keep until they die. Even after their significant other is no longer alive, they will remain single and never find another partner. Think of it as like a soulmate." Multiple questions arose to the top of your tongue. 

     "Are soulmates real?" 

     "Very real, cara mea. Although the magic has been lost in humans for centuries, ghouls are still able to sense it. It's not an immediate response, but the ghoul will have a moment where they know that that person is their destiny. Because humans can't sense it, though, they may end up leaving their ghoul companion heartbroken. That's why there hasn't been too many human-ghoul relationships." This was all very intriguing to you. Love was real, it was just in the last place you expected it to be; Hell.

     "Papa?" You spoke softly. You felt guilty of wanting to be with Rain. You didn't want to break his heart and irreversibly damage him by accident. 

     "What is it, amare?" Papa sensed the change in your mood and leaned closer to you. Your eyes looked down at your lap and your fidgeting hands. You took in a shaky breath. 

     "Is it wrong of me that I love him?" You were disgusted in yourself. How could you have done this to him? Your heart ached in shame. 

     "(Y/n), look at me." He directed. You shifted your pupils to look at him. He held his palm open, inviting you to give him your hand. You lifted your fingers and placed them in his. He enclosed them gently in a soothing manner. 

     "It is never wrong to love someone. That is a decision your heart makes, and your heart is always truthful. Your love is always true. What you feel for him is not evil or sinful. You're showing that you care immensely about him. I do not see anything wrong with that." He calmed your nerves. 

     "But what if I hurt him? I might not even know it." Your eyebrows furrowed in distress. Papa continued to rub small circles on the back of your hand. 

     "As shy as Rain can be, he will speak up when something is on his mind. I have no doubt he'll tell you exactly how he feels. Has he not already?" You smiled faintly. You thought back to last night and remembered he told you how beautiful you looked during the initiation and why he didn't say anything earlier. 

     "He has." You stated simply. 

     "See? What did I tell you?" He squeezed you. "So don't stress yourself about this. It really isn't much different to that of a human-human relationship. Ghouls are just passionate lovers, that's all." Papa played with your fingers. 

     "And I have no doubt that you won't break his heart, intentionally or by accident. You think too much about others feelings to do that. You're too sweet for your own good, cara mea." He plucked a stray lash away from your eye. You gave him a grateful look.

     "Now," He said, glancing at the clock above the door. "I believe it is time for dinner. We wouldn't want to miss another meal, would we?" He stood up and let your hands go. You stretched your legs as you rose from the chair. 

     "I couldn't tell you how hungry I was this morning. I know you told me the staff room was open, but I forgot." Papa pulled your coat from the back of your seat and held it out to you. You stuck your arms in the sleeves and thanked him. His scarf was no longer in your possession, unfortunately. 

     "Care to join me then?" He held out his elbow. 

     "I'd love nothing more." Turning off the lights and opening the door, you both stepped out and headed down to the cafeteria. You were now wide awake and full of energy. The talk with Papa had invigorated you, and you couldn't wait to meet up with Rain tonight. It was only a matter of time (and paperwork) before then.

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