The music they played was okay. Even if it was a lot of pop music I enjoyed some of it. At least it was enjoyable enough to dance to it.
A slow song came on and finally I got the chance to slow dance with Dan. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I folded my hands behind his neck. Due to my shoes it was definitely easier than usual, as I was rather short while all my friends seemed to be giants.
Dan's hair tickled my arms and my forehead that I had leaned against his shoulder, but I didn't mind. I concentrated on his warmth and his heartbeat, closing my eyes and letting myself be guided by the music and him.
The song was over way too quickly for my taste, I could have spent the rest of my days like that. A new song started playing, a fast-paced one. I looked around for my friends and wanted to invite them to dance with us, but when I laid my eyes on Nate he seemed... angry? I knew him well enough to see through his facade and see that he was definitely not alright.
"Nate-" I started, but he had already turned around and was leaving the room hurriedly. Confused I looked at the rest of my friends but was met with equally confused faces.
"Go after him," Jace said.
Still confused I nodded, grabbed the back of my skirt so I wouldn't trip over it and took off. In the last moment when he turned a corner at the end of the hall I caught a glimpse of him and ran after him. Yes, ran. In 4 inch, spike-studded heels. I could have taken them off but a strap was wrapped around my ankles to keep them from potentially falling off, it would have taken way too long to remove them. I had no other option than to run.
On the other hand, I really didn't want to break anything, so I couldn't run as quickly as I would have liked, which in return meant I lost Nate rather quickly.
Frustrated I let out a groan and spun in a circle, trying to figure out where he could have gone or what had made him so angry in the first place. A thought popped into my head and with any luck he hadn't left prom just yet.
The rooftop.
I made my way up the floors of the school, up the stairs that lead to the rooftop. I hoped against hope that it wasn't locked and he had actually gone up there. I pushed against the door and more than relieved I realized that it opened. After a moment of looking around in the twilight I spotted Nate at the edge of the rooftop, a safe distance away from it, looking out onto the skyline of the city.
Carefully I approached him, very unsure of what situation I found myself in. "Nate...?" I asked quietly as not to startle him, though I was sure he must have heard my heels on the concrete or even the door close behind me.
His head turned into my direction but he kept his eyes on the scenery in front of us. "You should go back inside. Have fun," he said stiffly.
"How can I have fun without you?" I asked quietly, now stepping next to him.
He still looked away. "It seems you're capable of that without me, don't worry."
"What do you mean?" I was only more confused.
Finally he turned to me, but I instantly regretted my wish. There was so much hurt in his eyes. "Allie, you're such a smart person, how can you be so incredibly dumb?"
It felt like he had slapped me and instinctively I flinched away from him, taking a step back.
"No that's not... I'm sorry. That was mean. I'm so sorry Allie..." he said, his hands opening and closing in a desperate attempt to grab the right words.
My heart broke at the sight of it. "Nate, please just tell me what is going on," I forced out of myself. There was something more than wrong here and I didn't like it at all.
Nate took a step forwards, closing the distance again. "Are you really that blind that you can't see it?" he asked desperately.
"What do you mean?" I asked more urgently now, raising my voice.
"Allie, we've been friends for how long? Fifteen years? I know by now, I always knew you liked me... more than best friend were supposed to like each other."
My heart dropped, it felt like I plunged into ice water.
"But how can you be too blind to see that I always felt the same?"
Another slap in the face for me. "What?"
"Yes." His voice broke and my heart did the same. "I thought you saw that, but apparently I was wrong. And now my chance has passed. You've got Dan now and finally you're happy."
"Well... are you fucking kidding me?" I asked, my voice louder than I had intended for it to be.
Now it was Nate that looked like I had slapped him.
"You- you could have made a move!" I protested. "I- do you know how I hurt Mark when I broke up with him because I wanted to be available for you? And how much I blamed myself for his death because I finally figured that it was pointless and you would never love me back? And that I could have avoided breaking up with him? Nate I was happy with him! But I wanted you, no one else and I hurt Mark so much with that! He might have told me about his problems and maybe he would have never died! Are you fucking serious right now? Why didn't you just say anything?" I yelled, angry tears in my eyes and a sharp pain in my chest from the memory of hurting Mark. All the anger I had built up over the past year because of Mark's death bubbled out of me. It wasn't fair to unleash it on Nate but this had been the final straw. "I send out enough signs, so many. Why did you never send on back?"
It happened too quickly for me to stop him. He stepped forwards and pressed his lips down on mine hard, his hands cupped my face. But instead of the satisfying feeling I would have always felt under any other circumstances, there was anger in my guts and a coldness that was so deep that it surprised me.
I put my hands on his chest and shoved, shoved him all the way away from me with all my might.
"Are you fucking mad?" I yelled, more angry than I had ever been before. The broken look on his face might have hurt my heart but in that moment the only feeling inside my soul was primal anger. "Consider yourself lucky I didn't break your nose!" I was so angry at him I was sure I could have landed a good hit or maybe two.
"Yes, are you mad?" I heard an ice cold voice behind us. It sounded eerily calm.
With a gasp I turned my head and saw Dan standing in the door, his arms crossed and a more than angry look on his face.
"Listen, I didn't mean-" Nate started but Dan was already on his way over.
"Don't kiss her like that, you blew your chance, okay?" Dan said angrily and shoved Nate. I felt how this spiraled out of control.
"Hey!" I shouted and wanted to get between them. All the anger was gone at once and was replaced by fear, we were on the rooftop of a four story building with no railing after all.
Getting between them was easier thought than done. The shoving and hitting continued but eventually I wedged myself between them, standing protectively in front of Nate and shoving Dan away.
"Hey, what's going on out here?" came a booming voice from the door that I skillfully ignored for now.
"You two are a menace!" I yelled. "Stop it!"
Dan and Nate tried to get to each other again, but Dan was held back by Mr Davidson who had reached us by now and I grabbed Nate's arms so he would stop.
"What is going on out here? Why are you on the roof and why are you fighting?" Mr Davidson demanded. "Mr Robinson, Ms West, you out of all people should know best that the roof is out of bounds. So please tell me what in the world is going on!"
Both Nate and Dan kept quiet.
"If you don't want to tell me I'm afraid you have to leave the school for tonight. Away you go," he decided, loosening his grip on Dan.
"Wait, what? No!" I protested.
"This behavior is not tolerated, you three got yourselves into enough trouble already, don't you think?"
I felt like he wasn't just talking about the scene here right now.
"They will both leave, but you are free to join them, Ms West."
I shook my head. "I'll stay."
"Then I suggest you go back to the prom that is in progress downstairs. As for you two, follow me and don't try to kill each other. You'll leave the school and you can continue punching each other outside for all I care."
His words were finalizing, leaving absolutely no room for negotiation.
_____
With tears burning in my eyes and my chest in pain I burst into the nearest bathroom, trying to keep myself together.
This is not happening right now, this is not happening right now, this is not happening right now... I kept repeating inside my head. But it was too late, tears were now falling from my eyes and I just hoped I had secured my makeup well enough. I had used exclusively waterproof and smudge-proof makeup, just to make sure it worked though I quickly got myself a paper towel and dabbed at my eyes.
The bathroom door opened and for a horrible moment I thought it was some girl I didn't know, but then I recognized Cassie.
"Allie, what the hell happened to you?"
I told her what had just gone down on the rooftop and she was just as shocked as me.
"Oh honey," she said and pulled me into a hug, wrapping her arms all the way around me and holding me. "God, I'm so sorry. That really is shitty."
"I blamed myself so much for letting down Mark when I came to the conclusion that Nate wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. And now he tells me he liked me like that all along? Couldn't he have kept it to himself? Even just for this evening?"
"That really was an asshole move," Cassie agreed, calmingly patting my back. She held me until my tears ran out and then we did our best to fix me up so I would at least look presentable. I fixed my makeup and she put some strands of hair back into place that had come lose when I had wedged myself between the boys.
"Do you want to go back? Or do you want to leave?" Cassie asked. In that moment her phone buzzed and she checked it. "It's Jace, he wants to know where we are."
"I don't want to ruin the evening for you. Let's go back." I told her.
"Are you sure? I mean, most of the evening is over anyway."
I was unsure what to answer. I wanted nothing more than to leave, thankfully Cassie picked up on it.
"Alright, you want to leave. I understand that. I won't let you leave alone though. Let's find Jace and then we can go."
_____
It didn't take long to find him, he was waiting outside of the gym together with my sister and the rest of our friends.
"Where the hell were you? And where are Nate and Dan?"
"These idiots ruined the whole evening," I said angrily, unable to stop myself.
"Nate, uh, told Allie something and Dan got angry at him. They started fighting and Davidson kicked them out," Cassie informed, trying to keep the details to herself.
"Oh, what was it?" Jace asked, but I only shook my head at him. He apologized.
"Come on guys, the party's over. Let's leave and see if they are still trying to punch each other in front of the school," Cassie said.
"You don't have to leave if you don't want to," I told Louisa.
"Are you kidding? I'm not staying here with these sleeping pills that call themselves my friends. Let's go, the evening's over."
Without any protests from the others we all left the building together. It was nearly completely dark outside now, but after a moment I saw the both of them sitting on the rocks in front of the school.
I stomped over to them, arms crossed. "Are you happy with yourselves?" I asked pointedly. "Because you managed to ruin the evening in record time. Thanks a lot."
I only got apologetic grins from them.
"You—" I pointed my finger threateningly at Nate "—are mad, I already told you. You could have prevented all of this. And you—" my finger wandered over to Dan "—don't just punch people. Understand me? Get your fucking act together."
"Sorry..." they both mumbled.
"We had a talk with each other," Dan said quietly, not looking at me directly. He seemed sorry for his behavior.
"And?" I asked.
"We talked it out." Nate informed.
"Well hallelujah. Now you—" I said to Dan "—apologize to me for punching my best friend. And you—" I turned to Nate "—apologize to me for doing what you did. You know what I mean. Then we can all be happy," I said, still angry at them, but not as much anymore.
"Sorry that I punched Nate," Dan said and stood up from his rock now.
"And sorry for kissing you," Nate added, also standing up.
Protests erupted behind me.
"Wait, what?
"Kissed you?"
"Nate?"
"Hold up a fucking minute-"
"Did he say kiss?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"He didn't just say that, right?"
"Shut up guys!" It was Cassie who had said that but she was laughing.
It was such a comical moment that I couldn't help but burst out laughing as well. "You don't know, huh?" I asked and felt instantly more free and relieved after having laughed.
"Obviously we don't! What does he mean, he kissed you?" Kendall asked.
I filled them in on years of repressed feelings and pining for one another and on what had really happened on the roof, as quickly as possible, unable to stop myself from laughing still.
"Nate, you are such a dumbass," was the only comment we got afterwards. It was from Jace.
Nate shrugged. "Probably, yeah."
"That's why we all left prom now?" Kendall asked.
I shrugged as well. "So it would seem."
"Hey, the evening isn't over yet," Cassie offered.
"Where would we even be going?"
"I have an idea..." The look on Cassie's face was mischievous.