I Don't Understand you ||Tsuk...

By sexy_crouton

1.1M 56.4K 51.7K

Cover by @spicysuzy I have no words to describe this book. Started May 2020 Ended: December 2020 *I do not ow... More

Brontosaurus
My pimp
Not the hamster
Daddy long legs
Gum and juice
Kinda evil
Ugly gerbil
Vinegar
Witchcraft
Dino shoes
Frosting
I don't know what to name this chapter
Leave me in the tub
Smack em like whores
Shut up
I hate you
Borderline Therapist
Pretty boy
Don't die on my bed
Ew
I-
See you tomorrow loser
I love blackberries tbh
What even is this?
Your mom's a hoe
I love problematic characters
I eat little kids for brunch
I cut my finger on my mom's ring I hope I can still dance
Carol Baskins
Pov your dying at the theater kids house and he starts performing 'Heathers'
Pov I tell you that you remind me of a piece of lint I found in my left croc
A demonic Starbucks napkin stole my goldfish crackers
L̵l̷a̵m̷a̷s̸ ̴e̷a̷t̷ ̵s̸e̸x̷y̶ ̴p̸a̷p̵e̸r̶ ̵c̶l̶i̴p̷s̴
Every day a grape licks a friendly cow
6+9=?
Hee hee
Eat kids, get bitches, simple.
My neck, my back
<bih BIUOvawosubda
I'll eat all the coat hangers
Eat my crippled ass
Glow in the dark Clorox wipes
I really really really really want some gushers
I'm joining the navy seals, and I'm jumping your mom
I eat little babies ice cream, it keeps me young
I'm going to overdose on my inhaler
Burning trash
I hate this chapter
I snorted your Sangwoo's ashes with your mom
Happy Canada day I guess
🐬 🎀 𝐼'𝓂 𝟤𝟫 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈 o𝓁𝒹---𝐻𝒾𝑔𝒽 𝓈𝒽❁🌞𝓁 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝓁𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓈 🎀 🐬
I told my cat that I'm going to turn her into sausages.
I thought it was one cat
Stream Boku no pico
sjgsgjsthgjdhnfnsrth
I used to want to be a hacker so now I know a lot about hacking
I'm supposed to be packing right now
Why are my eyebrows falling out? Serious question.
Pov: I'm singing Never met while I extract a baby dill pickle from your ear
in the past 3 days i've only eaten kiwis
I lost my bescherelle
😌📻❤️😃🙌😈👑🍠😹🤩👀✌️😔🔫💀🥰👌🦕🚪✨🤛🤠😎💅😏🎷🥳🤜🦖
If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf?
Not even a fraction of my notes
Can't wait till I'm 18 and my record gets erased🧎🏻‍♂️🏌🏼
Theres some whores in this house
Suck mirandas nubs now or suffer
You can only bake snow if it's made of marbles
Face reveal!!!
If I ate a pickle would my mom stop snorting coke?
I accidentally got lasagna in my phone, no joke.
Fourth wall? We don't know her
What if we all had twinkies as toes? Suddenly I'm buying feet pics.
I got STDs
two carrots got stuck in my nostrils today
Suck my wiggly jiggly doughnut before I pump your guts full of lead
Kinda important
I think we should take a break
Don't hmu, only real ones know
A poorly written re-cap, brought to you by Crouton
Pov you're reading this chap and then Dr. Oz starts force-feeding you vitamins
pov you slap Bj Alex with a goldfish and he starts beating me with his textbook
Blended clams served with a side of boiled chicken strips
That's why yo momma dead, I hate you, you hate me lets team up and kill barney
Animal crackers in my soup uh... fuck
It can have a name later
I need a pharmacist
Pov I slapped your mom because she was being a hoe, and now I'm marrying her
la la la la, la la la la
Pov I slap you with a rotten tomato than Kouichi beats you up for fun
POV I ate a mouldy piece of bread and now I am a piece of broccoli
YCTGVUBIHjncwdh!!!!
What up, Adrian lover
Peek-a-boo!
🍋Too many feelings and not enough dino chicky nuggs🍋
After I graduate post-secondary I wanna move to Toronto
Salle de bain salle de bain je dois faire pipi
I wanna see them fancy user names, I must see them, please.
Pov I slap you with my shoe and then Kiyoko steps on you,
Pov Kenma slaps you with his sock and then Kuroo gets jealous and beats you
Why yes, I am at school
I don't read much fanfiction, surprising right? I much prefer real books.
Pov you slap Kiyoko's ass then Tanaka kills you with his glizzy
Pov I throw you in a pot of boiling tomato soup, then I serve it to Kenma
This is classic comedy
Sike
I hope y'all are sad lol
Stream 100 gecs
69
Pov i make all of you sad while i laugh 😹😹😹
I hate school, but what is new?
I do not accept Oikawa slander, hate on him, expect hate from me
pov this clown licks in between your toes as I play the harmonica
.... --- .-.. .-
-Meanwhile at Karasuno-
I just missed Oikawa
I'm a bad bitch, nickname Hermosa
Don't dox me
I don't like Kageyama
I'm at school hoes, and I still miss Oikawa
I love Oikawa so much
Arson and Tax fraud are daily tasks, so the FBI can't find me 😎
I have to write four more paragraphs for my essay still
Big dick Issei supremacy
🕳🐀👨🏽‍🦯
I hate writing about volleyball games
Look at this glizzy I found
Pov i update again because i have no impulse control
Yeah, I think doctor-assisted suicide is justifiable
I'm engaged to Oikawa as of now
Pov I use a long mower to destroy everyone's ass
I support teen drinking
I am no longer failing science
https://discord.gg/GHZ4Wj
I hate writing in third person smh
Bitch you thought, lol
Pray to me, for I am the one and Only Glizzy Gobbler
Kinda important
It is now December, no questions asked
Stream black pink
yeah it's really short, but it's fine
Fuck me sideways with a piece of corn
Pov Tanaka bits off your left toe and gives it to Kiyoko
Poor *silence* spice pussy
Ima lazy hoe
pastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadog
Since y'all wanted that damm camp to be over
roasted toenails served with a side of boiled organs
I ain't never liked all of my siblings at the same time,
You thought
Someone just asked me if I know what a Crouton is, bruh
🍋Wholesome chapter🍋
🧍
Shit-ling pt.2
Pov I was snorting coke then Kenma told me that is was heroin and I die
I've got another midterm tomorrow lol
I finished my last midterm on Tuesday cuz I'm a baddie
I'm done being mad lol, but ive still got more chaps in my drafts
🦧
Follow my tik tok, ima post somthing real good
Notice me senpai
This is OFFICIALLY a Kageyama hate page
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSb2bBYW/
Sex talk pt.1
Sex talk pt.2
CUM -Paulina
What if I made Y/n and Tsuki get in a Lil fight Lmao
34+35
Pov I suck a glizzy while I beat you with my pogo stick
Sex talk, not as good as the one I wrote for Y/n
She's not dead yet
I love Oikawa so much like I can't even
The letter I spoke of
Kei won't know about the 'surprise' until new years
Pov its a heist
I am a mental illness
Pov Kuroo eats your toes because you enraged Kenma
Slob on mi knob
I'm almost at the chapter limit, fuck me with a wrench
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Oikawa?
CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother. AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
So I had a stroke at the beginning of this chapter, sorry.
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and beburied in thy eyes -BENEDICK
Only fifteen left before part two
Damm, I've been watching so many good movies lately.
⛤⛧⛥⸸✪⍟
"I love my pubescent voice cracks"-the discord
If you add lol or Lmao to the end of a sentence its not offensive
I hate Christmas more than I hate Kageyama
Pov dr. Phil stick his pen in your eye to extract a glizzy
Pickles in a car of coconut oil
Where's Alexis Texas
Pov you fail math
Pov I'm passing all my classes and you're not
ASDFGHJK
These are my lovely tags on my friends server
Me and my homies hate da holidays
So the next chapter will be the last of pt. 1, then I'll have to start up pt. 2.
The note at the end is important so please read it

I used to deforst frozen fries in water, in the bathroom then eat them

4.9K 261 107
By sexy_crouton

Y/n's pov

"Kei what did you do to Y/n?" Akina questions as we walk in. "Her eyes are all red, its terrible."

"Don't worry," he says. "She always looks terrible."

Eye-

Well, he's not wrong, but it still hurts.

"Was he being mean?" she asks. "If he is you can break up with him, we can still hang out."

I wasn't being rude," he says. "She's just a crybaby today."

We mustn't let out true colours show Y/n, we are a pure child.

"It's fine," I smile. "I just tripped and fell, just I am a crybaby."

"You are so precious," she says as she comes over to give me a hug.

I form an 'L' with my fingers and shove it in Keis face, to which he returns an eye-roll, classic.

"So what brings you here?" she asks pulling away. "Got any plans?"

"Oh yeah," I nod my head. "I was gonna ask Kei to tailor my costume for the culture festival, it doesn't fit right."

"I can't sew," he says.

"Of course you can," she turns to him. "I remember, a couple of years back to begged me to get you that sewing machine," she turns back to me. "He loves to sew always making quilts and such."

"Oh really?" I raise my eyebrows. "How interesting."

"Mom can you not embarrass me?" he mutters.

"I don't need to embarrass you," she starts to walk away. "You can do that perfectly fine on your own."

"So you gonna fix my dress?" I ask hopefully.

"No, I'm n-" he starts.

"Oh he'd love to," Akina says. "I'll go get started on diner."

"I'm not helping her," he says.

"Oh, you don't have too," I say. "Now I have an excuse not to be on the serving committee. Now I get to work in the kitchen."

"..." he stares at me blankly. "That's not how it works."

"Oh but it is," I smirk. "I asked our teacher, she says that if I can't get it fixed then I'll just have to do anything."

"I'm going to kick you out," he says.

"What did you just say to her?" His mom asks from the kitchen.

"I just said that I was gonna take her up, upstairs so I can fix her stupid costume," he says.

"That's what I thought," she says.

-

"Okay so as you can see I look like a fish just put on a dress," I say as I walk out into the extra room, which has the sewing machine in it.

"Did you not give her your size?" he questions. "It's so long, and... Are you dumb?"

"I thought that if I got it in a bigger size then it'd be more comfortable," I say as I gather some of the extra fabric in my fist. "But maybe four sizes up was a bit much."

"Ya think," he shakes his head. "How am I supposed to fix this?"

"Uh... I don't know," I say. "Magic."

"Well, I'm not some seamstress," he says.

"Let's cut it in half," I say. "Then in half again, oh can you make a little cap like from that show. Of and can it be fluffy too?"

"I'll have to make it two separate pieces," he says. "I can't make dresses, and the top will be easy. I have this template thing."

"That sounds hard," I say. "And complicated."

"I can do it," he rolls his eyes. "I can actually do things."

"I can do things," I say. "I just can't sew."

"Well we wouldn't need to fix it if you just got it in your size," he says. "Not my fault you an idiot."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I prefer dumbass," I say as I pull off the dress, don't worry I've got some proper clothes under it. "Were you dropped down a well?"

"This is such a waste of my time," he says. "Lift up your arms."

"Don't tell me what to do," I say. "Your not the boss of me."

"I have to measure you," he says. "Dumbass."

"Oh yeah," I raise my arms and he starts his job. "And why did you want a sewing machine in the first place?"

"Because," he says.

"Tell me please," I say.

"No," he says.

"Fine," I say. "Then I'll just ask Yams."

"I got it because I wanted to make a stupid Halloween costume for myself," he mutters.

"You made your own costume?" I question.

"Yeah," he says. "Now stop moving."

"Can I see them later?" I ask. "I bet they're so cool, you should just wear dino costumes all day every day."

"I never said that they were dinosaur costumes," he says.

"And your trying to tell me that they aren't dinosaurs?" I ask.

"Just be quiet," he says. "I can't think with your voice right in my ear."

"Jokes on you," I say. "I can't even reach your ear."


I am convinced that he can sew, I can feel it in my bones. Just imagine it, lovely.

-Crouton

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