Personal Log, Stardate XXXX.X
Day 16. We're running out of power. I stopped making video logs in an effort to conserve it, but as our situation gets more dire, I decided I wanted to record what's happening on paper at least. We've shut off every system in the runabout with the exception of the UV lights and the forcefield in an effort to keep them running, but power is dwindling. I'm starting to get scared. We sent out our distress signal on the first day. It's been more than two weeks and either we've been unable to receive any communications or our message never got out in the first place. If a rescue team doesn't come for us soon, we won't be able to contain the Raveks. And when... if that point comes... well. I don't want to resort to violence. But if it comes down to the Raveks' lives and ours, I may regret what I have to do.
Julian doesn't seem as bothered as I am. He's concerned, of course. But he seems to believe that the Raveks can still be reasoned with. As smart as he is, it feels foolish to me. They've shown themselves to be murderous creatures, unfit to join the federation for many years to come. I have no doubt they'll want to get retribution for their imprisonment. And I'm even more certain they're going to try and express that desire in the form of murder.
I have so many unsavory and shameful thoughts swirling around in my head now, towards not only the situation as a whole, but towards the Raveks in particular. Thoughts of violence, and anger, and fear. I'll need to talk to a counselor when this is all over, no doubt. But for the record, I don't want to kill them the way I'm sure they want to kill me. If it's wrong to think that makes me better than them, so be it. I'm wrong.
Julian's asking me to help him sort out the remains of the wreckage. Speaking of which, we cleared the bulk of it. But we're still sleeping together for warmth like I mentioned in my last log. I probably shouldn't have, considering that in the event you go missing, there's always a chance that Starfleet can review your logs, but... oh, well. So what if I'm snogging my commanding officer? It's not expressly against the rules. But anyhow, I'm getting sidetracked. And since I made the mistake of writing this in pen, there's no going back and editing it. I'm starting to miss making logs on my computer.
"[Y/N], are you almost done?" Julian asked, and I looked up from the pilot's seat where I'd been writing. I nodded, following him over to the hall so that we could scavenge anything useful from the the severed bulkhead and frayed internal components. He looked tense, I noticed, as we searched for power couplings and anything we could salvage to boost our power output. We'd gone back to the Ravek's lab and managed to bring back some solar panels in order to generate a little extra power, but even if we could manage to hook them up to the runabout, we both knew it wouldn't help much. Solar technology was ancient. With such small panels, they had barely enough output to power a computer, let alone a forcefield. Our only hope was to prolong it until Starfleet came.
"You don't think our communications were fried, do you?" I asked as we sorted out the parts. Julian sighed, uncertain. "Maybe something in the machinery that we missed..."
"I... suppose I can check again. It's possible there's something I missed," he said. "But highly unlikely. You realize how unlikely, right?"
"You're right," I mumbled. "You don't need to remind me of how you can summon the square root of 374 on command."
"You mean 19.33907—"
"Okay, Julian. I get it..." I grumbled, looking away. Julian put down the piece of shrapnel he was holding and gave me a tender look.
"[Y/N]. Even if they didn't receive the communication, they'll have noticed our radio silence by now," he said softly. "A rescue ship should be here any day now."
"You're so optimistic," I said, somewhat impressed despite the weight I felt on my chest.
"Maybe I just wouldn't mind being trapped on an alien planet with someone like you," he said sweetly. I stopped what I was doing and gave him what was meant to be a wry smile, but probably ended up looking a little bit more genuine than that.
"I wouldn't mind staking it out another week or two. It's just the Raveks..." I mumbled. "Without that forcefield, the doors aren't going to hold them. We haven't been able to enforce voice commands on the doors for three days now, and even if we shut off the power to them, they're strong enough to wrench them open on their own."
"I know... things are a little dire," Julian sighed. He seemed frustrated. "But they have so much potential, as a race, as people. That much was clear from my interrogations. It's just... they're so frightened, to the point of xenophobia and mindless violence."
"Potential?" I scoffed, legitimately offended by the idea. "I've never been scared enough to kill three innocent people, Julian. It's sickening that you would redeem them like this, so soon after our team's deaths. Their bodies are rotting on alien soil because we can't preserve them, and for what? Because these creatures were afraid of people that looked different than them?"
"I didn't mean to minimize their actions," he said quickly. "I just—! I just... I don't know. I want to feel empathy for these people."
"Would you say this sort of thing about Gul Dukat? Or your parents? I've never known you to be so quick to forgive anyone before," I said sourly. Julian's face fell.
"Then... maybe I've changed," he said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should condemn them. They just... well they seem like children. Like a pair of brothers who got their hands on a misplaced phaser. Played with it like a toy, before pointing it on their parents and pressing the button. It's a tragedy. But they're too young to know what they're doing."
"These people aren't children, Julian. These Raveks... they're adults, and they're monsters," I whispered bitterly.
"You sound like Miles used to when he talked about the Cardassians," Julian said softly. My eyes flicked towards his.
"I'm not Chief O'Brien," I snapped. Julian raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't say you were," he said quickly, and turned his eyes down to the scraps he'd been sorting out. "But you sound like him."
"I'm not xenophobic like he used to be," I insisted, even though Julian looked like he'd been about to drop it. I wanted him to know that, for sure. "Not all Cardassians are like that. The Raveks are different."
"How so?"
"Cardassians haven't killed the people I love," I explained, probably a little more hostile than I would have liked.
"But they've killed other people's families. Does that justify the survivors' xenophobia?"
"Of course not. It's just... different," I mumbled. Julian raised an eyebrow at me and I huffed out a sigh.
But before I could come up with a better, more sound argument, I heard the sound of a labored, mechanical hiss from the adjacent hallway and we both went silent. I gave Julian a look and he stared back with a serious glint in his eye. We both recognized that sound all too well. Doors being forced open. The Raveks... they'd managed to escape into the runabout. At first it didn't make sense to me. I'd set up the computer so that it would let me know if the forcefield was on the brink of collapse, but I suppose the sync was off because of the systems failure. The forcefield must have went out before the system had the chance to send out any sort of warning.
Julian pressed a finger to his lips and I nodded, but before he began to creep towards the disturbance, he held out a hand, urging me to stay. At first I was a little hurt by the idea; I desperately wanted to help, but I decided to listen. He was my commanding officer, after all.
Julian crept along the corridor until he turned and went out of sight. Before long, I heard the sound of a phaser discharge and a horrible hiss. I had to clap a hand over my mouth to keep from making any noise. What had happened, I wasn't sure, but it didn't sound good. I pulled out the extra phaser we'd retrieved from the armory earlier before creeping forward.
By the time I found Julian's body, the Raveks had left the hall. I checked him nervously, and to my relief he was only knocked out. But I wasn't taking any chances. In what was perhaps too emotionally charged a moment, I set my phaser up all the way... to kill. And then I crept towards the cockpit.
Once I got towards the doorway of the main room, I heard the characteristic hissing of the Raveks as they bickered over their next course of action. Suddenly, the runabout shuddered horribly, and I peeked around the corner. The Raveks were at the helm, pressing random buttons and smashing their fists. Like savages, I thought to myself, a sneer coming to my lips.
"Let's try this one," the first one, who I recognized as Falk insisted.
"No idiot, you just did that. This whole chunk of metal almost fell apart," the other snapped. What numbskulls. Were they really such dolts that they didn't realize the shuttle was non operational? Even if we were getting power from the solar panels now, it wouldn't be enough to power the whole ship. Without our warp capabilities we were dead in the water, otherwise we would have been all the way back to the nearest starbase by now.
I slowly crept forward, raising my phaser. What I was going to do... I wasn't quite sure yet. But before I could formulate a plan, I stepped on a piece of scrap metal, and it crunched under my feet. My heart fell out of my chest. The Raveks whipped around, teeth bared, and adrenaline filled my veins. I stood up, flailing the phaser manically.
"Get back, both of you!" I snapped, quickly bringing it into a position where I could fire. "You know what a gun is. You killed my friends with yours. Well, this phaser is like a gun, but worse. It's set to kill. Last time, you were shot with a stun setting. So stand down, or I shoot."
"Why should we believe that? You should have killed us before. Maybe your weapons are just weak," Leek snarled.
"Don't make me test it on you," I threatened, training the phaser on Leek. "But maybe I should just use it. It's safer to kill you."
"I told you Falk. Joo-lee-an lied to us. They're not a peaceful people," Leek growled to his companion. "This one would kill us in an instant."
"Are you serious?" I laughed, though I didn't find it funny. I felt so broken. "I don't want to kill you. We never even wanted to make contact with you. But I'm not taking any more chances. If it's between my life and yours, I know who I'm choosing. I'm sorry."
The room was quietly tense for a moment, as we faced each other and I tried to come up with a plan of action. Some small, sick part of my mind whispered in my ear, telling me to kill them. The prime directive had already been broken, and they had killed three of my friends. They were murderers. I couldn't let them stay on the planet and spread information of the federation, and I couldn't contain them here. They deserved to be killed. What's more, I was acting in self defense. To kill them would be to save myself.
But if there was any other way to contain them... the federation would want me to do that. The other crew members would want me to do that. Julian would want me to do that. And somewhere inside me, the good, empathetic part wanted that too. But how? How could I contain them? They'd shown enough strength to push open the powerless doors, and we no longer had a forcefield. I supposed there could be another option. Force them to leave, go back to their lab, and seal Julian and myself back in the shuttle. But how long until they came back? And would they come alone, or with reinforcements? Cherri... Cherri, what would she have done?
I stood there for several long minutes, daring them to move, before I was startled by the sound of a familiar voice.
"Captain O'Connelly to the away team. We've been hailing your shuttle for ten minutes with no response. Can you receive this message?"
In shock, I glanced down at my communicator pin and realized what had just happened. Captain... Captain O'Connelly. The Shenipsit. If I was receiving messages through my communicator pin, they had to be in orbit! Without lowering the phaser, I hit the pin with my free hand.
"Lieutenant [Y/N] to Captain O'Connelly. I can hear you sir," I said quickly. "Did you receive our distress signal?"
"Yes, Lieutenant," The Captain said. "Unfortunately there was a ferengi blockade in this system that delayed our retrieval attempts. We're sending another team to come repair the runabout—"
"Captain, I'm sorry to interrupt but there's no time," I said quickly. "I can explain with the help of my personal logs as soon as we get on the ship, but I need you to transport two humanoid aliens to the brig immediately. And Doctor Bashir should be beamed directly to sickbay. After that, you can send down a repair team."
"Humanoid aliens?" The Captain asked, sounding alarmed. "Don't tell me you've made contact with the Raveks?"
"I'm sorry captain," I said, feeling shame leak into my heart. "Like I said, I can explain. But we need assistance now."
"Very well. We'll transport the Raveks first, then beam you aboard. Captain O'Connelly out." The Captain came off the call and Leek brazenly stood from his chair. Alarmed, I raised my phaser towards him.
"Transport?" He snarled. I put on a brave face.
"You're going to the brig on our ship," I growled. "Then, when you're no longer a threat, we can decide what to do with you." The alien's eyes blazed with clear anger.
"She is going to take us back to her ship, to kill us!" Leek howled, and without a second word, launched himself at me. Without thinking, I discharged the phaser. But before I could see the results of my knee-jerk action, I was caught up in the transporter beam and couldn't make anything out beyond the white glittery haze of the particle stream.