"You're watching an open heart surgery.." Janella pointed out as she peeped at my phone, "You want to be a cardiothoracic surgeon?"
"I don't know.."
"It suits you."
"Thanks."
I don't even know if it's a compliment but I still thanked her without removing my eyes from my phone.
"Gusto ko din ng cardio, pero parang mas gusto ko mag Onco.."
I watched as they took one of the patient's vein on the leg to use it to the heart to bring proper blood flow to the patient's heart muscle and my heart's already pounding fast and loud with excitement.. this is.. one of the few worth watching videos, I swear!
"I think I'll be taking the straight program ng TCVs.." I mumbled to my ownself. Lately I've really been deciding what to take for my residency.. binase ko na lamang kung saan pinaka mataas ang major exam ko sa anaphy namin when I was in first year.. when I checked it nakita kong sa semis ako naka 92 and half of it ang cover ay sa cardio..
Funny, pero dito talaga ako nag-base. Wala naman kasi akong makausap and clearly I don't want anybody messing up with my decisions.. may two years pa ako to decide but I just wanted to be sure.
Gusto kong mag-straight na sa residency. I don't want to waste time anymore. May hinahabol ako.
I also don't know anong hinahabol ko.. pero basta.. gusto kong maging super sigurado sa buhay at mabilis makatapos.
I need to have a goal..
"Wow! Kayang kaya mo'yon. Papasa ka don for sure pero sana understanding boyfriend mo."
"He's very understanding."
"Talaga? Lucky you, then. Ang daming single na resident beb kasi talamak cheating keme, yong iba alamoba.." then she leaned in to whisper, "To relieve stress makikipag quickie sa co-intern na lamang anywhere sa loob ng hospital—"
"Can you shut up?" I tilted my head to face her. Tumawa naman siya at umiling.
"Tunay kasi! Mas better kung med din jowa or wag mag-jowa at all pag nasa residency na. Mahirap pagsabayin."
"You're stereotyping.."
"Wow, so now you believe in faithful boyfriends? True love?"
I gave her one last look, geez! Next time hinding hindi na ako sasabay mag-lunch sa kanya. I swear. Bakit kasi wala na naman si Cy!
"No, but I believe in Hurricane."
She smirked. "You got it bad," she added shaking her head, "He's a law student.. hindi kayo lagi magkakasama and he's out there spending most of his time with other woman."
"What's your problem?" this time, I can't help but to raise a tone.
She frowned. "Nothing. It's just a friendly advice. Don't give your full faith to a human being, dear.. he can break you." She winked.
Tumayo na ako. I don't want another second with her. Her words won't do any good to my system.
"Nothing can break me, Janella."
I already have a goal.. so no one.. nothing can break me. Nothing can stop me.
**
"Do you have an exam tomorrow?" Hurricane asked as the car stopped. Mabilis akong tumingin sa unahan to see the reason why we suddenly stopped.
Traffic again.
Inantay niya ako sa building kanina. Wala daw silang class mag-hapon kaya nag-aral na lang siya sa lib bago dumiretso para sunduin ako.
"Yeah, ikaw?" I asked as I returned my eyes at my trans.
"Yeah.. babe, I think hindi na ako lagi makakapunta sa condo."
"Sure,"
Then his words sink in.
"Why?" I glanced up to see his face.
He looks so tired.. he looks fresh, pero at the same time pagod na pagod ang mata niya.
"I need to be more focus now."
So this is what they were saying..
"Okay. So let's meet once a week?"
"Or I can move in with you?" he suggested, wiggling his brows.
I rolled my eyes bago muling bumalik sa inaaral ko.
"Nah. We should focus more sa studies."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Actually no.. his offer's really tempting but if he's moving in then a lot can happen and I am not ready for any of it..
I don't want any surprises in my way and we both know we can't afford any distraction.. and destruction.
As the day goes by mas tumitindi ang pagiging competitive naming dalawa sa goal namin. He wanted to top the Bar and I wanted to pass my target program. We both need to focus more.
Ngayong hindi na siya lagi pupunta sa condo.. ewan ko kung magkakausap pa kami.. but we will try, I guess.
I paused from studying para tignan siya. His eyes were now focus sa daan. Umusad na ang traffic. There are really few moments where I'll stop whatever I am doing just to look at him.. whatever he's doing, and just by watching him I already feel at rest..
Have you ever look at someone and just feel how much you loved that person? I love him. That's always the mood.
It's a beautiful feeling actually.
"Baby.. I'm melting." He teased as he glanced at me. Siniringan ko lamang siya bago napangiti at tumingin sa daan. "How could I function everyday without you drooling over me?"
Ha! Napaka-kapal talaga niya minsan!
"Wow ha."
"What? Totoo kaya."
"I'm not drooling over you, okay?"
"C'mon, don't be shy baby."
"Wag ka din mayabang."
He laughed as the car stopped once again then he faced me with his usual playful smile. How could I resist his charm?
Nailing na lamang ako at binalik ang mga mata ko sa trans. Wala na talagang napasok sa utak ko.
"Babe, pano ka magka crush?" he asked out of nowhere.
I frowned, parang normal lang naman ako magka crush. "Normal lang."
"Panong normal? Kinikilig ka? Tumitili? Nangingisay?"
My eyes flew back to him, this time glaring. Lumawak lamang lalo ang mga ngiti niya, like urging me to just answer his answer because he's freaking entertained!
I rolled my eyes, "No. You know me."
"You're so unpredictable and mysterious, nalalaglagan ka ba ng panty sa mga crush mo?"
What the hell?!
"Hurricane?"
"Ano nga?"
"Nakita mo bang lumaglag ang panty ko? And guard, don't take those phrases literally!"
He laughed again. Tuwang tuwa na naman sa mga naiisip niya.
"Di'ko pa nakikitang lumaglag panty mo."
"Then no, my panty doesn't drop in front of my crush." Madiin kong sabi bago siya siniringan ulit.
Napansin ko kaagad ang pamumula niya kahit medyo madilim. Para siyang bata na biglang nahiya at napaiwas ng tingin pero hindi matagtag ang mga ngiti. Sobrang lawak ng ngiti niya kahit halatang pinipigilan niya.
What's his problem again?
"You look like an idiot."
"Babe.. crush mo'ko." He stated, like he's super amazed sa nalaman niya.
Geez. Mag boyfriend na kami kaya! And it's normal—wait, normal pa ba na crush ko ang boyfriend ko?
"And so?"
"Ako lang?"
Well, nakita ba niya akong nagkaroon ng interest sa ibang lalaki mula nang maging kami?
"Duh, malamang."
"Ako din, ikaw lang." parang bata na nahihiya pang umamin.
I rolled my eyes again, pero hindi ko na napigilan ang mga ngiti sa labi ko. This guy, tsk, really corny.
"Crush is too shallow.." I later said.
The car moved again smoothly, tumingin ako sa kanya na naka focus na ulit sa daan. May maliit na ngiti sa mga labi niya.
"Higit ka pa don." He mumbled.
Then we gone quiet and I was left wondering when he would tell me those words..
**
"Malapit na ba tayo?" I asked nang makalabas na kami sa city. Sabe kasi niya may alam siyang masarap na kainan.
It's almost 9 in the evening. Kanina pa kami sa daan, gutom na gutom na ako. Sana nag fast food na lamang kami.
"Make sure worth it tong kakainan natin, Cane."
He smiled, "Yes, love."
"Saan ba yon?"
"Sa bahay namin."
I nodded then stopped. Agad bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hindi makapaniwala sa narinig!
"Saan?"
"Sa amin."
What the freaking fudge?!
"Hurricane!"
He chuckles, "What?"
"Ibalik mo ang kotse! Bumalik tayo sa Manila!"
"Babe, we're almost there. Gutom na tayo pareho."
Para akong masusuka bigla sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Jusko! Nag-loloko lamang naman siya dba?
Bakit niya ako dadalhin ng biglaan sa pamilya niya?!
"Hurricane, I so hate you!"
Pero tinawanan lamang niya ako, huh! "Baby, chill. Sila Mama lamang yan."
"Hurricane, are you crazy? Ni wala akong dala for them."
"Okay lang yan."
Napahawak ako sa noo ko sa sobrang frustration. Minsan, as-in minsan lamang ako sobrang ma-frustrate kay Cane to the point na gustong gusto ko na siyang sigawan. Ako pa talaga ang unpredictable? Siya tong sobrang mang-sorpresa lagi! And I never liked any of his 'surprises' whether it's intentional or not.
Sobrang nakaka-irita!
Hindi ba siya aware na mahalaga sa mga babae makapag prepare man lang bago humarap sa family ng boyfriend nila?
Like, hello, I am not physically, mentally and fine emotionally ready for this! Kelan ba siya matututo na bigyan ako ng something sweet na surprise?
"Hurricane! I am freaking serious, this is your family I am meeting tonight, alam ba man lang nila na may ipapakilala ka na? Or you'll just surprise them too."
He laughed at my state, wow. "Babe, sa ganitong sitwasyon talaga kita napapadaldal no?"
"It's not funny."
"You're smiling." He pointed out.
"No. I am not."
"Yes, you are."
My lips freaking twitched, "Fine! But because I am really annoyed at you right now."
"Love.. calm down okay? They know we're coming tonight."
Napasandal ulit ako sa car seat bago bumuntong hinga. How can love and hate exist at the same time?
"You should really learn how to give me a heads up."
"Sorry." He said smiling.
Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Papasok na kami ngayon sa isang subdivision. As-if may choice pa ako to back out.
Nag-ayos na lamang ako ng sarili para at least hindi ako haharap na haggard sa harap ng family niya.. but which family?
I glanced at Cane, he's wearing that warm smile now.. like nawala na yong pagod sa kanya..
My heart ached again as I remembered our talk the other night..
The elevator closed.
Dahan dahan akong lumingon sa kanya. His eyes look tired and hesitant. Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. I remained on my spot, waiting for the 'joke' part because how the hell would Blaire be his sister?
But his eyes were dead serious.
Kaya ba hindi okay ang relationship niya with his family? Kaya ba hindi siya uma-attend sa mga occasion ng family niya dahil may anak sa labas ang mom or dad niya?
Cy never told us anything..
"Can we.. can we go back to your unit first?" his voice sound so tired. Napatango lamang ako bago bumalik sa tapat ng unit ko at binuksan yon.
Nauna siyang lumakad papunta sa sofa, binaba ko naman ang mga gamit ko sa gilid bago tumabi sa kanya. Hindi ko siya hinawakan o ano. Nanatili lamang ako sa tabi niya, hindi umiimik.
"I.. my.. I.." he heaved a deep breath before looking down.
This is the very first time I saw him this vulnerable.
"Blaire and I share the same mother.."
What? Same mother? Pero kambal sila ni Cy.. I mean, they're not clearly identical pero may hawig pa din naman sila.. wait, ang gulo!
He smiled blankly before heaving another sigh.. "I'm.. an illegitimate child, Chandy."
"How.."
"Bunga ako ng pag-tataksil.."
I remained dumbfounded. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabe niya.. he and Cy have the same birthday! Sabay sabay kaming lumaki.
He glanced at me.. his eyes were dead.. inabot ko ang kamay niya at hinawakan ng mahigpit. Giving him my warmth.
"Love.. you can stop now.. don't push yourself if you're not ready."
Umiling lamang siya, "It's about damn time to tell you everything.."
Hindi ko binitawan ang kamay niya, inayos niya ang pagkakahawak ng kamay namin. Naramdaman ko ang marahan niyang pag-pisil doon, parang kumukuha ng lakas.
"Our father.. he cheated with my mom, bestfriend ni tita Rain. They.. they had an affair.. they hurt tita Rain, that's why I can't show myself in front of Cy's mom. Sobrang nahihiya ako. Hiyang hiya ako sa kanila.."
My heart ached as I listened to him. Parang hindi magsink-in sakin lahat ng sinasabe niya. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat sabihin.. ramdam kong nasasaktan siya..
"Cy and I were born at the same day.. different time but same hospital.. I can't imagine how painful it is for tita Rain.."
I crossed the remaining space between us before enveloping him to my embrace. Softly caressing his back..
"But Tita Rain's really good you know? Iniwan ako ni Mama kay Dad nong baby pa daw ako that's why I grew up with tita Rain.. Wala talaga akong clue dati na hindi ako totoong anak kasi pantay lang ang turing saming lahat ni Tita.. she loved me kahit anak ako ni Dad sa best friend niya.. that's bull, right? But nevertheless, she still treated me like her own..
"High-school graduation nang malaman ko lahat.. nang bumalik si Mama.. ayoko sana sumama e, pero hiyang hiya ako kay tita Rain.. galit din ako kay Dad sa lahat ng panloloko niya.. and lilipat sina Barb ng bahay, malapit sa titirhan namin nila Mama.. may problema din non si Barb, mas mabuting mag-kasama kami.. kaya naisip ko na sumama nalang kay Mama.."
Nakita ko ang mabibilis na pagpatak ng luha niya. Something inside me clenched as I watched him crying like this.. hindi ko in-expect na may ganito silang kwento.. siya at si Cy.. silang magkakapatid.. they all looked so perfect.. parang walang problema, laging makulit at nakangiti..
I never expected this kind of family story from them..
I thought misunderstanding lamang ang meron sa kanya at sa parents niya but it was too chaotic.. too painful.
"Hindi nag-bago si Tita.. anak pa din turing niya sakin, pati sila Cy.. sinasabe nilang wala akong kasalanan.. pero kasi Chandy, ako yong kasalanan e. Dba?"
"Shh.. no, love."
It pains me hearing him like this.. seeing him like this, kusang pumatak ang mga luha ko. Agad ko yong pinahiran. I have to be strong for him tonight. He needs a shoulder to cry on.. he needs a heart who will listen and understand..
"You're a good son.. especially to tita Rain, Hurricane."
He smiled bitterly before shaking his head slowly, "Gusto kong magalit kay Mama.. pero wala e, nanay ko pa din siya.."
It was still shocking for me. I didn't told Cy about it, ayokong pag-usapan but mas bumabait na ako kay Cy.. it's just.. silang lahat lumaki na mababait and really striving for what is good and right.. walang nag-rebelde kahit may ganoong history sila.
All of them accepted it and comes to school like everything's perfect with their life.
And I salute them for that.
"Love.."
I looked at him as we stopped in front of a modern house. It wasn't really big like sa bahay nila Cy.. but hindi naman doon naka-base ang 'home' dba.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry if I surprised you.."
I rolled my eyes. "It's fine now. Not really fine though, I still hate you."
He chuckles as he grabbed my nape and slowly leaning in.. my heart automatically started beating wild, I can feel the anticipation.. my left hand clutched my skirt as the other clung on his shirt.
His eyes were focus on my lips, I gulped as I licked them.. then his gaze slowly rise up to meet mine. He smiled.
He's near..
Just a hairline away..
My toes curled as I felt the fire getting wilder..
"Guys!!"
F—udge.
"Barb.." he gritted as he leaned away.
Napatingin ako sa taong kumatok sa labas, the car's tinted.. so I bet hindi niya nakita..
She knocked again.
"Why is she here?"
Hurricane looked at me apologetically, "We're neighbors.."
"Wala ba siyang condo sa Manila?"
"Uh.."
Then she knocked again.
I rolled my eyes as I unfastened the seatbelt.
This is going to be a long night.
I opened the car at lumabas, kasunod ko lamang si Hurricane. Barb smiled at him before glancing at me, "Kanina pa kaming nag-aantay! Let's go!"
Tumango lamang ako, nauna na samin si Barb pero nang malapit na siya sa pintuan lumingon ulit siya.
"C'mon!"
Cane and I just gave her a nod. I faced him, "Okay. Why is she here?"
He heaved a sigh, "She's also a family."
Damn me.