"So where are they? Where are they?" I asked looking in all directions as Paul was parking the car.
"They'll come soon. And remember, no screaming."
"We got it. It's annoying that you still consider us as groupies, you know. We can behave!"
"Oh my God, they're here!"
When two giant cars arrived in the parking lot -one black, one white- Sarah shrieked and I followed, which made Paul grunt in annoyance. As I saw them come out of their car and come slowly towards us, my heart kept pounding like crazy. What was I going to tell them? What should I do? Even when they greeted my brother, I could still barely believe that they were here, so close to us.
"Guys, this is my little sister, Angela, and her friend Sarah. As you can imagine, they absolutely hate your band and I brought them here for punishment."
The four boys chuckled. Unlike a few minutes ago, Sarah acted polite just shook hands with them. However, she still kept a big grin on her face.
"It's great to see you're back! I have all your albums." she replied proudly.
"Well, I guess you can give them back to us, then." Tom exclaimed and everybody laughed.
"Never! They are mine!" Sarah exclaimed and pretended to be a little girl.
I greeted the four of them too but didn't say a word. It was probably awkward but I couldn't help: it felt like my brain had melted and my tongue had fallen off. Not a single word could come out of my mouth. What was wrong with me? I had to shake it off! But in front of them, it's like I was 12 again. I felt small, so small.
However, they weren't little boys anymore. They had definitely changed in five years: style, hair…even their voices were a little deeper now. Georg's famous long hair was now short. Gustav wore glasses instead of lenses and had tattoos on his legs –which was surprising since he was always considered the sweetest teddy-bear-like guy of the band. As for the twins, they were the ones who had changed the most in my opinion. Tom didn't wear his huge caps and large sweaters anymore and his hair was now black instead of blond. His style was closer to Bill's. And as for Bill himself, even though I saw pictures of him before we met I definitely didn't recognize him at all. The androgynous black-haired boy who used to wear black make-up and gothic clothes was now a blond short-haired bearded young man with even more tattoos and piercings than before, no make-up at all and a more pop-electro –I guess- style of clothing. He also looked less pale and more muscular, so his romantic fragile guardian-angel aura was definitely a thing of the past.
They were men now, four grown men. We had all grown up. Unfortunately, it was useless to deny it.
"Aw, and you have a dog, too!" Sarah said and looked at the bulldog puppy that kept jumping around her. "He's so cute! What's his name?"
"That's Pumba." Bill answered, smiling, and took him in his arms so Sarah could pet him.
"He's adorable." she said when the puppy started licking her hand. "Angela, your mother has a dog too, right? Angela?"
"What? I'm sorry, yes." I answered, too dazed to talk properly. "My mother has a dog, too. She used to have a cat and now she has a dog."
"That's nice! What breed is it?" Bill asked me.
His stare paralyzed me instantly.
"It's a, it-it's a, a-"
"-a pinscher, I think." Sarah completed for me. "You know, it's smaller than a bulldog and has pointy ears?"
"I see." Bill replied and nodded. "It must be very cute, then!"
"It is!" Sarah said and smiled at me.
In her eyes, I could almost read the sentence. "What are you doing? Snap out of it!"
"So, guys," my brother declared and looked at them. "I was thinking, while we were at it, maybe we could take a last look at the set so I could show you what the boss had in mind for the footage."
"Ok." the guys all answered at the same time.
"I can't wait for it to start. I think it's gonna be awesome!" Tom said, glancing excitedly at the building.
"Tell me about it." Georg replied and smirked. "My girlfriend said: "As long as I don't see another blue monster jerking off ping-pong balls again in one of your videos, you can play around all the hot models you want.""
Of course, this was all in German so we did not understand why the twins suddenly giggled at what Georg said and just followed the group towards the empty building. As we walked behind the guys, I quickly whispered to Sarah:
"What footage are they talking about?"
"You told me it was the one for their next video "Love who loves you back", remember?Cat ate your tongue?" she asked and discreetly pointed at Bill. "They're not here to eat you, you know. They're humans like us."
"I know, but," I replied and paused, embarrassed. "I just don't know what to say to them!"
"Well, talk, ask questions, I don't know! It's supposed to be your meet and greet, not mine."
"I know, I know." I repeated and sighed.
I hated that my tall, gorgeous, funny, charismatic best friend was making efforts to make her small, chubby, shy, quiet best friend less invisible. It just felt ridiculous and made me feel all the more guilty.
We entered the building, which looked like a normal hotel, until Paul led us all downstairs and opened big doors to what appeared to be an abandoned parking-lot, cold and empty.
"That doesn't really look like a romantic place for a love song." I told myself out-loud and listened to the echoes of my voice on the walls.
When I heard the others snicker, I realized they had heard me and I regretted not to have said something cleverer than a Captain Obvious quote.
"Well, Pumba loves it already." Bill noticed as the puppy started running playfully between the concrete pillars.
"It's ice-cold in there!" Gustav said, rubbing his bare arms to reheat them.
"Yeah, but trust me," my brother replied. "When we start shooting with everyone and all the machines everywhere, it's gonna be much, much hotter."
""Much, much hotter"" Tom repeated with a twinkle in his eye. "It's gonna be really hot, that's for sure." he went on and looked at his brother who grinned at him.
"Ok girl, that's it." Sarah suddenly told me and sighed. "I said it was supposed to be your meet and greet, and I'll definitely make it so. You just can't stay mute like that forever. Hey, guys!" she called out-loud cheerfully, which made me immediately want to shush her. "I heard you were about to release your next album. Congratulations!"
The others turned at her. Oh no, Sarah. You did not. Please let's go back in time and tell me you did not.
"Thank you. Yes, we are going to release it soon." Tom replied. "Did you hear some of our new songs yet?"
"Well…" Sarah started, looking at me. "We both did, indeed. But she and I don't agree on what to think about them."
As he tried to join the conversation, Bill was by Tom's side now, both twins staring attentively at us.
"As for me, I really like them, of course." Sarah continued.
"Good for you. It means you definitely have good taste in music." Tom said and smiled at her.
"Well, since Paul said earlier that we hated you, maybe it means you're not such great artists." Sarah cheekily replied.
"You're a bad girl, Sarah." Tom said and stared at her with a wicked smile.
"I guess I am." she replied with a smile and purposely ignored his flirtatious tone.
"What about you?" Bill asked and looked at me. "Angela, right?"
I stood there, frozen. Bill's voice brought Sarah back to reality and she put her hand on my shoulder.
"I'd better let her say what she thinks herself. Just lie a little and it'll be alright." she said directly at me in a whisper. "In the meantime I'll go play with Pumba!" she said out loud and looked at the puppy that wagged his tail at her.
She then walked away from the three of us with the dog, letting an awkward silence slowly grow between us.
Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why wasn't I her? Why wasn't she me instead? Why?
"So? What do you think? Was it that bad?" Tom asked me and smiled.
"It's okay if you didn't like all of the songs, you know." Bill completed. "We're cool. We didn't expect everybody to love it right away."
"It's different, that's for sure." I replied hesitantly.
They both smiled. They were probably glad to know that I wasn't mute after all.
"You're right. It's different, just like we wanted it to be." Bill continued, now more at ease. "We've been away for so long. We thought we needed the album to reflect who we really were now. So it was going to be more electro with more mature lyrics and-"
"Excuse me, what did you say?" I cut him off and asked as politely as possible.
"What did I say about what?" Bill asked.
"About the lyrics."
"I said we had more mature lyrics. Is there something wrong with that?" he raised an eyebrow and asked.
"Well, I guess it depends on how you define the term mature. Maybe if we use it your way, then your songs are mature, indeed." I replied and mentally begged them not to ask me to continue.
"But if we use it your way?" Tom asked, looking closer at my face as I tried not to twitch.
"Well, if we use it my way, then maybe I wouldn't use it at all." I explained patiently. "I mean, talking about guns and a beautiful, dirty bitch and snakes in bed and asking the girl to turn you on, turn you on and telling her she can help herself when feeling lonely… There's a difference between being mature and sexual. Your lyrics are explicitly sexual. And I don't know why, it doesn't feel right. To me, you never sounded like a band who'd sing about these things. You used to be more, I don't know, innocent."
There. I had succeeded in staying calm and not shout at all. So maybe there was a way we could change the subject and make Sarah come back. Of course, my favorite twin, Bill, would have none of it. Just like me, he had his serious and stubborn face on, now.
"That's true. Maybe we used to be more innocent, like you said. But that was back then; we're not like that anymore. We've experienced things, we met other people. We even live in a whole other country now."
"And as for the sexual part, I think Georg and I brought way more material than you, guys." Tom joked, glancing at his brother and Gustav who pretended look away and not hear him even though everybody else did.
"Anyway," Bill continued. "We've experienced new stuff and it changed us. So maybe it's also a question of character. Maybe you're ill-at-ease with the lyrics just because you still feel innocent inside. I mean, how old are you, 14? You probably didn't have enough life experiences yet, so it-"
"I'm not 14, I'm 18." I replied sharply. "And if you're trying to mention my sex life, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm very satisfied with my sexuality, thank you very much. I don't have any problem with sex. I'm just saying that talking about sex and weapons does not make you an adult. It only makes you look more childish, on the contrary. Look at Miley Cyrus, look at Chris Brown, do they look and sound like fucking adults to you? No! They don't! They just make me want to punch them in the face because they make sex sound so disgusting! Having sex does not make you an adult! Just like being an adult is not only about having sex and get boozed! I don't know what being an adult is, but I'm sure it's not that bullshit! And the fact that you, fucking morons, have made these stupid choices just to sound mature really pisses me the off because I thought you would know better!"
I did it. I screamed. Again. As I expected, time had stopped in the parking lot and everyone had turned towards us. Even Pumba stopped right in his track and was looking at us with curiosity. As another uncomfortable silence grew between us, the twins were now staring at me like I had come from Mars and couldn't wait for me to go back there as soon as possible.
"About earlier," Bill said and cleared his throat awkwardly. "I didn't mean, I'm sorry if you ever thought we were talking about your -sex life. I was just saying that sometimes, in order to write about more shocking subjects and joke about it, it often requires to be a little mature. So we just hoped our fans would have some sense of humor. I didn't mean to mean to you."
"What is wrong with me?" I thought. "Of course he didn't mean to be mean! Of course I have a sense of humor! Why do I always have to take everything so seriously?"
"Yeah." I answered and tried to show composure again. "Well, not that I'm a super-feminist or anything- but talking about snakes in bed isn't funny. That didn't make me laugh. But I get it."
"And why do I go on like that?" I kept thinking. "This is going too far. I have to apologize. Come on, apologize! Apologize now!"
"I-I-I," I started, now too ashamed to form a sentence properly again. "Yeah, I get it."
And here was the big failure. At this moment, I just wished the ground would open under my feet and swallow me in its darkness so people would never hear about me again.
After the awkward goodbyes with the boys and we drove away, the three of us, Paul, Sarah and I, remained silent in the car for a good half an hour. When I caught Sarah's gaze in the mirror, she looked at me with a sorry face.
"Wow, that's one big Epic fail face." she said, staring at mine.
However, I was still mad at her for starting it all.
"Thank you." I grunted "Thank you so much for breaking the ice. You just couldn't help, could you?"
"What? You're blaming me for that?" she asked, shocked.
"You knew this was the only subject to avoid. Yet, you mentioned it anyway. Next time I need to start World War III with someone, I'll call you, be sure of that."
"Hey, you know what? Get lost." she retorted, obviously hurt. "You're the one who said those things, not me."
"I know. I know." I said, now on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be lashing out on you like that. I'm the only one to take the blame, once again." I said and took her hand in mine, which she squeezed affectionately.
"It's okay. I forgive you, once again."
"I can't believe I called them fucking morons too! Can you imagine that? Me, calling Bill a moron!"
"Yeah, well, at least you can tell yourself you don't need to worry about it. After all, you won't get to see them again after that."
"What? How is that supposed to comfort me?" I asked, now panicking."That's horrible! It's the only chance I ever got to meet them and that's the one and only memory they'll keep of me! God, I hate my life!"
"Oh come on, girls, will you sing a song already?" my brother groaned.
"Yeah, come on, Angela. Let's sing something happy!" Sarah said and laughed.
"I don't wanna sing! I wanna die!" I moaned, pretending to cry.
And this is how my brother made us sing Tokio Hotel songs again on the way back home. As we tried to ignore the bittersweet feeling, we kept singing as happily as possible, even though I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet, which I definitely was.