"What is love without lust?"
- Anonymous
****Warning- depictions of sexual activity are present in this chapter. Reader discretion is advised****
No answer.
The floorboards cracked underneath my weight. I debated going inside, fearing I'd be overstepping boundaries into Brahms' privacy.
You can't fight your feelings.
The urge I had to run and jump on him was overwhelming. I couldn't not be around him. It was impossible.
Yanking on a few strands of hair to distract myself from the open door leading into the walls and potentially to the tall looming man who owned them, I bit my lip.
It didn't work. I was still yearning to see him.
Don't go in there. Don't go near him. Walk away.
"No." I said aloud. "I'm doing this." I wanted to.
I took a small step into the swallowing darkness before me. "Brahms?" I called once more, feeling the confidence draining from my body.
Pure silence was the only thing that answered me.
Bad idea. Just go upstairs.
"No." I firmly stated, louder than before. There was no way I was going to ruin this.
A slight shuffle could be heard in the distance, I strained my eyes to hopefully see a shadow moving in the blackness, but I was unsuccessful.
Impatient, I began to walk in. Cautiously, I felt around the walls on either side of me as I walked through them hoping I wouldn't trip or slip on the uneven floorboards.
After what seemed like ages maneuvering my way through the dusty walls, I cam across a light. It must've been Brahms' room.
I pulled back the door and peered inside. Brahms was sitting on his bed, head in hands staring at his feet. I parted my lips as if to say something but ultimately decided against it. Watching him sitting there seeming deep in thought, I didn't want to disturb him.
As if he knew I was there the whole time, Brahms slowly raised his head to face me. His face was stone, but his eyes seeped a different emotion I couldn't quite peg.
"Brahms?" My voice came out in a tiny whisper.
Brahms didn't answer, instead he stood up and lunged toward me. I didn't flinch, within a second I was enveloped in his arms.
I took a shaky breath and tightly wrapped my arms around his neck. His body radiated warmth which in turn heated my chilled frame.
We stayed still wrapped up in each other for a while. Our breaths were steady and even, and our hearts were the only sound that could be heard.
"Kátalin?" Brahms mumbled in my hair.
"Hmm." I responded, distracted by his lingering scent in my nostrils.
"Do you think I'm a William Darcy?"
He spoke with dread in his voice.
I grinned to myself, "only if I'm not an Elizabeth Bennett."
Brahms kissed the top of my head, "never."
It really confused me. This odd relationship that I had with Brahms. What was it?
I wanted to know. I wouldn't be able to settle without knowing.
"Brahms?" I asked, suddenly terrified to speak.
"Yes?"
"What-"
"Go on." His voice vibrated against my head.
"What are we?"
Brahms stilled. His breathing stilled. And if I knew it wasn't impossible to stop your heart on your own I would have thought his heart stopped.
Fear, and embarrassment flooded my cheeks. I just messed everything up.
When Brahms didn't answer, I ripped away from him, "never mind, forgive me I'm not sure why I asked that."
Brahms didn't move, he only stared straight into my soul.
I gulped nervously, "it's getting late. I'll just show myself out. Sorry to bother you."
I couldn't swallow my disappointment, I was sure he heard it laced in my tiny voice.
Wanting to melt into the floor, I quickly rushed out of Brahms' room and back into the wall maze.
Once I was out of the walls and back in the foyer, I allowed my disappointed tears to fall down my cheeks. Stupid. I was stupid for asking him that.
I ran up the stairs two at a time wanting nothing more than to curl up into a ball in bed.
Once I made it upstairs, I began to let out quiet sobs. I was so naive and immature. He was a grown adult, I knew he didn't want my childish self.
But he kissed you. He's taken care of you. He has to like you.
My head was swarming, and all I could do was replay my apparent rejection over and over again in my head.
I began to come up with reasons why Brahms may have not answered me.
Was I not attractive enough? I peered in the mirror at myself. I never considered myself ugly but I never thought I was pretty either. I was just average. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and a small sprinkling of freckles over my nose.
Was my figure not appealing? I gingerly lifted up my jumper to reveal my stomach in the mirror. I hated looking at myself, because what I saw wasn't what I wanted to. I wasn't chubby, but I could lose more weight if I wanted to. I huffed and flopped on the bed behind me.
I should leave. I've overstayed my welcome, and now I'm hitting on the owner of this house.
I groaned and yanked on my hair. The best thing I could do would be to leave tomorrow morning. My ankle was healed, I needed to be gone.
Deciding to get a shower and pack, I sat up and began to strip out of my clothing. I searched in the cupboard for the outfit I had worn when I came. Clean, now since it had been washed, I laid it out to be worn tomorrow. I folded the rest of the clothes and put them back into the drawers.
I opened the bathroom door and turned on the faucet. A quick shower would have to suffice until I could stop someplace on the road within the next few days and take another shower.
Just before I could step inside the shower, I heard the bathroom door open. Standing there, heavily breathing was Brahms. My first instinct was to lunge into the shower to cover my naked body. But I didn't. I stood there and stared back at him, frozen.
Brahms slowly drifted his eyes down my body which snapped me out of it and I quickly covered myself. Feeling embarrassed and self conscious, I screamed, "Brahms! I'm naked!"
Brahms didn't move. His breathing deepened.
I went to move past him to run and hide, but he caught me by the arm. Disgusted, I opened my mouth to protest but was met with his warm lips on mine.
I instantly relaxed, and hungrily grabbed his face with my hands. I needed this, he gave me no other option. His hand found my throat and firmly wrapped his long fingers around it as if he was gripping a railing.
Brahms backed me against a wall and wrapped his fingers tightly around my hair. His lips grinning slightly against mine. I wanted more of him.
Brahms grabbed my legs and hoisted me up to his eye level. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. Brahms shifted his lips down my neck and began to kiss my bare collarbone. Heat began to expand between my legs, causing my breaths to become short and quick.
His lips matched mine as his thumb traced a circle on my cheekbone. I hoisted myself against him in hopes of relieving the built up pressure inside of me.
Bliss filled my senses. His warmth, his smell, everything was heightened to me. And I wanted it.
But it all stopped.
My breathing hitched as he pulled away to stare into my eyes. Frustrated that he had stopped, I groaned.
He tilted his head to the side and slid me off of him. Remembering that I was naked and realizing that I was very much aroused, my cheeks reddened.
I quickly backed away and wrapped the towel I had set out around me.
Brahms lifted his head high and ran his tongue across his top lip. I eyed him carefully, trying hard to keep myself from pouncing on him. I was starving.
Brahms' curls stuck to his damp forehead. His eyes pierced into mine. He knew what he had just done and without a word, quickly walked out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him.
My mouth hung open. Did he just tease me.
I rubbed my head and sat on the loo. He had just seen me naked!
All of the sudden, reality began to poor back into my mind and I realized I had just gotten hot and heavy with Brahms. UNCLOTHED.
It confused me. What were we? He was clearly okay to make out with me. So what was this between us?
The water running broke me out of my thoughts and I quickly stepped inside to clean myself up.
"I'm gonna stay. For now." I spoke aloud to myself.
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Soooo this chapter is waaaay different than all of my other chapters regarding Brahms and (any woman).
If it makes you uncomfortable please tell me, I know you aren't used to seeing this kind of stuff in my books. As I previously have stated, there isn't going to be much smut in this, so count on very few chapters containing graphic sexual intimacy.
I've gotten a few questions about Brahms' character change so I'm here to clarify that yes, the sequel is based off of my first book, but I stated in the author's note that Brahms would have a different relationship with this protagonist. Remember, Greta and Kátalin are different, so Brahms is as well.
Thank you again for commenting, favoriting, and reading!!! I have a surprise coming up for you in the next chapter!!
-Ri