"What do you mean what am I doing today?" Carson asked. "It's Saturday, Jason's having a party."
Shit. I forgot about that.
"Well, yeah," I said awkwardly. "Do you really want to go, though?"
He paused for a moment and let out a deep breath, "I've got to rejoin the world eventually. I think it might actually help."
He pulled off the sheets and kicked his feet over the side of the bed, decidedly not going back to sleep. I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and leaning back against the headboard.
"So, then, what are you doing today? Before the party."
"Jason wants the guys to have a, as he put it, "bro brunch" with him. I'm not really sure what it entails, but knowing Jason, I'm guessing we'll be out all day."
"Oh, okay," I said quietly.
I zoned out, staring at him as he pulled down his flannel pajama pants, and only part of me recognized that he was now standing in front of me in just his underwear.
"Do you really wanna go... to the party?" I blurted out, asking once again.
"Um, yeah, I guess. Why not?"
I shrugged, "It's nothing, never mind. I just, didn't know if I wanted to go tonight."
He sat down on the edge of the bed, "Is there something going on? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine," I replied, smiling. "Forget it, it's silly."
"Okay," He responded, stretching as he got up from the bed once again. "I'm gonna go get ready."
I didn't leave his bed as he got into the shower. Even after he had gotten out, I stayed where I was, watching him in the mirror as he shaved. The whole time I wondered how I was supposed to tell him I didn't want to go to the party because I wanted to be alone with him.
I sighed and rested my head back down on the pillow. Maybe if I just closed my eyes all of this stress would go away. I can't even remember the last time I thought about a guy this much.
* * *
This party was lame, and I was more than over it.
I plopped onto the couch and dumped the drink in my hand into the fake plant pot beside me. God, I wished this night would just hurry up and end. The entire house smelt of alcohol and a cheap perfume, but I had no inclination to try and push through the swarm of people to get outside for fresh air.
I scanned over the room lazily, looking for some of my friends. I spotted Luna and Jason in the kitchen, having a heated argument about what seemed to be the last beer bottle. I knew Dylan had gone upstairs about a half hour ago with some random girl, and Zach was over in the next room playing beer pong.
A few minutes passed before Carson came and collapsed down beside me on the couch. His cheeks were flushed a rosy color, and there was a faint smile spread across his lips. That made me feel a little better.
He tried to say something, but was cut off by Luna and Jason, still arguing as they joined us on the couch.
"You could have a least given me a sip, you little bitch!" Luna exclaimed, which Jason merely replied to by shoving his middle finger in her face.
I huffed and closed my eyes for a few moments, trying my best to ignore the commotion. However, Dylan and Zach soon made their way over to us as well, and Dylan started on about the girl he was just with. I tuned him out and focused on the people dancing along to the blaring music.
Sometime after Dylan's story, a girl had pranced in front of us. She was short and blonde, and definitely not from our year.
"Hey, Carson," She said in a stupid sweet voice, while batting her stupid eyelashes and twirling her stupid blonde hair around her stupid finger.
"Hey," He responded, that stupid ugly smirk appearing back on his stupid face.
"I'm so glad you're here tonight, I was hoping to run into you."
"Yeah? Why's that?" He asked, a small laugh.
Obviously the menacing glare I was shooting her was not enough to scare her away. She continued to pester us all with her presence.
"I heard you have a thing for blondes," She giggled.
"Oh?" He chuckled. "Where'd you hear that?"
I rolled my eyes. Listening to this conversation was less preferable than using pliers to pull off each of my finger nails. It didn't help that Carson still looked so happy, if not more happy, as he stared up at her and she looked down to him all lovingly.
It was enough to make someone sick.
Before they could say anything more to one another, I quickly stood up from the couch and pushed through the crowd of people blocking my way to the exit.
I stomped down the front steps and trudged down the street.
I wasn't exactly sure where I was going. Jason's house is on the opposite side of town from mine, and Carson drove me here– he had the keys. It was the middle of the night and I knew I really shouldn't be alone but I was so over that party.
"Madeline Spencer, where the hell are you going?"
I turned around. Carson was standing near the house, that smirk still on his face. Sometimes I wish I could just slap it off.
"Oh, just for a midnight stroll," I responded.
He laughed, "Maddie, c'mon. Come back in."
"Come back in to watch you flirt with that little bitch? I'll pass."
"Flirt?" He asked, the smirk dropping from his face.
I rolled my eyes, "Just go back in. I don't want to keep you from your job as the biggest man-whore in North Carolina."
"What the hell Madeline?" He said, storming over to me. I stood my ground, watching his face grow redder in the dim light. "You have no right to be jealous, especially over something that isn't happening!"
Please. As if I was jealous.
"Whatever."
"What's your problem? You've been off all night."
"I didn't want to come tonight! But you did, and for what? A new piece of arm candy?"
"My God, are you serious, Madeline? That is so unfair."
I crossed my arms over my chest, "Whatever."
"You're acting like a child. It's a party. Why can't you deal?"
"I told you I didn't want to be here! I wanted to stay home! Alone. With you," I screamed in his face.
He narrowed his eyes, but then turned his head away, letting out a laugh .
"I told you I didn't want to party tonight," I continued. "But you shut that down without even asking why."
"Was I just supposed to guess?" He asked, incredulously. "Seriously, Maddie, if you wanted something, you should have said something."
"I didn't know how to say it!" I exclaimed.
He shook his head, "You know, that's not even the point. The point is you can't have it both ways. You can't choose to not say anything but then also get jealous when some random girl makes a move and upset if I don't want to be alone with you. You can't both have it both ways."
I stomped my foot, "I don't want it both ways!"
"I'm tired of this! I'm tired of pretending that it doesn't hurt when you sleep in my bed and want to be kissed goodnight, but you can't figure out if you have feelings for me!"
"Maybe if you would just shut the hell up and listen to me you stupid son of bitch, you'd see that I don't want it both ways!" I yelled.
"Then what the hell do you fucking want?" He shouted back.
"I fucking want you!"
I stared at him. He stared at me.
"Then why are you screaming at me?"
"I don't know!" I screamed, and then more quietly, "I don't know."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Are you serious? If you're not, if this is all some joke to you, you need to say something, now."
I nodded, "I'm serious. I mean it, Carson. I like you."
He shook his head, and turned away.
"Fucking hell, Maddie. Why didn't you say anything?" He sounded exasperated.
"Because of everything that happened. I didn't want to make anything harder for you."
He turned back to face me, a half smile on his face, "Oh, and somehow you didn't think calling me a stupid son of a bitch would be hard on me?"
"Well, you are being a stupid son of a bitch."
It was now that I noticed how stupid we probably looked to everyone else. I'm sure we had woken up half the neighborhood, screaming at each other in the middle of the street.
"I don't actually have a thing for blondes, by the way," Carson said, speaking up again. "Brunettes are hotter."
I shook my head, pretending to look annoyed, but really I was trying not to laugh. "Seriously? That's your choice of words right now."
He smiled cheekily and shrugged, "Well, you seemed to have the wrong impression that I was flirting with that girl. Thought I would set the record straight."
I rolled my eyes, "You're an actual ass."
"And you're a preening bitch, so the score is settled."
"So. What now?"