AN: I get an insane amount of joy from writing extremely unrealistic stories and scenarios. That's it, that's the intro.
I refer to Badboyhalo as Bad, by the way :)
Have fun this chapter is a really long one-
-Romeo and Juliet-
Dream's POV:
Shakespeare's ideas are perennial, I've come to realize.
His quotes, his plays, his characters, and the melancholic fates and fables they spun. Perhaps it was the tragic love stories, the shattered, tainted romances that were never meant to and would never work. The loves that were doomed to fail from the moment of conception, always battling and eventually corporeally dying by the adverse hand of some higher power.
Romeo and Juliet were never meant to be. And if the universe had its way, it would be no different for George and I.
But the difference between Romeo and Juliet's story and mine and George's was the adversity.
For Romeo and Juliet, the adversity was in the cruel world around then, their families perpetually warring and clashing with no resolve, their romance illicit, forbidden and eventually stifled by the darkness that approached. Death, or at least, corporeal death. Strange how death was the merciful blade that brought to an end one of the most tragic love stories. Hidden trysts, fleeting glances and secret words exchanged knowing it would never come to anything. Only after death did the Montagues and Capulets cease and find reconciliation.
For me, the adversity and the soul and face I found myself so utterly in love with were one and the same.
Romeo and Juliet had the entire world against them. I had one person.
How did having the entire world against George and I sound like an easier battle than the one I was silently waging against my own love? I'd rather fight the entire world than fight the singular war I'd been forced into. I'd rather die together than suffer alone. Since when did the entire world and all its adversity sound like a such a vanquishable force?
I knew the answer. Of course I did.
Since when did the entire world and all its adversity sound like a such a vanquishable force?
Since I fell so hopelessly in love with George.
I turned to wistfully gaze at him, appreciating the face I'd found myself unable to bear looking away from. His appeal was not only his personality and mind, of course. Though his other attributes were very, very attractive, his physical attributes and features could not be scoffed at.
"I don't want to deal with that." George stage-whispered. My love mocked me relentlessly in every accent-coated syllable George's sweet voice spoke. He smoothly gestured to Sapnap and Bad, who were a mere few paces away. I grinned and chuckled darkly.
"Personally, I can't wait."
"What are you idiots discussing? Y'all taking about me?" Sapnap stood in front of us, arms crossed, a sullen expression crossing his features.
"Only nice things." George laughed nervously and glanced at me briefly, an action that brought a touch of warmth to the cold, hard knot of iron that was my heart.
"Compliments won't help, Georgenotfound. Finally, your name makes sense. Or it did, for the past three weeks." It was impossible to ignore the venom laced in each word Sapnap spoke, the pure icy, acid anger that infused each syllable. I stifled the urge to laugh, though, at the cold fury etched in his face, the hard set of his mouth.
"Well we're, uh, trying to soften the blow, right?" George shifted his weight from left to right subtly, his eyes struggling to stay focused upon one point. It was blatantly clear that he was nervous. Sapnap glared at him, his arms folded. Wincing, George cast his eyes down, and then to the side. I knew George didn't like to anger his friends, and he hated being the subject of anger as well. He liked to be liked. Liked to be the quiet voice people always ignored until they realized it was also the voice of reason, and the voice they should hear. But he liked to be dismissed easily, to blend in quietly.
George spoke quietly. "Sorry, just trying to ease tension. It hasn't helped, has it." He sighed, uncomfortably shifting from one foot to the other again. I chuckled internally.
Regardless of his guarded demanor and how unassuming he tried to be, one shift of his weight and a flick of his gaze gave his true feeling away.
From my observations of humans, body language and most recently, George, I could safely say that these were clear tells of nervousness, and sometimes lies and deception. Analysis brought forth results. I had also analysed other things about humans. How even the most guarded people had a tell, something that was brief and ephemeral but so present that if practiced, the art of observation could make the tell so starkly clear and distinct. Everyone's expressions and body language betrayed something about the internal workings, after all. Human nature was human nature.
Unavoidable. And cruel.
"No shit, Sherlock." Sapnap rolled his eyes.
"AY! LANGUAGE!" I heard a familiar voice shout. Badboyhalo sure was an inaccurate name, for how much he cared about propriety and morality. Well, at least the bad boy part. The halo part was correct, though. The purity of Bad's kindness and altruism were unusual among most people.
"LANGUAGE!"His piercing yell sliced through the reverie-like haze in my head.
"SHUT UP!" Both George and I winced at the volume of Sapnap's voice.
"Don't be mean to Bad, Sapnap." I warned him, tentatively putting my hand on his shoulder. Sapnap disregarded my warning and shrugged off my hand, glowering at Bad. I shot him a criticising glance but sighed, knowing it was a futile effort at best.
"You don't get to boss me around until after you've explained where the hell you've been!" He snapped. I was unfazed by his anger, because, to be frank, I was desensitized to yelling. And it was all thanks to my childhood.
"Idiot." I rolled my eyes.
"Your mom." Sapnap had never left his middle school humour behind, clearly. However, I'd argue his middle schooler personality was funnier than his current one, due to the sole reason of his squeakier, pubescent voice and how it was in such a juxtaposition with his darker, much-more-mature-than-appropriate-for-his-age humour.
"You are a living handbook for what not to do in arguments." George muttered, earning an icy glare from Sapnap. Smiling coyly, George played with a strand of his dark brown hair and quietly laughed to himself, politely amused at Sapnap's irate expression. He was so quiet and so remarkably calm compared to the chaotic trio that Bad, Sapnap and I made. Maybe it was the weeks of crushing depression that had leeched him dry of emotion and energy. Maybe he was only so quiet and demure on the surface, whilst a roiling mess ate away beneath. But all my thoughts and concerns, they were nothing but maybes.
"Whatever, dickheads. Sit your asses down and then we'll continue yelling at you!" An eye roll followed Sapnap's command, along with a casual flick of his wrist that gestured to the beach mat laid out upon the sand.
"Language, you muffin!" Bad screeched. I sympathized with his vocal chords for a brief moment before I flicked my eyes to Sapnap.
"Muffin's language too, according to Among Us. So shut up." Sapnap's voice was smug.
"Don't be a meanie. Among Us is just being a muffinhead." Bad pouted, sitting down on the beach mat. Sticking out his tongue, Sapnap plopped down right beside Bad, nudging his shoulder with just a little too much force, as he always did.
I sat down with George, who crossed his legs and hugged his knees close to his chest in a self-protective way. He always seemed to fold and curl into himself, and to furl his wings to keep from getting hurt. George briefly looked to me, his lips curved slightly upwards in a cute little smile. I sighed and smiled back, reluctantly turning my gaze back to Sapnap and Bad.
"Anyways, aren't you supposed to be yelling at us?" I raised my eyebrow, a teasing smile playing on my face.
"Sapnap, did you say we would yell at them?" Bad's voice rose at the end.
"We're going to."
"Let's be mature, Sapnap." George's smile was slightly patronizing and condescending, and I'd hate it if it weren't him, if it weren't George. I stole another look at him and grinned.
Sapnap's spoke savagely. "What are you, the paragon of maturity?" I had to admit, I did not expect the word paragon scoffed so confidently by someone like Sapnap. I didn't even know he knew words like that.
"Paragon? Nice. And to answer your question, everyone is the paragon of maturity, compared to you." I snorted.
"I hate that you sound smart." Sapnap sighed, exasperated.
"For once, you're correct." I smirked triumphantly, a boastful pride potent in my smile.
"Now, continue yelling?" As I so loved to do, I shoved Sapnap playfully, which caused him to fall over. Chuckling, I turned my head to glance at George's painfully beautiful side profile.
"Weak." George scoffed.
"You're one to talk." Sapnap rolled his eyes.
"You muffins fight like old married people, and yet you have all the maturity of toddlers." Bad took a sip from his water and sighed.
"ANYWAYS, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?" There was the Sapnap I knew best, always throwing insults and yelling when he had nothing left to say. I sighed and glanced at George again. Stealing glances seemed to be a comfort of mine, which made me no less of a creep.
"We haven't been anywhere." I said simply, casually wrapping an arm around George's shoulders. So subtle, yet so undeniably effective.
It was like a stage prop, an accessory that was overlooked often, but more often seen as frivolous and trivial, something so small it could not possible have the impact it did. But yet small props did so much to enhance plays and shows, and they warped and manipulated more than the audience liked to admit. This arm motion was simply a prop to help better set the stage.
"Explain, then, how you've been so MIA!" Sapnap folded his arms and glowered at us, his gaze appraising and sharp. It was not unlike the gaze of my eighth grade teacher, who found a joy and satisfaction in keeping me in detention for much longer than merited. To be fair, I did accidentally kill the classroom goldfish within the first week of school, but it wasn't intentional.
"Well, we-" George started, his smile forced and wan. Inevitably, Sapnap cut him off with a loud, brash quip.
"Maybe explain why y'all are being so gay as well! Unless we're all supposed to hold hands and put them all over each other?" He threw up a hand aggressively to emphasize his point. I winced at the last part.
"Sapnap!" Bad exclaimed indignantly, his voice cracking.
"What is it, Voicecrackboyhalo?" Poor Bad looked positively scandalized after hearing Sapnap's teasing retort. I stifled a laugh with my hand, clenching my jaw.
"Don't be a muffinhead." Bad said quietly.
"It's my specialty."
A dismissive flick of Bad's wrist preluded to his exasperation. "I give up. Honestly, just yell at Dream and George all you want, they're muffiny too."
"Thanks!" Sapnap cracked a grin at Bad and turned to face us.
"DREAM! GEORGE! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"Sapnap-"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER YOUR CALLS, YOUR PINGS, YOUR MESSAGES OR ANYTHING?" He yelled, his voice breaking on the anything.
"I had notifications-"
"NO EXCUSES! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED WE WERE? ANY IDEA WHAT WE THOUGHT HAPPENED?"
"Lemme guess, you thought the mafia got us or we got fucking kidnapped." George gave Sapnap a dirty look, his tone dry, sarcastic and slightly mocking. He was, for such a polite person, incredibly good at being condescending.
"COULD'VE HAPPENED!"
"Mhm, sure." I rolled my eyes.
"WELL, CARE TO EXPLAIN?" He yelled, his voice and every word it spoke simultaneously ice-cold, frigid and irate. George and I exchanged glances, as if we were both trying to read each others' minds and find the same thing to say, the right thing to say.
"Let me expl-"
"LATER! LET ME FINISH YELLING FIRST! I PREPARED A LIST OF THINGS TO YELL AT YOU FOR, AND I'M NOT LETTING ALL THAT EFFORT GO TO WASTE!"
"Okay-" George dragged out the word slowly.
"I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY! MAYBE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY! MAYBE FAMILY MATTERS! BUT IF SO, WHY DID YOU GUYS NOT TELL US THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE ANSWERING MESSAGES? WHY? YOU ALWAYS SAY WHEN THERE'S BEEN A PROBLEM! I DON'T CARE AT ALL IF YOU TELL US WHAT THE ISSUE IS, JUST THAT YOU WON'T BE ONLINE!"
"Well, we-"
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT INTERRUPTIONS?" His yell was venomous. I raised a hand in surrender, gently amused as I briefly met Sapnap's narrowed green eyes.
Looked closer at Sapnap's eyes, I lost myself in my thoughts, analytics and observations. I observed that his eyes were green, but they were a very, very dark green, close to dark brown or even black in low lighting. Mine were green, but not far off from a greenish blue rimmed with brown and hazel. Bad's were the closest to a real green, but with hazel highlights like mine. George didn't have green eyes, but his brown ones were so beautiful that it was the only pair of eyes, the only gaze I ever cared about. Glancing away from Sapnap, I indulged myself with a look at George before I looked back down. Staring is weird, I chided myself.
"SO TELL ME! WHY DID YOU THINK IT WAS FINE TO IGNORE US, FOR NO REASON, WITHOUT TELLING US YOU WOULDN'T BE ACTIVE?"
"Listen-"
"NOT YET! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US SOMETHING! ANYTHING! THE FANDOM IS IN SHAMBLES, I SWEAR TO GOD SOME PEOPLE THINK YOU DIED OR SOMETHING, AND EVERY DONO IS ASKING WHERE YOU ARE! WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO SAY I DON'T KNOW AND THEY NEVER TOLD US!" I winced at the screams. Really, I didn't think our offline weeks would result in our friends' streams getting ruined. But it was on us. What, did I think nobody would care or notice our disappearance?
"Sorry about the stream part." I said quietly. Sapnap merely rolled his eyes and sighed.
"My voice hurts. Explain yourselves." He gestured towards us, clearing his throat.
"We're dating." George blurted out abruptly. I facepalmed, seething as I inhaled the salty ocean air and exhaled angrily.
We definitely had Bad and Sapnap's attention now.
"You idiot, what did we say about a natural transition!" I hissed under my breath, my eyes slightly narrowed.
"Fastest way to get from point A to point B is a straight line." He whispered devilishly, a shameless grin upon his face. I groaned internally and begrudgingly pulled myself closer to George. Why was he so fucking bad at lying?
"Fine." I sighed. Not that I had much of a choice anyway.
"WHAT?" Sapnap yelled, his jaw gaping open and his eyes wide with shock. I guess his voice had already recovered.
"YOU- YOU'RE WHAT?" He frantically glanced between George and I.
"Dating?" Bad raised an eyebrow swiftly. I glowered at George, who merely shrugged. I considered flipping him off behind our backs, but decided against it. Later, I told myself. Later. My middle finger could wait a bit.
"Yeah, um-" George paused, glancing at me with a deer-in-headlights look in his eyes.
"George and I were planning to tell you in a more subtle way, but George didn't give us much of a choice." I said pointedly, turning to glare at him.
"SO...Y'ALL DATING NOW? THE SHIPPERS- THEY-THEY WERE...RIGHT?" He shrieked, his hands grappling in his hair.
"The shippers can rest easy." George laughed. I tightened my hold on him, feeling warmth run down my arms at the touch.
He nestled his head against my arm, a little action that sent butterflies whirling in my stomach. Another prop that was so much more than it seemed, best proved by this crazed show of sorts. Even if it was all a show, it would be a lie to say I wasn't enjoying every second of George's affection. Facades couldn't get more enjoyable than this.
"For real?" Bad asked, his voice peaking near the end.
"Yes-"
"Well, I can't say I didn't expect it." He continued, smirking.
"Congrats, you muffinheads." Bad grinned.
"Yeah, yeah, congrats." Sapnap yawned, waving a hand lazily. He was never one for pleasantries like giving congratulations and such. Being polite bored him, as he was a ridiculously curious person, and he was always keen and eager to know more rather than be all formal and nice.
"Thanks." George's voice was quiet, as it usually was in passing conversations. I nodded in agreeance, allowing a small smile to form on my face. A part of me felt detached, though. Like my conscience was reminding me they were congratulating a lie.
"Honestly, with how gay you two act, I'll say this was a long time coming." Sapnap teased.
"You two were always so close, is what he means." Bad glared at Sapnap.
"No, I meant the gay part."
"Muffinhead."
Suddenly, I was so relieved that we had covered our bases, and made sure we were both comfortable with gay jokes, and comfortable enough with our sexualities that we didn't mind this whole thing. Though, the amount of fanfictions and videos we'd seen about us being gay had desensitized us to the point where gay jokes were nothing but water under the bridge.
"But, I mean it when I ask-" Sapnap paused.
"Yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.
"SERIOUSLY, DUDE, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU AND WHY THE HELL WERE YOU NOT RESPONDING TO US?" And alas, he was back to his normal volume level.
"We didn't want to announce our relationship yet, and we didn't want to let something slip. We just...weren't ready." I lied, sticking to the story we'd hastily rushed.
"That's fucking stupid." Sapnap snorted.
"Language." Bad sighed, having deemed this battle not one worth waging, nor worth wasting any more energy with. You'd think that after so many years of trying to moralize Sapnap, George and I, Bad would've learned that his hopes would never come to fruition, and all his hard work and toil were fruitless labours. No fruits would grow if the tree he was pruning and watering and nurturing was dead as could be.
"Fine!" An eye roll and another jutting of his tongue marked Sapnap's irritated sentiment.
"Dream, that's dumb." He turned to me and spoke plainly, as if he were addressing a child. A child that didn't understand him or care the first time, so Sapnap simply repeated the same thing, but slower. As if that would change anything.
"I know. But we just wanted to have some time for just us, you know? We wanted to spend some time as a couple, without people knowing." I explained feebly.
"There had to have been a better way to do that." Sapnap rolled his eyes.
"I agree. It was all Dream's idea." George grinned, throwing a glance backwards to me. He settled closer to me, his head resting against my neck. I felt another rush of warmth, and more butterflies whirling about in my stomach.
"Idiot." I breathed.
"Correct. I'm your idiot." George teased me, lightly tapping the tip of my nose with his finger. He traced my jaw with that same finger, leaving a trail of warmth on my skin. For someone who was acting, it sure looked convincingly real.
To be fair, he did have a girlfriend before, and I knew from my painful and grimly evocative memories that he was definitely no stranger to being close with his partner.
I winced at the recollections that played in my head, unable to peel my eyes away from the carousel swimming in my mind.
The ghastly circus was lurid and bright, and I was trapped in the audience.
I remembered George and Lia at New Year's, George and Lia at Christmas, George and Lia on Valentine's Day, George and Lia on their birthdays, and on every other day as well. It hurt me to see and recollect those moments, but I felt a grim satisfaction in the fact that I'd succeeded in stifling the flame. I had stomped out the embers by forcing a very visual rejection and pushing a blatant, pellucid confirmation that the she-devil and George did not belong with each other.
Of course, it was just accelerating the inevitable. They would have split without my interference, my much-needed interception.
Or would they? I returned to my dilemma, and the jumble of my contradicting thoughts.
I had what I wanted. I had reaped the rewards of my work, milked the benefits of my toil. But why was I still hesitant, still not quite satisfied? Was it because I knew that I had forced myself between a relationship only I saw and found flaw in? Was it because I knew I had forcibly wrenched and taken what was not mine, and what was never meant to be mine? Was it because I knew deep down what I did was wrong? Was it because I'd made a massive mistake? I answered my own question.
Yes. It was wrong to do what I did. But still, the tactless, cold half of me leered at the altruistic twin. Was what I did wrong? Yes. Was what I did selfish? Yes. However, was it what I needed to do to get what I deserved and what I needed? Yes. Oh, yes.
My analytical side decided to count that as a triumph.
But my inner demons merely raised their weapons and prepared to charge into another everlasting war, one side of me against the other.
"You got that right." I returned to reality and spoke into George's ear, smiling. I could physically see Bad and Sapnap melt in front of me.
"Aw, you guys are so cute together." Bad sighed. I grinned and rested my chin atop George's head.
"The shippers had something right, for sure. Ahem." Sapnap cleared his throat and looked to the side. I gave him an eye roll for that offhanded comment, though I definitely hoped that what he was saying was true. Oh, if only my wishes flew with clipped wings instead of wings that would inevitably soar too close to the sun and, like Icarus, crash and burn and fall to Earth. I almost scoffed at my own mental inclination towards melodrama.
"Are we forgiven?" I asked Bad and Sapnap, my tone hopeful.
"No."
"No." Bad echoed.
"Alright, I guess we deserved that." Sighing, I turned to George and smiled softly.
"You'll never be forgiven, but we aren't angry anymore, if that's what you meant." Bad explained. I nodded.
"Thanks." George added, relieved.
"Have you fucked?" Sapnap asked suddenly, his face flushed and his eyes wild with what looked like, to my dismay, eagerness. George's eyes widened, his mouth gaping open in surprise.
"SAPNAP!" Bad shrieked indignantly, his voice an octave too high.
"What? I was just wondering if they fu-"
"DON'T SAY THAT! LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE!" Bad screamed, his shrill screams piercing my ears. I winced and lifted my hand, pressing it against George's ear.
"Oh come on, they've definitely fuc-" Sapnap quirked an eyebrow up suggestively.
"NO! LANGUAGE!"
"Have you?" Sapnap asked George and I, his voice low. His expression was both suggestive, teasing and eager.
"No." I stated slowly.
"Aw. Dang it, I was hoping for-"
"Sapnap! What the hell were you hoping for?" I gasped.
"Some actio-"
"Dude, what the fuck!" George exclaimed indignantly, his expression mortified. I stifled a laugh and ruffled his hair playfully.
"LANGUAGE, YOU MUFFINHEAD!"
"Bad's having a mental breakdown." I muttered.
"Got that right." Sapnap spoke through his sly grin, his eyes flicking to Bad's distressed expression before his gaze drifted back to George and I.
"But no, George and I have not fucked, and we don't plan to. But if we do, we wouldn't tell you anyway." I informed Sapnap. George eyed me with silent gratitude, and he subtly rolled his eyes when Sapnap's eyes took on a sly, foxy light.
"Language." Bad said, exhausted.
"What, it's too tiring to be moral?" George asked, laughing. Bad sighed and shook his head, exasperated.
"It's too tiring dealing with you muffinheads!"
"That means we're doing something right. I think we're doing exactly what we should." I joked.
"I think you're mean." Bad rolled his eyes.
"And I think it's time to go in the water." Sapnap stretched out and yawned, glancing behind himself to watch the waves.
"Yeah, it's so hot and muffiny." Bad agreed, shielding his eyes from the sun with a hand.
"Dream, you coming?" Sapnap asked, very wistful and much too hopeful for his own good. He knew the answer, though. The same answer, every time. I would not go into the water. Ever. Again.
And that was a promise. A promise I intended to take to my grave.
"No." I spoke slowly and plainly, but I felt my muscles tense, my limbs stiffening. My vision seemed to spin when I slowly moved my gaze to briefly pause upon the waves, and I felt something tight in my chest. A cold, numbing knot was forming in my torso.
"I'll stay here." My voice was hard and low, and Sapnap caught wind of the expression on my face and nodded in acceptance.
"George?" He asked.
"Sorry, Sapnap. I'll be with Dream." George said softly, setting his hand upon my arm. I smiled at him thankfully. Sighing, Sapnap got up with Bad.
"Have fun." I said halfheartedly.
"We'll try. Tell us if you're going anywhere else, alright?" Sapnap cocked his head to the side, glancing at me very intently. I nodded.
"No problem."
"Thanks. See y'all later!" With a wave and a final goodbye smile, Sapnap took off to chase and catch up to Bad, who was already making his way to the ocean. I sighed and looked down. Beach trips were always like this. Sapnap, Bad and usually George being idiots in the water, and me spectating from the beach, from afar. I was so used to saying no, and my friends were so used to going on without me, even when a trip to the beach usually entailed water.
Things were a bit different for me, I suppose.
"Can we go to the bridge?" George asked quietly. I shook my head rapidly, clenching a hand into a fist and digging my nails into my palm.
The bridge the bridge the bridge the bridge the bridge not the bridge never the bridge never never never again
My breaths came faster and harder, every gasping breath hasty, erratic and laboured, inhaling and exhaling in pained lurches rather than smooth motions. My throat seemed to close, seemed to strangle itself and choke its own breaths and gasps. I saw my vision darken and blur near the edges, my field of vision tinting blue, the landscape I saw before me twisting and warping, flipping and shifting before my eyes. Exhaling shakily, I closed my eyes and tried to regain my grip. Tried to steady the thumps of my heart, the shaky drags of my breath.
But I felt as though I were falling.
Body clenching and stiffening itself, a coldness and numbness spreading and stifling like ink on parchment. The cold knot had grown into a void, consuming and swallowing everything inside me until everything was jumbled and icy. Panic pounded and hammered in my chest, the rhythm of my heart blaring in my ears. Warped screams, wails, devilish whispers and hisses drowned everything else out, a few words playing on repeat like a jumbled, broken record. I could only hear those garbled sounds and the hammering of my heart echoing. My vision was like a badly filmed 2010's vlog. Shaky, blurry, with bad zoom-ins and cinematic work that made me feel so sick.
Not the bridge not the bridge never never not the bridge NOT THE BRIDGE THE BRIDGE NOT THE BRIDGE-
I cut my own spinning, spiraling mind's screams off, a grueling, herculean effort that was more a clashing two-sided battle than a mere hard challenge for one.
"No." I seethed through clenched teeth, my hand twitching towards my throat. George reached towards me, his hand landing upon my shoulder and grasping it tightly.
His eyes widened in fear, "Dream! Are you-" George's voice was panicked, frenzied.
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" I spoke through my locked teeth again, my jaw tight and tense. Lies like that one were society's favourite. Everybody said them daily, and yet nobody seemed to care that it was always untrue.
"Dream?" George's voice again.
"What is it?" I inhaled with difficulty.
THE BRIDGE THE BRIDGE THE
"I'm sorry, I didn't know talking about the bridge would trigger you that way. Forget I said it, okay? I'm so sorry." He spoke softly, setting a hand on mine, gently intertwining our fingers. I looked up at George, meeting his gaze. His dark eyes were sympathetic. Or maybe it wasn't pity, but empathy.
Suddenly, I felt something warm leeching the iciness from my hand, slowly melting away all the fear, all the panic, all the disquietude. My breaths gradually steadied and quieted, and my heartbeat evened out as well. Warmth bloomed in my chest, and I felt my throat relax. My muscles loosened, and my body ridded itself of tension and panic. I glanced down at my hand, which was clasped in George's.
The mental hell around me was blurring and melting away, and the only thing that remained in clear focus was George. His face, his eyes, his expression, and the pale hand he intertwined with my shaking one. All of those features in perfect clarity. I focused on George, keeping my concentration honed on him, trying to ignore the things I heard, saw and felt. My mental cage was unravelling by the second, by each second I was with George, with his hand on mine.
And then everything dissipated.
My vision cleared, the sound of the waves returned and everything was exactly how it should've been. Things were warm. Bright. Clear. Normal.
I was silent, and in awe. George...he had stopped it. He had stopped the panic. He stopped the anxiety, the fear, the demons in my head and the monsters who tormented me, stopped the nightmarish, haunting figments of my past. I realized that I needed him much more now. With him, everything was so much better. The eye of my storm.
Oh god. I really need him. I had calmed down, and escaped the darkness in my head. All because of George. I smiled softly, gratitude potent in my face.
"George-" My voice was calmer now, my jaw loosened and my teeth no longer gritted and locked.
"Do you want to talk about it?" George's voice was quiet. I tore my eyes away from his face and looked towards the waves, the innocent blue waters. They weren't so innocent that day.
"No." I shook my head gently.
"That's okay. I'm sorry. Really." He squeezed my hand, sending more warmth running up my arm, chasing the final remnants of ice away. I was so unbelievably relieved, and thankful.
"You couldn't have known."
George's voice was a whisper. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, George." I shook my head.
"But I upset you, and even if I didn't know, I-"
I interrupted his concerned, panicked rambling. "Stop it, please, I can't bear the thought of you thinking my issues are your fault. George, you had nothing to do with any of this."
"Still, I hurt you." His voice caught with horror.
"No, you didn't." I stated.
"We don't have to go to the- there, I mean, we really don't need to if it upsets you at all. Seriously, there's no need at all. Don't worry about it, Dream, please." George's accent shone through his words.
Suddenly, a thought struck me. I needed to tell George why I was afraid of the sea and of the bridge. I needed to go face my problems. And with George by my side? Oh, my inner masochist would not suffer so greatly.
I'm crazy, aren't I?
"We're going to that bridge." I said. My words were firm and sure. George looked at me with a confused expression, wide eyes and a mouth set with shock.
"No! I'm not letting you do this to yourself, Dream. Don't do this to yourself. If I have to watch you go through that again because of me, I couldn't live with mysel-" His voice was heavily distraught.
I swiftly cut him off. My issues were not something George should guilt himself over, not something for him to bear the burden of. "I'm not doing it because of you. I'm doing it because I need to tell you something, George."
"Dream. No. I see what you're doing. Stop being masochistic!" He exclaimed, his voice angry, but not at me.
"I want to." The three words spilled out of my mouth, the three words I never thought I'd utter, especially with the context of that damned bridge, the bridge where-
"Do you?" He asked quietly.
"Yes."
"And," I paused briefly, "George, you make it better. You comfort me. I know that if you're there with me, it won't be anywhere near as bad." I admitted quietly.
"Still, Dream, I can't watch you go through-" His breaths came faster.
I tried to assure him. "You won't have to, if I'm with you."
"I'll never forgive myself if anything happens-" George's voice rose, frantic.
"Come on, George."
"No."
"I want to. I truly need to tell you this, and I need to face it. I can't live my life avoiding this."
"Dream. Please. Think about it. I'll go with you, but only if that's what you want. Only if that's what's best for you."
"It is." I said confidently, my eyes set upon George's concerned brown ones. Silence bore down on our shoulders, but I could see an unwilling resolve form in George's expression.
"Fine, then." He agreed reluctantly.
I smiled weakly. "Let's go." The words sent a cilling shiver down my spine, because I never thought I'd utter them in this context.
"To the bridge?" George asked quietly, his voice demure and polite as always. He was too calm, too polite, too kind and quiet. But I loved that about him. He was the eye of my storm. The one who calmed me.
"To the bridge." I said, sure as I could ever have been.
The world made me fear this bridge? The world made Lia and Olivia enter the stage? All the world's a stage, true. But at any rate, those two would be much better off dead, or nonexistent.
The world lay down a hand of cards it knew I could not beat, could not conquer, could not win against or over. Made me love a man who didn't love me back (at least not yet). Made me into an emotional wreck, forged me from a broken, misshapen mold. Made me do terrible things, simply because there was no other choice, no other option, no other way to proceed. I thought I would never go to this bridge again. I thought I would never dare. The universe wanted me to suffer, to labour under my past perpetually. Well, then.
I defy you, stars.
If I defied my stars, maybe Romeo had a chance with Juliet after all.
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Author here; I hope that chapter turned out alright...I'm absolute trash at dialogue, and I will admit writing realistic behaviours is not my strong suit either- Ah, melodrama. My favourite. Anyway, if you read that insufferable, long chapter, I'm impressed. Thank you for putting up with my sloppy work, and maybe drop me a vote to, uh, feed my ego? (I'm joking, only vote if you want)
I love you all so much, and thank you for over 5k reads! Legit never thought I'd be able to get to this point...Thanks so much! By the way, get ready for some major angsty stuff and a lot of Dream and George interaction next chapter.
Bye-bye, see you all next time! Love you guys <3