Having lost Jay, Estella saw her mother break down in the worst way possible. For as long as she could remember, it was always the three of them, together and fulfilled.
Estella was always daddy's little girl and Jay always granted her everything before she could open her mouth. He was the package of the best man ever; a gift of life.
She and her mother were used to Jay's absence for weeks, sometimes even months as he had to travel around the States in order to finish his tenure. In a span of thirty years, Jay was a known figure in the construction field, and he was often called upon to build enormous buildings with unique architecture. Another thing to be proud of. It would be a lie if Estella denied that her need to earn a name for herself came from him, always.
Every time he had gone away, he came, but not this time. He was taken away from them, forever.
Jay's accident was a hit and run case, the culprits still on loose. Tanya had been kind to keep Estella away from the investigation as it had been a week and she wasn't in a position to even accept the fact that her father was gone. Earlier this morning, the police told them about the culprit's identities after investigating the number plates and their names were circulating everywhere.
Her mother sat on the chair accompanied by neighbors, and a few other ladies she hung out in social gatherings or ladies parties. Her mother was a social bird and having done with her farming days before marriage, she was left with excessive time in her hand. Lilah genuinely had no desire to work as she loved homemaking—especially cooking and feeding the two most important people in her life. Alas, it was just her now.
The living room had been transformed after the funeral ceremony. Guests came with their greatest condolences—a few of her father's closest friends from work said kind words at Jay's sudden departure.
Tanya held her friend in a side hug the entire time.
She glanced at Lilah who was motionless in her chair, her eyes and ears fixed at the man in the middle of the room who shared his memorable time he enjoyed with Jay to everyone present in the hall. Mrs. Smith, the next-door neighbor caressed Lilah's hair in gentle comfort.
The crowd diminished by ten p.m. leaving only three people in the room at the end. Lilah cried uncontrollably and Estella ran to hug her mother.
Engulfing each other, both women cried while Tanya stood a few feet away, a sadness scarred over her face.
They were grieving and after earning a reassurance nod from her friend, Tanya left them both alone. There was nothing else she could now. The pain was their own to bear and no matter how much they wanted to share it with someone, it was impossible and the impact of it doubled each day.
Estella wanted to escape pain as it was too much. She was heartbroken at the loss and when things denied getting any easier, Lilah was distancing herself, from almost everything. She wouldn't eat or talk. The only way Estella could find was to Lilah consume nutrients we're through vitamin capsules and juices.
Since the accident, Lilah had not once entered the kitchen.
Minutes passed, or maybe hours, and when her mother finally moved, she stalked straight to her empty room. Estella barely had requested her to stay but she was cold and quiet and out of sight.
Estella looked around the house, feeling utterly lonely.
Her heart began to feel heavy and she spilled tears over tears. It had been just a week and she wished the pain to be over soon. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted her mom back who cooked breakfast, laughed around, and even let Estella swear without getting her ears pulled. Things were about to change.
Sniffing her nose freely, and wiping her stained cheeks clean, she went over to the kitchen and found the almost empty bottle of liquor.
"To dad, " she raised the bottle up in the air before chugging the content down her throat in one swig. After resting for a while on the stool at the kitchen island in silence, she started cleaning the leftover mess that the catering guys ignored to take care of. Estella took it as a good distraction for now.
By the time she was done, the bell of her door rang. It was almost eleven and she couldn't think of anyone who might come. Perhaps a guest forgot their belongings.
Edward was the last person she had in mind when she opened the door and found him standing in front of her, carrying a single white rose. He was dressed casually in black attire, his hair pulled back gracefully. He wore his glasses and beneath it, his beautiful big eyes stared back, worry and concern reflecting back at her.
With a small smile, she muttered. "Reception's over."
"I'm sorry for not able to make it on time."
Estella didn't comment on that. Also, Edward always had inconvenient timings. For the past week, other than Tanya, he was the only consistent person in her life, though she and her mother would be alone every time he came. Estella assumed he had a dislike for crowds.
"It's alright, " she assured him and Edward leaned forward, planting a kiss on her cheeks and handing over her the rose. This made her remember the thanksgiving night; the time he had come with a bouquet of flowers and the same time when Jay was alive. What if she had gone and waited at the airport for her father, or what if he had missed his flight or what if, he had returned home safely and the night would have gone the way it was planned.
Tears sprung on their own accord and she let Edward hug her. She didn't want to be left alone, not for a second. At least when Tanya wasn't around, he was there. She was grateful to both of them.
Edward barely spoke. He didn't comfort her with words. It wasn't odd for her either. She couldn't actually imagine him saying things about her father when they barely made any contact. Jay didn't have much time to converse with him as he was in New Jersey.
What if he had never taken that tenure?
...
The next morning, when Estella woke up on the only couch placed on the living room by the Flat-screen television, she saw Edward steaming coffee for her and probably her mom.
Last night after he came, the silence had prevailed again and they sat next to each other, saying nothing. Usually, he was a talkative one, refusing to let a conversation go, but since the unbearable torture of Jay's death, Edward was silent as an ocean. Maybe he didn't know what it takes to grieve. But again, he had lost his mother as well. He must have gone through the same pain as her.
Edward was still wearing his sweats and Jacket and she had taken great notice of how he never took it off no matter what the temperature was.
Currently, it was the second week of November and the last remnants of fog lingered outside the windows. Contrasting with the weather outside, the temperature was humid inside due to the heater working on for the whole night and Estella wondered how come he didn't combust under the heat of his own jacket.
"Hey, " Edward turned to face her. His hair was messy now, the voice was raspy and she guessed he must have woken not so long ago. "I didn't check the cabinets for Chamomile tea stash. The coffee was right next to the machine so I made it."
"Thank you, " she said. "But I don't drink coffee or tea empty stomach."
"Then it's a good thing I didn't pour it out. It's still in the jar. You can heat it or add more if you like it strong."
"You going?"
"Need to take care of a few things. You know work."
"Which one? Ours or your freelancing and all, "
He looked confused for a second. "Oh yeah, freelancing. I don't have that many clients these days. I'm more focused on ours. Lopez had almost tracked down and signed contracts for raw material from all over the country."
"That's good to know because I want this project to start as early as possible. We had done most of the work. The factory was the only thing not in the picture. It needs to be set up so production could start."
"And I was supposed to hand pick designs and contact our designers but..." she paused, her eyes lowering to the family photo frame on the wall next to the staircase.
"It's okay. We have been waiting this long so why not a little more." he said. "I think you should take some more days off."
"To be honest, that's the last thing I want to do right now."
"I don't understand you," he said in confusion.
She gaped. What part he didn't understand? Didn't he want to escape the pain of his mother's loss when he lost her? To distract himself? Or maybe his dad was right next to him, accompanying him to cope with the void. Was it possible? Did the void fill? Because, of the way everything was going, she discovered a hole in her life where her father used to be, alive and cheerful. He was the man who lived in the moment instead of pressuring himself with what next might happen. He just savored his life.
Then what about the afterlife?
I hope you are in peace, dad.
"You need time, Estella, " Edward continued when she tuned out for too long. "Just be with your mother, I think."
If she let me.
The clock on the wall displayed the time—Fifteen minutes to nine. Lilah was the mother of early birds. She wouldn't need an alarm clock to get up, no matter what the weather or season was. She would wake up on her own every single day between five and six. Well, that stopped happening for the last few days.
Estella understood it. She herself was hunting sleep to come every night which would take hours of longing in loneliness and memories until she finally fell asleep.
"Fine, " she nodded. She wasn't going to leave her mother alone, not now, not ever. Also, there was a fat chance that Lilah was slipping into depression or worse, she already was. "But get started. With or without me. I just need something good in my life. This investment means a lot to me. And I want to see it becoming fruitful."
"I've got it covered, Stella."
She didn't remember when was the last time he used that nickname but it always reminded her of Tessa no matter how ancient their relationship was. She used to call her that. "I prefer Estella."
"Estella and Stella both sound the same to me. How do you even differentiate it?"
Because Tess explained to me for an hour when I asked her the same question.
"Just it reminds me of a certain person I left behind, "
"The same person you once looked at and thought of spending the rest of your life."
Those were the exact same words she had told him at Montclair when they had visited the park right before meeting Lopez. She was surprised he remembered it that well. "And you are not going to talk about that person?"
"Never, " she said grimly, "it's my fucking past. And I don't dwell on the past."
"Then why are you angry?"
"Because this world is pissing me off. My dad is gone and no matter what I tell myself I know every morning when I wake up, he is not gonna be with me and mom. He is just gone when he shouldn't have. The world without him sucks. It fucking sucks. I hate everything. I want him back because I have no idea what do I do to keep going when all I could think of is to scream and scream until my voice gets lost."
He was silent again.
She turned away, silently reminding herself that it wasn't his fault if he couldn't say anything. At least he was there, for her, and for her mom.
Edward reached to her, taking her hand into his. "You know I'm here whenever you need me."
She smiled slightly, "thank you."
He kissed her cheek once again, a gesture she realized she wasn't going to get used to sooner. "I'll see you as soon as I can. You call me if you need anything. You promise?"
She nodded and they both silently walked to the door. Tanya's car emerged at the same time which she parked in her driveway. Edward sucked in a hard breath as he left Estella's side and walked away, crossing path with Tanya in the mid path.
Tanya spared him a big glance, curiously studying him but Edward, on the other hand, seemed to be in such a hurry that his pace picked up and he was soon in the car, driving away.
"Who's that, seems familiar?"
"The guy I told you about; my business partner. And you might have recognized him from the club months ago. Though I really wasn't expecting you remembering that face that well."
"Oh, cool because my first instinct told me he might have been one of the guys I interviewed for my paper."
"I have his documents verified. He doesn't have a shitty record."
"Good," Tanya pursed her lips in an interesting smile. "because he's hot and I don't know if it's just me but white men do look dashing in black."
Estella shut the door behind her when Tanya entered in. "He is obsessed with that color."
"Wonder what else he could be possibly obsessed about and what exactly he does to feed his obsession."
Estella couldn't help but smiled. "It's just a color, "
"Yeah, tell me about it, " she sheepishly laughed, unloading things off her bag, "My mom cooked south Indian breakfast."
"Let me go and freshen up quickly."
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