A/N: OKAY SO, the reason I wanted this to be a double update was that the chapter after this, 'Father', is quite a chapter emotionally to handle and I struggled to write it. But! Enjoy this chapter! It's the calm before the storm.
January 11th, 2019
"But I can't love you..." I say to myself in the mirror as I stand in Harry's button up and my bra and underwear, a thick script in my right hand, tears falling down my cheeks dramatically.
"Because, Harrison! Simply put, love is a concept and we as a society have-"
I'm interrupted by my phone ringing on my bedside table.
"Harry!" I say, my mood doing a complete 180 as I wipe away at the fake tears on my cheeks.
"Hey, baby. I'm back in town as of tomorrow, wanna go on an adventure?" He says and I twirl my hair around my finger, walking around my room.
"Depends..."
"Depends on what!" Harry says with a scoff, more so a statement than a question and I laugh into the phone.
"Whether or not I get to kiss you." I whisper, biting at the fingernail on my thumb.
"Tilly girl, you can kiss me as much as you want." He says and my cheeks blush red.
"What time?" I ask him dramatically, almost in a Mrs. Darcy kind of way.
"I'll pick you up at 11, pack for a night away." He says and I can hear his smile in his voice.
"And what is the attire for the day, Mr. Styles?" I ask, following on with my Pride and Prejudice moment I'm feeling right now.
"Dress comfortably, Miss Jackson." He says cheerily and I grow excited.
******
"Woohoo!" He says as we drive down the curvy dirt road with the windows down, his sunglasses perched upon his nose as the sun sinks into the ocean and his hand rests on top of my thigh, his thumb drawing small circles on my skin and it sends me spiralling even further down that silly trail he and I have established as love. My hair whips behind me as the warm wind glides around the car and with an exhale I feel completely perfect with Harry beside me.
"Although I feel completely at bliss right now, we've been driving for seven hours." I say loud enough he hears me over the wind, and he smirks, a dimple rising in his cheek and he grips at my thigh.
"And?" He says sarcastically.
"Tell me where we're going." I say.
"You'll know in about half an hour." He says and I look out the window, not a sense of civilisation to be seen.
"Are you taking me out here to kill me?" I ask, turning down the radio.
"Most definitely. I intend to leave you out here." He says monotoned.
"Epic." I say back.
"No, there's no chance of that happening because a, I love you too much and b, you're too high profile to go missing and have no one care." He says and I nudge at his shoulder making him laugh.
We drive a little longer screaming the lyrics to old songs from the 50s and dancing in the car being stupid, playing eye spy and joking about things we did when we're younger... He even opens up about One Direction a little bit.
"Hey, put this on." Harry says handing me a bandana and I put it around my hair, but he laughs and shakes his head.
"What?"
"Around your eyes, it's a surprise until the very last minute." He says and I bite my tongue and do what he says. I feel the car come to a stop and it makes me aware we've arrived wherever the hell we are.
"Take your blindfold off." Harry says softly and I gently remove the piece of fabric from my eyes and I feel my lips part in shock.
*Play Song Now: Love & War in Your Twenties by Jordy Searcy*
We step out of the car and I walk to the edge as far as I can to look down at the golden rocks that shimmer in the sunset as the sky is painted with colours of soft pinks, purples and deep reds.
"The Grand Canyon." I say under my breath and Harry comes over to me with a picnic blanket and basket. A family walks past us as they go back to their car, three children playing with one another as they chase each other, their white shoes getting dirty. The couple stands together holding hands and it makes me smile. I want that someday.
Harry's POV
"You always talked about moons, specifically canyon moons, so I wanted to give it to you." I say and she looks over to me and throws her arms around my neck, planting multiple kisses on my cheeks as her fingers gently tug at the roots of my hair making me giggle. We walk to a spot along the trail that overlooks the beautiful canyon. You can tell why they call it grand; this is the prettiest thing I've ever seen, well... almost. The girl in front of me really is a dream. We stop at a place overlooking the canyon and I set up the rug as she stands looking up at the sky, her fingertips gently rest on the wooden railing. Her tan legs look amazing in her ripped baggy denim jeans, her white tee shirt tied at her waist and her golden blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Although I loved her natural hair, the blonde suits her, maybe even better. She's a different person nowadays, but she's still kind and loving... and a little dramatic, but it wouldn't be Tilly without extra drama.
"It's beautiful." She says as she reaches her arms out above her head, stretching to the sky.
"You're beautiful." I say to her.
"Come here..." She says as she drops one arm and holds it out to me. I get up from the picnic blanket and stand next to her, holding her hand gently but her hand quickly throws it up to the air and we stand there, three arms in the air.
"You won't understand this experience if you don't put up both arms." She warns me and I quickly throw up the other arm and look up to the sky, her laugh is infectious and I smile at her.
"Now take a deep breath, slowly, and let it go." She says and I do as I'm told. I inhale, letting the clean air fill my lungs, exhaling and imagining any detrimental thing I have going on leaving and falling down to the canyon. Nasty words, shitty people, lies and miscommunications: they all drip down the side of the ledge and into the stream that lay below us, purifying itself and going back to the universe. I turn my head to look at the girl beside me, as wild and carefree as ever as she stands with her fingers interlocked with my own as we stand with our arms to the sky. Her eyes looking to the sky and her plump cheeks pink from the heat, her freckles brown from the summer sun.
"Be mine." I whisper to her and she doesn't look at me, rather she keeps her eyes on the moon above us that sits in the pink sky. The canyon moon.
"I thought you'd never ask." She says as she drops her arms and looks to me.
"Is that a-"
"Yes!" She shouts and wraps her arms around her neck, and I pull her up so her tippy toes rest on the ground.
"Wait really?" I say in shock.
"I love you Harry Styles, I have for seventeen years. Yes." She says and I gently put her back onto the ground, and she stumbles back a little bit laughing, throwing her head up. I walk down to the picnic blanket and sit down.
Seventeen years.
"How tall do you think I am?" She says and I look at her puzzled.
"What?" I ask and she repeats herself.
"I don't know... um, maybe like, 5"7?" I say and she smirks at me.
"I feel ten foot tall. Nothing can touch me, Harry. Nothing, not any one thing can make me feel any less whole than I do in this moment... with you." She says softly as she pants, her chest rising and falling as she leans on the railing, looking into the canyon.
"Girlfriend." I whisper to myself, but she hears me and looks over to me, one eyebrow raised.
"Sorry, I was just trying it out." I apologise and she turns her body to me.
"Boyfriend." She says and begins walking up to me, taking my hands in hers, our rings clashing, she takes my hands and lifts me to the ground.
"Sorry, I was just trying it out." She mimics and I press my lips to hers, her lip gloss smooth and velvety against my own lips. She takes my hands and slowly places them on her waist while her own seek refuge upon my shoulders.
"Look up." She whispers. I look up at the sky and see the moon.
"Our two little stars, right to the moon, they have so many friends." She says and although she says it so innocently, I know she genuinely means it when she says they have friends. Tilly has this need to personify things around her and I love her for it.
"I'm happy for them." I say, kissing her forehead.
"Can we make a promise right now?" She says and I nod my head.
"I can't go longer than two weeks without you, promise we will see one another every two weeks, no matter where we are. We'll find a way." She says and I smile down at her.
"A two-week rule. I like it." I smile down at her.
We drive until we reach the motel that sits to the side of the road surrounded by hundreds of leafy trees, a half hour drive from the Grand Canyon. I help her take her bag from the car and although she fights me, I insist on carrying it inside. We walk over to a woman chewing on gum, her green dyed hair tied into two messy space buns, her septum piercing askew.
"We have a-"
"No fucking way." She says and I prepare for the initial recognition to be followed by an autograph.
"Hi, its nice to-"
"Tilly Jackson!" She squeals as she stands tall, fixes her septum and walks over to Tilly smiling. Tilly smiles back and offers her arms out for a hug. I watch as the two of them laugh and talk, taking selfies and Tilly signs her phone case in black sharpie. I move to sit on a lounge and patiently wait for Tilly to finish talking to a fan and get our room key. I take out my phone and respond to a few messages, sending Mum some photos of the Grand Canyon, although I'm quick to realise the photos I took are mostly of Tilly. I look up from my phone to see the same family we saw from earlier at the Canyon, taking their bags and checking out of the motel. I smile at the mother who holds the hand of the youngest child who appears to be holding some sort of stuffed rabbit, basically outliving its expected lifespan as it comes undone at the seams, one ear hanging off the actual toy.
"Jenny, are the kids going to school tomorrow?" The father asks as he lifts up one of the kids and holds her in his arms.
"I doubt it but if they do, you can go get the kids from school tomorrow afternoon, I've got an appointment." She says and as she reaches down to pick something up but her husband is quick to do it for her.
"Careful, Jenny. You could hurt yourself." He says worryingly as he hands her the room key she must've dropped, his long hair falling in front of his face.
"I'm pregnant not useless, Matt." She jokes and he pecks her nose, making her giggle. I want that someday.
Tilly finishes talking to the girl at the counter and we go into the room we motel room, opening the yellow painted door that appears to be chipping, allowing for the previous blue coat to show through.
"Miranda was really lovely; her mother is a huge fan of Eric Dane, so she watched 'Pond' with her and found me. Kinda strange huh..." Tilly says, and I smile, throwing my arm around her as we walk into the room. I put my bags down onto the floor and I throw my body onto the bed, curling up with a pillow.
"Nope. The day isn't over yet, dance with me." She says and I smile, reluctantly sitting up and taking her in my arms as she puts a song I've never heard of on her Spotify. We spend the rest of the night dancing like idiots wildly around the room and laughing, ordering take out for dinner. She showers and comes out of the bathroom in a towel, her dripping wet hair falling around her face messily.
"Girlfriend." I whisper.
"Boyfriend." She whispers back as she curls up next to me on the bed in my tee shirt.
"You should get your own clothes." I whisper to her, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she closes her eyes.
"But yours are so comfy." She mumbles, letting out a yawn. I play at her hair as she falls asleep, leaving me in the dimly lit room. I toss and turn attempting to fall asleep as best I can, but it proves useless. I take my phone and go outside, the warm air heating my skin. I sit on the grass underneath the motel sign, looking up at the stars, not noticing I'm humming. I'm leaving her again in a few days to go record in L.A. and she'll be in Italy filming for a new movie. At least I know she's my girl.
She was right, gotta see it to believe it. I pull my phone from my pocket and open my notes app.
'You gotta see it to believe it, sky never looked so blue.' I type and hum it to myself.
'So hard to leave it, that's what I always do.' I think about the fact I'm leaving her soon and don't know when I'll see her again, so I guess I'll have too keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon.
'So, I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon.' I type and sing the lot out to myself.
'The world happy waiting...' I look to the room and see the paint broken door.
"Doors yellow, broken blue..." I say aloud as I type it into my phone. I fall back onto the grass, holding my phone to my chest as I look out to the stars, all these different stars mean different things for different people. Though some only see them of bass of gas dying with each second, others spend years if not their whole lives studying the things, creating meaning and giving them names. Then the thought occurs to me, different people.
'I heard Jenny saying, "Go get the kids the kids from school" and I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon' I type slowly as smile while looking down at the phone in my hands. I keep typing while humming the lyrics in a song like manner.
'I'll be gone too long from you.' I think of leaving her, leaving the girl I love, leaving Tilly for who knows how long. This will be my song to her.
'Staring at the ceiling.' The ceiling being our stars above our head.
'Two weeks and I'll be home.' The two-week rule established only hours ago.
'Carry the feeling, through Paris all through Rome and I'm still thinking back to a time under the canyon moon.' Our days in Paris, our nights in Rome.
I write a few more lyrics until I stand and goback to the hotel room to a sleepy looking Tilly. Her arms spread out acrossthe bed and her hair a complete mess which makes me laugh. I climb next to herand pull the sheets over my body, feeling the warmth of her torso. I close myeyes and look at her as she sleeps, her top lip puffy over the bottom and her cheekssquished as her face lay deep into the pillow. I close my eyes, but I feel thepush of her body as she cuddles into my torso. I hold my arms open for her asshe mumbles something in her sleep, making me smirk.
A/N: We officially hit 5.2K!!! Thank you so much, keep voting, commenting and letting me know what you think of the book!