"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
I grew up in a household where most of the members believed in destiny.
That everyone's destiny is written in a golden book even before you're born.
And perhaps,i also live that way.
I'm Jeon Jungkook,15 years old.
This is my first time writing in this diary that my mom gave me. Might be a little cheesy but she always says that since I'm going to be away for a long time.I should always express my feelings.
And that's one of the aspects that i need to improve.
I'm introverted to death.
and..
Accepting this line of work is my arch-nemesis.
An introverted idol.
Seems ironic,right?
I have to be away in my mother's safeguard, surrounded by a lot of strangers and doing some acts for a people person kind of guy.
It's very difficult for me.
I almost back out and go back to Busan when i enter our dorm here in Seoul.
Mess everywhere!
Bunch of shoes in the front door.
The clothes are here and there!
It's like a house after a massive storm.
And most of all...
Six teenagers roaming around,almost..naked.
"Uh! You must be Jung..kook?"
A tall boy with a broad shoulder instantly welcome me, wearing a very cute smile and i made me feel less nervous.
"Ahmm..hello..i'm Jeon Jungkook."
I bowed while both of my hands are holding the strap of my backpack to keep me from passing out.
"This will be our house for the meantime,come on!i'll show you our room."
Our...room?
Sharing a room with anyone is not my cup of tea but i have to,at that moment,i completely know that i don't have much choice.
As we walked in a small living room and headed his way to the bedroom door, scenes are circling around my head.
"I have to dress up in front of a guy or sleep with him in the room..how about my privacy?"
He finally opened the door and the view is way different from my expectations.
Six double beds and a single bed on the side.
"Boys!the sixth member just arrive,be polite and greet him."
A room full of boys.
I stepped back, stunned with what i was about to face but the tall guy grabbed my wrist and escorted me to my bed.
"Hello!I'm Namjoon, hope we can get along!"
"Hi!!Jimin here!"
"Oh..you're so young..i'm Hoseok!"
"Suga."
Everyone has different characters,Namjoon hyung looks a bit smarty,reading a book with glasses.
Hoseok hyung is a great example of a people person,he smiles are brigher than my future.
On the other hand,Jimin hyung seems to be kind and friendly..i guess.
But Suga hyung is kinda cold-hearted and quiet.
"Oh!I forgot,i'm Kim Seokjin,nice to meet you,Jungkook."
Ah!Yes,of course,the boy with a sweet smile and broad shoulders,Jin hyung is kind and warm-hearted like a mom.
The first day of training is really difficult and for me that doesn't even know anything, every minute is a burden to my young self.
"You can't debut with that kind of personality!"
"People don't want a baby who sings and dance!"
"We need a bad boy look,Jungkook,if you can't meet our requirements then there's no way that you can debut,go home."
Those are the words that i always hear from our managers and dance instructors,i always find it offensive, ending me to cry every practice,even gave me nightmares every night.
I always have that feeling to back out and just go home but my hyungs never failed to help me out.
These boys surprisingly became my brothers and i'm starting to adapt this kind of situation until one morning,the manager announced our seventh member.
The seventh member of BTS.
"Hello everyone...i'm Kim Taehyung."
Kim Taehyung.
A boy who always does weird things inside the dorm,he's very outgoing and indeed a free spirit.
Always do what he wants and right after,he became part of a big brotherhood.
We dance together,sing together and most of the time,i feel lonely together.
All of us are still teenagers and sometimes,i miss being a normal boy.
We are in the practice room instead of hanging out with our peers.
We are recording songs instead of having meals with our families.
We spend our time in the studio, polishing our choreography instead of going to school.
I can't even go on a date or have girlfriends because it's against the company rules.
All those years..i only have them.
The bangtan boys.
"Hey!What do you guys want for dinner?"
Jin hyung always cooks for us back when we were still trainees,he's like our mom in the dorm.
Maybe because he's the oldest and know's how to cook.
On the other hand, the rest of the boys are my hyungs, they treat me like thier own little brother.Even worries when i'm running out of my banana milk.
But Taehyung was different all along.
Since he's the second-youngest member,we always play together.
Computer games,board games,card games,you name it.
He always pulls me out of my shell every time we perform and have interviews.
Always bringing out the best in me.
His quirky personality amazes me every time that i didn't felt i was coming out of my comfort zone,little by little.
Like one of those shows that we had, everyone is hyping as one of the girl shows up her Taekwondo skills on the stage.
"Jungkookie!Show them some of your kicking skills."
"No!Hyung..it's fine.."
"Come on!You can do it!"
"No..no..no..i'm scared."
"Go for it!Ggukk,I believe in you."
He suddenly pushed me into the center with his signature boxy smile as everyone cheers up for me.
So i took a deep breath and show a little kick then immediately walked at the back.It was embarrassing until i saw him jumping up and down, clapping and cheering for me, giving me a proud smile.
But that's not it, there's a lot of times that he always does that. Pushing me out of my secure zone while standing proud but it will take an eternity if i write everything.
After that,i always do my best and look back at him to claim my reward.
And he never failed to do so.
"Hyung!I did it!!"
"Yaahh!!That's my little Jungkookiee!!"
Days and months after our debut,i always want to make him proud, even if it cost me to be an extroverted kind of guy.
But..sometimes..i felt hurt when i feel that I disappoint him,though,he didn't told me but his eyes did.
"I saw the other side of you,Jungkook."
Why do his words has a lot of effects on me? To the
point that I actually cry.