I sit in my cherry red dress ready to support Alix as much as possible, until I leave at least. I need to go back to Germany, although nothing much sits waiting for me. "Alice, will you be a dear and tell the staff to bring us some tea?"Alix asks me. "Of course your majesty,"I bow while Alix's face blushes in embarrassment, "Alice- I, please don't call me that ever again. I will always be Alix or Sunny to you."she demanded. "And don't bow like that, do it only when it's necessary."
"I understand Alix." I say. She smiles at me before turning away to speak with her Russian tutor. I walk out of the room and head towards the kitchen. I take my time walking, no one is in a rush. Although Russia was very foreign and different to me, it has the most beautiful paintings and interior designs of palaces that I have ever seen.
While on my way to the kitchens I over hear voices talking to each other. I recognize the owners of the voices, Tsarevich Nicholas and Grand Duke George. "I am telling you I don't know what I did wrong! She won't even look at me."I hear George say. "Oh little brother! You have much to learn."I hear Nicholas laugh as they walk into a room. Once I hear the doors close shut I run past the room that they are in. Once I knew that I was out of view I stopped and continue to walk.
George had made it clear that he was not interested. I get to the kitchen and tell the kitchen staff of the Tsarina's request. I make my way back to Alix's gathering room. "The tea should be here soon."I tell her. She gives me a small smile.
"Alice, come sit with me" she pats the seat next to her. I sit down next to her on the couch. "When are you leaving?" She asks me. "I'm not sure, I think in a week" I tell her. She keeps her gaze on her hands. "You know Alice, everything has been just so much. I feel like I'm suffocating. I love Nickie with all my heart but I'm a foreigner to these people. I- I've tried handling it all" she begins to break down. "Oh Sunny" I hold her as she cries out her stress.
"You are doing so good, I didn't know you felt this way. You are handling this so gracefully." I try to soothe her. "I keep seeing less and less familiar faces. Alice" she sits up and takes my hands into hers, "will you stay?" She asks me. "Stay?" I repeat, trying to process her request. Leave Germany? Leave England? Stay here? "Yes!" She sniffles, "stay as my lady waiting" I sit silently. I would have to live here, forever. Leave everything I know behind. I would have to build my life here.
"You would live here with me and Scarlett." She says as I take a deep breath and squeeze her hands. "Can I have some time to think about it?" I ask her. "Of course! Please don't feel obligated to give me answer right away." She tells me. "Thank you Alicky" I tell her. She checks her watch, "I have tutoring soon. Let me know your answer when you have it" she says before getting up. I follow her out of the room and we go our separate ways.
I walk down the long halls lost in thought of Alix's request. She wants me to stay here. If I don't get married I could always leave one day. My primary residence has always been England and I'm afraid to leave it. I would never see anyone again or as often. But I don't want to let down Alix. I past by another portrait of the Peter the Great.
I get myself thinking about Victoria again. Was she proud of me? Did she watch over me from heaven? Did she miss me as much as I miss her? I walk up to the painting closer. I wonder if Victoria has met him in the heavens? I feel my heart clench, remembering my day out with Victoria. We were running errands all day and I really wanted to go to this toy shop.
***
"Alright Darling, since you were such a good and helpful little girl today,you get to choose one toy from the toy shop." Victoria exclaimed. "YAY! Thank you Lollie!" Little me yelled out joyfully. We walked to the toy shop. Once we were inside I let go of Victoria's hand and ran around the shop, looking for the perfect toy to get. I walked down isles and isles of toys.
None were that special until I stumbled upon a doll. She had brown hair and blue eyes. In her lap sat a smaller doll with blonde hair and blue eyes. I picked the toy up and went up to my sister, "I want this one." Victoria looked at my choice, "Why this toy?"
"Because it's you and me!"I pointed out. A large smile appeared on her face, "Well it looks like this toy was meant to be yours!"
"Just like you were meant to be mine!"
***
I remember showing and carrying those dolls to everyone. "Alice!" I snap out of my thoughts, Olga Alexandrovna was next me. "W-what are you doing here?"I ask. "I was going to see my brothers."she tells me with a sly smile. "What are you doing, standing in the middle of the hallway?"she questions. "I was just admiring this painting." I point to Peter. "Ah, yes his eyes do seem to watch your every move although he is just a painting. I prefer Tsarina Elizabeth's painting. It intrigues me the most." Olga observes the painting with me.
"I don't know what is it about this painting, but I feel like someone is watching me every time I walk past it."I tell her. "Paintings seem to do that often here."Olga Alexandrovna says. "Well I must get going! See you later Alice!"
I wave goodbye and continue my way back to my room. I know Alix will want my answer by tonight. I feel my stomach turn to knots, I don't know what to do.
I continue walking to my room and spot two people in the hall. It looks like a secret meeting. I peer over the corner and spot a woman in a bright yellow dress contrasting her dark brown hair standing closely to Grand Duke George. He smiles at her while she says something that makes him laugh. I feel my insides drop as tears stain my face. I was right, I was right. He didn't really care after all. I run off to my room, sobbing my heart out.