'Your like the greatest your like the greatest to me'' ~ rod wave 9/4/2020
Sakiya 'Meeka' Washington
19 | Chicago IL | dads house📍
I sat on the couch glaring at him with a pout.
" why?"
" fix yo face" he warned pointing a finger at me.
" noo cause that not fair!" I groaned loudly
" what's not fair about it I'm grown" he rolled his eyes digging his spoon yet again. Into MY tub of ice cream.
" but why do I gotta be the one to apologize? She older than me" I huffed
" be the bigger person" he shrugged as the door bell rang.
He called me over here saying he needed help with something, next thing I know I'm ambushed into a conversation with niya.
I don't know why he hasn't figured it out yet I'm done trying to fix a relationship that's already dead. Shit desiccated if you ask me. If she don't care I don't care.
I'm tired of putting effort in for mufuckas that don't care if the relationship alive or dead.
I looked up from my phone when I heard them walk in. Niya walked in next to daddy with a smile on her face but it quickly faded when she saw me.
" sooo.." daddy started breaking the tension. He pushed niya on the couch next to me. The recoiled wiping her arm that had brushed my shoulder off causing me to scoff rolling my eyes. I didn't say anything for a couple of seconds. The silence and tension wasn't bothering me. I was calm I was the lest but bothered by her presence , I just continued playing sims free play on my phone.
I glanced up for a shout second when I felt eyes on me I looked at daddy who had a frown on his face. He was farting his eyes between the two of us telling me to say something. I just blinked at him returning my attention back to my phone. Until it was snatched out of my hands.
" yes?" I asked looking up at my siblings father.
He finna blow me so right now I'm not claiming him.
" if anything I should be upset" my sister choose to speak. I ignored her looking at her father holding my hand out for my phone.
" your the one leaving me to live on my own in a place I can't afford."
This feels like deju vu so I'm just gonna ignore her. I've already explained myself and my reasoning if she didn't listen the first time that's on her.
" now you being disrespectful to your older sister also the person who took care of you when mama became sick and daddy went to jail"
She sounds mad.
I just leaned back letting her talk putting my hands in my hoodie realizing her father wasn't giving me my phone back anytime soon. I moved to the couch across from her.
" imma let y'all talk" with that he walked out the living room.
No bad vibes. No evil vibes. Not around me.
" you ruin everything you touch. You ruined mama. You ruined me soon you'll ruin our brothers and your little boy toy just like you did the first one. You want to know why because your worthless, damaged. Poor sakiya damaged goods. Innocence took away at a young age, father to, heart broken, mother died, older sister and grandma had to take care of her. Booo hoo"
I looked up at her shocked as my eyes started to water.
" you are the reason mama died. Your the reason I'm like this. Your the reason tanka won't ever love you. Your the reason your brother won't love you. Your the reason your damaged, and you deserve everything that has happed to you and everything that will come for you and everyone" I let a tear slid down my check.
I deserve it. I'm the reason. It's my fault. I'm damaged goods. I'm poison ruin everything I touch.
A laugh escaped from my lips. They were small at first then I was laughing hysterically.
I don't know why but I wanted to hear more so I continued to laugh knowing it would anger her.
" mama should've went along with that abortion when daddy suggested it. That man should've took you from the park that day. You should've died when he hit you with that truck." She damn near yelled.
At that exact moment it seemed like everything was going in slow motion. I watched her take her hand and cover her mouth as she revolvers how she truly felt and her hand in all that has happened to me. My smile slowly faded and and hand dropped from her mouth and she smirked as she saw this.
"what?" I whispered.
" mama should've went along with the abortion daddy suggested, that man should've did more than rape you he should've killet you. You. Should've. Died. When. He. Hit. You. With. That. Truck." She smirked again.
I looked in her eyes to only see hate, rage, and truth. I was disappointed hoping that I'd see regret, love, and some hint that she was lying.
Regret that she would say those things to her only sister. Love to show she still cared. And lie to assure me that one of the people that used to be so important to me didn't hate me while heartedly.
But what did I expect. I was going to cry. I wasn't going to scream at her. I wasn't going to scold her.
I knew what I was going to do. I took my hand a secretly searched the couch cushion. Feeling the metal touch my finger tips I pulled it out faster standing up. I took my left hand and cocked it back. Pointing it right at her heart. Her eyes widened as she realized what just happened.
" DADDY"
" don't call him that" I shook my head.
" wha-SAKIYA WHAT THE FUCK?" He started to approach me but I pointed the gun at him.
" don't come by me" I warned him. I felt her grab my arm. I punched her in her face shooting by her foot.
" sit down" I spoke in a low cold tone. I waved the gun towards daddy telling him to sit down to.
I sat back down on the couch grabbing a different gun that was in the stand.
" girl I'm finna call tanka to come get yo ass" he chuckled reaching to grab his phone. I shot my his foot making him jump and look at me crazy.
Maybe I am.
" Awe yeah you lost yo fucking marbles...." I ignored him looking at siniiya who had a frightened look on her face.
" you know I used to ask mama and daddy for a little sister you Christmas" I stated tilitng my head.
I ignored my daddies conversation who ever he was talking to wasn't gonna save her. Not anymore.
" I used to think I want to be just like siniiya. Except different I want to play dolls with my sister show her how to use an easy bake oven. Play dress up. But now I'm glad I don't. You wanna know why?"
" Ky please don't do this. I don't know what I did so wrong but I'm sorry" she forced tears to come out of her eyes.
I laugh menacingly making my eyes close for a split second. When they opened daddy was standing in front of her.
" move" I seethed.
" princess put the gun down this ain't funny no more"
" you wanna know what the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE did to me once you went to jail? Hmm daddy? Ok I'll tell you she would treat me like shit. Would get drunk beat me leave bruiseall over. Would send me to school in hamydown clothes that smelt like mold so I could be teased and bullied which i was. Transferred me into a different school away from Siniiya the person I thought was supposed to protect me.them when she was sober she would apologize. I always forgave her cause she wasn't in her right mind or so I thought. She would push me throw her empty bottles at my head and I WOULD STILL TRY YO HELP HER!" I laughed threw my tears. Daddy looked at me with sympathy and sorrow.
I cocked my head to the side looking at him.
" and my teachers would look at me just like that. With sympathy and sadness ask was I ok? How everything was at home. I would lie say good and I was play fighting or feel off my bike. Then when it was time to bust you I had the best outfit on, the newest shoes and my hair done. Same thing with grandma." I sat down on the couch.
" butttt I forgave her. I always did I forgave her for the abuse. I forgave her the mental, emotional abuse I forgave her for the damage that she cause that I choose to ignore for years. I did cause how can you hate the woman who pushed you out their womb right? Turns out it's preety easy. But that wasn't the thing that damaged me the most. The thing that damaged me the most was the loneliness, the constant feeling of being numb. The constant feeling of forgetting and forgiving without a second thought" I finished with a huff. I wiped my tears with my wrist as the front door opened and everyone else walked in.
They all had shocked expressions along with confused ones.
" what-"
" you called them." I stated looking back at my father who looked lost in thought.
" you called them to protect her from me. You called four boys to protect her From me. AINT NO PROTECTING HER ASS FROM ME."
" you want to know why?" I leaned forward.
" because I'm tired. I'm tired of being hurt. Mentally, physically and emotional. I'm tired of being lied to a most importantly I'm tired of this bitch living to be sick mothers tourism against me."
" sakiya" my head snapped to tana's
"Santana have you always protected kani and savvy? Have you always wanted the best from them? Have you always tried your best to comfort then when they needed it or he'll then in a situation?"
He opened his mouth to answer but closed it again but opened it again.
" yes always that's what I'm supposed to do as I big brother" he nodded I looked at savvy to see him observing me with a sad expression.
" have you always done that for kani Savon?"
He nodded
" and how about you ty'ke. You've always don't those things for Amoura right?"
" you know I have baba" he said softly nodding.
I turned to look at siniiya as a tear slipped down my cheek.
" why can't you do that for me?" I whispered
" why can't you show me love? Why can't you care for me and comfort me instead of scolding me?Why can't you protect me instead of trying to kill me and wishing death upon me? Have I done something wrong that I don't know about?" I whispered the last part to myself.
Its your fault.
Your the reason.
Your damaged.
You don't deserve love, you don't even deserve to live.
You deserve every bad thing that had happened.
"SHUT UP" I tapped the butt of the gun against my temple to quiet the whispers.
" princess" my daddy took a step toward me.
" pops" all of a sudden he took a step back.
Savon appeared infront of me kneeling down.
" Kyky it's ok, I love you. I promise to always protect you, comfort you, and guide you. Because I am your big brothers that's what I've always done since I've found out about you rather you know it or not. That's all we have done" he cupped my fave with his hands.
" we promise we won't hurt you" Santana kneeled next to him so did kani. They all had tears in there eyes. It made me want to cry that I was the reason they were their.
You ruin everything you touch.
" no no no no" I shook my head pushing them out of the way.
" she the reason. I can't stay here" I whispered
" I'm sorry but I don't wanna be here anymore" I held the gun to my head.
*Pow*
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