Penny sat still for a terrible moment after Lily had left, then she pulled the remnants of the russet dress out from under her sheets. She'd torn it apart looking for what she thought she'd felt, and now she was in the process of picking bits and pieces of it out of the skirt. Finally she spread the thin seams and stitches she'd pulled from the dress on the floor and stared at the elaborate circle it made.
I knew it. I was right. For a moment she sat stunned, unwilling to believe the proof in front of her own eyes. She'd wondered, but she hadn't wanted to believe it.
Abruptly Penny reached out and rang for Willow, who darted into the room at the unexpectedly insistent summons.
"Willow. Look at this."
The sylph eyed the circle of cloth on the floor and reached out a shaking hand. "I... no, Lady Penny, how..." Her fingers brushed the thin lines and she pulled her hand back as if she had been bitten.
"I... need to confirm it. Willow, what exactly is this?"
"I'm not an expert in enchantment, but it looks like a magic siphon. A subtle one, but it's certainly there."
"And you can guess where it was."
Willow dragged her eyes away from the elaborate ring of magic on the floor, meeting Penny's gaze. "The fabric color... it was in your dress."
"Yes." Penny sat down on her bed, taking a deep breath. "In my dress. The one the Queen demands that I wear right before going out on risky missions. The one that always made me look half-dead."
Willow's eyes flashed and Penny nodded. Willow wasn't stupid. She knew exactly what this meant. But Willow surprised her.
"Lady Penny, take this." She handed Penny the blue stone the wardrobe had given as a pin for her cloak. Penny turned it over in her hands and raised her eyebrows.
"Is this... a drain ward?" Penny had heard about them, but she had never actually held one. The one and only one she had seen had been placed in the King's crown, which was now on display at his memorial. And Penny had worn one to the banquet. Had her mother known what it was?
Willow took the stone back and ran her fingers over it, tracing a complex web of lines barely visible in the smooth surface. "I think it may be, but I'm not sure. My knowledge of these things barely covers the basics."
"Fair enough." Penny scowled at the pattern of fabric on the floor. "Willow, to tell you the truth, I suspected something like this."
"You..." Willow paused, looking confused before her mind seemed to settle. "How long have you suspected it?"
"As a passing thought? Two, three years, possibly a bit longer. As a serious suspicion?" Penny paused, trying to think. "Mm, probably since the Siren Cliffs situation, so, six months?"
"And this whole time, you never said anything?"
"What good would it do?" Penny stood abruptly and started pacing. "I have no proof. Even if I did, it would change nothing."
"Is this..." Penny could see Willow coming to a slow realization. "Is this why you asked me to do all those small errands?"
"Of course. You're the only one I could trust."
Willow sat down heavily, looking overwhelmed. Penny sighed; she must be in significant distress. Willow stood on etiquette, even if her lady did not, and she would never sit while Penny stood unless she were on the verge of breaking.
"Willow, think about it. Why would I ask you if the gryphons were available?"
"To avoid having to become a peregrin–" Willow's eyes widened. "No. Lady Penny, no. That's not possible."
"It is." Penny paced back and forth over the ring of fabric on the floor. "Not only is it possible, it is the only solution that makes sense. First, the Cradle. Agreeing to bring the ambassador past the Cradle makes no sense, except that it would force me to bring the Serpent's Wings with me to manage the hydra's poisons. The Serpent's Wings have no sheath, so I would run the risk of cutting myself on them and dosing myself with all their contained poisons. So far, it may be an accident. The absence of gryphons, forcing me to transform both myself and the Serpent's Wings into a single falcon form, that might also be coincidence. It would increase the risk to me because of conservation of natures, but it is not evidence. What is evidence is the dress."
"I thought the command was odd...." Willow looked... guilty? Penny stored that expression in her memory to examine later. It might be nothing, but it might not.
"Mm." Penny scowled angrily at the holes she had sliced into the wall. "Wearing that dress forced me to bind the Serpent's Wings to my legs under the dress in order to not wear open weapons at the exchange, giving them the best chance to injure and poison me on the journey."
Willow was silent for a terrible moment. "And you knew."
"And I knew."
"Is that why you wanted me to hide the Poisoner's Bane? To keep the Queen from knowing that you knew?"
Penny groaned and sat down on her bed. "I don't know, Willow. I don't know what I was hoping for. I wanted to be wrong but, honestly, even before this," she gestured at the remains of the dress, "I think I already knew. I just... I could pretend I didn't." She stood again impatiently, unable to bear holding still. "You were right. I thought I could... make things go back to how they were, but it's never going to work, is it?" She swiped at her treacherous eyes. "It's never going to work because she doesn't want it to work. She wants it to stay this way, and..." Penny tried to choke down the thought, but though her tongue stopped her thoughts refused. And she wants it to end this way.
The thought took over Penny's mind for a moment, looping in an obsessive cycle. She wants to hurt me. She wants to keep on hurting me. She might even want me dead. But she wants to hurt me. She's not just angry and it won't just pass. She wants to hurt me. How could she want to hurt me?
A vague green blur in front of her eyes resolved rapidly into Willow's face, and Penny realized her face was stinging. Willow had slapped her.
"Right. Thank you, Willow. I... got lost in thought for a moment."
Willow shook her head. "Lady Penny, you know I care very much about you. I need you to hear me say this with all that care. What is your battle plan?"
Penny's eyes sharpened to the vision of a peregrine and she began to think. This is war. This has probably been war since the start. She was Champion, but the Champion was only an uneasy ally of the throne, unable to be commanded by anyone. She had the resources to be an enemy of the Queen, but would that help the people of Avalon?
Penny was under no illusions about the state of her mind. She could be as strong as she needed to be for the sake of others, but the Queen's words had worked their way into her heart. If she could only act for her own sake, she would weaken, and if she weakened for even a moment she would lose to the Queen. Before this, she had fought to give Lily a chance to fix things, but now there was no point in that. If she was to win, it had to be for the sake of Avalon and her people, because there was no hope of victory if she acted for herself.
Willow spoke softly, but Penny was startled by her voice. "Lady Penny?"
"Willow.... The Queen has ruled well. Avalon is safe, and peaceful, and happy. What can I do? Replace her with Lily, who is completely unprepared? Leave the throne open for vultures in noble's clothing to gobble up?" She shrugged helplessly. "There would be no issue if we were only discussing my mother. But we are dealing with a throne and a Queen, and what I do must be for Avalon or not at all."
As Penny watched Willow, she could see her shaking. Finally, the sylph spoke in a low and trembling voice. "Lady Penny, do you plan to wait until she kills you before you do anything?"
"No." Penny shook her head. "She's been escalating, but it's still not enough. Don't worry, Willow. I'm hard to kill."
Willow didn't respond. After a moment, Penny spoke. "Willow, I think I'd like to be alone for a while. Could you mend the dress so it looks like... you know."
"Of course, Lady Penny." Willow sounded like her heart was breaking. Penny needed her to leave before her grief broke Penny's control over her own.
"Oh, one more thing." Willow, her arms full of russet cloth, paused at the doorway and looked back at Penny's voice. Penny knew it seemed out of place, but she couldn't help being glad about this one thing. "Willow, I want you to stitch the siphon into the underside of Seila's uniform."
Willow was silent for a moment, looking dazed. "You think this can help her?"
"It's not a cure; city consumption is too much for..." Penny gestured helplessly at the circle on the floor, "this. But it should buy her time."
Willow nodded, tears filling her eyes. "L-Lady Penny..." She shook her head, as if she'd come to a decision. "My Lady, thank you." She picked up the siphon, bundled it inside the remnants of the dress, and left the room quickly.
Penny groaned and lay down on her bed, staring uselessly at the ceiling. Without looking, she grabbed a pillow and covered her face with it, trying to bury her heart with it.
It didn't work. It never worked. In five years, she had never really been able to bury her heart completely. Now, the familiar pain was accompanied by a dull, lifeless feeling, as if something precious in her had died.
Well, the Queen had ordered her to wear the siphon today. There would no doubt be a mission tomorrow; perhaps she could numb herself with work. That really was the best option at the moment, she reasoned. Feeling only made her weak.
Resolutely Penny took a blanket from the bed and, as usual, wrapped herself up in it and went to sleep on the floor, ignoring the cloudlike, smothering softness of the bed. Whatever tomorrow contained, she had to be ready.