I'm sorry this took longer than usual. I forgot the passage of time was a thing.
Lucia was trying to read in the living room. It wasn't any sound that was keeping her from reading. The house had been mostly quiet apart from mumbled conversations and crying for months now. It was more that she hadn't been able to focus on Anything ever since she got the news that Remy, her child, had been taken and she couldn't know if they were ever coming back.
She could hear Róse in the kitchen. She baked when she was stressed, which was good because no one else had the energy to cook. They'd pretty much survived on half finished bread and cookies for months.
A knock came on the door. She put down her book and moved her robe tighter around her before getting up to open. No matter how depressed she was she wasn't going to make someone probably just selling some cookies or a newspaper wait.
She opened the door, tears filled her eyes.
"Hi mom" Remy greeted. They were home. They were finally home.
They were in a wheelchair and Remus stood next to them with a nervous look on his face and most of her child's body had been wrapped up in bandages or was bruised and they looked so thin and cold and shaky and exhausted. But she didn't think about any of that.
Her shaky hands reached out to cup their face. A tear went down her cheek "My baby" She choked out "Y-you're here"
Remy nodded "I'm here"
The sound of a plate being dropped came from the kitchen. Róse came running out into the living room. Her eyes widened when she saw her child. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.
She pinched herself before taking a few staggering steps towards them. She threw her arms around her child. Remy let out a shaky sob while hugging her back.
"Lucy! Fray! R- our- they- they're home" Lucia called out into the quiet house.
Nearly in an instant both of the moms had hurried down to make sure Lucia wasn't hallucinating. They bundled up into the hug as well. Remy accidentally fell out of the wheelchair but they just landed in their mother's arms.
"Oh my honeybee. My sweet RemRem" Lucy mumbled out while pressing kisses to the top of their head.
All of them were crying. It was a mixture of cuddling, happiness bubbling over into laughter and relief flooding the room. Remus stood still in the doorway. He didn't join the hug. He didn't deserve to.
--
A few hours later Remy had fallen asleep huddled up with their moms in the biggest bed in the house. The mothers had carefully talked to them, like they would break apart if they said a single thing wrong. They didn't ask about what they'd been through. Just the hint of a question about it had made Remy start to shake and cling onto Remus.
Now Remus was in his spouse's room. It was dark but unlike the rest of the house it was clean, like the mothers had only bothered to clean this room in all those months. He was setting up a stand for an IV bag. Remy had been passed out or completely lucid while the doctors patched them up but as soon as they were awake enough to move they had demanded to go home to their mothers. So some hospital equipment had come home with them.
"What you doing hun?" Lucy asked.
The sudden noise made Remus flinch away. He turned around to see her standing in the doorway with two coffee cups.
"...nothing much" He mumbled out "umh the doctors gave them a meal plan they have to follow for a while. It uh seems like they were starved so if they eat too much at once it could ehm hurt them. Also uh some meds"
"Mhm" She sat down on the bed and took a sip of her coffee. She held out the other cup towards him "Here kiddo, you're looking tired" Remus hesitantly took it but kept standing "And it also doesn't look like Remy is the only one who hasn't been eating enough"
"No. No no you got it wrong. I just haven't been exercising regularly. It's really easy to lose muscle" He babbled out.
"Honey you've lost weight. You have to take care of yourself okay? It's important to me, and to the others"
Remus took a sip from the coffee to avoid responding.
Lucy traced her hand over the sheet's of her child's bed "It's pretty silly but I can't sleep. I'm so scared...I'm so scared that if I sleep someone will come take Remy again. Or I will wake up and realize them coming home was just a dream. And I will never see them again"
He gulped "Yeah. yeah I uh have the same problems"
"Understandable. I called one of those MI6 people about them sending a therapist here for sessions with Remy. I can help you get in contact as well. I'm sure it would help. Fray has already been talking with us about seeing someone, for at least a few session"
A guilt ran up his spine, like a cold shock "No uh no I don't think I need it. It was- It was my fault anyway they even got captured. You shouldn't even let me stay here. I-I got them hu-"
"Oh shush kiddo"
Lucy patted the place next to her on the bed. He sat down but kept his distance. She looked over at him with such warmth in her eyes it made him feel even more guilty. She gently put her hand on his shoulder.
"You weren't the one who hurt them. Those horrible nasty people did. All you did was get away which made so we at least knew what had happened to them. Do you realize how much worse it would have been if you and Remy just suddenly disappeared?"
"I should have done something more"
"Honey" Her hand traveled down to his hand. She placed hers on top of his and met his eyes "You brought them home again"
Remus' shoulder started to shake as tears rolled down his cheeks. He couldn't look at her "I-I'm sorry I didn't talk t-to any of you. I- I was so afraid you would hate me for not being better"
She wrapped her arms around his shoulder "It's okay kiddo" Tears filled her eyes as well "Tomorrow we'll have a nice breakfast and some nice sleep and they'll heal and we'll heal and everything will be alright. I promise"
"O-okay" He hugged her back "Okay"
--
The days went by slowly. Remy didn't eat much. Didn't talk much either. They slept most of the time. They were kind of like a cat actually. They were pale and shaky no matter how much cuddles or care they got.
It was late afternoon. Remus still laid with his spouse comfortably sleeping on top of his chest. They were still snoring. He'd been awake for hours. He inch by inch tried to move them away and slowly got up. He stretched before putting on boxers and a t-shirt. He moved to the door.
"Don't leave!" Remy sounded downright terrified.
They had sat up in bed and their eyes were wide open. Even after all the sleep they still had eyebags from exhustion.
Remus stopped "I was just going to the kitchen"
Remy forced a smile even as their body kept shaking "Sorry babe. I'm like tots a wreck. I- yeah I can- I can be alone for a little while. I can. I totally can" They mumbled the last part.
He went up to the bed and held out his arms "Come here you big baby bug"
They let him pick them up and they leant their head against the crook of their neck. His hands held them up by their thighs. Their nails dug down into his skin, as if they were afraid he would vanish if they let go even in the slightest.
"You're hurt" Remy mumbled "Did it happen when you were like saving me?"
"That really isn't important"
"It's important to me. You've got that big nasty like injury on your neck y'know. It's like kinda hard to miss. And you look like you've been sleeping less than like even me. And I'm usually the insomniac here!!!"
"Well you smell worse than I normally do! How you feel about that! Besting me the stinky goblin man at smelling like alligator shit!" Remus joked back.
"Alright then" Remy smacked him on the ass like a horse "Take me to the shower then! And then we'll like have a super cute breakfast 'cause you need your fat tits back so I can like use them as pillows! Or else my sleep schedule will never be normal again!"
"Oh what terror!"
The bathroom was free and smelled of apple shampoo. Remus sat his spouse down at the edge of the bathtub. Most of their bandages were made to get wet but he had to take off some of the really thickly laid on bandages around their leg. The bruises he saw made him sick. He couldn't stop looking at the purple and blue hues going over their skin.
"Are you waiting for me to do a strip tease or something?" Remy joked.
Remus quickly shook his thoughts away and forced himself to look away from the bruises. Remy held up their arms so he could pull their t-shirt and sport top off. They leant their arms around his shoulders to be able to stand up long enough to get their underwear off. Remus quickly got off his clothes as well.
"Girl!!! Your thighs are so much smaller!!! wtf!!! They're barely even thick!!! I mean obviously you still look good. Great. Tip top. But thighs!!" Remy motioned wildly even if it made their arms hurt.
"I think you have more important things to focus on" He murmured while leaning down to kiss them.
They wrapped their arms around his shoulders "But I've been away from my Remmu-bae for so long"
"And I've been away from my Bean-boo"
He picked them up so their toes barely didn't touch the floor anymore. He went into the shower and continued to hold them up. Their back got pressed against the wall. They had a bright smile on their lips as they kissed. He cupped their cheeks and pressed kisses to their sunken in cheeks, eyebags and sharp jawline while they let out giggly breaths.
They moved back into the kiss. Remus fumbled after the crane. As soon as the water turned on Remy froze. Their eyes went wide and their fingers dug down into his skin.
Even though he was the one who was ace he for a moment assumed he'd gone too far somehow. He gently sat them down on the ground before moving so he wasn't touching them. The water was still running down on them.
"Are you okay honey? Did I do something wrong? Oh god did I hurt you? Oh no I should have thought about your inju-"
Remy didn't answer. Their eyes had glazed over as if they were somewhere completely else. Tears pressed on but they didn't fall, like they'd trained themself not to cry. Their body kept twitching and they kept gasping for breathe.
"Babe please talk to me. It's me. It's Remus. Please. I don't understand what's wrong"
He reached out to comfort them. Remy flinched back and screamed.
Or they would have screamed. Their mouth was open and their expression looked like they were screaming but no sound came out. Their body shook even harder.
"d-don't- not the- not the- I can't breathe- not with the- the water" They gasped out.
A cold feeling crawled up Remus' spine as he realized what was going on. They were having a flashback about being waterboarded. He instantly wanted to murder whoever had done it to them so many times, so harshly, so they got this afraid just at feeling water against their skin.
He quickly turned off the water but Remy didn't even seem to notice. Their eyes kept darting around the room while looking horrified. He got up and took a towel. He gently sat it around their shoulders but just the light tough of fabric made them silently scream again.
"Okay honey" Remus positioned himself right in front of them so he wasn't touching but they couldn't not look at him "Can you please just follow my breathing? I won't hurt you I promise. You're at your mother's house, in the bathroom and it's just you and me Remus here. Okay? So please breathe in with me"
Remy let out a choked sob and immediately covered their mouth as if just that sound was too much. They fingers tangled together with the strings at the end of the towel.
Remus kept talking to them in a much sweeter tone than his usual. He kept showing them how to take a deep breathe. He kept forcing himself to not pull them into a hug and kiss all of their tears away.
"Please dear. You will be okay as long as you breathe. Please"
They gulped before forcing in a shuddering breathe. They held it in until Remus motioned for them to breathe out. They kept letting out uneven breaths but it was a start.
"You're doing great hun!" He assured.
"r-rem" They let out through broken cries.
"Yeah it's me hun. I know. It's okay"
He reached out his hand. Remy clammered onto it. They moved their arms around his upper arm and leaned their head against his shoulder. They closed their eyes tightly and kept forcing themself to breathe in and out when he told them to.
"it- it was so horrible- i- i thought they were doing the same to you- o-or worse- i was so scared- scared you were dead- scared- scared i would die- i would never see you again" They sobbed out.
Remus pressed a soft kiss to the top of their head. Their hair was damp from water. "Dear I'm right here. You don't have to be scared anymore. Besides if I was a ghost I would be super fucking hot! Ghost penis!"
Remy couldn't help but laugh at that. One of those relieved half delirious laughs that happened after holding in tension and worry for so so long all you could do was laugh.
So they sat curled together on the cold shower floor. Their laughter mixed together into a flutter of giggles. And when Remy got all of the laughter out of them they cried, not because they were as deep in the flashback as before, just because they had to cry eventually. Remus held them even closer and whispered sweet nothings and promises of all of the dates he would take them on once they'd recovered a bit.
Remy let out a final sniffle. Remus pressed another kiss to their lips. It was a bit salty from the tears.
"You will go to therapy right? Lucy told me about it"
"Only if you go as well. Like girl I know this must have messed you up about Roman again" Remy mumbled back.
Remus choked for a moment. He hadn't decided how to tell them about Roman- Jaws- yet. He forced a smile "Sure. If my Beanie-boo tells me to go I'll go"
"Mhm. I'll hold you hand all through it. I promise"
--
The next day, in the late afternoon, after Remus had spent all day helping Róse dust off the house and helping Fray book a meeting with one of MI6's therapist. He went to his spouse' room to chill the fuck out.
As soon as he opened the door he saw Remy sitting by the desk, it had a big mirror in the middle and all of their make up had been spread out over the table. He could see that their boney shoulders were shaking in the dim light.
"Hun you good?" He asked.
"Yeah. Tots good. I just like thought some like make up would cheer me up but.."
Their words trailed off. They held an eyeliner pencil in their right hand. Their dominant hand. The hand where their middle finger had been cut off.
Remus took a few steps closer and moved to comfort them but they flinched away "Not right now babe. I'm like looking horrible" They mumbled.
"Aww honey. You couldn't even look horrible with a cut off pig head on your face and a bunch of blood and organs and all that around your neck. Actually you would look really really good like that!"
Remy let up into a short chuckle. They looked at him with an unsure look. They'd put make up on around half of their face. Sure the eyeliner wasn't as sharp as usual, the foundation was a bit less blended, maybe their eyelashes didn't look as long. But it still looked great.
He took a moment to think of the best way to comfort them out before sitting down on the desk. He leaned his feet on either side of their thighs and picked up one of the lipsticks. He cupped his love's cheek to bring them closer.
"Would it be alright if I did the other half?"
"Sure babe"
He stuck his tounge out to look concentrated as he moved the lipstick across their upper lip. He had watched in awe as they did this sort of stuff for hours (it was calming and made his heart all fuzzy) so he had some idea on what to do. They'd even painted him a few times.
"Am I useless?" Remy suddenly asked, their tone so serious it was surprising.
"Of course not dear. Nothing is really useless. Rotting corpses can even be used for good"
"I guess"
He skipped the foundation and instead went directly to highlighting and putting some pink stuff on their cheek.
"How long do you think it'll take until I can walk again?"
"You've seen how long it takes for me and this is only what? your third broken leg? It'll be fine! I'm sure! You'll be running around time doing yoga in no time!"
"Babe you don't run during yoga"
"Same difference!"
He moved on to their eyes. He choose a bright blue and smeared it over their eyelids before moving the black pencil thing near their eyelashes.
Remy kept looking down. Normally they were so excited when make up was involved. Chatting up a storm of gossip and make up advice. Now it was just nothing. They bit their cheek and drummed their fingers against the chair.
"It's just- I can't shower without panicking, I-I can't eat normally, I keep feeling injuries that aren't there a-and hands and it's like I'm still there. Like I'm still sure I will die and- it- it hurts- and I- I can't even do makeup! I can't do something I enjoy without ruining it! My whole body is ruined. I'm ruined"
Remus put down the eyeliner. He cupped both of their cheeks and leaned their foreheads together. His eyebrows furrowed together.
"Honey I don't care if all of your limbs and your tounge would have been cut off. As long as you're my Remy, which you are no matter what, you are not ruined. I don't even know what that means!! I have bogers for brains!"
"...But I-"
"No buts! For once! I love you! No matter what! You will recover from this and even if you didn't I would still love you! Because you love how I eat your lipstick when you're not looking and how I stink garbage and how I choose gorey movies at every movie night so I end up holding you when it gets scary! And if you can love that I can love you even if you're traumatized for VERy understandable reasons! B I T CH!!!"
Remy let up into a small smile. Their hand went up and they held it against their husbands's hand "Thanks babe...I just....I don't know how I'm supposed to keep living after this. After-" They looked at the hand with the missing finger "After everything that happened"
"Well" He had a soft look in his eyes "I didn't think I could keep living after Roman disappeared....but then I met you...and I survived...If you can make me survive I will make sure you survive!"
"Yeah" They closed their hand "Yeah! Besides I can like get a fake finger right? Logan can make one? A finger with lipstick in it! Or a finger that is secretly a gun! And I can get meds and sleeping pills and learn to deal with triggers with like therapy I guess??!"
"That's the spirit!!!" Remus exclaimed "And hun I promise you're not as 'ruined' or whatever you were going on about as you think you are! Just look-"
He moved out of the way of the mirror and Remy actually saw what a trainwreck Remus' make up attempt was in comparison to theirs. It looked like a swarm of clowns had taken over. The side they'd painted looked like it was a met gala look next to it.
Remus pointed between the mirror and their face "You're still great!! You fucking dumbass!!!"
"And you still suck you fucking bastard" Remy teased back.
"Aww I'm your lil bastard" He moved in to kiss them. Their lipstick got smeared onto his lips but he didn't mind.
"You'll always be, 'cause you'll never stop being a bastard. Literally"
"Damn right!!"
He moved in for another deeper kiss but Remy stopped him. They wanted to (and they will) but first "Y'know babe you can vent to me just like I do to you right? Even if I'm a bit like messed up right now I can still comfort you"
"I know"
"Yeah. I've just been thinking that like me disappearing and maybe being dead must have reminded you of...Roman...and I'm like- you can vent about it. We can visit his grave again if you want. I don't want you to bottle up your feelings for my sake"
Remus went still. His throat tightened as he thought of how to tell them. They'd never even met him. He tightened his hold on their hand. Their scarred shaking hand.
"Hun...I...I need to tell you something"