I've never wanted to punch myself in the face so fucking bad.
I was having a very hard time keeping my eyes to myself but I mean I couldn't just not look. He was a sight to see and you'd be crazy as hell if you just ignored it.
The sun had shined beautifully against his golden brown skin while his dimples deepened when he smiled at Maria. Lucio wasn't one to smile so when he smiled, he fucking smiled and it was beautiful. I had watched as he ran his long and slender fingers through his black curls for the like fiftieth time. Whenever he had tilted his head, his tattoos peaked out from the side and damn I almost whisled like a creep. His eyes were dark and alluring as always but they were eyes that held secrets.
Secrets that held pain.
Then his eyes met mine.
Fuck.
I quickly blink, turning my head away when I notice his eyes sparkle with amusement. Why did he have to be so damn attractive? "See something you like?" He murmurs huskily against my ear. I had to hold in my breath when I felt his chest touch my back, his body heat radiating off of him like waves against me.
I don't remember being this close to him before.
"No." I lie straight through my teeth before finally turning to face him.
So fucking close.
We were chest to chest now as I looked up at him only to catch him already staring down at me, "I miss you." He suddenly blurts out, catching both me and him by suprise. Always the romantic.
"Lucio..."
"No. Listen to me." He catches my waist when I try to take a step back, "I want you to listen to me. Please. Nobody else will and that's fine but I need you to." He begs desperately, searching my eyes frantically.
Listen to him? Did I really want to? Was I ready to know why he left us? Was I really ready to face the truth? No. I wasn't. I had to much shit to worry about, I didn't need my past coming back to fuck with me because we weren't kids anymore. Lucio was my past and I couldn't let him be my present.
"Please. Por favor." He pleads once more and I give in because I know what it's like not to be heard. I know what it feels like when no one listens.
When nobody wants to listen.
So I let him explain as he lead me into the small storage room of the bodega. He poured his heart out into his explanation. It was longingly heartbreaking and painful. Whenever he spoke, he spoke with so much grief and fear like he was reliving every moment. His voice trembled and his eyes shook whenever he tried to choke back a sob but he never broke eye contact. Just like always. Whenever Lucio spoke to me, he'd always hold eye contact. He wanted me to feel it, to understand it. Understand him and I did. Fuck. I really did but I couldn't let him back in.
I couldn't risk letting someone in again. It was to much for me to handle. It was a fear of letting people in because when I got attached it never worked out. When you can feel the remarkable, uncommon texture of your soul, you can't imagine letting anyone close. Trusting someone is dangerous, getting to close is dangerous. It always hurt me in the end and when I hurt, Rico hurt. I just couldn't let that happen.
Never again.
"Loki had threw a whole fucking tantrum-"
"You can't save everyone Lucio." I finally speak up, cutting him off when he tells me what went down with his brothers but I couldn't keep myself from blurting it out. That was the problem. Lucio wanted to protect everyone but himself and he doesn't relize how much of an impact it leaves on everyone. He has absolutely no idea what's happened since he's left and when he finds out what happened, he's going to be fucking crushed.
I wasn't the only one just going through a hard time. His brothers went through hell and back when he left so I completely understand why they would be upset. Why wouldn't they be?
"I can try." He insists, looking down at me with so many emotions running through his eyes.
Of course he could but that wasn't the point.
"You don't understand and that's the problem." I shake my head backing away from him, "You think Loki is just angry because it's usually the only emotion he runs on but that's not it." I shove him away, he had no idea.
His eyebrows furrow in hurt at the accusation, "I know that, Azrael." He was probably thinking that I thought he didn't care.
"No! You don't!" I seethe, my anger was now finally rising. It was now all hitting me all at once, "Loki is angry because that's the only emotion he's been taught to use. Loki is angry because he's sad and genuinely fucking hurt. Loki is angry because his brother left him behind." I threw at him, it was harsh and brutal. I probably shouldn't have said it but Lucio really didn't understand.
When Lucio left, Loki was surrounded by anger. He would get into fights almost everyday, his anger turned violent and even when it reminded me of my mother, I cleaned every single wound that he'd show up with. LeRoy? LeRoy use to cry himself to sleep right next to me every night while I hugged him close to me and oh- wait. I can't forget about Lucas. How could I? He was the worst because I found him in the bathroom with slit wrists as he bled out, trying to kill himself, and even thinking about it makes me nauseous because Lucas is the one who takes care of everyone. I remember crying uncontrollably and blaming myself when I found him. I had been struggling to keep him awake and call an ambulance at the same time. I cleaned up the fucking blood, I stood in the hospital day and night waiting for him to wake up because I couldn't even fathom the thought of leaving him alone.
Lucio really had no idea.
But me? I cried every single day for two years, waiting right outside of Lucio's room door, praying for him to come back. I took care of his brothers but nobody took care of me. I got my dad taken away from me. I got abused by mother. I couldn't even fucking sleep in the dark with out having a panic attack. I got criticism from my peers at school because I was hispanic. I had to raise my brother alone. I had to do everything for everyone but nothing for me and maybe it wasn't Lucio's fault but he left us without even thinking about what it what do. He didn't think about how it would effect everyone who loved him because that's just who he was.
He didn't even fucking say goodbye.
Maybe that's why I was so upset. Maybe I was jealous of Kaio because I felt like he took my best friend. Not on purpose, not intentionally but he stole the last good thing besides Rico I had in my life and it hurt.
"You'll never understand Lucio," I whisper shakily, "Because you simply weren't here, mi amor." I watched as a single tear drop rolled down his cheek.
"Kaio's my best friend, Angel." He quickly responds, I could hear the pain in his voice. "I couldn't just let him go alone."
I was your best friend. I wanted to scream out at him but I didn't because the voice in my head tells me that it's selfish.
"I'm not mad that you saved Kaio." I wasn't. I was so very happy that Kaio was safe. He was someone special to all of us.
"Then why are you upset?" His voice is desperate and confused, "What do you want? I'll do anything to see you happy with me again just tell me." He cups my face in trepidation.
He still didn't understand.
This wasn't just about me or Kaio, or his brothers.
No.
This was about him. He needed to understand that his own life was just as important. He needed to understand that people loved him. He needed to understand that he couldn't always be a hero. He wanted to be strong for everyone but himself. I didn't need Lucio to be a hero for me. Kaio didn't need Lucio to be a hero for him. Loki didn't need Lucio to be a hero for him. Lucas didn't need Lucio to be a hero for him. LeRoy didn't need Lucio to be a hero for him.
That wasn't his job.
He needed to be a hero for himself.
That's why I was upset because whenever he played hero he didn't think about his life. He could die at any moment and not care. That was the problem. I cared but he didn't. His family cared. He didn't though and he never would. He didn't even realize he was actually drowning trying to be everybody's anchor.
"Live for yourself." I bluntly reply.
His face falls because he remembers. He remembers me saying this once before. I was only thirteen at the time but I had cried my eyes out that day while clinging onto Lucio. I don't remember what exactly happened but I do know he got jumped for something he didn't do. He took the blame so the other kid was let off the hook. He was injured so badly, I could barely even recognize him.
I step away from him and he panics, "Wait, wait." His hold on my face tightens when I try to remove them. "Stop. Stop trying to leave me, Azrael."
I snap.
"Por qué?!" I shout. "Why the fuck do you get to leave and I don't?!" I couldn't understand why I was so upset. I mean he was just protecting his best friend, so why was I upset? "Why?!" I cry out. I was usually good at controlling me emotions but everything hurt.
He never let go though. He let me cry and scream. He let me punch against his chest. He let me sag tiredly against him. He didn't say anything, he just held me.
I was so tired of everything. This life was draining and I was slowly waiting for it to end. For the pain to end. The abuse. The voices in my head. The shadows in the darkness. The absence of my father. The hurt from my best friend leaving me. I wanted it gone. I wanted it to end. All these people were moving through life, all around me and no one, not a single person knew what I was going through.
We stood like this for a little while, his embrace was warm and comforting. It was welcoming and heart wrenching but it all ended to quickly when we heard shouting coming from the front of the store.
"Where the fuck is that little bilingual bitch?"
Their characters are so emotional^^^
Author's note:
Uh oh. Cliffhanger. Ready for the next chapter? I sure am.
I made sure not to put any details into Lucio's reasoning behind leaving. I don't want it to be known yet. I want you guys to figure it through all the hints I leave out. But I will tell you that it's sad and very much heartbreaking. Kaio's and Lucio's friendship hold a special place in my heart.
Anyways, this chapter is more insight on what Lucio has missed. It shows how much of an impact he left on everyone. It's for you to understand why his brothers are so mad because it runs deeper then him just leaving. It broke them down. It broke Azrael down. Kaio and Lucio are best friends but Azrael and Lucio's friendship was deeper then theirs. It was deeper and way more powerful. You'll soon start to notice it through the chapters. This is why Azrael feels some type of jealousy towards Kaio. It's because she feel as if Lucio chose Kaio over her. She feels like it's everyone over her all the time and she hates it.
Anywaysssssss. Ready to see Azrael go batshit crazy in the next chapter? Or what about Lucio? His protective side is going to shine very brightly in the next chapter.
PLEASE! Vote, comment, and share!
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